Compassion and Understanding for ALL types of minds

[jenbrdsly]

The Accelerated Learner Board has been talking about a rather mean spirited blog post on Baby Center.Com called I Hate Hearing About Your Gifted Child. I have written my own response to this post, which I titled Gifted Children Deserve Compassion and Understanding.

I use to be an elementary school teacher, and now I am a SAHM. I also am the aunt and SIL to family members who deal with Autism and Dyslexia. In my mind, I feel like I've had deep and caring concern and connection with children from all brain backgrounds. It saddens me that it is somehow okay to write: "I Hate Hearing About Your Gifted Child", when it would so obviously not be kosher to write: I Hate Hearing About Your Child with Special Needs".

I wanted to start a thread about this on the General Board, because I think that maybe parents of neurotypical parents might not understand how difficult and isolating it can be to be the parent of a gifted child. That doesn't excuse bragging in any way shape or form, but mean spirited comments about any child's learning label shouldn't be tolerated either.

Also, in my mind, saying your child is gifted is not actually bragging at all. It's an explanation for the long and difficult road of challenging school and social choices a child has ahead of him.

[freesia]

The Accelerated Learner Board has been talking about a rather mean spirited blog post on Baby Center.Com called I Hate Hearing About Your Gifted Child. I have written my own response to this post, which I titled Gifted Children Deserve Compassion and Understanding.

 

I use to be an elementary school teacher, and now I am a SAHM. I also am the aunt and SIL to family members who deal with Autism and Dyslexia. In my mind, I feel like I've had deep and caring concern and connection with children from all brain backgrounds. It saddens me that it is somehow okay to write: "I Hate Hearing About Your Gifted Child", when it would so obviously not be kosher to write: I Hate Hearing About Your Child with Special Needs".

 

I wanted to start a thread about this on the General Board, because I think that maybe parents of neurotypical parents might not understand how difficult and isolating it can be to be the parent of a gifted child. That doesn't excuse bragging in any way shape or form, but mean spirited comments about any child's learning label shouldn't be tolerated either.

 

Also, in my mind, saying your child is gifted is not actually bragging at all. It's an explanation for the long and difficult road of challenging school and social choices a child has ahead of him.

 

I haven't seen the discussion on the accelerated board and I need to preface this by saying my kids are gifted and w/in my extended family we have all levels of gifted as well as rampant dyslexia and dysgraphia.

 

However, I read the post a bit differently. I do know parents who really are bragging in order to show how their kids are better than your kids. Typically they are not the parents of profoundly gifted kids (who in my experience generally do not share for some of the reasons you mentioned.) But they are not doing it to share a journey, they are doing it to show up their kids. I don't think that is helpful to anyone, the kids included.

 

We do need to accept all learners and we need to be able to share the journey with one another. However, we need to stop using our kids to compete and stop judging ourselves based on our kids accomplishments, too.

[fairfarmhand]

I haven't seen the discussion on the accelerated board and I need to preface this by saying my kids are gifted and w/in my extended family we have all levels of gifted as well as rampant dyslexia and dysgraphia.

 

However, I read the post a bit differently. I do know parents who really are bragging in order to show how their kids are better than your kids. Typically they are not the parents of profoundly gifted kids (who in my experience generally do not share for some of the reasons you mentioned.) But they are not doing it to share a journey, they are doing it to show up their kids. I don't think that is helpful to anyone, the kids included.

 

We do need to accept all learners and we need to be able to share the journey with one another. However, we need to stop using our kids to compete and stop judging ourselves based on our kids accomplishments, too.

:iagree: well said

[SuperDad]

Don't have any thoughts to contribute that haven't already been said, but just an odd thing of sorts - right after reading both of the articles this thread links to, I clicked on the TSA story link and the ad at the bottom of the page read: "Get your child into the gifted program!!" (it was an ad for standardized test prep books). Just makes me nauseous.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I can understand how hurt you must be. I used to be like that author. I would internally roll my eyes and think, "here we go again. Another whine about how 'challenging' it is to have such a gifted child".

 

Then I had my middle child. He has never been tested and let me be clear I do not think he is actually gifted, just bright. That in itself has been challenging enough, to constantly feel like I am not doing enough, not being enough, not challenging him without frustrating him.

 

But, truly, try to let it roll off your back. There will ALWAYS be someone to hate on ya, right? Think about that horrible woman who mocked the dying little girl and drove past her house with a hearse? I mean, really, I never thought I would hear about such blatant cruelty, but there ya go.

 

The author of that article simply doesn't understand. And, to be honest, neither do I, but at least now I'm trying. :grouphug:

[mom2scouts]

I have a 20 year old highly gifted son. Raising him and trying to meet his educational needs was frustrating and agonizing. When I tried to explain my frustrations, people thought I was bragging. When your 12 month old speaks in complete sentences or your 4 year old reads 200 page novels, there are few people to give you guidance or understanding, especially when that same 4 year old throws regular tantrums like a 2 year old, cries because the other kids didn't like what he brought for show and tell, or head butts people when he's angry. Some of my biggest regrets in life are poor decisions I made regarding that son's education.:crying: I didn't know any better and it was so hard to find people who understood. Gifted children do not have it easy. Their needs are rarely met, they often have trouble finding like-minded friends, they can be excluded and teased, and some people perceive them as a threat.

 

My son saw a therapist who specialized in gifted children and he described it like this: If you look at the bell curve, there are children with profound special needs on one end, most kids in the middle, those slightly brighter or slower than average, and those on the opposite end. The children on the high end need as much special education as those on the low end because their learning needs are just as far off the normal. The gifted coordinator at our school told me that my son was TOO gifted to be in the program and it really wouldn't meet his needs.:glare: Fortunately, my son was able to graduate from the PS high school at 16 because he hated every second of school.:(

[SuperDad]

I have a 20 year old highly gifted son. Raising him and trying to meet his educational needs was frustrating and agonizing. When I tried to explain my frustrations, people thought I was bragging. When your 12 month old speaks in complete sentences or your 4 year old reads 200 page novels, there are few people to give you guidance or understanding, especially when that same 4 year old throws regular tantrums like a 2 year old, cries because the other kids didn't like what he brought for show and tell, or head butts people when he's angry. Some of my biggest regrets in life are poor decisions I made regarding that son's education.:crying: I didn't know any better and it was so hard to find people who understood. Gifted children do not have it easy. Their needs are rarely met, they often have trouble finding like-minded friends, they can be excluded and teased, and some people perceive them as a threat.

