Is homeschooling bad for your mental health?

[4littleones]

What do you think?

 

Personally, I think I need to get a :chillpill:, but I don't know how. I feel like a martyr with a very short fuse. This make me feel guilty of not being a good mother and that brings up the depressing streak in me. (My mum had clinical depression but she had a totally miserable life compared to mine).

I think I have entered a downward spiral.

 

The gut reaction is to turn around 180 degrees and send the kids to the Christian school around the corner and get a job (I have had several offers) and concentrate on my thesis writing.

 

I must add here that I live in a university campus in a developing country and easy "pick-me-ups like chocolate or shopping or going to the mall by myself are not feasible (in case you are going to suggest those :D).

 

Am I the only one feeling totally engrossed and burdened by homeschooling/bringing up children to the point of depression?

 

What are some healthy ways to deal with it?

 

We get plenty of sunshine and I walk frequently, I have help with the housework and a sympathetic husband who is pro-homeschooling, but wants me to be happy above all.

 

What's wrong with me? :confused1:

 

EDA: Since we came here 3 years ago, I have severe anxiety attacks. Travel stresses me beyond description. (We travel to our European country of origin once a year). Lately, it has been worse. I feel like I have an elephant in my chest almost daily. I don't like it and I want to be happy and easy going as I used to be. DH wants us to take another European car tour this year and I want to be able to say "Hell! Yes!" instead of having palpitations and start crying just by thinking of it.. Ugh...

Edited February 20, 2012 by 4littleones

[milovany]

I'm dealing with something similar in another area, and what's "wrong" with you may be that you have to die a bit (quite a bit!) to yourself to be successful at this endeavor -- and who wants to die at all? I find that resistance tries reign as king, but I need to refuse that (ignore it?), and press on to what is required of me. In relation to homeschooling, I've learned over the years that being homeschoolers as a lifestyle is just as much about me and the changes needed in my heart/being (i.e., letting go, serving others, remaining gentle/cheerful) as it is about us having our kids learn math, writing, science, etc. at home. I'm not very good at this, but I purpose to "keep going" because I know the results will be worth it -- both in my heart/being and with the relationship/issue at hand.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Edited February 20, 2012 by milovaný

[georgialee]

Have you been to have your hormones evaluated to make sure your levels are correct?

 

Perhaps you have depression (but not actually caused by hs'ing) and medication would help lift the cloud hanging over your head.

 

Although homeschooling can be challenging at times I do enjoy it and I enjoy being with/raising my children. If my hormones are out of whack for a few days (or 6+ months when I had a Mirena IUD at one point) I was an awful person to be around and could not handle anything without having an overblown reaction.

 

I hope you're able to figure it all out. If you feel homeschooling is THE cause of your depression I would send your kids to school. Having a happy family life with kids that know they're loved is more important (in my opinion) than homeschooling and having a rocky relationship with them. Hugs.

[Denisemomof4]

Your kids are very young. Those are difficult years! I used to feel so stretched and burdened when my oldest two were younger. While it does get easier, the schoolwork does not.

 

If you are depressed right now, p,ease dont make a decision. Outsource. Do some cd programs, online programs, etc. Your kids are SO young that just focusing on the basics will help.

 

Look, this is not easy. Your oldest is only 9. It will only get harder from here. While the older kids become more independent, the younger kids will be schooling and need more of you. You need to be really honest with yourself. If you are prone to depression, will your kids be better off in school? School will bring its own issues, too.

 

Being a mom is tough. It is a LOT of sacrifice and work. It is easy to feel unappreciated. I remember those younger days. They are tough. But cling to these days. As hard as they are, they will pass before you know it. When my oldest moved out, I cried like a baby. I felt like I was just changing his diapers! That time will come soon enough. Focus now on making your time with your kids really matter. I promise you will never regret it.

 

Just as important is to take regular time fornYOU. Go for a walk. Do you hqve friends wherenyou are? Are you anxious and depressed because you are isolated? How long will you be where you are?

Edited February 20, 2012 by Denisemomof4

[Kathleen in VA]

I'm dealing with something similar in another area, and what's "wrong" with you may be that you have to die a bit (quite a bit!) to yourself to be successful at this endeavor -- and who wants to die at all? I find that resistance tries reign as king, but I need to refuse that (ignore it?), and press on to what is required of me. In relation to homeschooling, I've learned over the years that being homeschoolers as a lifestyle is just as much about me and the changes needed in my heart/being (i.e., letting go, serving others, remaining gentle/cheerful) as it is about us having our kids learn math, writing, science, etc. at home. I'm not very good at this, but I purpose to "keep going" because I know the results will be worth it -- both in my heart/being and with the relationship/issue at hand.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

:iagree:It sounds like you have two opposing agendas fighting against each other - your dedication to homeschooling and your desire to fulfill your own personal goals of working and educating yourself. Before I got married I had a lot of lofty goals where career and further education were concerned - I was planning on going to law school and perhaps even running for a state office. But when I had my children I knew that I wanted to homeschool them. In the early years I sometimes thought about my "other life" with wistfulness (especially when I had a coupe in diapers at the same time, lol).

 

The smartest thing I ever did was put my hand to the plow, as it were, and not look back. I had read enough about the benefits of homeschooling to be convinced it was absolutely the right thing to do (in my case, I'd go so far as to say I knew it was God's will for me during this season of my life) and I dove in and embraced it wholeheartedly. I have never thought about sending my kids to public or Christian school (I've taught in a Christian school and frankly, the dynamic in any school setting is pretty much the same when you're talking peer pressure and other negative influences). I just made up my mind that this is my career and I'm 100% committed to it come, well, you know.:)

 

Anyway, I think that for your own mental health you should pick a road and stick with it. I highly encourage you to pick homeschooling. I have graduated 3 and have one high schooler and a middle schooler now. I am so glad I chose to devote my life to this endeavor - my children are not just well-educated, they are kind, thoughtful, mature individuals who bless me beyond measure. There is no career or degree that could replace the precious relationships I have with each of them - no amount of money can buy that either.

 

We only get one life and when I'm lying on my death bed I am sure I will not be regretting that I never got my master's degree or made a certain amount of money or fulfilled my young adult dreams - I am sure I will be glad that I spent my life enjoying my family and devoting my energy to creating warm, loving relationships with them.

 

I find in my circle of real-life friends that if someone is feeling stressed about homeschooling it is almost always because they have neglected to teach their children the most important and foundational lesson of obedience to mom (and dad - depending on the situation). They spend much of their day butting heads with their kids and that is definitely not fun. I always suggest that they drop all academics and focus on getting that main lesson learned. You must be the authority and they need to do what you say with no back talk, whining, dawdling, etc. If you haven't got that accomplished yet, I strongly suggest that you work on that as it will greatly reduce the stress in your homeschool day.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug: I don't think it's homeschooling, per se, that is hard on the mental health. I think that the others are right in saying that parenting is sometimes hard on the mental health, and when you add homeschooling into the mix, that can seem even more overwhelming. It's physically and mentally exhausting to be a parent. It's physically and mentally exhausting to be a teacher. But the beauty of parenting and homeschooling is that you get to spend time with these adorable, beautiful, funny and interesting creatures and teach them the things you think they need to learn. It's hard to find balance, sometimes. I agree with getting your hormones checked out and make sure that you are getting enough rest, good food and exercise.

