Is homeschooling bad for your mental health?

[redsquirrel]

I haven't read every single post, but I want to say that there is nothing wrong with wanting to stop. It doesn't make you a bad mother or a bad homeschooler or a bad version of you.

 

It is ok to not homeschool. If you need the space to be a better mom, a better you, then it is OK. You haven't failed at anything. It is perfectly fine to want to be only their mom and not their school teacher.

 

Being home all day with children can be boring and unstimulating and isolating. It can be depressing. That is why so many people don't want to do it. It isn't because they don't love their kids or value their children. It is because it can be crazy making.

 

I love homeschooling my kids and I give it 100% every day.  But as much as I love it, I look forward to being done.

[Shellydon]

Wow. Now I have read the replies and I am completely and utterly shocked. I am very surprised that others don't find the OP to be describing an abnormal degree of mental anguish in homeschooling.

 

I really think homeschooling is a fun, wonderful lifestyle 90% of the time. I am happy that my oldest is now in a B&M school for high school and I am also looking forward to a time when I close this chapter, but the reason I haven't closed it yet is because I love it! I am astonished that anyone would recommend homeschooling to someone who has serious symptoms of mental anguish.

 

I feel like this should be a new thread.

 

P.S. Please understand, OP, in no way am I putting you down. What you described does not sound like de facto way of life for homeschooling and I think you need to focus on your mental health without the added concern of educating them all well. I agree that all of us who are in this for the long haul have periods of time when it's a grind or it doesn't seem worth it, but what you're describing sounds bigger than that to me. :grouphug:

 

What the OP  described is totally typical in my homeschooling moms group (roughly 100 moms).   I don't know any homeschoolers that would described homeshcooling as fun.  They say good, worth it etc, but never fun.  

[Shellydon]

Hugs.  Homeschooling can be really, really hard.  If you view regular school as a option, then you should certainly look into it.  Be aware that the homework and daily school schedule can be exhausting.  For our family, public is not an option and private school would  force me to  work full time to afford it.  Neither is as good of an option for our children as homeschooling.   So... I just plow on knowing I am choosing the best thing for our family. 

[rzberrymom]

NM

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Need to vent and I'm looking for some suggestions. I've been homeschooling for about 3 long hard beautiful years now. I have recently been diagnosed with adrenaline fatigue but have had it for a while now causing extreme painful exhaustion, fatigue, extreme irritability and have been put in a couple months bed rest while I balance back out. I literally cant handle any stress due to I've had it for so long and just kept pushing past till they literally aren't working anymore (my adrenals).

So long story short, my son triggers me so bad to the point of pure misery some days and everyone except a few homeschool buds, keeps telling me to put him back into public school. And I'm not going to lie, I have desperately considered many times when things are at there peak intensity and I find myself snarling, screaming, yelling and throwing things. Hence the not being able to handle any stress for a while for healing. So I come hopelessly back to this rut thinking of feeling, stuck, horrible for losing my cool way to often.

I forgot to mention my son is very very healthy, active, spirited, no stop busy about to be 8 year old with a handful of food allergies and a 4 year old. He's a really good kid. He just requires constant interaction. He the healthiest extrovert I've ever met. (extra extrovert compared to me) And through it all he has come so far with calming down and having some down time with a tv or Minecraft for a bit through out the days here and there. I never let it go for to ridiculously long even when I feel like a could not take care of my self some days....

Even with us being pretty much very relaxed homeschooling/unschooling/ child led. It feels like quite the mountain and it feels like everyone wants me to put him in ps and stop torturing myself. Idk what else to do. My son triggers me so bad sometimes. I feel horrible and go from screaming yelling lunatic to a remorseful sad mom for yelling and always being stressed. I mean my so drives me nuts most days because he's always more and I'm like an old desperate tired cat that like a lot of calm. Then I feel so bad for having these feelings towards him and he's not doing anything wrong! :(

I was taking him to the park and play dates because I know that's what he needs but the fear of any resistance especially in public is an exhausting thought in its self! Not to mention, now I have to focus on conserving what little energy to prepare all the healthy food for special diets and re train myself from multitasking! It gets so bad and I feel so horrible, literally just the sound of his voice puts me into a screaming rage some days because I know he is the little engine that doesn't stop. Starts his days on level ten. I know these are all good qualities that I want him to have. He's not doing anything wrong it just me and he is NON stop everything!!!! Half from allergies and half from spirited excitable DNA.