 

My son saw a therapist who specialized in gifted children and he described it like this: If you look at the bell curve, there are children with profound special needs on one end, most kids in the middle, those slightly brighter or slower than average, and those on the opposite end. The children on the high end need as much special education as those on the low end because their learning needs are just as far off the normal. The gifted coordinator at our school told me that my son was TOO gifted to be in the program and it really wouldn't meet his needs.:glare: Fortunately, my son was able to graduate from the PS high school at 16 because he hated every second of school.:(

:iagree:

[EmilyK]

My more gifted child is a great joy to me, but my heart breaks for him a lot too. It isn't easy.

[tex-mex]

However, I read the post a bit differently. I do know parents who really are bragging in order to show how their kids are better than your kids. Typically they are not the parents of profoundly gifted kids (who in my experience generally do not share for some of the reasons you mentioned.) But they are not doing it to share a journey, they are doing it to show up their kids. I don't think that is helpful to anyone, the kids included.

:confused: Gosh... I also read the original blog VERY differently. (???)

 

It appeared to me that the writer was frustrated with those parents who do brag or go on and boast about their "gifted" child. Which in all honestly, does happen in homeschooling circles and even here on the WTM Boards. But I do think one has to have thicker skin if posts or blogs (or the lady at a playdate) says or boasts about the latest accomplishment lil' Johnny did while everyone is rolling their eyes. I like the idea of passing the bean dip when that happens. I may not agree with you. But when all is said and done, it won't ruin my day. :D

 

When I taught fulltime in K-6 grades, I came across fellow teachers or parents whom in my opinion were braggarts or boastful about their class or child. The same can be said in any walk of life with someone's new car, new home, latest fashion, or favorite book genre. People are judgmental. I am homeschooling my Aspergery/NVLD/OCD/Anxiety/Dysgraphia/Rare Liver Disease teen for 7+ years now and I love every goal he meets. He is bright and above average in intellect, but has some mild learning disabilities. But I learned a long time ago as a school teacher (15 years of teaching) not to compare students as every child learns and grows differently -- they "blossom" in due time. But no need to compare apples to oranges, kwim?

 

That being said, I want to encourage the OP in not letting the words of the original blog get under her skin. I don't see the need for writing a blog to debate the original blog or getting all of us here on WTM to chime in as a JAWM (just agree with me) thread, either. I did not see anything wrong with the original blog. But the OP has the right to post whatever she feels like on the world wide web. And the OP's blog kinda veered a bit too much in being on the defense? (I could be wrong.) It just seems like it hit a raw nerve and she is taking it too personally? :grouphug:

 

We do need to accept all learners and we need to be able to share the journey with one another. However, we need to stop using our kids to compete and stop judging ourselves based on our kids accomplishments, too.

:iagree: Spot on. However, no need to go tit for tat on messages, blogs, or emails. Pass the beandip, know that you are doing the very best you can do for your child, ignore the numbnuts in life who try to irritate you, and move on. ;)

Edited February 15, 2012 by tex-mex

[FaithManor]

I have a 20 year old highly gifted son. Raising him and trying to meet his educational needs was frustrating and agonizing. When I tried to explain my frustrations, people thought I was bragging. When your 12 month old speaks in complete sentences or your 4 year old reads 200 page novels, there are few people to give you guidance or understanding, especially when that same 4 year old throws regular tantrums like a 2 year old, cries because the other kids didn't like what he brought for show and tell, or head butts people when he's angry. Some of my biggest regrets in life are poor decisions I made regarding that son's education.:crying: I didn't know any better and it was so hard to find people who understood. Gifted children do not have it easy. Their needs are rarely met, they often have trouble finding like-minded friends, they can be excluded and teased, and some people perceive them as a threat.

 

My son saw a therapist who specialized in gifted children and he described it like this: If you look at the bell curve, there are children with profound special needs on one end, most kids in the middle, those slightly brighter or slower than average, and those on the opposite end. The children on the high end need as much special education as those on the low end because their learning needs are just as far off the normal. The gifted coordinator at our school told me that my son was TOO gifted to be in the program and it really wouldn't meet his needs.:glare: Fortunately, my son was able to graduate from the PS high school at 16 because he hated every second of school.:(

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug: BTDT. My youngest is gifted, in that range that makes everything rather wonky educationally. He also had SI problems (Sensory Integration) which made his preschool and early elementary years quite crazy. Our dd (now almost 21) and the principal of the school that I once taught at are THE ONLY people IRL that know his IQ, his math and science capabilities, etc. It is a very well kept secret in this neck of the woods because of the huge negativity there is against truly gifted children.

 

I'd love to have another IRL parent to be able to vent to...but that's just not possible because in the micro-culture where I live, it is unacceptable to do so. What would be nothing more than me expressing some fatigue or frustration would be considered conceited bragging. Now, it is of course perfectly acceptable for parents of very talented athletes to brag long and loud about their child's exploits or the fact that the scouts haven't come out to see their kid play or they can't find the right coach or...........

 

So, I get it. I can see both sides...the people who are tired of bragging or perceived bragging because it does get old...as if someone is putting down your child for not doing this or that, but then also being the parent who faces some very difficult challenges and knows that a. I can't express that to anyone and b. that it is p.c. in many circles to directly put down a child such as mine.

 

Children who fall into the outlier ranges on either end of the spectrum are not very well accepted in our area.

 

Faith

[mamajag]

I haven't seen the discussion on the accelerated board and I need to preface this by saying my kids are gifted and w/in my extended family we have all levels of gifted as well as rampant dyslexia and dysgraphia.

 

However, I read the post a bit differently. I do know parents who really are bragging in order to show how their kids are better than your kids. Typically they are not the parents of profoundly gifted kids (who in my experience generally do not share for some of the reasons you mentioned.) But they are not doing it to share a journey, they are doing it to show up their kids. I don't think that is helpful to anyone, the kids included.

 

We do need to accept all learners and we need to be able to share the journey with one another. However, we need to stop using our kids to compete and stop judging ourselves based on our kids accomplishments, too.

 

I disagree because of how she keeps talking about how she wanted a gifted child and didn't get it. I think she has issues around that and couldn't separate someone bragging from normal conversation if she tried. Look in the comments, and you'll see the people agreeing with her basically saying that parents of gifted children should hide the fact from others so they don't feel bad. We don't hide children who are gifted athletes from others so they don't feel bad, so why should I have to hide what my children are?