[Denisemomof4]

:iagree:It sounds like you have two opposing agendas fighting against each other - your dedication to homeschooling and your desire to fulfill your own personal goals of working and educating yourself. Before I got married I had a lot of lofty goals where career and further education were concerned - I was planning on going to law school and perhaps even running for a state office. But when I had my children I knew that I wanted to homeschool them. In the early years I sometimes thought about my "other life" with wistfulness (especially when I had a coupe in diapers at the same time, lol).

 

The smartest thing I ever did was put my hand to the plow, as it were, and not look back. I had read enough about the benefits of homeschooling to be convinced it was absolutely the right thing to do (in my case, I'd go so far as to say I knew it was God's will for me during this season of my life) and I dove in and embraced it wholeheartedly. I have never thought about sending my kids to public or Christian school (I've taught in a Christian school and frankly, the dynamic in any school setting is pretty much the same when you're talking peer pressure and other negative influences). I just made up my mind that this is my career and I'm 100% committed to it come, well, you know.:)

 

Anyway, I think that for your own mental health you should pick a road and stick with it. I highly encourage you to pick homeschooling. I have graduated 3 and have one high schooler and a middle schooler now. I am so glad I chose to devote my life to this endeavor - my children are not just well-educated, they are kind, thoughtful, mature individuals who bless me beyond measure. There is no career or degree that could replace the precious relationships I have with each of them - no amount of money can buy that either.

 

We only get one life and when I'm lying on my death bed I am sure I will not be regretting that I never got my master's degree or made a certain amount of money or fulfilled my young adult dreams - I am sure I will be glad that I spent my life enjoying my family and devoting my energy to creating warm, loving relationships with them.

 

I find in my circle of real-life friends that if someone is feeling stressed about homeschooling it is almost always because they have neglected to teach their children the most important and foundational lesson of obedience to mom (and dad - depending on the situation). They spend much of their day butting heads with their kids and that is definitely not fun. I always suggest that they drop all academics and focus on getting that main lesson learned. You must be the authority and they need to do what you say with no back talk, whining, dawdling, etc. If you haven't got that accomplished yet, I strongly suggest that you work on that as it will greatly reduce the stress in your homeschool day.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Kathleen, that was such a beautiful post.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Personally, I think I need to get a :chillpill:, but I don't know how. I feel like a martyr with a very short fuse....

 

Since we came here 3 years ago, I have severe anxiety attacks.

 

When my adrenal glands weren't working right (I've had low cortisol "adrenal fatigue" and then later high cortisol levels), my ability to tolerate stress was very, very low. My body just couldn't handle everyday life stresses at the time. Now that my adrenals (and other various health problems) are mostly straightened out, my stress tolerance is back to normal.

 

I would recommend looking into hormonal problems. You said the anxiety started after moving. Maybe the stress of moving triggered some hormonal problem.

[zookeeper]

When my adrenal glands weren't working right (I've had low cortisol "adrenal fatigue" and then later high cortisol levels), my ability to tolerate stress was very, very low. My body just couldn't handle everyday life stresses at the time. Now that my adrenals (and other various health problems) are mostly straightened out, my stress tolerance is back to normal.

 

I would recommend looking into hormonal problems. You said the anxiety started after moving. Maybe the stress of moving triggered some hormonal problem.

 

 

:iagree: I handle stress WAY better now that I've been treating my thyroid/adrenals/hormones for the last several years.

[mlktwins]

We only get one life and when I'm lying on my death bed I am sure I will not be regretting that I never got my master's degree or made a certain amount of money or fulfilled my young adult dreams - I am sure I will be glad that I spent my life enjoying my family and devoting my energy to creating warm, loving relationships with them.

 

Kathleen, your whole post was wonderful. The part above -- I really needed this today. Thank you....

[UmMusa]

What do you think?

 

Personally, I think I need to get a :chillpill:, but I don't know how. I feel like a martyr with a very short fuse. This make me feel guilty of not being a good mother and that brings up the depressing streak in me.

 

Am I the only one feeling totally engrossed and burdened by homeschooling/bringing up children to the point of depression?

 

What are some healthy ways to deal with it?

 

We get plenty of sunshine and I walk frequently, I have help with the housework and a sympathetic husband who is pro-homeschooling, but wants me to be happy above all.

 

What's wrong with me? :confused1:...

 

I can relate. I'm questioning my homeschooling future, too. I am in love with the principle and lifestyle of homeschooling, but I seem to be making life miserable for myself somehow. I wonder if it's the h/s or if it's just the new stages of life my kids are going through.

 

I read some advice on here last week that I'm going to see if it will improve dynamics with my DD9. I will pray more and check myself more. I have a short fuse too and regret my outbursts. Taking 5-HTP has helped tremendously.

 

I hope things improve for you.

[Sahamamama]

IMO, you do have a lot of stress factors in your life:

 

1. Mothering four small children

2. Homeschooling these four small children

3. Supporting your husband in his work

4. Making a comfortable home for your family...

5. ... on a university campus (do you lack privacy? space?)

6. Living in a developing country...

7. ... for the past three years (cumulative effect of culture shock/homesickness)

8. Writing a thesis (are you finishing up a degree program?)

9. Feeling the tug of career/employment (and having several offers)

10. Carrying the knowledge of your mother's struggle with clinical depression, and wondering how much of that biology applies to you

 

The normal response to all of this is to feel stressed. Do you need a break from it all? Sometimes in life we come to a place where we need to let go of some options -- it's exhausting to keep all the possibilities open. Asking this gently: Are you conflicted in your goals & desires? Decide what will be your ONE first thing. Do you want to pursue a career/thesis/employment OR do you want to pursue homeschooling/stay-at-home mothering/homemaking OR do you want to somehow combine aspects of both? In your heart you need to sort through what type of life you and your husband are creating -- and what is your role in it. IME, women sometimes feel depressed when they feel that life is happening to them, instead of being created and shaped by them. What life do you want to build? Look at your life as it is now and ask, "Is this it? Is this what I would like it to be? If not, what can I do to move it toward the vision?"

 

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down (Proverbs 14:1).

 

I do agree with seeing a physician and getting blood work done -- your thyroid hormone levels, your blood sugar, your iron, and so on. I was severely hypothyroid (without knowing it) last winter/early spring, and I could barely move through the day, let alone teach my children. When that was resolved, the dark curtain of brain fog, fatigue & muscle pain lifted and we walked into a brighter day. :grouphug: I hope and pray for the same uplift for your spirit. :grouphug:

[Impish]

Frankly, children are a mental health challenge at times. At least mine are.

 

Homeschooling can absolutely be an issue. I think *any* job that's 24/7 would be.

 

And then there's the 'grass is greener' syndrome.

 

Others have suggested getting a medical work up, and I agree w/that completely. If there's something medically off, no matter what you do it's going to be difficult.

 

That being said, not everyone is cut out for being a SAHM and homeschooling. Only you can determine that for yourself, but there's no shame in realizing that it's just not for you.

 

Better to be working outside the home and happy, than at home and miserable.

 

The best thing I've found to keep my sanity is breaks. I go out w/SpecialMama now and then, I go out w/Wolf, (granted, w/Boo in tow)...B/c of my disability, going out alone isn't good for me, so I'm always accompanied. I also get into escapism...be it reading, writing, or heading online for a bit.

 

I find having something for *me* has been a huge thing.

[LibraryLover]

.

