Help me get "back on track"...

[curlylocks]

Let's just say that this year has been "unusual"...

 

- MIL is in declining health. We are her only family and it is up to us to do things she is unable to do. This means we get frequent phone calls with requests on our time...sometimes we are expected to drop everything and go right then. (This happened this week -- I have been out of the house with her on 3 different days. Once to the Dr., once to the local ER and once to an ER in a larger city.)

 

- We moved back in October. The house we purchased needed quite a bit of work. The kids were very involved with things/projects that needed to be done. There was a block of time where very little book work got done.

 

- Oldest daughter is getting married in April. We are doing a lot of the work ourselves. (invitations, flowers, food, etc) so there is very little "downtime" when we're not at least talking wedding.

 

I just feel like I'm running in circles and taking care of everyone else except me. I'm tired all.the.time. (Today it was all I could do to haul myself to the grocery store and back again. And I feel guilty that we haven't touched a book today.) Things that seem so trivial are such a hurdle for me. I have laundry everywhere...housework to be done...I don't even know where to start.

 

So, how do I get "back on track" with education *AND* everything that I'm behind on?

[momma aimee]

can you find more independent school work for the 2 at home schooling -- they are certainly old enough to read and do school alone, or mostly alone. thus they can be at home schooling while you take MIL to appt? or schooling alone while you cook dinner, or .....

 

then you'd not have to worry about "we haven't touched a book all day" --

 

Life is chaos but kids, especially kids as old as your's need the accountability of school every day (or all 4 day and a day off if work is done).

 

I look at it kind of like i looked at getting preggo both times, there is never going to be a perfect time (for school); life is not going to slwo down, if the house is done, the wedding done, there will be something else -- so you have to just jump in and do it.

[JudoMom]

Let's just say that this year has been "unusual"...

 

- MIL is in declining health. We are her only family and it is up to us to do things she is unable to do. This means we get frequent phone calls with requests on our time...sometimes we are expected to drop everything and go right then. (This happened this week -- I have been out of the house with her on 3 different days. Once to the Dr., once to the local ER and once to an ER in a larger city.)

 

- We moved back in October. The house we purchased needed quite a bit of work. The kids were very involved with things/projects that needed to be done. There was a block of time where very little book work got done.

 

- Oldest daughter is getting married in April. We are doing a lot of the work ourselves. (invitations, flowers, food, etc) so there is very little "downtime" when we're not at least talking wedding.

 

I just feel like I'm running in circles and taking care of everyone else except me. I'm tired all.the.time. (Today it was all I could do to haul myself to the grocery store and back again. And I feel guilty that we haven't touched a book today.) Things that seem so trivial are such a hurdle for me. I have laundry everywhere...housework to be done...I don't even know where to start.

 

So, how do I get "back on track" with education *AND* everything that I'm behind on?

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It's hard. Can you take a week, guilt free, and clean the house and work out a plan for school? Can you tell your oldest that there will be no wedding talk for that week?

 

I've had health issues for awhile, and I had to take an extra week and do this before Christmas. Our reality is that we'll be working through the summer.

[curlylocks]

can you find more independent school work for the 2 at home schooling -- they are certainly old enough to read and do school alone, or mostly alone. thus they can be at home schooling while you take MIL to appt? or schooling alone while you cook dinner, or .....

 

then you'd not have to worry about "we haven't touched a book all day" --

 

Life is chaos but kids, especially kids as old as your's need the accountability of school every day (or all 4 day and a day off if work is done).

 

I look at it kind of like i looked at getting preggo both times, there is never going to be a perfect time (for school); life is not going to slwo down, if the house is done, the wedding done, there will be something else -- so you have to just jump in and do it.

 

I am looking at more independent curriculum for next year, but I think it is more than just curriculum. They *want* me home...they get lonely when I'm not here...I hate putting a pile of books in front of them and walking out the door.

 

I block out time for myself and make sure to eat nutritiously. I use a schedule for the rest.

 

MIL - is there a service MIL could use to get to the appts? Cab or county agency? if it's nothing big that she needs you there for?

 

I need to start doing more for ME...I need to learn to say "NO" more often.