 

I think there are posts about bragging that can be read this way, but this poster seems to have an issue because her child is "solidly normal" and not the gifted child she prayed for.

[Ester Maria]

While there most definitely is such a thing as parental bragging, blowing things out of proportions and being mesmerized by your offspring to an extent to not get that, really, they are not all that special compared to other children, there also is a very disturbing trend of trying to shut up parents of academically precocious children (NB: I have issues with the term "gifted" and with the "gifted industry" around it; I will use it to "speak the common language", but it will not reflect the actual categories within which I think about these things). And, like you said, nobody would dare to write a blog post about being tired of hearing about the difficulties of raising a special needs child - it would be a social suicide. But, putting down parents of academically atypical children on the higher end is a commonplace. It is also a commonplace to not give the benefit of the doubt and to interpret every sharing as boasting or a hidden attempt to compare. And of course, there is a LOT of jealousy, just plain mean jealousy, around those individuals.

 

On the other hand, there is a lot of blowing out of proportions on the gifted end too, as though being academically precocious somehow entailed a particular personality structure and a need for a particular parenting (both of which are false, IMO - academically precocious children fall in all ranges of personalities and general parenting matters are based on all the factors you would take into account for any other child too). That irks me too, especially if you have a child who is NOT "misunderstood", NOT "oversensible" in any way, does NOT need any particular type of parenting other than what you would normally afford to any child, is NOT a social misfit... and yet is academically precocious. Psychologically normal, socially adjusted, accomplished and happy child - but only academically precocious, which in a homeschool setting can be dealt with nicely. So, fine, you accelerate them accordingly and get them college materials, and yeah, some of that could be described as a struggle with finding what works and how it works. But overall, no big deal. Not a special, unique parenting situation on the whole, and being academically precocious does not mean having a particular type of personal disposition. A lot of parents of bright kids, or even of genuinely intellectually atypical kids, make me roll my eyes too when some of these issues and overgeneralizations are brought up.

 

At the end of a day, though, nobody is forced to hear or read anything they do not want. Pass the bean dip IRL, ignore the threads that irk you online, no big deal, so I do not see a point in posts like that blog post. Why get all worked up over something that other people do or do not do and which has zero effects on your life. Live and let live.

[angela in ohio]

Yes, you can talk endlessly about the struggles of raising a child with special needs, and it is fine, but dare to mention that you are struggling with your child who is gifted, and you are "bragging or boasting."

 

The fact that a few people have taken the term and used it to brag (though I think often people are just offended by the existence of children who are gifted, not by anything specific the parent said) is used to label all parents who have dc with academic gifts. Imagine if we did the same with homeschoolers: label all of them failures based on a few people who homeschooler very badly.

[freesia]

Where I live it is cool to be smart so I don't really see that trend. I also think the blog poster has some issues with jealousy. However, those of us with gifted children need to be wise with whom we share our struggles. We also should consider why we are sharing.

 

I have a good friend who has 2 children who are really struggling with learning. Although she would rejoice in my children's accomplishments, I sometimes withhold sharing some of them out of respect for her. While I may share dds accomplishments in spelling (she struggles mightily in this area,) I am not going to rush to her and share that I've decided it's time to accelerate the same child in math. Her sons are struggling in math and what purpose would that serve? I could say we need to be able to rejoice with each other but, really, I can find someone else to rejoice with (dh, my friend whose son took algebra as a 9 yo, online accelerated boards, etc.) I'm not going to hide it from her or hedge if she asks but I am not going to call her up and "mention" it.

 

Telling other parents what grade level your child reads on serves no purpose. Yes, finding age appropriate fiction for a young reader is difficult but it's not an issue someone whose 7 yo beginning reader can help us with. There are tons of other resources we can use. Agonizing with a parent whose children struggle in math over which pre-algebra program your 9yo should be in serves no positive purpose.

 

If your child wins a contest, creates something cool, is kind to his sister, sure share but be sensitive that you are not trying to upstage someone and that you help the other parent focus on what is good about their own child.

 

Yes, there are struggles raising gifted children but we can share those struggles with out being "in your face" about our children's accomplishments. That isn't hiding our children's accomplishments. That's putting them in perspective.

[freesia]

I agree, although I've never met anyone who was in my face about it. I answer questions if asked, I never volunteer the information without being asked. But people notice things. So it comes up. I always end up feeling flustered and weird and I probably come off as a real nut bag. Someone one asked me if I even realized how smart my kids are. No....never noticed. Kinda like the guy who ran up to me in a grocery store to ask me if I noticed that my son has a white spot on his eye (he has a white spot on his eye called a dermoid). Really? This guy didn't think I ever noticed that? :lol:

 

Eh..well. It takes all kinds. I'm just kinda rambling here.

 

I get that, too. What ARE you suppose to say when someone says, "Do you know she is SO smart!" Sometimes I stammer so much I think they are thinking, "Well s/he didn't get his/her brains from that parent!":D

[Aelwydd]

I don't know, OP. Are you sure she is even aware of her target? I'm 90% sure the folks she's annoyed with are not actual parents of gifted children, but that most detested Mommy of all--the wannabe Gifted Child Mommy.

 

Those are the worst. Very, very obnoxious, they are the ones who tout their child as "gifted" because their baby rolled over at 6 weeks, or walked at 8 months. They confuse the term advanced with gifted. Those are two profoundly different states. One falls within the curve of normal, the other falls in the case of abnormal (I mean this in a statistical sense, not a subjective sense). You can have a 2nd grader doing 6th grade math, and be simply advanced in that subject (and in others). They learn fast, they process information quickly and analyze it even faster. However, they are still processing and learning according to conventional methods. Their brains are using the same software programming as the average kid--they just have faster processors.

 

Gifted children are in an entirely different paradigm. It's like comparing a PC operating system to a MAC OS. They function differently, with different commands, and with different formats. They don't work through the equation to reach the answer--they pull the answer as self-explanatory from their own inductive reasoning, and plop it down in front of you. They often find all the rationales for explaining or working out a particular scenario or problem to be tortuous and confusing. They don't work deductively--they work inductively, and why can't the rest of us just see the same thing?

 

How do I know this? Well, I imagine each gifted child is going to vary, but my best friend (who I grew up with) was gifted. She was selected for Mensa and had a very high I.Q. She was always very intelligent, and saw the world in different terms. The other gifted kids in the program with her seemed tuned into the same frequency. That's a good analogy as any I guess. They were on an entirely different frequency. And it was NOT easy for them. My best friend was told by our hs counselor when she was 14 that she should just drop out of school, because they had nothing there for her. She didn't, of course, but it really hurt her and frustrated her. She hated hs. A lot of gifted kids do. I imagine it'd be like me having to learn my entire education in a foreign language.