Edited December 27, 2013 by LibraryLover

[Sahamamama]

:iagree:It sounds like you have two opposing agendas fighting against each other - your dedication to homeschooling and your desire to fulfill your own personal goals of working and educating yourself. Before I got married I had a lot of lofty goals where career and further education were concerned - I was planning on going to law school and perhaps even running for a state office. But when I had my children I knew that I wanted to homeschool them. In the early years I sometimes thought about my "other life" with wistfulness (especially when I had a coupe in diapers at the same time, lol).

 

The smartest thing I ever did was put my hand to the plow, as it were, and not look back. I had read enough about the benefits of homeschooling to be convinced it was absolutely the right thing to do (in my case, I'd go so far as to say I knew it was God's will for me during this season of my life) and I dove in and embraced it wholeheartedly. I have never thought about sending my kids to public or Christian school (I've taught in a Christian school and frankly, the dynamic in any school setting is pretty much the same when you're talking peer pressure and other negative influences). I just made up my mind that this is my career and I'm 100% committed to it come, well, you know.:)

 

Anyway, I think that for your own mental health you should pick a road and stick with it. I highly encourage you to pick homeschooling. I have graduated 3 and have one high schooler and a middle schooler now. I am so glad I chose to devote my life to this endeavor - my children are not just well-educated, they are kind, thoughtful, mature individuals who bless me beyond measure. There is no career or degree that could replace the precious relationships I have with each of them - no amount of money can buy that either.

 

We only get one life and when I'm lying on my death bed I am sure I will not be regretting that I never got my master's degree or made a certain amount of money or fulfilled my young adult dreams - I am sure I will be glad that I spent my life enjoying my family and devoting my energy to creating warm, loving relationships with them.

 

I find in my circle of real-life friends that if someone is feeling stressed about homeschooling it is almost always because they have neglected to teach their children the most important and foundational lesson of obedience to mom (and dad - depending on the situation). They spend much of their day butting heads with their kids and that is definitely not fun. I always suggest that they drop all academics and focus on getting that main lesson learned. You must be the authority and they need to do what you say with no back talk, whining, dawdling, etc. If you haven't got that accomplished yet, I strongly suggest that you work on that as it will greatly reduce the stress in your homeschool day.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Beautifully said! :001_smile: Kathleen, you are such an encouragement to me. Thank you for posting this, especially your reflections on "putting my hand to the plow." It helps me to hear that today from you. This is an investment, and it will be worth it. Thank you.

[Cassy]

I have suffered from depression in the past, before having children, severe depression. When my eldest two were little I also quite often felt depressed. However, since starting homeschooling two-and-a-half years ago, although I've often felt exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed, I've never felt depressed.

 

For me, depression comes when my life feels meaningless and hopeless. I believe absolutely in homeschooling. Although I had many ambitious hopes and dreams when I was younger that were never fulfilled, like Kathleen, I now believe that being with my children and homeschooling them is the most meaningful and rewarding way of spending my life. I am older though, at 48 yo my perspective on life is very different from what it was even 10 years ago. My children seem to be growing up so quickly, I can already envision them grown and gone, and want so much to enjoy every last second with them.

 

I agree with Denise that just looking after small children can be overwhelming and depressing. I could relate completely to your description of your feelings about travelling, I always have to make a conscious effort to relax and just take each moment as it comes when we travel, otherwise I end up with a terrible migraine. It is getting easier as the children get older (my youngest is now coming up to 5 yo), and I also find that being well prepared and having the journey well planned out, with frequent stops, helps enormously.

 

The only negative impact of homeschooling I've found on my life is that I no longer have much time or energy for friends or interests outside the home. I really struggle to look after a big house and four boys. Any spare moments when I'm not teaching, cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, I desperately need as down time on my own - as an introvert being with other people just demands that little bit more energy than I have available. I am not happy about this state of affairs, and see it as storing up problems for the future, but I just can't see an acceptable way out at the moment.

 

Kathleen's post was truly inspirational, I so agree with her assessment "that for your own mental health you should pick a road and stick with it". It's good to be able to commit yourself to something as your chosen way, and throw yourself into it.

 

Mostly, enjoy those children, they really are grown too quickly :001_smile:.

 

:grouphug:

 

Cassy

[momtoamiracle]

just wanted to give you a HUG because I have only one child I homeschool and sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind! I'm 44, close to 45 so I know hormones play a huge part. And I am not able to get out and about by myself very much. My child is quite spirited/energetic and saps my energy.

 

 

What helps me is when he's asleep at night, I do what I want to do. I either read or knit and it calms me down. I'm ready to go the next morning.

 

I feel for you because there are days I wish I could send him to school. Wow the free time I would have!! And my house would be clean! However it's not even an option where we live.

 

 

I have decided to change things up tho. As soon as we finish we K12 in a few weeks I am changing how I do homeschool. Much more relaxed and gentle.

 

 

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

[jujsky]

While Kathleen's post IS very beautiful, I tend to agree more with Denise's post. OP, I thought I was losing my mind at the beginning of this homeschooling year to the point where I locked myself in the bathroom, sat on the floor and cried. It's normal to be frustrated, and you have A LOT of factors adding stress to your life. Someone posted a thread the other day about how homeschooling moms are naturally stressed because they are being a teacher, a mom, and a homemaker all at the same time with no break and no separation of duties. That post resonated with me. For all the stress, I love what I do. Not every day. I have days where I want to run away, but most of the time I can't imagine doing anything else. In my little bubble of existence, homeschooling fulfills me. I know it's the right decision for my children and my family as a whole -- at least right now. If I went out, got a job, and put them in school, I would not feel that same level of fulfillment and enjoyment in my life.

 

However, that doesn't mean that homeschooling fulfills every woman. It may not fulfill you, and you may in fact be one of those women who lying on her death-bed regrets not pursuing a career. I'm friends with many working moms. Some of them wish they could stay home, but most of them do not. Most of them like the balance of being a mommy and a working woman, and do both jobs well. You need to ask yourself what will benefit your family in the long run, and that starts with you, OP. "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." If you're unhappy with the way things in your life are right now, that stress and unhappiness is showing through in your parenting and wearing on your kids and DH. Figure out what will make you happy, and do it. Maybe it is homeschooling, but maybe you need some help. Maybe it's getting a job and putting the kids in school. Maybe it's putting the older kids in school for a year or two while you focus on the younger kids and figure out what you want in life. Find what works for you.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Sarah CB]

:iagree:It sounds like you have two opposing agendas fighting against each other - your dedication to homeschooling and your desire to fulfill your own personal goals of working and educating yourself. Before I got married I had a lot of lofty goals where career and further education were concerned - I was planning on going to law school and perhaps even running for a state office. But when I had my children I knew that I wanted to homeschool them. In the early years I sometimes thought about my "other life" with wistfulness (especially when I had a coupe in diapers at the same time, lol).

 

The smartest thing I ever did was put my hand to the plow, as it were, and not look back. I had read enough about the benefits of homeschooling to be convinced it was absolutely the right thing to do (in my case, I'd go so far as to say I knew it was God's will for me during this season of my life) and I dove in and embraced it wholeheartedly. I have never thought about sending my kids to public or Christian school (I've taught in a Christian school and frankly, the dynamic in any school setting is pretty much the same when you're talking peer pressure and other negative influences). I just made up my mind that this is my career and I'm 100% committed to it come, well, you know.:)

 

Anyway, I think that for your own mental health you should pick a road and stick with it. I highly encourage you to pick homeschooling. I have graduated 3 and have one high schooler and a middle schooler now. I am so glad I chose to devote my life to this endeavor - my children are not just well-educated, they are kind, thoughtful, mature individuals who bless me beyond measure. There is no career or degree that could replace the precious relationships I have with each of them - no amount of money can buy that either.