 

As far as MIL's appointments: she NEEDS me there. She does not get things straight and there have been several medication related issues that could have been life-threatening if I had not intervened.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It's hard. Can you take a week, guilt free, and clean the house and work out a plan for school? Can you tell your oldest that there will be no wedding talk for that week?

 

I've had health issues for awhile, and I had to take an extra week and do this before Christmas. Our reality is that we'll be working through the summer.

 

I would LOVE to talk a week off...maybe I can do that. I'll talk to DH tonight.

 

My doctor suspects that I may have some auto-immune issue going on. I had some blood drawn. I can't remember the name of the test, but the first draw showed that there is inflammation in my body. So, this could very well explain why I'm feeling the way I do.

[momma aimee]

I am looking at more independent curriculum for next year, but I think it is more than just curriculum. They *want* me home...they get lonely when I'm not here...I hate putting a pile of books in front of them and walking out the door.

 

 

 

I need to start doing more for ME...I need to learn to say "NO" more often.

 

As far as MIL's appointments: she NEEDS me there. She does not get things straight and there have been several medication related issues that could have been life-threatening if I had not intervened.

 

 

 

I would LOVE to talk a week off...maybe I can do that. I'll talk to DH tonight.

 

My doctor suspects that I may have some auto-immune issue going on. I had some blood drawn. I can't remember the name of the test, but the first draw showed that there is inflammation in my body. So, this could very well explain why I'm feeling the way I do.

 

I understand you children want you there, and you feel bad giving them books and walking off -- but at the end of the day -- school has to be done and if you have to talk MIL to the docotr -- then no one is going to be happy, but that is kinda just thrr truth of a lot of doctors appt and so on -- it does you younger 2 nbo good to just tag a long with you all the time, store, MIL, etc and not be getting any school done. :confused: not good either way -- but i just feel your kids are old enough school needs to be happneing at all times; and you feeling sick and sttruggling to get to the store and back (and I know THAT feeling, with a 4 yo and 6 yo in tow) is not reason for a what 12 adn 14 yo to not do school. It is nice to be able to school with them, but at their age i just feel it is not imperative. keeping you and the family IS.

 

My life is a bit like that, was worse with MIL was really sick, it is not as bad right now, i live by a schedule... it keeps my butt moving so i don't get lazy then get behind then PANIC.

[curlylocks]

She needs an informed adult there. It doesn't necessarily have to be you, although I'm sure you are the most convenient. Consider delegating while you get your health needs met.

 

This is one of many reasons that we are considering assisted living. I've come to realize it can't be me -- especially when her needs are increasing almost weekly. Honestly, I don't know who would do it if I don't...she has NO other family. (and her friends are as bad off - if not worse - than she is) She doesn't qualify for home health care...we've already tried.

[curlylocks]

I understand you children want you there, and you feel bad giving them books and walking off -- but at the end of the day -- school has to be done and if you have to talk MIL to the docotr -- then no one is going to be happy, but that is kinda just thrr truth of a lot of doctors appt and so on -- it does you younger 2 nbo good to just tag a long with you all the time, store, MIL, etc and not be getting any school done. :confused: not good either way -- but i just feel your kids are old enough school needs to be happneing at all times; and you feeling sick and sttruggling to get to the store and back (and I know THAT feeling, with a 4 yo and 6 yo in tow) is not reason for a what 12 adn 14 yo to not do school. It is nice to be able to school with them, but at their age i just feel it is not imperative. keeping you and the family IS.

 

My life is a bit like that, was worse with MIL was really sick, it is not as bad right now, i live by a schedule... it keeps my butt moving so i don't get lazy then get behind then PANIC.

 

I'm trying to understand...I really am...but I'm :001_huh:

 

I've made a bazillion schedules...and burned them...because something ALWAYS comes up. I'm serious...I had yesterday all mapped out and I burned it in the woodstove last night because I spent the ENTIRE afternoon at the ER.

 

My question is HOW to get back on schedule when one has fallen off the wagon repeatedly, so-to-speak and things are mounting in an exponential way?

[JudoMom]

]

I would LOVE to talk a week off...maybe I can do that. I'll talk to DH tonight.

