melissel Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) Ultimately, it's not a huge deal, but I think I missed an opportunity here, and I'm kicking myself. DD9 wanted to drop a class midway through our co-op term. It's completely fine for her to do so; we're very flexible with attendance and registration. However, she was nervous and a bit embarassed about it and wanted me to tell her teacher that she wasn't coming back. I explained that it was perfectly fine for her to drop and that her teacher wouldn't be upset with her at all. I also suggested that she and I talk to her teacher together, but that made her even more anxious. In the end, I spotted her teacher in the hallway and just gave her a heads up, and that was the end of it. Now I'm really wishing that I'd had her speak to the teacher with me instead of just handling it for her. Would you have made an anxious kid go with you to talk to the teacher, or would you have just handled it the same way? If you would have have made her go with you to talk to the teacher, how would you have talked her into doing it without causing a meltdown? TIA! Edited February 18, 2012 by melissel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) I think you did the right thing. Why make it into a bigger deal than it was? She wanted to drop a class, and it wasn't against the rules to do so, and it wasn't important that she remain in the class, so why stress her out by making her speak with the teacher? She's only 9. I can understand wondering if she should have gotten the experience of saying she was leaving, but there will be plenty of time for her to learn that skill, and if you sensed that she would be very nervous about it, I am glad you didn't force her to do it. If she was leaving a group that was in the middle of an important project and they were really counting on her participation, and she wanted to leave for no good reason, that might be a different story, but this situation doesn't seem like that at all, so if you could handle the withdrawal in a quick conversation in the hallway, I see no reason why you shouldn't have done just that. Edited February 18, 2012 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HayesW Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 At age 9, not a huge deal. My oldest child was very afraid of talking to people. She would speak up in class and was talkative from an early age, but asking a question, or having to talk to a teacher like that would hve made her ill. I would have spoken to the teacher as well. At age almost 13, my oldest is now much more outgoing and less reserved in tense situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samiam Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 At age 9 ,no, I would have done it. There comes an age, about puberty/12-13, when a child needs to start learning how to handle such situations with dignity and grace, and parental back-up...but not at age 9. That's completely for the parent to handle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Another vote for "she's only 9." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 At age 9 ,no, I would have done it. There comes an age, about puberty/12-13, when a child needs to start learning how to handle such situations with dignity and grace, and parental back-up...but not at age 9. That's completely for the parent to handle. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 No, I would not require my dc to handle an issue like that until high school. Even then, I would ask them if they wanted my help, especially as 9th and 10th graders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 At age 9 ,no, I would have done it. There comes an age, about puberty/12-13, when a child needs to start learning how to handle such situations with dignity and grace, and parental back-up...but not at age 9. That's completely for the parent to handle. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 At age 9 ,no, I would have done it. There comes an age, about puberty/12-13, when a child needs to start learning how to handle such situations with dignity and grace, and parental back-up...but not at age 9. That's completely for the parent to handle. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 No, I would not require my dc to handle an issue like that until high school.Even then, I would ask them if they wanted my help, especially as 9th and 10th graders. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Great, thank you everyone. I'll stop harassing myself about it now :tongue_smilie: I think part of my annoyance with myself was that this teacher is the sweetest, most patient person ever, so it would have been a great opportunity for DD9 to flex her skills on someone very non-threatening. But I feel comfortable that it's OK for me to deal with that later on instead. I appreciate all the feedback! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I think you did fine. Forcing a 9 year old child to do something that makes them anxious just because you as an adult perceive some sort of "opportunity to step up and take control of a situation" isn't going to make them grow up to be more confident than they otherwise would have. She'll develop naturally into that anyway. Especially if you help her feel more (not less) secure in her childhood years. You did the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I agree with everyone else, she's only 9. I think you did the right thing. If my 13 year old wanted to quit a co-op class, depending on the specific situation, then I might make her do it herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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