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siblings who share bedrooms... suggestions on cleaning responsibilities?


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My girls share a room, and my boys share a room. Keeping their rooms clean is always a struggle. I get so sick of hearing.."I cleaned up my mess, the rest is hers..." I've considered taping a line down the middle or even clearing out all the toys/dolls/crafts/legos, etc. It drives me crazy!! I've tried spending an entire day in each room cleaning it out and showing them how to organize. It stays that way for 3 days, then the clutter starts to build again. It's so hard to stay on top of it!! Any suggestions?

Have any of you had success in this area??

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My kids each have a shelf for toys they don't share. Everything else is shared. When it's time to clean their room, they are both "on the hook" for the room to be clean. I leave it to them to negotiate how that is done other than they each must make a bed and the individual toys get on the individual shelf or they henceforth become communal property. If they can't figure out how to clean it, I bag up all the disputed property and keep it for a week (or more). That doesn't have to happen very often before the problem gets fixed. I think one of the benefits of room sharing is learning to resolve problems. If I thought one of them were abusing the system, I'd protect the weaker party, but I've never needed to do that.

 

They make beds every morning. Pick up clothes and toys before bed every night. Clean it for real every weekend.

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We pick up the entire house, top to bottom, every day before dinner. Who made the mess isn't an issue because the entire house gets picked up. When one room is finished, the dc move on to another one.
We do this as well. Each dc is assigned a room/area and they clean it up regardless of who got out the mess. Now I do get on my dc all.day.long to clean up after themselves so there isn't a massive mess left at the end of the day! If there is an obvious mess left by one particular dc they do have to go clean it up in addition to doing their assigned room as that is only fair (especially when it comes to Legos on the floor!). Before lunch I choose a number and everyone has to find that number of things out and put them away even if the items weren't gotten out by that particular child.

 

Organization is huge here - we have a place for everything and, unless it is being used, things are in their places.

 

If the whining/complaining starts I offer to clean up for my dc. I charge $5 for small messes, $10 for large ones or they can do a clean-up task for me (not a small task, either!). That usually shuts them up and gets them moving as they know I will follow through with my "offer". ;)

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We pick up the entire house, top to bottom, every day before dinner. Who made the mess isn't an issue because the entire house gets picked up. When one room is finished, the dc move on to another one.

 

I like this idea!!!

 

 

 

I do rooms like this:

 

anything of childs that can be traced to child is the first task (clothes, bed, shoes, non shared toys)

 

after that they do a task:

 

p/u all the logos (child A)

pick up all the hangers (child B)

p/u all the crayons/paper (child A)

p/u all the books (child B)

 

You need to give them something that you can see each child making progress or not, and so that one child doesn't end up doing everything and the other is off the hook.

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My girls share a room, and my boys share a room. Keeping their rooms clean is always a struggle. I get so sick of hearing.."I cleaned up my mess, the rest is hers..." I've considered taping a line down the middle or even clearing out all the toys/dolls/crafts/legos, etc. It drives me crazy!! I've tried spending an entire day in each room cleaning it out and showing them how to organize. It stays that way for 3 days, then the clutter starts to build again. It's so hard to stay on top of it!! Any suggestions?

Have any of you had success in this area??

 

My boys share a room and they take turns cleaning it up. After dinner, one goes to the room and cleans up the toys, and the other stays out and helps me clean up from dinner (including clearing anything that needs to go into the fridge, wiping off the table, sweeping under it if necessary, and helping dry any pots and pans I wash by hand) and picks up any toys that may have made their way out into the living room.

It's a pretty equal division of labor, and we've never had any problems with it. :)

 

ETA: In our case, over the top organization has NOT been a good idea. I have one DS who wants everything in its perfect place, and another who will put stuff wherever there is a spot. I'm also not a parent who really cares all that much WHERE it gets put, as long as it is AWAY and OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! :D I tried having specified drawers (they use an old dresser for small toys) for specific things, and it was a nightmare - either I would have to go in and make sure they put them in the right place (No way! What's the point in them cleaning up if I go in and fix it afterward?!) or DS8 (who cares) was constantly nagging DS6 (who doesn't) to put stuff in the right place. So now it just is where it is, and life is MUCH more peaceful that way. :)

Edited by PeacefulChaos
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Our kids' rooms are paired 2 girls (9 & 5yo), 2 girls (13 & 3yo), and 2 boys (16 & 7yo). They have to work together. I don't care whose mess it is, whose laundry needs to be put away, whose books those are, or who shredded up all that paper (well, in that case I might require the 5yo to take care of that mess herself). The older ones help the younger ones know what/how/where to pick up if they can't figure it out themselves.