 

Anyway, lots of parents don't get that. They just see their child reading at age 3 1/2 and get some early educator or psychology to certify their child as "gifted." And proceed to become some of the biggest jerks in the Western Hemisphere. :glare:

[J-rap]

Our dd (now almost 21) and the principal of the school that I once taught at ...

 

 

 

At first I read this as your saying that your 20 year-old daughter is now the principal of the school you once taught at! Talk about gifted! :)

[Cassy]

I don't know, OP. Are you sure she is even aware of her target? I'm 90% sure the folks she's annoyed with are not actual parents of gifted children, but that most detested Mommy of all--the wannabe Gifted Child Mommy.

 

Those are the worst. Very, very obnoxious, they are the ones who tout their child as "gifted" because their baby rolled over at 6 weeks, or walked at 8 months. They confuse the term advanced with gifted. Those are two profoundly different states. One falls within the curve of normal, the other falls in the case of abnormal (I mean this in a statistical sense, not a subjective sense). You can have a 2nd grader doing 6th grade math, and be simply advanced in that subject (and in others). They learn fast, they process information quickly and analyze it even faster. However, they are still processing and learning according to conventional methods. Their brains are using the same software programming as the average kid--they just have faster processors.

 

Gifted children are in an entirely different paradigm. It's like comparing a PC operating system to a MAC OS. They function differently, with different commands, and with different formats. They don't work through the equation to reach the answer--they pull the answer as self-explanatory from their own inductive reasoning, and plop it down in front of you. They often find all the rationales for explaining or working out a particular scenario or problem to be tortuous and confusing. They don't work deductively--they work inductively, and why can't the rest of us just see the same thing?

 

How do I know this? Well, I imagine each gifted child is going to vary, but my best friend (who I grew up with) was gifted. She was selected for Mensa and had a very high I.Q. She was always very intelligent, and saw the world in different terms. The other gifted kids in the program with her seemed tuned into the same frequency. That's a good analogy as any I guess. They were on an entirely different frequency. And it was NOT easy for them. My best friend was told by our hs counselor when she was 14 that she should just drop out of school, because they had nothing there for her. She didn't, of course, but it really hurt her and frustrated her. She hated hs. A lot of gifted kids do. I imagine it'd be like me having to learn my entire education in a foreign language.

 

Anyway, lots of parents don't get that. They just see their child reading at age 3 1/2 and get some early educator or psychology to certify their child as "gifted." And proceed to become some of the biggest jerks in the Western Hemisphere. :glare:

 

Thank you for this. I was struggling to understand my irritation with the mother of a 'gifted' child I know, and this explains it perfectly. Her son, I feel, is 'precocious', nothing special. She seems to have a whole lot invested in his being 'gifted'. She doesn't 'brag' really, she just seems to be totally obsessed with his 'giftedness', recognition of his 'giftedness', his successes and achievements. I'm not jealous, I have four bright boys who couldn't delight me more however successful they may or may not turn out to be. I think, more than anything, I feel uneasy that this woman's entire relationship with her son seems to be focussed on his academic and sporting achievements. So far, however, they both seem to be happy and thriving.

 

Cassy

[gardenmom5]

I wanted to start a thread about this on the General Board, because I think that maybe parents of neurotypical parents might not understand how difficult and isolating it can be to be the parent of a gifted child. That doesn't excuse bragging in any way shape or form, but mean spirited comments about any child's learning label shouldn't be tolerated either.

 

Also, in my mind, saying your child is gifted is not actually bragging at all. It's an explanation for the long and difficult road of challenging school and social choices a child has ahead of him.

:iagree: I have gifted, and SN. So, this is a much needed topic. I am of the opinion, we need to rejoice with those that rejoice, wether it's being happy for someone who is buying their dream home while you are unemployed, or being happy for someone having a child when you can't conceive. (yes, I've btdt - so no screams of how I don't know what I'm talking about.) and mourn (or at least have compassion and NOT make it "about us".) for those that mourn.

 

People irl who raved about how brilliant 1dd was when she was younger (with her own challenges - which most people have *no* clue about. they were too dazzled by what was coming out of her mouth), have no problem telling me to my face what I am "doing wrong" with 3ds (aspie. poss ADHD/OCD/ODD per dev ped team eval) and how I need parenting lessons. :svengo: oh, the irony.

 

I would be in a group of parents talking about what their children were doing - well, they really didn't want to hear about a child who made their children's accomplishments seem "average". So, I just never said anything, and if asked directly -used generalities, because, again, they really didn't want to hear the specifics. It also came from her peers who felt intimidated.

[Aelwydd]

She seems to have a whole lot invested in his being 'gifted'. She doesn't 'brag' really, she just seems to be totally obsessed with his 'giftedness', recognition of his 'giftedness', his successes and achievements. I'm not jealous, I have four bright boys who couldn't delight me more however successful they may or may not turn out to be. I think, more than anything, I feel uneasy that this woman's entire relationship with her son seems to be focussed on his academic and sporting achievements. So far, however, they both seem to be happy and thriving.

 

I believe you about not being jealous, but you do understand that you are entirely ruining it for this other woman by not expressing envy or jealousy? :lol:

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Unfortunately, I don't even see this as any sort of new trend. For as long as I can remember I felt the message that being "smart" isn't cool. You can be the fastest runner, climber, and ball thrower and the school will even hold a press conference for you when you are courted by universities. Even here on this board parents were annoyed by report card parties. The attitude over good grades was it's nothing special, and shouldn't even be talked about. :001_huh:

 

I don't talk about my kids (or myself) to anyone. I never have. I barely talk about it here. People are just too weird about stuff.

 

Sadly this is true. I think it is one of the reasons that academics in many school systems are falling or failing. The desire to organize academics around the lowest common denominator was there 30-40 years ago and possibly earlier and nothing has changed.

 

But I'll stop before I rant.

[Stacy in NJ]

Asking for sympathy for problems that crop up due to giftedness is a bit like asking for understanding for the problems of rich people.

 

All people have problems; all people deserve compassion and fairness. That being said, it is quite obvious to almost all if you're rich or if you have a gifted child. Use discretion in how you approach the topic. To those that are given much, much is required.