 

My doctor suspects that I may have some auto-immune issue going on. I had some blood drawn. I can't remember the name of the test, but the first draw showed that there is inflammation in my body. So, this could very well explain why I'm feeling the way I do.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. I've got autoimmune hepatitis, and the fatigue, brain fog, and pain make me non-functional when I'm not on the right combination of meds. I lived with it undiagnosed for at least 2 years, thinking I was just an incompetent wimp who needed to just deal with life better because I chose to have 5 sons close together and homeschool them. Then they put me on a trial run of a steroid, and I started to feel mostly normal and I realized that not everybody felt like I felt.

 

I hated to take the extra week before Christmas, but really...one additional week off wasn't going to make or break us, and being able to get a handle on a few things really saved my sanity.

 

I would love to pray for you, if that's okay.

[myfunnybunch]

My question is HOW to get back on schedule when one has fallen off the wagon repeatedly, so-to-speak and things are mounting in an exponential way?

 

:grouphug:

 

Start small. When I get really overwhelmed, my biggest obstacle is thinking I need to solve *everything* all at once, as though I can make one huge gigantic major colossal change that will magically fix everything. How do you eat an elephant?*

 

Here's what I might do in your shoes. Keep in mind I'm not in your shoes, so this is just an example....

 

Health. While you're figuring out what you need to do to be healthy, focus on making one big change. Go to bed earlier, add or eliminate something from your diet, set aside a time to exercise....whatever change you feel is doable. Just one. Once everything else is under control, you can choose another.

 

House. Set aside a week to only clean and get the house back under control. Set the kids to work too. Don't try to do any school or outside activities that aren't necessary. I'd bet you'll feel a million times better when you aren't feeling the housework hanging over your head. If you finish before the week is over, pat yourselves on the back and rest the remainder of the week.

 

Then I'd tackle school. Your children are old enough to take responsibility for much of their learning, at least the day-to-day reading and such. I'd sit down with each child and figure out what they need to accomplish before graduation, then work backward from there to what they need to be doing right now. Then figure out how together much you're willing to be responsible for (what you'll teach, when you'll grade, how much you'll schedule and how tightly) and what they need to take responsibility for ("showing up" for lessons--I guess I mean being present and making sure they're progressing, completing independent work without being micromanaged, required readings).

 

How do you eat an elephant, right? (*One bite at a time.)

 

:grouphug: You can do this.

 

Cat

[curlylocks]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. I've got autoimmune hepatitis, and the fatigue, brain fog, and pain make me non-functional when I'm not on the right combination of meds. I lived with it undiagnosed for at least 2 years, thinking I was just an incompetent wimp who needed to just deal with life better because I chose to have 5 sons close together and homeschool them. Then they put me on a trial run of a steroid, and I started to feel mostly normal and I realized that not everybody felt like I felt.

 

I hated to take the extra week before Christmas, but really...one additional week off wasn't going to make or break us, and being able to get a handle on a few things really saved my sanity.

 

I would love to pray for you, if that's okay.

 

That's exactly how I have felt...and *NO ONE* IRL gets it. (Other than DH -- just about everyone else I know thinks this is just a motivation/organization issue.)

 

Prayer would be wonderful!! Thank you...:crying:

[curlylocks]

:grouphug:

 

Start small. When I get really overwhelmed, my biggest obstacle is thinking I need to solve *everything* all at once, as though I can make one huge gigantic major colossal change that will magically fix everything. How do you eat an elephant?*

 

Here's what I might do in your shoes. Keep in mind I'm not in your shoes, so this is just an example....

 

Health. While you're figuring out what you need to do to be healthy, focus on making one big change. Go to bed earlier, add or eliminate something from your diet, set aside a time to exercise....whatever change you feel is doable. Just one. Once everything else is under control, you can choose another.

 

House. Set aside a week to only clean and get the house back under control. Set the kids to work too. Don't try to do any school or outside activities that aren't necessary. I'd bet you'll feel a million times better when you aren't feeling the housework hanging over your head. If you finish before the week is over, pat yourselves on the back and rest the remainder of the week.