 

We only get one life and when I'm lying on my death bed I am sure I will not be regretting that I never got my master's degree or made a certain amount of money or fulfilled my young adult dreams - I am sure I will be glad that I spent my life enjoying my family and devoting my energy to creating warm, loving relationships with them.

 

I find in my circle of real-life friends that if someone is feeling stressed about homeschooling it is almost always because they have neglected to teach their children the most important and foundational lesson of obedience to mom (and dad - depending on the situation). They spend much of their day butting heads with their kids and that is definitely not fun. I always suggest that they drop all academics and focus on getting that main lesson learned. You must be the authority and they need to do what you say with no back talk, whining, dawdling, etc. If you haven't got that accomplished yet, I strongly suggest that you work on that as it will greatly reduce the stress in your homeschool day.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thanks for this.

[amy g.]

For ME, putting the kids in school would not make things easier. I would just feel pulled in even more directions.

 

My best friend is a working mother. She spent Saturday, angry and crying. She said that Sunday was better because she found her Progesterone cream. I'm bringing her 5 http today too.

 

You post sounds like you need more than just to quit homeschooling to pursue a career.

[LibraryLover]

If you want to hs, and attended to your own creative/work life, you need help. One person cannot do everything.

 

Have you read Susan's blog? She travels, she writes, she teaches. She does not hs her children alone. She has a husband, a mother, and tutors.

 

I utlilize all of my resources. If I didn't, I would not be sane. Sadly, my dh does not 'speak' Latin, nor do I. He does speak French, so that does help. He also speaks another Romance language. My oldest has tried to tutor the younger child in Latin, but he is so busy in grad school that it's been almost impossible.

 

I really don't see how people do this on their own and stay sane. The mothers of the 1950's were sold a bill of June Cleaver goods, and the hsing mothers of the 21st century are being sold something similar. We're being asked to do what an entire community used to do.

 

If some of you are studying ancients, you will note that the wealthy mothers went to the bath houses --and told their slaves what to do. They didn't teach philosophy, they didn't even cook. The slaves did everything, and the children (boys) learned at the knees of teaches, who were allowed to whip them.

 

I think this is one gigantic experiment.

Edited February 21, 2012 by LibraryLover

[justamouse]

Kathleen, what a beautiful, wonderful post. I totally agree and you said it so well.

[CandaceC]

I know that meds are not for everyone, but an anti depressant has truly been what has helped me more than anything. I take them for my kids sake. :) it allows me to continue homeschooling and parent and not fall apart.

 

:grouphug:It is hard. I have travelled this road for about 5 years now. Hugs and prayers for you no matter which decision you make!!

[Nakia]

I'm dealing with something similar in another area, and what's "wrong" with you may be that you have to die a bit (quite a bit!) to yourself to be successful at this endeavor -- and who wants to die at all? I find that resistance tries reign as king, but I need to refuse that (ignore it?), and press on to what is required of me. In relation to homeschooling, I've learned over the years that being homeschoolers as a lifestyle is just as much about me and the changes needed in my heart/being (i.e., letting go, serving others, remaining gentle/cheerful) as it is about us having our kids learn math, writing, science, etc. at home. I'm not very good at this, but I purpose to "keep going" because I know the results will be worth it -- both in my heart/being and with the relationship/issue at hand.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

:iagree:It sounds like you have two opposing agendas fighting against each other - your dedication to homeschooling and your desire to fulfill your own personal goals of working and educating yourself. Before I got married I had a lot of lofty goals where career and further education were concerned - I was planning on going to law school and perhaps even running for a state office. But when I had my children I knew that I wanted to homeschool them. In the early years I sometimes thought about my "other life" with wistfulness (especially when I had a coupe in diapers at the same time, lol).

 

The smartest thing I ever did was put my hand to the plow, as it were, and not look back. I had read enough about the benefits of homeschooling to be convinced it was absolutely the right thing to do (in my case, I'd go so far as to say I knew it was God's will for me during this season of my life) and I dove in and embraced it wholeheartedly. I have never thought about sending my kids to public or Christian school (I've taught in a Christian school and frankly, the dynamic in any school setting is pretty much the same when you're talking peer pressure and other negative influences). I just made up my mind that this is my career and I'm 100% committed to it come, well, you know.:)

 

Anyway, I think that for your own mental health you should pick a road and stick with it. I highly encourage you to pick homeschooling. I have graduated 3 and have one high schooler and a middle schooler now. I am so glad I chose to devote my life to this endeavor - my children are not just well-educated, they are kind, thoughtful, mature individuals who bless me beyond measure. There is no career or degree that could replace the precious relationships I have with each of them - no amount of money can buy that either.

 

We only get one life and when I'm lying on my death bed I am sure I will not be regretting that I never got my master's degree or made a certain amount of money or fulfilled my young adult dreams - I am sure I will be glad that I spent my life enjoying my family and devoting my energy to creating warm, loving relationships with them.

 

I find in my circle of real-life friends that if someone is feeling stressed about homeschooling it is almost always because they have neglected to teach their children the most important and foundational lesson of obedience to mom (and dad - depending on the situation). They spend much of their day butting heads with their kids and that is definitely not fun. I always suggest that they drop all academics and focus on getting that main lesson learned. You must be the authority and they need to do what you say with no back talk, whining, dawdling, etc. If you haven't got that accomplished yet, I strongly suggest that you work on that as it will greatly reduce the stress in your homeschool day.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thank you both for such beautiful posts. :001_smile:

[katiejane]

What do you think?

 

Personally, I think I need to get a :chillpill:, but I don't know how. I feel like a martyr with a very short fuse. This make me feel guilty of not being a good mother and that brings up the depressing streak in me. (My mum had clinical depression but she had a totally miserable life compared to mine).

I think I have entered a downward spiral.

 

The gut reaction is to turn around 180 degrees and send the kids to the Christian school around the corner and get a job (I have had several offers) and concentrate on my thesis writing.

 

I must add here that I live in a university campus in a developing country and easy "pick-me-ups like chocolate or shopping or going to the mall by myself are not feasible (in case you are going to suggest those :D).

 

Am I the only one feeling totally engrossed and burdened by homeschooling/bringing up children to the point of depression?

 

What are some healthy ways to deal with it?

 

We get plenty of sunshine and I walk frequently, I have help with the housework and a sympathetic husband who is pro-homeschooling, but wants me to be happy above all.

 

What's wrong with me? :confused1:

 

EDA: Since we came here 3 years ago, I have severe anxiety attacks. Travel stresses me beyond description. (We travel to our European country of origin once a year). Lately, it has been worse. I feel like I have an elephant in my chest almost daily. I don't like it and I want to be happy and easy going as I used to be. DH wants us to take another European car tour this year and I want to be able to say "Hell! Yes!" instead of having palpitations and start crying just by thinking of it.. Ugh...

 

I was feeling much like you are a while back. I went to the dr's and was diagnosed with reactive depression. I was exercising and taking vitamins but still felt awful. I struggled with it for a while and then went on a low dose of antidepressants. I cannot tell you how much better I feel!!! Seriously, I wish I had done it much sooner. I feel like me again. I am actually enjoying homeschooling again instead of dreading it. It did take about 4 weeks to kick in.