[FaithManor]

At first I read this as your saying that your 20 year-old daughter is now the principal of the school you once taught at! Talk about gifted! :)

 

Oops! :D Not my best writing moment! Please forgive... it definitely wasn't clear.

 

Alwydd, your points are very astute and I like your analogy of being on a different frequency. My youngest is on AM while everyone else is on FM!

 

I think others are correct that this as been around for a long time. In our area, it doesn't even have to be about true giftedness...just being an honor roll student (which isn't hard with all of the grade inflation at our local ps) can get you smacked around in the parking lot by other kids and a bunch of the fathers of students on the varsity football team have bumper stickers to the effect that their sporty kid just beat up your honor roll kid. :glare:

 

Living in such a rural, backward county has made it difficult to "hide" ds and keep him safe from the mockers. But, so far we've managed pretty well. He's hoping to go to MIT and I would imagine that as a student of that institution, he'll likely find some people to fit in with and won't need to worry about being ridiculed for how he thinks.

 

Faith

[freesia]

I think we need to be careful. There are so many levels of giftedness. The difference between a gifted child and a profoundly gifted child can be miles. Profoundly gifted children do seem to be operating in a different plane. However, a child who learns math quickly and is advanced a few grades is likely in the gifted spectrum.

[Soror]

In my bubble I've not seen kids been made fun of for being ahead, quite the opposite. Although I'm not sure I've seen anyone profoundly gifted but advanced. The perception I get is more that if your kid isn't ahead then they are stupid. That is tiring to hear and I don't know that I've heard just honest concern and struggles of gifted parenting from anyone irl. I always thought it would be "cool" to have a profoundly gifted child but then after having kids and reading about the struggles of the child and family it isn't something I wish for anymore.

 

My son has a wide range of abilities from somewhat ahead to somewhat behind and average. It was hard being around others and discussing education until I came to terms with that and decided that regardless of his academic ability it doesn't make him or me any less of a person. I'm not going to discuss our struggles with someone who needs to give you the laundry list of their child's achievements everytime you see them regardless of how it fits in the conversation and then frames that discussion around how much better their kid is than anyone else. If you haven't been around anyone like that your lucky!!!

[TranquilMind]

mom2scouts;: Gifted children do not have it easy. Their needs are rarely met, they often have trouble finding like-minded friends, they can be excluded and teased, and some people perceive them as a threat.

 

You got this right.

 

And add: They are ripe prey for bad or destructive friendships because of not generally finding it easy to find like-minded friends.

 

My son saw a therapist who specialized in gifted children and he described it like this: If you look at the bell curve, there are children with profound special needs on one end, most kids in the middle, those slightly brighter or slower than average, and those on the opposite end. The children on the high end need as much special education as those on the low end because their learning needs are just as far off the normal. The gifted coordinator at our school told me that my son was TOO gifted to be in the program and it really wouldn't meet his needs.:glare: Fortunately, my son was able to graduate from the PS high school at 16 because he hated every second of school.:(

 

I'm sorry. :grouphug:

[TranquilMind]

:iagree:I am of the opinion, we need to rejoice with those that rejoice, wether it's being happy for someone who is buying their dream home while you are unemployed, or being happy for someone having a child when you can't conceive. (yes, I've btdt - so no screams of how I don't know what I'm talking about.) and mourn (or at least have compassion and NOT make it "about us".) for those that mourn.

 

 

Totally agree!

[WIS0320]

As a mom with a child who appears to be quite accelerated/suspected gifted (4 year old DS) and one child who appears to be bright but still with in the range of normal - I totally got what the mother was saying in the post.

 

It IS annoying when so many wonderful kids are not valued for being just that. All kids are special but most parents I run into seem to want their child to be gifted instead of appreciating them for who they are. This doesn't mean the need to downplay the unique and special qualities of gifted children just that it seems so freaking competitive where I live that being kind, bright and happy is never good enough. It is frustrating to see.

 

Of course not all kids are going to be gifted and no, parents of gifted children should not have to pretend like they aren't. But the feeling that there is something "better" about a gifted child per today's competitive parenting standards is a sad thing to witness. I don't care how old your kid was when they started to read or do algebra. No one really cares about those things about my kids either aside from close family members.

 

What I do care about is how your child treats my child. I care if your child is disruptive in a restaurant when I am trying to enjoy my meal or if they are being a bully on the playground. I care if your child draws a picture for my child and makes her feel special. I care if your child sends a thank you note because they are genuinely pleased with something we chose especially for them. I care if your child stops and includes my child when they are being left out. None of these situations that I care about exist within the realm of IQ and academic ability and prowess. To be frank, in the real adult world not being a jerk is probably more important than your IQ or giftedness. I think that is what this mom was trying to say.

 

I posted this in the other thread and I'm putting it in this new thread simply because from where I sit the problem is with parents who are puffed up with pride about their child's giftedness. And those parents are very much out in the world and loud about their child's abilities. I find parenting a lot more competitive than I was expecting - and not necessarily on my end. Gosh, once the breastfeeding/cloth diapering/vaxing/circing debate dies down it is then a race to see who has the "smartest" kid. It sucks and it shouldn't be this way. Unfortunately, the way public school is currently structured there is no other viable way to meet the needs of all children than to group them and it begins early. I'm not denying the need for all children to have their needs met - gifted children especially - but it segregates and allows parents to become prideful or not feel good enough based on where their child falls on the learning spectrum. I've actually had a friend tell me that it simply wasn't acceptable for her children to not get into the GT program.

[WIS0320]

Maybe the problem is that there are two issues being discussed here:

 

1) Gifted kids who do not have their educational needs met and face a lack of understanding about how their brains work. They have fewer true peers because kids are grouped due to age and not ability in school.

 

2) Obnoxious parents of bright children who like to "brag".

 

Obviously not all parents of GT kids are obnoxious (!!!) and as someone said up-thread it is most likely parents of average to bright kids who are most competitive as they are not dealing with the true issues associated with having a profoundly gifted child.

[Ester Maria]

Asking for sympathy for problems that crop up due to giftedness is a bit like asking for understanding for the problems of rich people.

 

All people have problems; all people deserve compassion and fairness. That being said, it is quite obvious to almost all if you're rich or if you have a gifted child. Use discretion in how you approach the topic. To those that are given much, much is required.

You know, this is a really good comparison. I agree with you.

 

I think, though, that there should be a legitimate outlet for people with those types of problems too. In places where people of all walks of life meet, like this virtual community, people should not have to self-censor all the time lest they somehow offend. It is quite easy, logistically, to ignore the things you do not wish to read about. I think internet is a wonderful medium in that we can be a lot more *open* than we normally would be and find people with whom we can discuss issues which are still largely taboo to be discussed in general society.

