HappyGrace Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 We've never been to any other doctor except for our wonderful (female and very homeschool friendly) pediatrician and now dd12 has to go to a specialist in a couple wks. I am kind of worried because in the past I've read threads on here about people having problems being able to stay in the room, etc. Especially since this is a pediatric GI and he will prbly have to feel her stomach, etc, AND the fact that she is kind of uncomfortable due to never having a male doctor before (and is quite modest, PLUS worried about the visit due to being sick for so long, not sure what's wrong with herself, etc.) I am the type of person who would be fine to just insist if I were asked to leave, but again, because of other things I've read over the years on here, would that raise a red flag or anything if this doctor is not homeschool-friendly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I used to volunteer as a patient advocate, and we just went with patients to any doctor appointments that wanted someone to be with them. Anyone can bring anyone for any appointment, and it is not the doctor's decision who is in the room. I really don't like when doctors try to get parents out of the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I've never had one order me to leave, I'd just stay and tell him dd is uncomfortable with a new doc and you were going to stay. Period. If he doesn't like it he can lump it. Tell him if he wants to make a big deal out of it to go ahead, but to examine your dd first so your trip won't be wasted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) Why do they ever ask the parents of a minor to leave the room anyway? (I didn't read the old threads carefully at all-just remember vaguely people complaining about this.) Wow, I had never heard of a parent advocate before-it must be a widespread problem? What kind of organizations do that? Edited February 18, 2012 by HappyGrace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeanne in MN Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I had one of my near 13 yo boys in to see a specialist and I only stepped out when he was being examined since it was a private situation. I would think especially given her situation they may prefer you there. There may be questions that you can help answer. When the doctor said he needed surgery and would need to be out of school for three days and no phy. ed...then I mentioned we homeschool. He said, "Well then, you can go back to school right away!" Didn't phase him we homeschooled. I know enough parents whose kids go to school outside the home who would be just as capable of insisting they be allowed to stay. :) Just be yourselves! Sorry I don't have any great advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I"ve never heard of doctors giving a hard time, but if one did, I would leave and find a new doctor no matter what kind of flags it raised. I would not make my dd do something she was uncomfortable with, especially when it comes to something personal like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MegP Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Tell him, "sorry, I don't leave my daughter alone with any man." If he gives you a hard time, leave and find someone who is reasonable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Leaving would be difficult-this is the only practice of its kind w/in 150 miles! I would just ask for another doc in the practice though, I guess. I have no intention of leaving the room, for dd's piece of mind, etc. Anyway, I'm sure it will all be fine-I just remembered those threads and want to be prepared for that possible scenario. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankcassiesmom Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I don't see the problem. You just say you would prefer being present and do it with authority. Why would that raise homeschooling flags? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) No doctor should force you to leave, especially with a 12 year old. With older teens, many doctors might by default bring the teen back on their own or in some way ask you to step out during the exam. However, if you (and the teen) make it clear that you prefer to be there no one should have a problem with that or see it as a red flag. If they do, I'd suggest finding a different physician. As to why we ask parents to leave...there are often times when teens are more comfortable talking without a parent. This varies from family to family and teen to teen. Sometimes it is something that they are doing they don't want the parent to know about (like sexual activity) but often it's just something like being embarrassed to ask about acne or body odor. Or sometimes they just are in a stage of wanting to be more independent and wanting to see the doctor alone. It really shouldn't be seen as an attempt to get the kid/teen alone for nefarious purposes. I should also add that some teens (or even some preteens) prefer being examined without parents there. Every family is different and every individual is different. It's easiest for us to at least ask if the patient prefers privacy than to put them in the more awkward position of being the one to bring up having their parent leave. I start asking if they want privacy for the genital exam with young kids, maybe around 10, especially if they have an opposite sex parent or there are siblings in the room with them. Most of them say no but I like to have them realize that they do have the right to have privacy if they want. At my office, we generally do it one of two ways. Sometimes we will bring the teen and parent back together. Then I'll see them together for the history and when we get to the physical exam ask if the parent would like to step out. If both the teen and the parent don't care, I'm fine with them staying. Often the parent will stay in the waiting room from the beginning (usually this is with older teens who have made it clear to their parent that they prefer to be alone). I will then see the teen and then go get the parent to come back at the end and go over any questions they have. I vastly prefer the first way as the parents always have many questions that the teens forget to ask. Edited February 18, 2012 by Alice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I think when parents are asked to leave the room, it's often because a doctor thinks it's time for the "talk", or a counselor wants the child to be able to talk freely, etc. I don't think you'd have any trouble with the GI specialist. If you are really worried about it, ask your pediatrician about your concerns. She can probably relay them to the doctor, but really, I wouldn't worry about it. If your dd asks for you to be in the room, even if the dr. should for some weird reason not want it, the patient request would trump that. But I really don't think you'll have to deal with that for GI. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Oh, I see, Alice, that clears it up, thanks. I don't have any older teens yet, but I can see where especially w/ opposite gender parent/child it could be awkward. I just remembered seeing something I thought was tied in with homeschooling and doctors and leaving the room, I can't recall exactly because I didn't pay much attention since it didn't apply to me then, but it came back to mind thinking about this new doctor visit- if I need to make sure they don't send me out and leave her uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mafi39 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 IMHO, over my dead body would I leave my 12yo dd alone with a strange new man doctor. You are the parent, be firm and do not back down. I would def. ask for a different doctor if it was a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Why do they ever ask the parents of a minor to leave the room anyway? (I didn't read the old threads carefully at all-just remember vaguely people complaining about this.) Wow, I had never heard of a parent advocate before-it must be a widespread problem? What kind of organizations do that? Patient advocate. It was a volunteer based group at our university, while I was a student there. We went with those who had anxiety issues, needed a translator, and so on. No one ever asked us to leave, if the patient wanted us there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I've never had any trouble but I did talk with my dd and told her it could happen. I wanted her to be able to look the doctor in the eye and ask for me to stay. I would think a specialist would want you there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 How would your dd feel if a female nurse was also in the room? Would that alleviate her anxiety? Or does she just want mom? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I don't think it will be a problem. Pediatric dentists are the only ones I know of who sometimes have "policies" about parents staying in the waiting room. I go into the room with ds if he wants (he usually does) when he goes to the doctor. My son's 15, but he's awkward around a lot of people (Aspie). Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Yes, that's part of my concern-I definitely need to be in there and I think they would want me in there to help explain what's been going on. I'm sure it will be fine. Yes, Starr, good idea to let dd know that she can say she wants me in there, and that would prbly solve it if it even comes up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 DD10 has been to plenty of specialists, including a pediatric GI. I have always accompanied her to every appointment and stayed in the room. The only time I was asked to step out was when they were doing x-rays and needed me to stand behind the wall so I wouldn't get zapped. I think you will find the doc will be happy to have you present while he examines your child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I have never been asked to leave when I have taken my sons in. My son also saw a GI. Wouldn't have dreamed of letting him go back alone and he was 14. I had too many questions. I'm sure this dr will for you too. I really think the only ones that might want to see a child alone is concern about abuse, or feeling the need to find out if the child was sx active or something like that. I will say my dh has taken them for the last few physicals they have had. Well not my college son. BUT actually even my college son had an issue with a specialist. He ws going alone for some things, but finally I was like UM I'm going cause I want to know what we need to do and I felt like ds wasn't hearing/understanding things. And he was a bit concerned. I went back with him and the dr didn't question me at all. AND I also had a friend that went with me to my gyn once when I was so stressed Iknew I wasn't hearing what all was being said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmamainva Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I was always able to stay with my oldest dd in the doctor's office, until she turned 18 or so and then I chose to stay in the waiting room as she was an adult by that point. My boys still go into the doctor's office with my hubby, even the 17yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 No doctor should force you to leave, especially with a 12 year old. With older teens, many doctors might by default bring the teen back on their own or in some way ask you to step out during the exam. However, if you (and the teen) make it clear that you prefer to be there no one should have a problem with that or see it as a red flag. If they do, I'd suggest finding a different physician. As to why we ask parents to leave...there are often times when teens are more comfortable talking without a parent. This varies from family to family and teen to teen. Sometimes it is something that they are doing they don't want the parent to know about (like sexual activity) but often it's just something like being embarrassed to ask about acne or body odor. Or sometimes they just are in a stage of wanting to be more independent and wanting to see the doctor alone. It really shouldn't be seen as an attempt to get the kid/teen alone for nefarious purposes. I should also add that some teens (or even some preteens) prefer being examined without parents there. Every family is different and every individual is different. It's easiest for us to at least ask if the