 

Maybe a trip to the Dr's is in order to rule out any health problems. There are many causes for depression/anxiety that can be tied into thyroid or hormones. Sometimes our poor brains just need the right chemical balance for us to function.

[mama2cntrykids]

Oh sweetie, you're NOT alone in this. I deal with the same thing. Mine usually has to do with hormone problems. That and just a short temper in general. I totally need to chill! I will be watching this thread...

[sewingmama]

Am I the only one feeling totally engrossed and burdened by homeschooling/bringing up children to the point of depression?

 

No you are not. After struggling with it for many years (before I even started HS) and trying all the natural treatments - Vit D, exercise, diet etc I finally went to see the doctor and got medication. For the first time in years I am feeling able to cope.

 

Don't stuggle through it if you think you are clinically depressed. The natural treatments only help with mild depression.

 

I don't think it is HS per say that set off my depression. I was considering putting the kids in school thinking that would help me and that was the cause of my stress but I'm so glad I didn't because now I'm on the medication HS is a breeze - it wasn't HS setting it off - it was my body.

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

:grouphug: I am too isolated, and have battled depression over many things.... at some critical points in my early days of staying home and not working, it about drove me crazy!! I moved far from family, but not to another state.

Still, I am extroverted, outdoorsy, and love to go places, do exciting things, at the spur of the moment.

 

Having babies and nursing has worked alot of patience, although it has been very ugly at times. Hormones drop and rise and we need to realize this, oh I have locked myself in the bathroom to cry ( even this week ) well I am pregnant and having alot of pain.... I have to self talk alot and pray, read the Bible.

 

My biggest battle right now is with my dh who never wants me on the computer, although I don't watch tv, don't over eat, don't go anywhere for any fun. I am battling depression, and I am fighting it.

 

One thing I am learning is that no one can make me happy, and if it is a big problem, then I need to find help.

 

I know I am to die to self, and I also know I need self care... these seem opposing, but even Jesus had to get away, from the crowd, and spend time with His Father.

I try to do something for myself everyday, but if I cannot truly enjoy it, then it is null and void.

 

Every time there is an opportunity it seems like my dh has a special meeting to keep me at home. This has been a big problem in the past year. I also have to miss church if a child is sick. Isolation will drive us crazy.

 

I am in constant pain, and have to use a heat pad, hot baths, and rest almost all the time. I keep hurting myself, and am severely limited right now.

There is no quick fix or cure, and it is wearing on my nerves, and my dh.

 

I know GOD's mercy is new every morning, and I need more sleep, and am trying to figure out how to do a little physical work without over doing. This is a big endeavor right now. I guess just having someone to talk to in the past, even on the phone, but visit on occasion is what I miss dearly. Everyone is just too busy, and I have a terrible signal for phone calls. Plus, it is too crazy to make any most of the time, and my family is just too busy.

 

I did make myself go to a bookstore the other night and did not have all of my grocery shopping done.... Guess what:confused::chillpill: an old friend came up and she is struggling as a single parent who never gets a break, is home schooling, which I did know, but had not seen her besides at 1 meeting in August.

 

HMM it is helping me to get this out, I am a worker, and a strong person most of the time.... so, it must be hard on my family to have me needing so much help, and apparently they have not appreciated all of my hard work for so long. I am not faking my pain... this is my last pregnancy, and my Dr. refused to do a hysterectomy saying it might make me crazy!!!!! I have endometriosis severely in my small, lg. intestine, bladder, ovaries, and all over my uterus... he finally agreed to do surgery to diagnose it, and was shocked at how bad it was. I knew it was bad, and suffered tremendously all last year because of it.

 

Many people work from home, but it takes alot of support, and is much more difficult with small children. I used to go to MOPS and that kept me sane for years.

Then I had a Classical Coffee support group for about 5 years, and now my only support group has no child care.

 

It is a struggle to home school alone, so I plan to reach out more in real life, but this forum is helping me right now more than anything in the past year.

 

There is a lot of fear and uncertainty, and I worry more than I should. I hope you can find some help. I try to make all of our children either take a nap, or rest and read, or quietly do some math or whatever for 2 hours every day.

Lately, it has not been working well. I need this time to read, rest, nap, take a bath, have tea, whatever.... I plan to demand it, and reward it.

 

My oldest children are helping with the meals alot and I do appreciate it so much. I think we need to have a family meeting to discuss priorities and set some goals with the needs and wants of each of us written down. Compromise is a must, and we all have to make some sacrifices for each other.

 

I think too many families expect the wife/mom to do entirely too much. I also realize that I have my limitations, and I am no longer Super Woman!:lol:

 

Christian comedy, joke books, funny youtube video's all help me some, and I usually fake it till I make it. I just don't seem to make it enough right now.

I pray for each member of this forum to be who GOD wants us to be, and to know His love.

 

I have to break or I will break! I have to come apart or I will come apart!

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! Quit pushing my buttons, and I will try to make my buttons smaller :001_smile:

 

Time to get that sleep!

[4littleones]

 

The normal response to all of this is to feel stressed. Do you need a break from it all? Sometimes in life we come to a place where we need to let go of some options -- it's exhausting to keep all the possibilities open. Asking this gently: Are you conflicted in your goals & desires? Decide what will be your ONE first thing. Do you want to pursue a career/thesis/employment OR do you want to pursue homeschooling/stay-at-home mothering/homemaking OR do you want to somehow combine aspects of both?

 

 

 

First of all, a big thank you to all of you who took time to read and reply.

 

I am pursuing a degree (very) part time and if I were to work I would work part time too. I do understand that being a parent and an academic is super hard work and I have enough sense to realize the incompatibilities of being an academic AND a homeschooling parent of 4 children.

 

I am not drawn to a career per se. I just find homeschooling/parenting soo stressful nowdays and if I were to put the children to a B&M school, what's left for me to do? Work (in a low stress job). Honesty, my whole identity is tied up with homeschooling - homeschooling was/is my passion, my career, and my hobby.

 

 

Yes, I need a break. I send my oldest to her daddy's office for two mornings and I concentrated on my second oldest. Yesterday, he had an attitude problem and instead of trying to reason with him, I just went to the library. Today we had a good day with the 8 yo and the 3 yo. The 9 yo and the 5 yo had violin lesson and then they went to their daddy's office. The house was soooo peaceful. Sigh!

 

 

Thank you for suggesting hormonal testing. I am going to have a medical later this year and I will ask for that.

[4littleones]

IThe slaves did everything, and the children (boys) learned at the knees of teaches, who were allowed to whip them.

 

I think this is one gigantic experiment.

 

 

LOL! Yes, it is a gigantic experiment. If you see the whole gamut of educational philosophies that has come and gone in the public schools and how those venerable educators were thinking, yes, public education is a huge educational experiment.

 

Homeschooling is an experiment too. At least, if there are going to be casualties, they are going to be limited to our families only, not a whole generation of children...

 

We do the best we think we can do under the circumstances. Every so often, we need to come to the forums and whine about our stressed nerves!

 

One thing is sure... there is no guarantee. Homeschooling is not a magic formula that guarantees well-adjusted, well-educated, well-mannered citizens. I wish it was. When I shout to my children I do not exactly demonstrate appropriate problem-solving techniques...