So there's my rant. I would live to hear some similar success stories,options or anything helpful please. ...

I am so sorry you and your child are growing through this.

 

Please, please read the bolded words from your post. Please get some help. You can start by telling your doctor that diagnosed your adrenal fatigue that you are to this point with your child. Or you could see a counselor. Your little boy probably needs a break, as well. If your local school is a wholesome, safe, and appropriately stimulating environment it might be good to give it a try. If you know that school is unsafe or a negative place, consider arranging for childcare help.

 

We all have seriously bad days and homeschooling is very stressful at times, but in my opinion your issues are outside of ordinary homeschooling life and you need some professional intervention and some solutions that we can't really give. Screaming, raging, and throwing things in the home, triggered by not much more than the sound of his voice, you know this is not good for your child and obviously not good for you.

[sassenach]

Need to vent and I'm looking for some suggestions. I've been homeschooling for about 3 long hard beautiful years now. I have recently been diagnosed with adrenaline fatigue but have had it for a while now causing extreme painful exhaustion, fatigue, extreme irritability and have been put in a couple months bed rest while I balance back out. I literally cant handle any stress due to I've had it for so long and just kept pushing past till they literally aren't working anymore (my adrenals).

So long story short, my son triggers me so bad to the point of pure misery some days and everyone except a few homeschool buds, keeps telling me to put him back into public school. And I'm not going to lie, I have desperately considered many times when things are at there peak intensity and I find myself snarling, screaming, yelling and throwing things. Hence the not being able to handle any stress for a while for healing. So I come hopelessly back to this rut thinking of feeling, stuck, horrible for losing my cool way to often.

I forgot to mention my son is very very healthy, active, spirited, no stop busy about to be 8 year old with a handful of food allergies and a 4 year old. He's a really good kid. He just requires constant interaction. He the healthiest extrovert I've ever met. (extra extrovert compared to me) And through it all he has come so far with calming down and having some down time with a tv or Minecraft for a bit through out the days here and there. I never let it go for to ridiculously long even when I feel like a could not take care of my self some days....

Even with us being pretty much very relaxed homeschooling/unschooling/ child led. It feels like quite the mountain and it feels like everyone wants me to put him in ps and stop torturing myself. Idk what else to do. My son triggers me so bad sometimes. I feel horrible and go from screaming yelling lunatic to a remorseful sad mom for yelling and always being stressed. I mean my so drives me nuts most days because he's always more and I'm like an old desperate tired cat that like a lot of calm. Then I feel so bad for having these feelings towards him and he's not doing anything wrong!:(

I was taking him to the park and play dates because I know that's what he needs but the fear of any resistance especially in public is an exhausting thought in its self! Not to mention, now I have to focus on conserving what little energy to prepare all the healthy food for special diets and re train myself from multitasking! It gets so bad and I feel so horrible, literally just the sound of his voice puts me into a screaming rage some days because I know he is the little engine that doesn't stop. Starts his days on level ten. I know these are all good qualities that I want him to have. He's not doing anything wrong it just me and he is NON stop everything!!!! Half from allergies and half from spirited excitable DNA.

So there's my rant. I would live to hear some similar success stories,options or anything helpful please. ...

Dh went through a season of AF after a nerve injury left him with chronic pain. All I can say is, having been a witness to how bad it can get, there's no way he could have been a functioning homeschool mom. He was barely able to maintain being a functioning dad, and he fought like hell to do that, and had me working very hard to be the buffer between him and the kids.