patient prefers privacy than to put them in the more awkward position of being the one to bring up having their parent leave. I start asking if they want privacy for the genital exam with young kids, maybe around 10, especially if they have an opposite sex parent or there are siblings in the room with them. Most of them say no but I like to have them realize that they do have the right to have privacy if they want. At my office, we generally do it one of two ways. Sometimes we will bring the teen and parent back together. Then I'll see them together for the history and when we get to the physical exam ask if the parent would like to step out. If both the teen and the parent don't care, I'm fine with them staying. Often the parent will stay in the waiting room from the beginning (usually this is with older teens who have made it clear to their parent that they prefer to be alone). I will then see the teen and then go get the parent to come back at the end and go over any questions they have. I vastly prefer the first way as the parents always have many questions that the teens forget to ask. Ds is 12. I am feeling like the time is coming where I won't be in the room with him for an exam. Even last month when he was taken in for a hurt knee...the nurse was asking questions that were just....crazy....for MY son....but I realize not so crazy for a lot of kids. The nurse asking the questions only asked about 1/4 of the list....in fact he showed me the screne of the rest of the questions that he didn't ask....and they were shocking questions IMO. Times like this I hate for ds that the parent closet to him is opposite sex. (me) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 If you are asked to step out have your dd speak up and calmly say she prefers you stay. My 16 yod still wants me in the room with her when she goes in to the doctor (I started giving her that choice recently). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 My ds has needed numerous specialists over the course of his young life. When he was born he had a heart condition, for which we saw more than one cardiologist. (He outgrew his condition, thank God.) He also needed ENT care for a number of years. He has an allergist. And he's seen various hematologists and other specialists for his anemia. The point is that we've had quite a few doctors and specialists in our lives. The only dr that has ever had the expectation of the parent leaving the room was a pediodontist. We simply chose a different one. My kids' orthodontist prefers for parents not to come back with their children, but is fine with them coming back if need be. It's not as common as you might fear. However, if that becomes an issue, your daughter should clearly say that she prefers to have you in the room with her. She does have the right to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I really don't like when doctors try to get parents out of the room. I don't even see how this is legal. I wouldn't allow my children to be without a parent in circumstances like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) I had one of my near 13 yo boys in to see a specialist and I only stepped out when he was being examined since it was a private situation. I would think especially given her situation they may prefer you there. There may be questions that you can help answer. When the doctor said he needed surgery and would need to be out of school for three days and no phy. ed...then I mentioned we homeschool. He said, "Well then, you can go back to school right away!" Didn't phase him we homeschooled. I know enough parents whose kids go to school outside the home who would be just as capable of insisting they be allowed to stay. :) Just be yourselves! Sorry I don't have any great advice. I took my 12yo boy to a specialist last year and when she want to examine his private area, I said I was going to step out of the room and she asked me not to. I just stood off to the side and turned my back. I assume it was because of liability issues. Lisa Edited February 18, 2012 by LisaTheresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingiguana Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 If you're concerned and don't want to have the confrontation during the exam, you might call ahead to see if they'll be ok with you being in the room. I made the mistake of letting my 15 yr old see the dr alone. Afterwards, the dr came out to fill me in on everything -- in a loud voice, in the waiting room, so that everyone sitting there could hear. We've never done that again. I still go with my daughter now, and she's 20. She wants someone there to remember to ask the questions she had, and to remember the answers and explain them. I also go with my husband when he wants me (when he can't understand the dr's accent or the the dr talks too fast). However, we haven't had the situation of dealing with a private exam and whether I should be there or not. The point is, though, that it's up to the patient, not the doctor. If a dr has a problem with it, I would be suspicious there would be other issues as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 We've never been to any other doctor except for our wonderful (female and very homeschool friendly) pediatrician and now dd12 has to go to a specialist in a couple wks. I am kind of worried because in the past I've read threads on here about people having problems being able to stay in the room, etc. Especially since this is a pediatric GI and he will prbly have to feel her stomach, etc, AND the fact that she is kind of uncomfortable due to never having a male doctor before (and is quite modest, PLUS worried about the visit due to being sick for so long, not sure what's wrong with herself, etc.) I am the type of person who would be fine to just insist if I were asked to leave, but again, because of other things I've read over the years on here, would that raise a red flag or anything if this doctor is not homeschool-friendly? He may have to do more than feel her stomach, so you might want to prepare! Depending on her problem, he may have to do an anal exam to check for blood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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