 

On a strictly logical level, if you treat people as individuals to the fullest, all adjectives are gone. A child cannot be tall if there is nobody to compare to, so "tall" has no inherent meaning; the same can be said about being "smart" or "advanced" or "behind" or "pretty" or... you name it, all of the adjectives we use, some with a more objective basis, some with a more subjective basis. The sole labeling of people admits to the existence of comparison. Comparison is the only way to make sense in a huge variety that exists. But, at the same time, one should strive to view each person as an individual, with their right to their own growth and their own set of virtues and challenges. Thus the tension. And that is okay, but only as long as we do not reach a conclusion that "some children are more special than others" and when the issues of those "others" start being downplayed and people start self-censoring.

 

Nobody has to listen or read anything they do not want, but people with those other type of issues - the ones stemming from wealth rather than poverty, the ones stemming from having rich intellectual lives and leisure, the ones stemming from having atypically accomplished children rather than the ones that are not, etc. - need a platform too, for discussion and free exchange of ideas, in which they should not feel judged if they share. That is why, in some ways, the emphasis on discretion (which I 100% agree with if we talk about casual IRL conversations with people who are not our closest family and friends) is in my view not always a good thing. Sure, people should not be "in your face" about it if it can be prevented, but those are legitimate subjects for discussion too. There should be a time and a place for them without it being somehow morally problematic or problematic as regards common etiquette.

[Cassy]

'Gifted spectrum'? I think we're in danger here of degrading the term 'gifted'. As far as I'm concerned there is average, bright, super bright, highly intelligent, etc all on a spectrum. To me 'gifted' is out on its own, like 'genius', beyond all other measures of intelligence.

 

Cassy

[Ester Maria]

Unfortunately, I don't even see this as any sort of new trend. For as long as I can remember I felt the message that being "smart" isn't cool. You can be the fastest runner, climber, and ball thrower and the school will even hold a press conference for you when you are courted by universities. Even here on this board parents were annoyed by report card parties. The attitude over good grades was it's nothing special, and shouldn't even be talked about. :001_huh:

 

I don't talk about my kids (or myself) to anyone. I never have. I barely talk about it here. People are just too weird about stuff.

It is because most schools have stopped being academic institutions. Something I rant against all the time here. ;) In my little utopia, I would personally kick all but academics out of schools, including free time activities / sports, and especially including the "raising the child" aspect, which is an entirely family matter in my opinion.

[jenbrdsly]

I have a 20 year old highly gifted son. Raising him and trying to meet his educational needs was frustrating and agonizing. When I tried to explain my frustrations, people thought I was bragging. When your 12 month old speaks in complete sentences or your 4 year old reads 200 page novels, there are few people to give you guidance or understanding, especially when that same 4 year old throws regular tantrums like a 2 year old, cries because the other kids didn't like what he brought for show and tell, or head butts people when he's angry. Some of my biggest regrets in life are poor decisions I made regarding that son's education.:crying: I didn't know any better and it was so hard to find people who understood. Gifted children do not have it easy. Their needs are rarely met, they often have trouble finding like-minded friends, they can be excluded and teased, and some people perceive them as a threat.

 

My son saw a therapist who specialized in gifted children and he described it like this: If you look at the bell curve, there are children with profound special needs on one end, most kids in the middle, those slightly brighter or slower than average, and those on the opposite end. The children on the high end need as much special education as those on the low end because their learning needs are just as far off the normal. The gifted coordinator at our school told me that my son was TOO gifted to be in the program and it really wouldn't meet his needs.:glare: Fortunately, my son was able to graduate from the PS high school at 16 because he hated every second of school.:(

 

 

You were really lucky to have access to a therapist who specialized in gifted kids. :)

[freesia]

'Gifted spectrum'? I think we're in danger here of degrading the term 'gifted'. As far as I'm concerned there is average, bright, super bright, highly intelligent, etc all on a spectrum. To me 'gifted' is out on its own, like 'genius', beyond all other measures of intelligence.

 

Cassy

 

Actually, there are defined levels of giftedness:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/highly_profoundly.htm

 

Where homeschooling is concerned, however, it is mostly semantics. You meet your child where they are and teach from there. Their giftedness or difficulties are not a reflection of us. As I said before, we need to separate their accomplishments from our self-esteem.

[freesia]

The bigger problem is the hate speech. The author of that article knows that hate in print is protected under the constitution, right up until she uses 'fighting words'. She likely won't stand up at the school board meetings where she can't duck the rebuttals, but she will likely advocate further hatred and get her friends to quietly pressure the school board to eliminate differentiation for above grade level children. It's already been done here.

 

The author needs to be id'd publicly as the bigot she is. Shame on her for advocating intolerance towards children. SHe needs to learn what grandma always said "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I'm trying to see the hate toward the children and I can't. I see anger that her child is normal and anger that other parents show that normality up by their bragging but I don't see hate toward children.

 

I want to understand and see what you see--can you show examples.

[ApronMama]

Actually, there are defined levels of giftedness:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/highly_profoundly.htm

 

You meet your child where they are and teach from there. Their giftedness or difficulties are not a reflection of us. As I said before, we need to separate their accomplishments from our self-esteem.

 

This is an excellent reminder for me. Thank you!

 

Identifying the best way to get the academic and social needs of a gifted child can be difficult and stressful. There are few people you can discuss it with IRL without sounding like you are bragging. And sometimes, lets face it, I am. And don't catch it until its too late.

 

But as challenging as it is, it would still be much harder to have a child on the other end of the spectrum.

[CAMom]

Asking for sympathy for problems that crop up due to giftedness is a bit like asking for understanding for the problems of rich people.

 

All people have problems; all people deserve compassion and fairness. That being said, it is quite obvious to almost all if you're rich or if you have a gifted child. Use discretion in how you approach the topic. To those that are given much, much is required.

 

This is as far as I've read but, Really?

 

So, is telling someone you have a kid with autism or OCD or anxiety disorder the equivalent to whining about being poor?

 

Having a gifted child (I have one but, of course, now I'm bragging :tongue_smilie:) ) presents some definite challenges! Don't parents like us deserve to be able to discuss our issues like the mom with the autistic kid without being judged?

 

Yes, my gifted kid is smart. That's not my issue! My issue is that he has a lot of the problems that go along with that. He faces some of the same issues that other gifted people face-they can be eccentric-which makes his life (and mine) complicated.