[Lizzie in Ma]

:iagree:

The smartest thing I ever did was put my hand to the plow, as it were, and not look back. I had read enough about the benefits of homeschooling to be convinced it was absolutely the right thing to do (in my case, I'd go so far as to say I knew it was God's will for me during this season of my life) and I dove in and embraced it wholeheartedly. I have never thought about sending my kids to public or Christian school (I've taught in a Christian school and frankly, the dynamic in any school setting is pretty much the same when you're talking peer pressure and other negative influences). I just made up my mind that this is my career and I'm 100% committed to it come, well, you know.:)

 

Anyway, I think that for your own mental health you should pick a road and stick with it. I highly encourage you to pick homeschooling. I have graduated 3 and have one high schooler and a middle schooler now. I am so glad I chose to devote my life to this endeavor - my children are not just well-educated, they are kind, thoughtful, mature individuals who bless me beyond measure. There is no career or degree that could replace the precious relationships I have with each of them - no amount of money can buy that either.

 

We only get one life and when I'm lying on my death bed I am sure I will not be regretting that I never got my master's degree or made a certain amount of money or fulfilled my young adult dreams - I am sure I will be glad that I spent my life enjoying my family and devoting my energy to creating warm, loving relationships with them.

 

I find in my circle of real-life friends that if someone is feeling stressed about homeschooling it is almost always because they have neglected to teach their children the most important and foundational lesson of obedience to mom (and dad - depending on the situation). They spend much of their day butting heads with their kids and that is definitely not fun. I always suggest that they drop all academics and focus on getting that main lesson learned. You must be the authority and they need to do what you say with no back talk, whining, dawdling, etc. If you haven't got that accomplished yet, I strongly suggest that you work on that as it will greatly reduce the stress in your homeschool day.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

So well said, and this was it for me as well. I hope you find your balance.

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Sahamamama]

If you want to hs, and attended to your own creative/work life, you need help. One person cannot do everything.

 

Have you read Susan's blog? She travels, she writes, she teaches. She does not hs her children alone. She has a husband, a mother, and tutors.

 

I utlilize all of my resources. If I didn't, I would not be sane. Sadly, my dh does not 'speak' Latin, nor do I. He does speak French, so that does help. He also speaks another Romance language. My oldest has tried to tutor the younger child in Latin, but he is so busy in grad school that it's been almost impossible.

 

I really don't see how people do this on their own and stay sane. The mothers of the 1950's were sold a bill of June Cleaver goods, and the hsing mothers of the 21st century are being sold something similar. We're being asked to do what an entire community used to do.

 

If some of you are studying ancients, you will note that the wealthy mothers went to the bath houses --and told their slaves what to do. They didn't teach philosophy, they didn't even cook. The slaves did everything, and the children (boys) learned at the knees of teachers, who were allowed to whip them.

 

I think this is one gigantic experiment.

 

:001_huh: I've never thought of this before, but I'll be thinking about your POV today.

 

Huh.

 

Maybe this is why we sometimes feel more like the slaves than the mothers?

 

[Note to self: Go cut a hickory switch....]

[ereks mom]

:iagree:It sounds like you have two opposing agendas fighting against each other - your dedication to homeschooling and your desire to fulfill your own personal goals of working and educating yourself. Before I got married I had a lot of lofty goals where career and further education were concerned - I was planning on going to law school and perhaps even running for a state office. But when I had my children I knew that I wanted to homeschool them. In the early years I sometimes thought about my "other life" with wistfulness (especially when I had a coupe in diapers at the same time, lol).

 

The smartest thing I ever did was put my hand to the plow, as it were, and not look back. I had read enough about the benefits of homeschooling to be convinced it was absolutely the right thing to do (in my case, I'd go so far as to say I knew it was God's will for me during this season of my life) and I dove in and embraced it wholeheartedly. I have never thought about sending my kids to public or Christian school (I've taught in a Christian school and frankly, the dynamic in any school setting is pretty much the same when you're talking peer pressure and other negative influences). I just made up my mind that this is my career and I'm 100% committed to it come, well, you know.:)

 

Anyway, I think that for your own mental health you should pick a road and stick with it. I highly encourage you to pick homeschooling. I have graduated 3 and have one high schooler and a middle schooler now. I am so glad I chose to devote my life to this endeavor - my children are not just well-educated, they are kind, thoughtful, mature individuals who bless me beyond measure. There is no career or degree that could replace the precious relationships I have with each of them - no amount of money can buy that either.

 

We only get one life and when I'm lying on my death bed I am sure I will not be regretting that I never got my master's degree or made a certain amount of money or fulfilled my young adult dreams - I am sure I will be glad that I spent my life enjoying my family and devoting my energy to creating warm, loving relationships with them.

 

I find in my circle of real-life friends that if someone is feeling stressed about homeschooling it is almost always because they have neglected to teach their children the most important and foundational lesson of obedience to mom (and dad - depending on the situation). They spend much of their day butting heads with their kids and that is definitely not fun. I always suggest that they drop all academics and focus on getting that main lesson learned. You must be the authority and they need to do what you say with no back talk, whining, dawdling, etc. If you haven't got that accomplished yet, I strongly suggest that you work on that as it will greatly reduce the stress in your homeschool day.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Except for the number of kids, I could have written your post. I completely agree, particularly with the bolded.

[Guest]

What do you think?

 

Personally, I think I need to get a :chillpill:, but I don't know how. I feel like a martyr with a very short fuse. This make me feel guilty of not being a good mother and that brings up the depressing streak in me. (My mum had clinical depression but she had a totally miserable life compared to mine).

I think I have entered a downward spiral.

 

The gut reaction is to turn around 180 degrees and send the kids to the Christian school around the corner and get a job (I have had several offers) and concentrate on my thesis writing.

 

I must add here that I live in a university campus in a developing country and easy "pick-me-ups like chocolate or shopping or going to the mall by myself are not feasible (in case you are going to suggest those :D).

 

Am I the only one feeling totally engrossed and burdened by homeschooling/bringing up children to the point of depression?

 

What are some healthy ways to deal with it?

 

We get plenty of sunshine and I walk frequently, I have help with the housework and a sympathetic husband who is pro-homeschooling, but wants me to be happy above all.

 

What's wrong with me? :confused1:

 

EDA: Since we came here 3 years ago, I have severe anxiety attacks. Travel stresses me beyond description. (We travel to our European country of origin once a year). Lately, it has been worse. I feel like I have an elephant in my chest almost daily. I don't like it and I want to be happy and easy going as I used to be. DH wants us to take another European car tour this year and I want to be able to say "Hell! Yes!" instead of having palpitations and start crying just by thinking of it.. Ugh...

 

I have not read replies.

 

As described, I would not homeschool. Homeschooling is not always sunshine and lollypops, but what you describe is not a good environment for any of you. :grouphug:

[Guest]

Wow. Now I have read the replies and I am completely and utterly shocked. I am very surprised that others don't find the OP to be describing an abnormal degree of mental anguish in homeschooling.

 

I really think homeschooling is a fun, wonderful lifestyle 90% of the time. I am happy that my oldest is now in a B&M school for high school and I am also looking forward to a time when I close this chapter, but the reason I haven't closed it yet is because I love it! I am astonished that anyone would recommend homeschooling to someone who has serious symptoms of mental anguish.

 

I feel like this should be a new thread.