 

We have a "playroom", so most toys stay in there. But for bedroom stuff/toys, each child has a long shelf on their wall by their bed with baskets, as well as a larger toy bin/basket, and a shoe pocket holder on the back of the door where they can put either shoes or toys. I don't care if they are put away neatly in sets, as long as they are put away in some fashion - shelf, bin, basket, or pocket. They do have shelves in their closets for keeping art kits and things they don't use often. They have to tidy up before breakfast, but I try to remind them that if it's clean when they go to bed, breakfast will be quicker in coming.

 

I gave up a while back on my dream of having those lovely toy bins all labeled and organized on shelves like in the magazines. It's just not in the realm of possibility right now. So even in our playroom I bought 3 big rubbermaid tubs - 2 for toys and 1 for dress-up. And bookshelves. They can manage that much (usually :glare:) themselves.

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I like this idea!!!

 

 

 

I do rooms like this:

 

anything of childs that can be traced to child is the first task (clothes, bed, shoes, non shared toys)

 

after that they do a task:

 

p/u all the logos (child A)

pick up all the hangers (child B)

p/u all the crayons/paper (child A)

p/u all the books (child B)

 

You need to give them something that you can see each child making progress or not, and so that one child doesn't end up doing everything and the other is off the hook.

 

This is my method as well, either for bedrooms (which as of this last move are no longer shared, but were until recently) or for messes in common areas of the house.

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For clutter

working together: everything that's out-of-place goes on the bed

working alone: each child takes care of putting away what 'belongs' to them (what they care about)

for parents: anything left on the bed should go somewhere else in the house or be given away because neither kid cares enough about that item

 

For cleaning

split the chores in half, for example, one kid sweeps and one kid dusts (if they like their own chores they can keep them, if they don't like their chores they can switch off each time, each month or whatever)

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I like this idea!!!

 

I do rooms like this:

 

anything of childs that can be traced to child is the first task (clothes, bed, shoes, non shared toys)

 

after that they do a task:

 

p/u all the logos (child A)

pick up all the hangers (child B)

p/u all the crayons/paper (child A)

p/u all the books (child B)

 

You need to give them something that you can see each child making progress or not, and so that one child doesn't end up doing everything and the other is off the hook.

 

I assign picking up by ability. My 7yo & 9yo can work independently out of my eyesight. They know how and when to transition rooms, so I just have to casually monitor them.

 

My 5yo has specific areas - hallway, bathroom, stairs - that he starts with out of my eyesight. After that he reports in, and I give him rooms/tasks in my general area.

 

My 3yo stays by me and does exactly what I tell her do. She usually sets the table, organizes the shoes, and does other misc running.

 

My 1yo gets in the way. He's not very helpful. :)

 

The system works beautifully if we are consistent in the routine. Yesterday my 7yo & 5yo picked up the house entirely by themselves. :w00t:

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My two older girls always shared a room and the two younger girls always shared a room. There was always a slob and neat freak in each. In hind site, maybe I should have put the two slobs together and the two neat freaks together... I did always try and make picking up as easy as possible, such as big baskets for stuffed animals, plastic bins that fit under the bed where they could stuff smaller toys, etc.

 

As they got into their teens, they still seemed to have the same tendencies, either neat or sloppy. However, now that one of my "sloppy" daughters has gotten married, she has realized that it's nice to have a neat home and has finally changed her ways. :)

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Thank you for the great ideas! I'd love to be able to say, "I don't care who made the mess, both of you clean it up." But, my concern is that it will cause resentment toward the other sibling who made most of the mess. However, it's just not practical to be the referee all the time. Maybe I'm thinking too much about it. I also like the idea of everyone clean up everything- 1 room at a time. Lots to think about. Anyone else with an idea?

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Well, another thing I did was to insist that if someone saw something out of place while they were walking by they were to put it up.

 

I'd make training opportunities by dropping a sock in a room, then if a child walked by I'd stop them and point out the sock, point out that they were headed towards the laundry room and what should they do? Kind of a pain for me but it worked.

 

And we'd have what we called "walk throughs", when we walked through the house everyday and made sure everything was picked up and put away like the other poster.

 

It's well worth the time and effort now to have them help later. I've got four teens now at home and they are a huge help. Last night when I was going to bed, youngest dd was making sure everything in the kitchen was ready for me to start breakfast this morning. She made orange juice, made sure the bacon was thawed out, etc.

That's why I'm on the computer drinking coffee this morning instead of trying to clean up the kitchen!

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Everyone works till all the work is finished. Complainers get extra work to help them practice not complaining.

 

Yeah, this, LOL.