 

It can be very lonely with a gifted kid because nobody wants to hear your challenges so you end up being deprived of the support you could have if your kid was "normal" or special needs on the other end of the spectrum.

[mamajag]

Asking for sympathy for problems that crop up due to giftedness is a bit like asking for understanding for the problems of rich people.

 

All people have problems; all people deserve compassion and fairness. That being said, it is quite obvious to almost all if you're rich or if you have a gifted child. Use discretion in how you approach the topic. To those that are given much, much is required.

 

No, actually, it isn't. If my children were sports stars and I was asking for sympathy based on the time and effort it takes to develop their talents, I'd get it. People in my area assume I have it easy because my kids are smart. My challenges are different than most, but they are no less real simply because my kids are above average. I shouldn't have to pamper the self esteem of people with perfectly normal kids. They have nothing to feel bad about. I shouldn't have to wonder whether to tell the truth when parents are discussing reading levels and ask about my kids. I shouldn't feel bad when I tell people we usually get a full day in by 11 each day when they ask about our hs schedule.

 

I don't talk a lot about my kids outside hs boards and DH/my mom. I face these challenges when other people bring me into these conversation. I never thought about how my children would feel if they heard me downplay their ability. Now it has me seriously feeling like I owe it to them to be truthful.

 

I cried when I realized dd1 was wired like me. I went into my room and wept for her. I know what she has coming. I know how hard it is to be on a different frequency than everyone else. It is a lonely and painful road emotionally. I did not want it for any of my children.

 

If you were to ask my mom, she would tell you I was a happy child enthralled with books. Truth is I was a cutter and the only reason I did not kill myself was the overwhelming determination that the world would not break me. I lived in books because they liked me and did not judge me for what my brain could do. I still struggle with interpersonal relationships. My DH and I had similar experiences and really get each other, but outside of that and a couple of close friends, life feels like a choreographed dance I was not taught. I can do it,but it takes a tremendous amount of energy to do so.

 

To say that my issues are "rich people's problems" is as disrespectful and bigoted as the blog we are discussing.

[Laurie4b]

I agree with pp's that the article linked was about mothers bragging (about kids who might not actually even be gifted ---just developmentally ahead) . It wasn't about mothers using the word "gifted" as a label to describe their difficult journey with their kids. No one likes bragging of any kind. The mother who heard the bragging should have let it roll off her back instead of comparing her kid and feeling bad; and I think the same should be done with the article she wrote. I vote to accept the article at face value that it's about bragging not about mothers discussing the challenges of their child's giftedness in a legitimate way. However, the author seems to be insecure as well and worse, disappointed in her daughter, which is very sad. I'd make like a duck's back.

[mlktwins]

It can be very lonely with a gifted kid because nobody wants to hear your challenges so you end up being deprived of the support you could have if your kid was "normal" or special needs on the other end of the spectrum.

 

:iagree:

[simka2]

I wonder if more transparency with the struggles would help. I tested in the "Exceptionally Gifted" category as a child. I had one good year in that school district as they moved me into more appropriate classes. We moved the next and my single mother did not know how to handle me or my needs. I fell through the cracks.

 

...and now I will go back to lurking on this thread. ;)

[freesia]

T

 

It can be very lonely with a gifted kid because nobody wants to hear your challenges so you end up being deprived of the support you could have if your kid was "normal" or special needs on the other end of the spectrum.

I agree with this and we do need to support each other. I don't think the article was about challenges, though.

 

It is wrong for someone to brush off any challenges you have with your kids just because you have it "easy" because your children are gifted.

 

I also know my friend with the profoundly gifted child and my brother with the profoundly gifted child appreciate it that they can share their children's accomplishments with me without my feeling angry at them for "bragging." Everyone needs that.

 

However, it would be wrong of me to talk in front of my brother about how wonderfully my older 2 get along, how they almost never fight, how supportive they are when I know that his two are really, really struggling to get along.

 

It would be wrong of him to prance out his kids superior spelling/handwriting to show me when he knows my kids struggle with dysgraphia. I don't want him to take down all their schoolwork from the wall when I come over but I don't want him to talk about how praised each child is for this accomplishment.

 

But we can both commiserate on the oversensitivities of gifted children and support one another that way.

 

It's not "hard" to keep our children's successes to ourselves when it would show up a child who is struggling.

Edited February 15, 2012 by freesia
clarity

[gardenmom5]

Someone one asked me if I even realized how smart my kids are. No....never noticed. Kinda like the guy who ran up to me in a grocery store to ask me if I noticed that my son has a white spot on his eye (he has a white spot on his eye called a dermoid). Really? This guy didn't think I ever noticed that? :lol:

 

Eh..well. It takes all kinds. I'm just kinda rambling here.

 

1dd has red hair. when she was young, people constantly commented on it, and would ask such stupid questions as "where did you get that red hair?" dh taught her to say "it came with the head". ;)

[Ester Maria]

I cried when I realized dd1 was wired like me. I went into my room and wept for her. I know what she has coming. I know how hard it is to be on a different frequency than everyone else. It is a lonely and painful road emotionally. I did not want it for any of my children.

I am very grateful that my daughters are able to have rich intellectual lives. Greater "gifts", in many ways, mean greater responsibilities, greater opportunities to use them well, but we have always emphasized it as a good thing, as a challenge to embrace, not as something to sweep under the rug NOR as prism through which to view one's whole self. People have issues. Many of those issues have nothing to do with intellect, because giftedness is not a personality disposition nor a temperament. There are gifted people who are reclusive misanthropes (I have known them), there are gifted people who are full of joy and energy and very well-socialized and adapted (I have know them too), and all sorts of people all over personality dispositions.

 

I have never cried over my child's emotional or intellectual richness. It is a completely foreign way of thinking to me. I am thrilled they are capable of more and of higher... and yes, that means that they are also capable of more dangerous failures, because falling from the height of one meter and one thousand meters cannot possibly hurt the same... but still, I am very, very thankful they have wider arenas in front of them should they wish. And also confident that we are raising them the way that even when those failures occur, they are capable of getting up and continuing to grow.