 

P.S. Please understand, OP, in no way am I putting you down. What you described does not sound like de facto way of life for homeschooling and I think you need to focus on your mental health without the added concern of educating them all well. I agree that all of us who are in this for the long haul have periods of time when it's a grind or it doesn't seem worth it, but what you're describing sounds bigger than that to me. :grouphug:

[jplain]

It doesn't have to be a permanent decision, does it? Could you send them to school on a trial basis when the next year or term starts? If it just adds more stress, pull 'em out. If it is a good thing, then consider taking a part-time job.

 

And that European tour...would it be more appealing if DH or a travel agent did all of the planning?

 

:grouphug:

[the evolving homemaker]

i have been there. not because of homeschooling. have you tried to change your thoughts? i know, it sounds to simple and cheesy, but really. i find that i lead myself to depression with NO help from others. i simply latch on to a thought like, "i am a terrible mom because i yelled at my kids" and whalah, three days later i feel awful, tired, anxious, like the worst person on the planet.

 

or, i have an anxious thought like, "something could happen on the plane ride" and then lo and behold i panic the whole plane ride.

 

i have anxiety. been diagnosed. i get it. there are times i can't stop my brain and i take medication in those moments. i think of it as a tool. otherwise, lately i have been really trying to change my thoughts when they creep up. if i start thinking bad things i look at it and ask if it is true. am i really a bad mom? no. is the plane really going to go down? probably not. does my husband not love me? no. am i too fat? who gives a...you know...

 

i really do think so we think so we are. try taking a moment to bring yourself into the present moment and out of your head. look at a tree deeply, look at your kids deeply. i would recommend The Power of Now, A New Earth, and Stillness Speaks by Ekhart Tolle. anything by Thich Nhat Hanh. good luck. i would still get thyroid, adrenals, hormones, blood sugar levels checked too. hypoglycemia and other issues can wreak havoc on such.

 

:grouphug:

[Cassy]

i have been there. not because of homeschooling. have you tried to change your thoughts? i know, it sounds to simple and cheesy, but really. i find that i lead myself to depression with NO help from others. i simply latch on to a thought like, "i am a terrible mom because i yelled at my kids" and whalah, three days later i feel awful, tired, anxious, like the worst person on the planet.

 

or, i have an anxious thought like, "something could happen on the plane ride" and then lo and behold i panic the whole plane ride.

 

i have anxiety. been diagnosed. i get it. there are times i can't stop my brain and i take medication in those moments. i think of it as a tool. otherwise, lately i have been really trying to change my thoughts when they creep up. if i start thinking bad things i look at it and ask if it is true. am i really a bad mom? no. is the plane really going to go down? probably not. does my husband not love me? no. am i too fat? who gives a...you know...

 

i really do think so we think so we are. try taking a moment to bring yourself into the present moment and out of your head. look at a tree deeply, look at your kids deeply. i would recommend The Power of Now, A New Earth, and Stillness Speaks by Ekhart Tolle. anything by Thich Nhat Hanh. good luck. i would still get thyroid, adrenals, hormones, blood sugar levels checked too. hypoglycemia and other issues can wreak havoc on such.

 

:grouphug:

 

Yes, absolutely. You have described exactly how I battled my way from severe clinical depression to relative mental health. I also found learning to meditate helped enormously.

 

Best wishes

 

Cassy

[jplain]

If you want to try cognitive behavioral therapy methods, check out MoodGYM.

It is free and even somewhat entertaining. :)

[Chrystal in TX]

:iagree:It sounds like you have two opposing agendas fighting against each other - your dedication to homeschooling and your desire to fulfill your own personal goals of working and educating yourself. Before I got married I had a lot of lofty goals where career and further education were concerned - I was planning on going to law school and perhaps even running for a state office. But when I had my children I knew that I wanted to homeschool them. In the early years I sometimes thought about my "other life" with wistfulness (especially when I had a coupe in diapers at the same time, lol).

 

The smartest thing I ever did was put my hand to the plow, as it were, and not look back. I had read enough about the benefits of homeschooling to be convinced it was absolutely the right thing to do (in my case, I'd go so far as to say I knew it was God's will for me during this season of my life) and I dove in and embraced it wholeheartedly. I have never thought about sending my kids to public or Christian school (I've taught in a Christian school and frankly, the dynamic in any school setting is pretty much the same when you're talking peer pressure and other negative influences). I just made up my mind that this is my career and I'm 100% committed to it come, well, you know.:)

 

Anyway, I think that for your own mental health you should pick a road and stick with it. I highly encourage you to pick homeschooling. I have graduated 3 and have one high schooler and a middle schooler now. I am so glad I chose to devote my life to this endeavor - my children are not just well-educated, they are kind, thoughtful, mature individuals who bless me beyond measure. There is no career or degree that could replace the precious relationships I have with each of them - no amount of money can buy that either.

 

We only get one life and when I'm lying on my death bed I am sure I will not be regretting that I never got my master's degree or made a certain amount of money or fulfilled my young adult dreams - I am sure I will be glad that I spent my life enjoying my family and devoting my energy to creating warm, loving relationships with them.

 

I find in my circle of real-life friends that if someone is feeling stressed about homeschooling it is almost always because they have neglected to teach their children the most important and foundational lesson of obedience to mom (and dad - depending on the situation). They spend much of their day butting heads with their kids and that is definitely not fun. I always suggest that they drop all academics and focus on getting that main lesson learned. You must be the authority and they need to do what you say with no back talk, whining, dawdling, etc. If you haven't got that accomplished yet, I strongly suggest that you work on that as it will greatly reduce the stress in your homeschool day.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Wow...great post...

 

Kathleen, that was such a beautiful post.

 

I concur.

 

I think whatever we choose to do in life, there will be hard, stressful times...because that's life. We have to learn the art of listening to our hearts...knowing when it's the kind of hard that simply comes with living life and hard that is unnecessary and that we have the ability to change or correct given the power that we have as God's creations and the ability he has given us to make choices.

 

A good measurement for me is always what I think that will be important to me when I'm old and gray or on my death bed. I think someone mentioned that idea already on this thread somewhere.

[Lovedtodeath]

What do you think?

 

Personally, I think I need to get a :chillpill:, but I don't know how. I feel like a martyr with a very short fuse. This make me feel guilty of not being a good mother and that brings up the depressing streak in me. (My mum had clinical depression but she had a totally miserable life compared to mine).

I think I have entered a downward spiral.

 

The gut reaction is to turn around 180 degrees and send the kids to the Christian school around the corner and get a job (I have had several offers) and concentrate on my thesis writing.

 

I must add here that I live in a university campus in a developing country and easy "pick-me-ups like chocolate or shopping or going to the mall by myself are not feasible (in case you are going to suggest those :D).

 

Am I the only one feeling totally engrossed and burdened by homeschooling/bringing up children to the point of depression?

 

What are some healthy ways to deal with it?

 

We get plenty of sunshine and I walk frequently, I have help with the housework and a sympathetic husband who is pro-homeschooling, but wants me to be happy above all.

 

What's wrong with me? :confused1:

 

EDA: Since we came here 3 years ago, I have severe anxiety attacks. Travel stresses me beyond description. (We travel to our European country of origin once a year). Lately, it has been worse. I feel like I have an elephant in my chest almost daily. I don't like it and I want to be happy and easy going as I used to be. DH wants us to take another European car tour this year and I want to be able to say "Hell! Yes!" instead of having palpitations and start crying just by thinking of it.. Ugh...