 

Thank you for the great ideas! I'd love to be able to say, "I don't care who made the mess, both of you clean it up." But, my concern is that it will cause resentment toward the other sibling who made most of the mess. However, it's just not practical to be the referee all the time. Maybe I'm thinking too much about it. I also like the idea of everyone clean up everything- 1 room at a time. Lots to think about. Anyone else with an idea?

 

It's really more about learning what a family is; at least that's the way it works here. Mommy makes food for you that she doesn't eat, Mommy cleans your clothes, Daddy goes to work to make money that buys your food, etc. We all do things for each other, because we're family. We all help each other with chores around the house.

 

Perhaps you need to explain to the kids that angle, and it'll help. Now, Moose was struggling with the 'I'll sit here in the corner and play with these lego guys while Big Brother cleans up', and that was nipped in the bud by making him clean it ALL himself a few times.

 

Complaining just isn't allowed. I don't care who made the mess; that isn't relevant. What if Mommy said, 'I'm not cleaning these clothes, since I didn't get them dirty'. Well, soon enough, you'd be outta underwear, now wouldn't you little man? What if Mommy said 'I'm not making this sandwich, since I won't get to eat it'. I think you'd be pretty hungry, now wouldn't you? It only took a few times of those sorts of conversations for my boys to get it. It helps that I don't complain about fixing them food, or doing thier laundry, or whatever. I mean, of course I complain about chores sometimes, :D, but not because they're for someone else. Just because they're chores. :tongue_smilie: Yeah, I'm working on *that* example I'm setting...

 

ETA: I hear your concern on the resentment thing, but I think if you create an atmosphere of 'this is what family does to function', it helps with that. Point out that mommy (you) are happy when, for example, you make them their meal, and they enjoy it. That was work that you did for someone else (them), but you enjoyed serving them. We really emphasize serving one another here, without really using the word 'serving'. It's just the attitude we teach regarding living as a family.

Edited by bethanyniez
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Well, another thing I did was to insist that if someone saw something out of place while they were walking by they were to put it up.

 

I'd make training opportunities by dropping a sock in a room, then if a child walked by I'd stop them and point out the sock, point out that they were headed towards the laundry room and what should they do? Kind of a pain for me but it worked.

 

And we'd have what we called "walk throughs", when we walked through the house everyday and made sure everything was picked up and put away like the other poster.

 

It's well worth the time and effort now to have them help later. I've got four teens now at home and they are a huge help. Last night when I was going to bed, youngest dd was making sure everything in the kitchen was ready for me to start breakfast this morning. She made orange juice, made sure the bacon was thawed out, etc.

That's why I'm on the computer drinking coffee this morning instead of trying to clean up the kitchen!

 

See, THESE are the kind of teens I'm trying for. :D

 

My dsd is a thoughtful girl like that, always doing little things to help out when she's here. And if she doesn't see anything to do, she'll ask. Man I'm gonna miss that girl this fall. :001_smile:

 

Dss could use some more training in that area. :tongue_smilie: But he's coming along.

 

I really want my boys to grow up to be 'aware' of things, iykwim. Pick up that glass sitting on the table if you're headed to the kitchen; that sort of stuff. 'Cause dh, who is a fantastic provider, is oblivious to those sorts of things. It's as if he literally doesn't see the dish, or the sock, or whatever. Seriously. And his mom kept house very well, and did not make him or his sister do any chores; she wanted it done perfectly, so she did it herself. Now, if left to my natural tendancies, I'd do that, too. But I've consiously decided to include the boys in keeping house, so that they're aware of those things.

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I find it hard to make them all clean it up until the end. When i Was little, we had a bungalow with us 3 girls shring the entire upstairs. I hated cleaning it so much that once I decided not to play so that i wouldn't have to clean up. After missing out on the fun, my mom didn't believe me and made me clean anyway. I also know that my girls will sit mack and let ds clean (when they all shared a room).

 

Anyway, what works well for us now (and I heard this suggested many times before, but was resistant) is a major declutter fest. We got rid of over half their stuff. They have one toy armoire and a bookcase and that's ot. They can clean their room in 5 minutes if they want to. It's beautiful. I can't wait to do that to the rest of the house. And they haven't missed what we got rid of.

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Thank you for the great ideas! I'd love to be able to say, "I don't care who made the mess, both of you clean it up." But, my concern is that it will cause resentment toward the other sibling who made most of the mess. However, it's just not practical to be the referee all the time. Maybe I'm thinking too much about it. I also like the idea of everyone clean up everything- 1 room at a time. Lots to think about. Anyone else with an idea?

 

We do this too - whole family whirlwind cleaning time. It usually only takes 20 minutes and I'll send various people to various tasks (depending on their cleaning strengths) and tell them to just clean that area. I'll often go around to lend a hand after I've done my portion. It always helps ME to have everyone working together - especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

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