 

He did recover, but he had to take a 4 month sabbatical, including 4 weeks away from the family, and he received intensive counseling. This was about a year and a half ago. He has worked hard at keeping a balanced schedule and making self-care a priority. It was, and still is, a growing experience for the both of us.

 

I think taking a break from homeschooling would be a completely reasonable step. It doesn't have to be permanent, but you might not recover without it.

 

Best wishes,

[La Texican]

 

This always seems to be a struggle...any suggestions would be much appreciated. TIA

I hesitate to answer because I don't want to say the wring thing... and I don't have anything useful to contribute for a lot if what you're saying. But you have young kids. One thing that I have decided to do is to school year round, 7 days on, seven days off... to leave the unschool time for character development, developing interests, and building family... ok it's mainly playing in the mud and board games and loafing. But do the math, it's still the same # of schooldays, just more relaxed.

[msjones]

Need to vent and I'm looking for some suggestions. I've been homeschooling for about 3 long hard beautiful years now. I have recently been diagnosed with adrenaline fatigue but have had it for a while now causing extreme painful exhaustion, fatigue, extreme irritability and have been put in a couple months bed rest while I balance back out. I literally cant handle any stress due to I've had it for so long and just kept pushing past till they literally aren't working anymore (my adrenals).

So long story short, my son triggers me so bad to the point of pure misery some days and everyone except a few homeschool buds, keeps telling me to put him back into public school. And I'm not going to lie, I have desperately considered many times when things are at there peak intensity and I find myself snarling, screaming, yelling and throwing things. Hence the not being able to handle any stress for a while for healing. So I come hopelessly back to this rut thinking of feeling, stuck, horrible for losing my cool way to often.

I forgot to mention my son is very very healthy, active, spirited, no stop busy about to be 8 year old with a handful of food allergies and a 4 year old. He's a really good kid. He just requires constant interaction. He the healthiest extrovert I've ever met. (extra extrovert compared to me) And through it all he has come so far with calming down and having some down time with a tv or Minecraft for a bit through out the days here and there. I never let it go for to ridiculously long even when I feel like a could not take care of my self some days....

Even with us being pretty much very relaxed homeschooling/unschooling/ child led. It feels like quite the mountain and it feels like everyone wants me to put him in ps and stop torturing myself. Idk what else to do. My son triggers me so bad sometimes. I feel horrible and go from screaming yelling lunatic to a remorseful sad mom for yelling and always being stressed. I mean my so drives me nuts most days because he's always more and I'm like an old desperate tired cat that like a lot of calm. Then I feel so bad for having these feelings towards him and he's not doing anything wrong! :(

I was taking him to the park and play dates because I know that's what he needs but the fear of any resistance especially in public is an exhausting thought in its self! Not to mention, now I have to focus on conserving what little energy to prepare all the healthy food for special diets and re train myself from multitasking! It gets so bad and I feel so horrible, literally just the sound of his voice puts me into a screaming rage some days because I know he is the little engine that doesn't stop. Starts his days on level ten. I know these are all good qualities that I want him to have. He's not doing anything wrong it just me and he is NON stop everything!!!! Half from allergies and half from spirited excitable DNA.

So there's my rant. I would live to hear some similar success stories,options or anything helpful please. ...

 

If there are decent schools in your area, I'd check those out and take some time to reevaluate.

 

I think there are combinations of parent-child personalities that make homeschooling destructive rather than beneficial.  

 

Your son may thrive in school.  You may thrive with time and space each day.  You won't know unless you try.  

[LLMom]

IMHO, homeschooling should not be put above mom's health needs.  It is not always the best thing for a family.  You can put them in school even for just a semester and see if you can get yourself to a healthier spot.  You are their mom first and a good one even if you don't homeschool.

[Garga]

Before you post, note that this thread is almost 2 years old. But a new visitor (with just 1 post to her name) reactivated this thread on post 52.

 

The OP has most likely long since dealt with her problem. The visitor in post 52 ought to have started a new thread. Maybe she didn't know how?

