frugalmama Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) deleted - got ideas thanks Edited February 15, 2012 by frugalmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I don't have any answers but they are lucky to have you. I'm betting that will go a long way. I'm sorry about your brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I'm assuming you have some sort of legal paperwork to spell this all out? Because the children will go to their mother when their father dies, even if the mother's new husband doesn't want them. Unless the mother gives you some sort of legal guardianship. That's all I'd be worried about for right now. As far as homeschooling the kids if they come to live with you, first you'll need some decompression time to grieve, to let them get used to their new 'normal', etc. Then just start slowly is my best advice. Figure out where they're at with math and phonics, and start there. Fill in any gaps and so on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I'm assuming you have some sort of legal paperwork to spell this all out? Because the children will go to their mother when their father dies, even if the mother's new husband doesn't want them. Unless the mother gives you some sort of legal guardianship. That's all I'd be worried about for right now. As far as homeschooling the kids if they come to live with you, first you'll need some decompression time to grieve, to let them get used to their new 'normal', etc. Then just start slowly is my best advice. Figure out where they're at with math and phonics, and start there. Fill in any gaps and so on. :iagree: This is a don't put the cart in front of the horse situation. Do not worry about how homeschooling is going to work before you have legal custody. worry about the steps to get legal custody first and foremost. Helping your brother prolong his life for his kids and getting your ducks in a row to take on guardianship is where your energy should be focused right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frugalmama Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) I'm assuming you have some sort of legal paperwork to spell this all out? Because the children will go to their mother when their father dies, even if the mother's new husband doesn't want them. Unless the mother gives you some sort of legal guardianship. That's all I'd be worried about for right now. As far as homeschooling the kids if they come to live with you, first you'll need some decompression time to grieve, to let them get used to their new 'normal', etc. Then just start slowly is my best advice. Figure out where they're at with math and phonics, and start there. Fill in any gaps and so on. deleted Edited February 15, 2012 by frugalmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 1. Get legal custody or know that you will have legal custody in writing. 2. If that is done, then begin preparing rooms in your home for them. Or begin looking for a new home. Just make sure they are not living on the couch (or similar) after they arrive. Let them know they are welcome in your home because you love them and want them there. And that from that day forward they are your children and will be loved as such. 3. If you know for certain that you will receive custody, find out if there are any benefits that they can receive - such as SSI income, state supported medical insurance - that can help reduce the financial burden. Make sure you have all the paperwork you need ready so you can file for those immediately after they arrive. 4. Look for counselors who can help them thru all the emotional turmoil they will be experiencing. There are a whole lot of changes and issues they will be going thru. It would be difficult for an adult. 5. Love them lots. 6. Help them record memories with their dad, scrapbook, or something. 7. Unless they have other needs that need to be met, now begin homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I wouldn't even be thinking about curriculum, schooling, or academics. I'd suggest just trying to build a positive relationship with them. Possibly invite them for a visit - possibly over the summer, or begin a correspondence with them via e-mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 If you try to do an unfitness severance of parental rights. It is far harder than people think. If you can't get this resolved legally before your brother dies, you may well spend years trying to resolve this after. So to prepare for this, I would be doing everything I could do to help broker an agreement with the mother and step mother, signed, sealed, and delivered in the next few months. If neither your brother not his ex live in your community, it will be more difficult, and if he dies without this in place, you can take legal action, but are unlikely to prevent the kids from being initially placed with her, unless she is in jail. Even then, the courts may listen to her preferences as to where the children should be placed pending court determination. If your are in a different state, this will be an even greater battle. So my approach would be (1) do everything possible to try to get a deal worked out - something legally binding and permanent. (2) retain legal counsel in the children's current community to represent and advise you. Include your brother in this. Talk to him about finances. Talk to him and the attorney about how he should arrange financial affairs to provide for his current wife but also his children, and figure out whether he wants you to manage money he leaves for them - perhaps via a trust. (3) Get your finances in order and figure out how you would pay for a protracted legal battle. This could cost many thousand dollars, and that might need to come up in the estate planning discussions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Brother and SIL are working on getting their bio mother to sign over parental rights so that SIL can formally adopt the kids as hers to protect them from their bio mother. If the state places them with their bio-mom we plan to formally challenge the placement due to her status as an unfit parent {lots of evidence} and past history of placing the children in abusive situations. This is harder to do than you might think. Waaaaay harder. Most people do not sign over their parental rights, and the process to have them terminated is incredibly difficult. Unless the parent has been criminally abusive over a long period of time and has demonstrated an unwillingness to comply with a rehabilitation plan over a loooooooong period of time, that parent's rights will not be terminated. Criminally abusive is a very different standard from poor parenting, or even abusive parenting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Brother and SIL are working on getting their bio mother to sign over parental rights so that SIL can formally adopt the kids as hers to protect them from their bio mother. If the state places them with their bio-mom we plan to formally challenge the placement due to her status as an unfit parent {lots of evidence} and past history of placing the children in abusive situations. Even so, if you're put in the position of fighting bio mother, even if she seems horrible it may not be so clear cut. My brother went through this trying to adopt his wife's oldest son from a previous relationship. The boy's father has never paid a dime of support and has met the kid once and has a history of drug/alcohol use. My brother still couldn't adopt this boy and hasn't to this day. Anyway - I definitely think settiling their landing spot is very important and should be taken care of before your brother passes. If they do end up in your care, I'd give them a month or 2 to settle in before you make any big decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frugalmama Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) This is harder to do than you might think. Waaaaay harder. Most people do not sign over their parental rights, and the process to have them terminated is incredibly difficult. Unless the parent has been criminally abusive over a long period of time and has demonstrated an unwillingness to comply with a rehabilitation plan over a loooooooong period of time, that parent's rights will not be terminated. Criminally abusive is a very different standard from poor parenting, or even abusive parenting. deleted - thanks for the help Edited February 15, 2012 by frugalmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Establishing custody and guardianship arrangements should be your db's major priority right now. Once that's done you can figure out how to handle the transition. Until everything is settled, after you db has passed and court has finalized the arrangement you need to maintain a cordial relationship with both his wife and his ex. If you do not get custody, it will only be through a relationship with the ex that you can offer the kids support of any kind and they will need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I'm sorry about your brother. You need to see an attorney and take retainer money to discuss this process with your brother present if possible. You should probably make that call today, this sounds urgent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I don't have any answers but they are lucky to have you. I'm betting that will go a long way. I'm sorry about your brother. :iagree: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry about your brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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