Dustybug Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 My DD just turned 6 and my DS is 4. I'll admit that we are a tad isolated a good deal of the time because we only have one vehicle that my DH takes to work from about 1:30PM until late. We are together a lot. For the last few months, these two have not been able to play or be together at all for longer than 5-10 minutes without someone starting to whine and complain about something or both of them to start arguing with one another. I am at my wit's end. I expect for them to have disagreements from time to time, but this is all day, every day. I feel like my head is going to explode and I have tried everything that I can think of and it isn't working. So, I came to the Hive for suggestions! Please help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Having time to bicker means not enough chores are getting done. IMHO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I found separation was a good technique for that age. One got to play in the living room while the other stayed in the kitchen with me. Then they would switch. If the weather was good, then I would toss them outside when they started to bicker and they could get it out of their systems in the back yard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 My kids now recall with laughter how I handled bickering at that age. I mean just grumbling and complaining sort of bickering, not true someone's been offended and it needs talking out sorts of tangles. I would fasten them together at the wrist, or maybe ankle, with a soft bandana. They had to stick together until they learned to get along. It almost always - 99.9999% of the time - resulted in them being frustrated a bit, then dissolving in a pile of giggles. I made a concious effort, though, to be sure they had enough separate time built into their days. If your kids do not now have a daily solitary quiet time, each in his own area for about an hour of reading & quiet play, start there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 going on Auntie M We do couch time. They go sit on the couch and hold hands until they are friends again. Can last 2 seconds or all day, not my issue. However, if it lasts more than 15 min (once or twice a year) I go in and remind them of communication techniques and then leave again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Having time to bicker means not enough chores are getting done. IMHO I have thought of this, and it is honestly something I need to work on. I'll have them doing X, Y, Z chores for about a week and then I slack off on keeping on top of them doing it because I have perfectionist tendencies and would rather just get it done myself. Maybe I need a better system to keep myself accountable with it too? I found separation was a good technique for that age. One got to play in the living room while the other stayed in the kitchen with me. Then they would switch. If the weather was good, then I would toss them outside when they started to bicker and they could get it out of their systems in the back yard. I've tried this, but my son will whine that he is scared to be left in any room for more than a minute or two alone. I have yet to decipher if he is truly afraid or if this is some kind of manipulation to get what he wants. My kids now recall with laughter how I handled bickering at that age. I mean just grumbling and complaining sort of bickering, not true someone's been offended and it needs talking out sorts of tangles. I would fasten them together at the wrist, or maybe ankle, with a soft bandana. They had to stick together until they learned to get along. It almost always - 99.9999% of the time - resulted in them being frustrated a bit, then dissolving in a pile of giggles. I made a concious effort, though, to be sure they had enough separate time built into their days. If your kids do not now have a daily solitary quiet time, each in his own area for about an hour of reading & quiet play, start there. Haha! I love the bandana idea. My DS still naps, so I usually do the bulk of DD's schoolwork with her while he is sleeping. That usually lasts at least 2 hours. Do you think they need some other separate time as well? While he's awake and she isn't busy with school work? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Oh, one more thing, I would take two chairs, about 6 feet apart, and make the kids sit in those, facing each other, until I said they could get up. They might start out making nasty faces at each other, but it was never more than a few minutes before they were sliding off the chairs from laughing so hard. Oh, they tried so hard not to laugh! To stay mad at each other! To make the next face nastier than the one before! It was very hard for me not to laugh before they did. Then I would release them, best friends all over again. Gosh, I miss those days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 That's probably enough time for your older child, but I think it might benefit your younger child to have some waking play time apart from the older. Maybe start with a smaller amount ofmtime and work up to 45 minutes? Whatever seems to work, just start small. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 That's probably enough time for your older child, but I think it might benefit your younger child to have some waking play time apart from the older. Maybe start with a smaller amount ofmtime and work up to 45 minutes? Whatever seems to work, just start small. Maybe I'll try this. It's pretty hard though. We live in a tiny, tiny house. It's 2 bedrooms and only 900 sq. ft. It is just plain difficult to keep people apart. Trying to think of creative ways to implement this....hmmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I would set mine down on either end of the couch and not allow speaking. After about 10 minutes they had become allies and I was now enemy #1. They started by quietly (i was in another room) playing on the couch.... lots of giggling later ( they were breaking the rules after all) they would be allowed to go play. If they started at it again then they were seperated. DD (the instigator) would usually scream about this(I want my bubby) but I found some time apart would help them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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