:grouphug::grouphug: I really relate to this, though we have been vastly improving. We have more good days than bad now. I will try to write to you later. :grouphug::grouphug:

[janie_ranae]

I find in my circle of real-life friends that if someone is feeling stressed about homeschooling it is almost always because they have neglected to teach their children the most important and foundational lesson of obedience to mom (and dad - depending on the situation). They spend much of their day butting heads with their kids and that is definitely not fun. I always suggest that they drop all academics and focus on getting that main lesson learned. You must be the authority and they need to do what you say with no back talk, whining, dawdling, etc. If you haven't got that accomplished yet, I strongly suggest that you work on that as it will greatly reduce the stress in your homeschool day.

 

This always seems to be a struggle...any suggestions would be much appreciated. TIA

[Kathleen in VA]

This always seems to be a struggle...any suggestions would be much appreciated. TIA

 

http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/

 

http://familyministries.com/

(for this one click on "products" and then click on "parenting and family issues")

 

If you are okay with spanking you might be interested in this site:

 

http://www.ntmu.net/lovingcommand.htm

[butterflymommy]

Short answer-- yes, it can be very damaging to a mom's mental health, especially if she is isolated, doesn't have much support from her spouse and (don't get mad at me here) lacks a bedrock of religious faith to turn to when she is down/ discouraged/ feeling hopeless. At least this has been my experience. I've put some of my kids back in school for precisely this reason... the feelings of pressure, responsibility, isolation-- all while trying to keep a pleasant, loving demeanor towards my kids-- were crushing.

 

I can't remember if it was on this board or another, where someone was looking for reasons not to homeschool. The only strong reason I could come up with is that it can be VERY hard on the mom. It's tough enough being a SAHM but being a teacher on top of everything else is even tougher. :grouphug:

[Susan C.]

I am in my last of 17 years of homeschooling. It has been rewarding, fulfilling, and at the same time, difficult. I didn't feel like I had a choice, private schools are very expensive where I live, and I just couldn't bring myself to send my dc to public school (low ranked schools here and they try to compensate by giving enormous amounts of homework).

 

I only homeschooled two kids. For me (repeat, me) I don't know if I could have homeschooled more. Mine are four years apart, and last two years of my oldest with my youngest getting near high school were very work intensive. I can't imagine what I would have done if I had needed to teach one to read, chase a toddler, etc. on top of that. My dh works long hours and I was on my own. So I see the original poster with other options to consider, maybe plan a year or two for. One is maybe putting the older two in the private school, working part time while dh cares for the younger two, and maybe that working. Dd babysat for a family with young babies, and they trade off who is at home, grandparents help and dd came one afternoon a week, and it all worked, and the kids saw their mom plenty. Personally I do feel strongly about being home a good bit for younger children. Another option could be to plan on putting all of them in school when the youngest reaches kindergarten. Or, getting paid help for housework (and maybe some babysitting) so you have more time to homeschool and study. In other words, you have a lot on your plate and just plain need help!

 

So anyway, I encourage you, OP, to write out all options, the pros and cons of each, expand your options (it never feels good to be trapped), and see where you land. FWIW I never said I would homeschool all the way through, its just how it worked out. I evaluated each year and took things a step at a time.

[AimeeM]

I am in the same boat.

I am not depressed in any way; but I have an insanely short fuse. I am feeling constantly pouty and b*tchy.

My 10 year old daughter is actually a real joy to have around and is wonderful about her work, but I find reasons to nag her.

My 2 year old is a normal boy, but I yell at him.

I'm pregnant with number three.

My husband is going out of town to Vegas for a business trip; and he travels often for work so much that I feel so stressed and alone.

 

It's either Catholic school and preschool for the school agers... or Mom starts smoking again.

[Mommyfaithe]

I'm dealing with something similar in another area, and what's "wrong" with you may be that you have to die a bit (quite a bit!) to yourself to be successful at this endeavor -- and who wants to die at all? I find that resistance tries reign as king, but I need to refuse that (ignore it?), and press on to what is required of me. In relation to homeschooling, I've learned over the years that being homeschoolers as a lifestyle is just as much about me and the changes needed in my heart/being (i.e., letting go, serving others, remaining gentle/cheerful) as it is about us having our kids learn math, writing, science, etc. at home. I'm not very good at this, but I purpose to "keep going" because I know the results will be worth it -- both in my heart/being and with the relationship/issue at hand.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

You said this so much better than me. Thank you......

[janie_ranae]

http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/

 

http://familyministries.com/

(for this one click on "products" and then click on "parenting and family issues")

 

If you are okay with spanking you might be interested in this site:

 

http://www.ntmu.net/lovingcommand.htm

 

Thank you for taking the time to post the above! I'll check into these suggestions.

 

Sorry to the OP for the rabbit trail...

[AimeeM]

Thank you for taking the time to post the above! I'll check into these suggestions.

 

Sorry to the OP for the rabbit trail...

The last link advocates switching a small child for getting distracted and not being quick enough with her shoes and socks.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't bother commenting. It sounds oddly similar to the Pearls.

[Guest faithg0815]

Need to vent and I'm looking for some suggestions. I've been homeschooling for about 3 long hard beautiful years now. I have recently been diagnosed with adrenaline fatigue but have had it for a while now causing extreme painful exhaustion, fatigue, extreme irritability and have been put in a couple months bed rest while I balance back out. I literally cant handle any stress due to I've had it for so long and just kept pushing past till they literally aren't working anymore (my adrenals).
So long story short, my son triggers me so bad to the point of pure misery some days and everyone except a few homeschool buds, keeps telling me to put him back into public school. And I'm not going to lie, I have desperately considered many times when things are at there peak intensity and I find myself snarling, screaming, yelling and throwing things. Hence the not being able to handle any stress for a while for healing. So I come hopelessly back to this rut thinking of feeling, stuck, horrible for losing my cool way to often.
I forgot to mention my son is very very healthy, active, spirited, no stop busy about to be 8 year old with a handful of food allergies and a 4 year old. He's a really good kid. He just requires constant interaction. He the healthiest extrovert I've ever met. (extra extrovert compared to me) And through it all he has come so far with calming down and having some down time with a tv or Minecraft for a bit through out the days here and there. I never let it go for to ridiculously long even when I feel like a could not take care of my self some days....
Even with us being pretty much very relaxed homeschooling/unschooling/ child led. It feels like quite the mountain and it feels like everyone wants me to put him in ps and stop torturing myself. Idk what else to do. My son triggers me so bad sometimes. I feel horrible and go from screaming yelling lunatic to a remorseful sad mom for yelling and always being stressed. I mean my so drives me nuts most days because he's always more and I'm like an old desperate tired cat that like a lot of calm. Then I feel so bad for having these feelings towards him and he's not doing anything wrong!:(
I was taking him to the park and play dates because I know that's what he needs but the fear of any resistance especially in public is an exhausting thought in its self! Not to mention, now I have to focus on conserving what little energy to prepare all the healthy food for special diets and re train myself from multitasking! It gets so bad and I feel so horrible, literally just the sound of his voice puts me into a screaming rage some days because I know he is the little engine that doesn't stop. Starts his days on level ten. I know these are all good qualities that I want him to have. He's not doing anything wrong it just me and he is NON stop everything!!!! Half from allergies and half from spirited excitable DNA.
So there's my rant. I would live to hear some similar success stories,options or anything helpful please. ...