Guest BrooksH Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Is anyone familiar with the book Raising Godly Tomatoes and do you currently tomato stake your children? I am trying but I am having a tough time with obedience. (DD is 10 and DS is 8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I am familiar with the concept from years ago, before she wrote a book. I have used this concept in a non-punitive fashion when a kid needed more instruction on how to behave. As a matter of fact, I just did this about an hour ago when I needed to be in a different place in the house and ds7 was not acting reliably when I left the schooling area. I brought him with me while I finished my chore. I do expect my children to behave reliably, but I am not a believer in "robotic" obedience, so I would not be of any help if that's what you're after. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 The main point of tomato staking is in not allowing the child to have the opportunity to misbehave. The child is right with you being taught to do things along with you or doing things where you are right there to guide them. It has nothing to do with robotic anything but as the name suggests, with guiding a growing child into the right ways of growth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristyB in TN Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I had to do it. My daughter attended public school for a few weeks in the 10th grade. It was like she morphed into someone we had never met. After a particularly bad day and a bad attitude, I congratulated her for winning a lot more time with her mom. She was under the impression that the "real world" was the one at school, our world wasn't. :glare: I felt that she needed a better understanding of that so I immediately pulled her out of school, signed her up for K12 classes, rearranged my office so she had a work space right in front of me. She became my part time receptionist, full time student, full time company for me. Real life in my world means you have to be kind to everyone or you no longer have a business and you can't eat. She got to watch me work through problems, solve problems, deal with stressful situations, learn new skills, and deal with owning and operating a business. It was fantastic. The only time we didn't spend together was when we slept. She wasn't allowed to go out with her friends, we got rid of them. Now, she gets it. Tomato staking works. The "obedient" word is one I would use, I really don't care for it. I do need the kids to understand reality and that reality is that I know what I'm talking about and unless they can kindly convince me differently, they have to do what I say. This worked beautifully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I am familiar with the concept from years ago, before she wrote a book. I have used this concept in a non-punitive fashion when a kid needed more instruction on how to behave. As a matter of fact, I just did this about an hour ago when I needed to be in a different place in the house and ds7 was not acting reliably when I left the schooling area. I brought him with me while I finished my chore. :iagree: What Quill said! :D When DDnow10 was little, she was *extremely* creative at getting into stuff she shouldn't. We called her "The Tornado" because she could dismantle a room in the time it took for an adult to use the bathroom. And heaven help us all if she got a screw driver! Keeping her within arms-reach at all times took lots of effort, but kept the house from being destroyed. You can also search for GOYB (parenting) on this board and find some excellent advice. I still use the arms-reach technique with DD10. Often, just spending time doing things together is what she needs to get back in sync with the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I had to do it. My daughter attended public school for a few weeks in the 10th grade. It was like she morphed into someone we had never met. After a particularly bad day and a bad attitude, I congratulated her for winning a lot more time with her mom. She was under the impression that the "real world" was the one at school, our world wasn't. :glare: I felt that she needed a better understanding of that so I immediately pulled her out of school, signed her up for K12 classes, rearranged my office so she had a work space right in front of me. She became my part time receptionist, full time student, full time company for me. Real life in my world means you have to be kind to everyone or you no longer have a business and you can't eat. She got to watch me work through problems, solve problems, deal with stressful situations, learn new skills, and deal with owning and operating a business. It was fantastic. The only time we didn't spend together was when we slept. She wasn't allowed to go out with her friends, we got rid of them. Now, she gets it. Tomato staking works. The "obedient" word is one I would use, I really don't care for it. I do need the kids to understand reality and that reality is that I know what I'm talking about and unless they can kindly convince me differently, they have to do what I say. This worked beautifully. That sounds like a great experience for her. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I use tomato staking when a specific child is having difficulty getting along with his other brothers. I do punish bad behavior, but sometimes (in a big family) there is a real need for me to spend more time with that particular "needy" child. He feels more loved after spending more time with me . . . and that POSSIBLY life is not as "unfair" as he perceives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Quite a number of us have used the technique. What exactly are you having difficulty with? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenniferB Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I had to do it. My daughter attended public school for a few weeks in the 10th grade. It was like she morphed into someone we had never met. After a particularly bad day and a bad attitude, I congratulated her for winning a lot more time with her mom. She was under the impression that the "real world" was the one at school, our world wasn't. :glare: I felt that she needed a better understanding of that so I immediately pulled her out of school, signed her up for K12 classes, rearranged my office so she had a work space right in front of me. She became my part time receptionist, full time student, full time company for me. Real life in my world means you have to be kind to everyone or you no longer have a business and you can't eat. She got to watch me work through problems, solve problems, deal with stressful situations, learn new skills, and deal with owning and operating a business. It was fantastic. The only time we didn't spend together was when we slept. She wasn't allowed to go out with her friends, we got rid of them. Now, she gets it. Tomato staking works. The "obedient" word is one I would use, I really don't care for it. I do need the kids to understand reality and that reality is that I know what I'm talking about and unless they can kindly convince me differently, they have to do what I say. This worked beautifully. :001_wub: I puffy heart love this post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrooksH Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Quite a number of us have used the technique. What exactly are you having difficulty with? I understand the concept of keeping your children close. The RGT book mentions corner time and/or outlasting a child who is being disobedient. So when I make a request and the child does not want to do it should I just stand there and continue to make the request (outlast) and what if they start getting an attitude during this. Also, if I put a child in the corner and they continue to sass talk, do I ignore this and try to outlast or acknowledge it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I guess this is where I have a problem with the RGT book. I think a better use of Tomato Staking is to have the child close, work on the relationship, remove opportunities for getting into trouble, have more opportunities to catch them being good, etc. I would not use it to just be closer to punish. But then again, we rarely use punishment. This just seems create an adversarial relationship. I would look at Joanne's GOYB parenting site instead. Just my .02. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I understand the concept of keeping your children close. The RGT book mentions corner time and/or outlasting a child who is being disobedient. So when I make a request and the child does not want to do it should I just stand there and continue to make the request (outlast) and what if they start getting an attitude during this. Also, if I put a child in the corner and they continue to sass talk, do I ignore this and try to outlast or acknowledge it. If it is something I need them to do, I use the "help" method. * "You need to put your shoes on; it is time to leave." * child does not move to comply I get up, go to the child, begin putting shoes on and say, "You need to put your shoes on; it is time to leave." You have to show them that it is inevitable that they will do as you instructed, happy or not. I would not ignore sass talk, but I honestly don't know what one would do if they just continued to do it. I would say, "You are not allowed to say that," with all the authority I could muster. So far, this has been enough for my kids, but I don't know what one does if the kid doesn't care that you've said they are not to do that. Personally, I don't put kids in corners, although I have nothing against the "naughty chair" or similar concept, as the Supernanny uses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I guess this is where I have a problem with the RGT book. I think a better use of Tomato Staking is to have the child close, work on the relationship, remove opportunities for getting into trouble, have more opportunities to catch them being good, etc. I would not use it to just be closer to punish. But then again, we rarely use punishment. This just seems create an adversarial relationship. I would look at Joanne's GOYB parenting site instead. Just my .02. :iagree: That was why I said I don't use it for "robotic obedience" in my earlier post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I understand the concept of keeping your children close. The RGT book mentions corner time and/or outlasting a child who is being disobedient. So when I make a request and the child does not want to do it should I just stand there and continue to make the request (outlast) and what if they start getting an attitude during this. Also, if I put a child in the corner and they continue to sass talk, do I ignore this and try to outlast or acknowledge it. I don't consider this part tomato staking as such but a form of time-outs that she uses in addition to the tomato staking. As to what I would do about a child being disobedient or sassing would depend on the age of the child and their temperament. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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