 

Then I'd tackle school. Your children are old enough to take responsibility for much of their learning, at least the day-to-day reading and such. I'd sit down with each child and figure out what they need to accomplish before graduation, then work backward from there to what they need to be doing right now. Then figure out how together much you're willing to be responsible for (what you'll teach, when you'll grade, how much you'll schedule and how tightly) and what they need to take responsibility for ("showing up" for lessons--I guess I mean being present and making sure they're progressing, completing independent work without being micromanaged, required readings).

 

How do you eat an elephant, right? (*One bite at a time.)

 

:grouphug: You can do this.

 

Cat

 

Thank you!! Very helpful info...off to eat dinner and think about this some more.

[momma aimee]

I'm trying to understand...I really am...but I'm :001_huh:

 

I've made a bazillion schedules...and burned them...because something ALWAYS comes up. I'm serious...I had yesterday all mapped out and I burned it in the woodstove last night because I spent the ENTIRE afternoon at the ER.

 

My question is HOW to get back on schedule when one has fallen off the wagon repeatedly, so-to-speak and things are mounting in an exponential way?

 

MY TRICK is NOT to start over. If I fall off -- i get up the next morning and jump where i belong. I found i was planning all the time and not doing. now i plan and if i get off it -- i go back to the plan.

 

I just missed 3 weeks of working out due to me or the kids being ill. i am not changing the schedule that has our work out time in it -- we jumped back in as we could.

 

I also schedule "blocks" so I -- for example -- i have a soild block of school Wed morn because that is a day we do not have a standing appt. for the last 5 weeks we have had appt -- so the morning school block flips with the free afternoon block and the afternoon chores move to after bedtime, my daily "catch up" time.

[momma aimee]

:grouphug:

 

Start small. When I get really overwhelmed, my biggest obstacle is thinking I need to solve *everything* all at once, as though I can make one huge gigantic major colossal change that will magically fix everything. How do you eat an elephant?*

 

Here's what I might do in your shoes. Keep in mind I'm not in your shoes, so this is just an example....

 

Health. While you're figuring out what you need to do to be healthy, focus on making one big change. Go to bed earlier, add or eliminate something from your diet, set aside a time to exercise....whatever change you feel is doable. Just one. Once everything else is under control, you can choose another.

 

House. Set aside a week to only clean and get the house back under control. Set the kids to work too. Don't try to do any school or outside activities that aren't necessary. I'd bet you'll feel a million times better when you aren't feeling the housework hanging over your head. If you finish before the week is over, pat yourselves on the back and rest the remainder of the week.

 

Then I'd tackle school. Your children are old enough to take responsibility for much of their learning, at least the day-to-day reading and such. I'd sit down with each child and figure out what they need to accomplish before graduation, then work backward from there to what they need to be doing right now. Then figure out how together much you're willing to be responsible for (what you'll teach, when you'll grade, how much you'll schedule and how tightly) and what they need to take responsibility for ("showing up" for lessons--I guess I mean being present and making sure they're progressing, completing independent work without being micromanaged, required readings).

 

How do you eat an elephant, right? (*One bite at a time.)

 

:grouphug: You can do this.

 

Cat

 

I now spend Monday morning till 10 cleaning, gathering up clutter and reinstating order after the weekend -- the week is sooooooooooooo much better. no the floors aren't mopped, but all the stuff left out over the weekend is up, the kitchen is clean and so on .....

[love2read]

We went through something similar when my elderly mother fell last year and broke her arm. We spent 4 or 5 months going back and forth, leaving everyone frustrated. Older people do not mend quickly and suffer so much they need our compassion. You're a good DIL.

 

Three things that made the biggest difference

-I limited all schoolwork except math and english. The high schoolers were either on their own for the other subjects or they put them off until summer. The other kids had a line up of history and science documentaries in the netflix instant watch queue. I printed out a sheet for each of them just listing math, grammar, literature and composition and they had to fill in the page numbers that they did that day. The older kids graded the next younger child's work.

-We spent a full three days at the end of the week cleaning, eliminating and packing away all unnecessary items. We stopped washing sheets weekly (went to every three weeks) and everyone got their own towel and was expected to reuse it. They also had to do their own laundry on a given day.

-Pantry meals. I stopped cooking completely from scratch and started using soups and precut or precooked meals.

 

This will not last forever, so do what you have to in order to save time and effort.