[DoppeltGemoppelt]

I did not read all the replies, so my apologies if there were other suggestions like this. You mentioned that you do not live in your country of origin. I do not know your background, but could it be possible that you are homesick? You may be craving the comforts and traditions you grew up with, trying to replicate the life that could have been. Homesickness can really get you into a deep depression.

[La Texican]

Thanks Garga, I did not see that. My answer was definately for the first poster.

I guess I better answer the second poster since I answered in "their" thread. I'm going to say the other side of the coin from what I told the other lady and say it sounds like you need more structure and routine ("feel like I can't even take care of myself most days") and (unschool/child led). Are any of the food allergies severe (enough to homeschool?) Some kids need a lot of structure/attention/stuff to do. Mine does, but I live where it's warm so I say, "Go your ass in the yard and play." I sit on the porch in a lawn chair with a book or my iphone. If they interrupt my book with bad behavior I say, "If it's not fun for everyone, it's not fun. And if it's not fun we're done." or "It looks like you don't really even know how to play, so quit trying. We're going inside." ;) no, I don't follow through on that until I have to.

 

If your adrenal fatigue has you too tired to keep up then you have to either use the free public school, pay for private school, or hire a teenage mommy's helper/or maid/or a tutor (does adrenal fatigue affect your housework/cooking).

 

You have been homeschooling for three long hard beautiful years now. Obviously, if you're going to keep doing it, something has to give. Do you mind telling me what you think that is?

 

Also, since I'm making an extra answer.. I'm going to be nosy.... Do mind telling me what books and subjects you're doing. It's my favorite thing about homeschooling. I have Beast Academy, Michael Clay Thompson, Singapore Math, Writing with Ease, a one room schoolhouse speller (that used to belong to my grandmother's grandfather!), Usborne World history, eclectic Science, art, and music. Hee, Hee, hee. my sister uses Abeka everything. Which camp are you in? Do you love curriculum, or do you use boxed? Peace this Holliday Season.

[La Texican]

ETA: ((lol @ adding more when you haven't answered the first part)). I read a book called "Your children's strengths" by Jennifer Fox, that says we're always obsessing about our fixing our childrens weaknessess. We should spend at least as much time building up their strengths. Obviously you're not going to find their passion in one of their weaker areas, it's going to come from an area they're stronger in. What's good for the gander is good for the goose, so, what are your strengths as a mother? I love scaffolding my childrens education. One sister of mine loves sheltering her child, providing "the ultimate childhood environment". She runs a home daycare, buys every toy available on Craigslist. Their house looks like a toystore, it's full of daycare kids, the yard has more stuff than any other playground, she uses Abeka boxed curriculum. My other sister loves the classier things of motherhood, dotes on her daughter, dresses her like a doll, spoils her, and jumps "how high?" to keep a smile on her face. She plans to send her to a private gifted school. Yes, this is TMI, and it's not mine to share, but I'm trying to illustrate that different mothers have different strengths. You have publicly shared your weaknesses, asking for help. If you (ars still here) and you can post some of your strengths as a mother, maybe we internet people can help you find your way.

[Caribbean Queen]

extreme painful exhaustion

fatigue

extreme irritability

a couple months bed rest 

pure misery some days

I find myself snarling, screaming, yelling and throwing things

everyone wants me to put him in ps and stop torturing myself

screaming yelling lunatic to a remorseful sad mom for yelling and always being stressed

drives me nuts

and he's not doing anything wrong! :(

literally just the sound of his voice puts me into a screaming rage some days ... He's not doing anything wrong it just me

 

Doesn't this remind you of the horror stories on the Homeschoolers Anonymous blog?  Faith, your children are being homeschooled by a screaming, raging lunatic!  How could you not be abusive?  I mean, if a man posted that this is how he interacts with his wife wouldn't you be 99% sure he is abusing his wife, if not physically, at least emotionally?  This is horrible!  Put them in school in January and get professional help for yourself. 

[...................]

What do you think?