 

I also entirely reject the idea of "different frequencies" as a necessity, as somebody who had a beautiful youth, spent largely socializing, and who did not find it impossible to relate in many ways to people with whom I might not have clicked intellectually, but from whom I could still learn a lot and who could still be a part of my life in other ways. I never felt "different", except in ways in which EVERY individual feels "different". My intellectual pecularities were no different than a number of accidental qualities people have, and learn to live with, and even learn to live with in joy and harmony. Sure, it takes you a few breakdowns to get to a certain level of maturity to think about these things, but then again, it is so for every thinking individual, not only intellectually unusual ones. We all need went through a few major crises with ourselves. It is growing pains, a part of every journey, not a side-effect of specifically giftedness.

 

There are a LOT of "gifted" people who cope fine. "Gifted" people have issues because, well, PEOPLE as such have issues - but most of that is not specifically related to intellect. They come in all personality variations, and while the intellect might exacerbate things sometimes, I think it is a very wrong and a very dangerous way of looking at it if we claim that it is the cause of it. The whole notion of some *necessarily* links between atypical intellect and atypical personalities / temperaments / psychological constitutions / social functioning is very problematic IMO. It may hold true for some, but NOT for all people in the group.

[mamajag]

I have never cried over my child's emotional or intellectual richness. It is a completely foreign way of thinking to me.

 

I cried for dd1, and I didn't cry because she's gifted. I cried because I recognized that the gifts she got from me came with the same package of baggage that mine did for me. Social isolation and anxiety, uncertainty, empathy to the point it's painful every day, and the feeling of just not being on the same page as everyone else. I didn't cry for the younger two. Social situations come naturally to them. They didn't need scripts and practice to be able to talk to other kids in extracurricular situations. They didn't have to figure out the awkward way that other kids don't care about the death dance of stars. Luckily I am able to help her cope with it and overcome her issues because I live them and know what they are.

 

I also entirely reject the idea of "different frequencies" as a necessity,

 

I wonder where you read that it is a necessity, because I never said such. :confused: I write from my perspective and about my experiences as a child and hsing my children. That's all it is or is intended to be.

[SKL]

I don't have a resume for my children. I don't go looking for an opportunity to brag about them.

 

But sometimes I wish I didn't have to filter what I say through other people's insecurity-based sensitivities.

 

I mean, one of the biggest thing I've been working on for the past half-year, family-wise, has been getting my kid accelerated in school. It's really important to me. There is only one parent I know to whom I can mention this - my SIL who went through similar struggles. (I feel regret that, since her kid is 10 years older than mine, even I didn't understand what she was going through for many years.) So when someone says "how's it going, what's up" I have to stuff down the thing I'm really upset or excited about, and sift through the rest to find an acceptable topic. Of course, it's always fair game to talk about how bratty my kid has been lately, or any area where she may have challenges. People love to hear that your kid is brattier than their kid.

 

I don't know if it's more lonely than having a special needs child at the other end of the spectrum. I do know that people were a lot more open to hearing about my other kid's vision and learning problems. I guess mentioning that Miss A needed vision therapy was humbleness. Mentioning that Miss E needs to be challenged in school is bragging.

 

I also don't appreciate the implication that if your kid is gifted, she probably isn't kind.

[MistyMountain]

It is hard to educate a child who is on the gifted end of the bell curve but for kids on that end the world is their oyster. There is nothing limiting what they can achieve and accomplish. A lot of schools do not meet their needs but they still will be accelerated and get into good colleges and they can achieve anything they want. They tend to make more money and they are more successful. A child with special needs or on the other end of the spectrum is limited in what they can achieve and has similar educational challenges but there are other challenges that go along with it. The profoundly gifted have social challenges but the moderately gifted usually do not. Having more intellect is not the same challenge as special needs it isn't even close.

[Stacy in NJ]

But sometimes I wish I didn't have to filter what I say through other people's insecurity-based sensitivities.

 

 

But, this is common for everyone whatever their circumstances. Everyone has to filter what they say every day. That's life. It would be wonderful if we could all say whatever we want and receive the "support" (i.e. validation) we believe we deserve, but context in human relationships is everything, and it is dynamic. Knowing and having some understanding of your audience is simply respectful.

 

Parents of gifted children don't need to apologize for that giftedness just as the rich don't need to apologize for their wealth. While it's reasonable to expect fairness when discussing these issues, it is presumptuous to expect "support", and that's what some of the posters here want. Support is something freely offered and freely given; it's not a matter of "deserve".

[Slipper]

All of my kids are different both educationally and medically. I do try to downplay my gifted daughter's accomplishments but not excessively. Something that I haven't seen mentioned yet on this thread is that kids (and sadly, adults) are sometimes happy to see gifted kids fail. (This happened recently to my daughter by an adult).

 

Still, I don't find her giftedness to be nearly as lonely as I do my oldest daughter's autism. Even among other kids with autism, she sticks out. She's profoundly autistic and needs help with daily activities. My other two daughters help DH and I feed, dress, bathe, brush teeth/hair, etc. I think my family's best accomplishment is that my oldest daughter is typically happy, content and always smiling. There's competition in the special needs world similar to the gifted world. Sometimes it's a fight to see who has the most severe child. Sometimes it's a battle to who can use the 'recovered' word. While I am happy for all those who have disabled children who improve, I admit to being jealous at times.

 

My youngest may be gifted, I don't know. I know she has some self-esteem issues from being in her sister's shadow. I love homeschooling her because it helps me see her individuality more than I did in the past. I think she likes it because she receives a lot of my attention.

 

For those who are criticizing another pp for saying that she cried...My husband is a genius (seriously). He's also highly eccentric from a highly eccentric family. He has always felt like he is out of step with the rest of the world and that just getting through the day is a struggle. He said that he sees things differently and it just baffles him that others don't see the same things that he does. He worries about our DD10 because he sees a lot of himself (as a kid) in her. He said middle school was when things went downhill for him (he started getting into trouble and eventually went to military school). He has always wanted us to homeschool but particularly during those times so they make better choices than he did. (He was kicked out of every public school they could find, and then all of the private schools as well). I think my DH would absolutely agree with her post (except he didn't cry).

 

I read somewhere (and I forget where) that the drop out rate (percentage) is the same for gifted as non-gifted. Being gifted doesn't really matter if you don't know what to do with it. I think that parental guidance to help our kids find their own gifts is what is important along with developing good study habits and work ethics.

[Rivka]

'Gifted spectrum'? I think we're in danger here of degrading the term 'gifted'. As far as I'm concerned there is average, bright, super bright, highly intelligent, etc all on a spectrum. To me 'gifted' is out on its own, like 'genius', beyond all other measures of intelligence.

Your definition is idiosyncratic, though. That's not how "gifted" is defined by psychologists or by the education system.