 

Personally, I think I need to get a :chillpill:, but I don't know how. I feel like a martyr with a very short fuse. This make me feel guilty of not being a good mother and that brings up the depressing streak in me. (My mum had clinical depression but she had a totally miserable life compared to mine).

I think I have entered a downward spiral.

 

The gut reaction is to turn around 180 degrees and send the kids to the Christian school around the corner and get a job (I have had several offers) and concentrate on my thesis writing.

 

I must add here that I live in a university campus in a developing country and easy "pick-me-ups like chocolate or shopping or going to the mall by myself are not feasible (in case you are going to suggest those :D).

 

Am I the only one feeling totally engrossed and burdened by homeschooling/bringing up children to the point of depression?

 

What are some healthy ways to deal with it?

 

We get plenty of sunshine and I walk frequently, I have help with the housework and a sympathetic husband who is pro-homeschooling, but wants me to be happy above all.

 

What's wrong with me? :confused1:

 

EDA: Since we came here 3 years ago, I have severe anxiety attacks. Travel stresses me beyond description. (We travel to our European country of origin once a year). Lately, it has been worse. I feel like I have an elephant in my chest almost daily. I don't like it and I want to be happy and easy going as I used to be. DH wants us to take another European car tour this year and I want to be able to say "Hell! Yes!" instead of having palpitations and start crying just by thinking of it.. Ugh...

You better look at physical causes for panic attacks- sleeplessness is number one, hypoglycemia, hyperthyroidism and hormone imbalances from ovary fibroids, rumors. Or peri menopause. Seriously, it's a real real chance that the anxiety stuff is usually physical before it is mental!!! Please get a full blood work up and examine those issues especially sleep or hormones.

[La Texican]

faith 0815,

I worry that if you're really looking for help then you need some help.

I disagree with the poster that recommended the Pearls program, that is the opposite of what's going to make you happy. I think maybe you need more structure and routine, if you've tried unschooling and child-led.

There is permissive, authorative, and authoritarian parenting. It sounds like you have been permissive and it's not working for you. (given that you're child-led and unschooling and you're throwing temper tantrums). The Pearls (I don't know who recommended) is authoritarian. It is, in my opinion, not going to make you happy either. The books that will make you happy are "Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook" (not actually about difficult child- intro to effective positive discipline), "Raising a Thinking Child Workbook" (better, to me, than "How to Talk so Your Child will Listen, which I was NOT impressed with). Both are books about inventing your parenting style that I personally liked.

 

Listen to the people who are telling you to get to your doctor and get some bloodwork done. It might happen to you from hormones, or thyroid, or whatever adrenal fatigue is. Tell your doctor that's treating your adrenal issues. Actually, ask if there's a side effect to the medicine you're taking.

 

If you didn't get what I was trying to tell you, or if I wasn't clear the first time, invent yourself as a mother, find your authentic self as a mother, start actively searching for what you're good at in motherhood. We all have different strengths, and one mother can not and should not try to "do it all", or try to do the best of what other mothers are doing. Immerse yourself in your own style. Then you can find your passion for motherhood. You're not going to find it by beating yourself up for your weakness. You will find it if you start looking for what you're doing right and build on that. If you're homeschooling and you want to do do child-led because it's "better", it's only better for some people. If you can't find your passion for homeschooling, find your passion for motherhood. You'll find it hidden in your stronger areas, not your weaker areas. Look for the parts of either homeschooling or motherhood that you are good at. Start taking note of that and you'll figure out where your passion is, after a while.

I know that Holliday Seasons are hard on some people, and you're having health problems, and you're not happy with how you're acting. So I'm posting to say, I don't have the magic wand to make it all better, but hopefully something I said can ruminate in mind or resonate in your heart and help you in your quest to connect with your life and your family. Best of luck.

[LLMom]

This is a very old thread!!!!  If you look at her name, you discover that her children are in school now.  I'm not sure who resurrected it, but you won't be talking to the OP who has moved on.

 

 

But Faithg posted a new message along the same lines on Dec. 23 so I think the info. is pertinent to her but maybe she should have started a new thread.