Catwoman Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 And, I've been feeling the same way about the kilt pics, and was afraid to say something for fear of being slammed. I don't think anyone has a right to slam you for it, and it makes me sad that you would think there was any reason to be concerned about saying something about it. There's no reason why your feelings aren't as important as everyone else's. I don't think 'less' of you ladies who post the pics and whatever. But some of us don't really care for it, and I think it should be ok to say that. I think it is absolutely OK for you to say that. :001_smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) nm Edited February 12, 2012 by swellmomma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) I don't usually delete my posts, but since I quoted swellmomma and she has since deleted her original post, I thought it was only fair to delete her quote from my post, as well. (And without quoting her post, my comments didn't make sense, so that's why I am deleting them as well.) Edited February 12, 2012 by Catwoman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) I would not love if my DH were posting picks of hot babes online and joking around about how much he is attracted to them. But I don't think it's a big deal that men do this (men who aren't my husband), and I don't feel offended when women do. I sort of wish it were confined to threads titled things like, "Isn't he a dream boat?" instead of popping up in threads about entirely different things. I find it really immature and irritating - like I was having a discussion with adult women and they turned into teeny boppers in mid stream, lol. But it's not my board so I don't get to make the rules, and I have not mentioned it before. I certainly don't feel suspicious about the s@xual loyalty or the moral fortitude of women who get into the kilt thing. It's just a chatter I find irritating, but not in a way that makes me suspect anyone's character is lacking. Edited February 12, 2012 by Danestress Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellydon Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Yes. There is absolutely a double standard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 nm Too bad you removed it. I thought that your observation was spot on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Too bad you removed it. I thought that your observation was spot on. I just don't want to be known as the one on here that blasts everyone rudely. My feelings on it have not changed, I just thought it was more prudent to delete it, though with it still in Catwoman's reply I guess everyone can still read it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauranc Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 [i think that's the first time in my life I ever typed the word [i]ogling.[/i] Had to look it up :D; I thought it had 2 o's] IDK, is there? What if your dh was on a forum (as much as you are on this one) where the vast majority of posters are men. And what if there were as many references to female singers and/or movie stars being eye candy, hotties and other various descriptive words to convey how wonderful it would be to find himself in their arms :001_huh:. Of course, complete with photos. Yea, I know--it's all in fun. After a long day with the kids, can't we just share a few laughs? We're just unwinding, etc. etc. We love our dhs so much. Take a :chillpill: ! But if the men did the same (on their hypothetical forum), would it be so cute/funny? Is there a double standard? I believe there is a double standard (haven't read other replies.. and I'm chiming in kind of 'late')-- I don't 'ogle' or participate in the 'look at how cute he is..' or 'dontcha just love a man in a kilt' threads. I know it's all in fun, and who am i to begrudge other women their fun-- I just don't partake. I think it's all kind of silly and in poor taste, but... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I simply give people a list of 10 people to block right away. The board seems so much better!! :D Now I wonder if I'm on that list. It wouldn't surprise me. LOL As for the topic at hand, I don't care one way or another. What goes on here is very tame considering how bad it could be. I think we all know the difference between seeing a nice looking man in a kilt or even a nice looking man on the beach and inappropriate photos. Sadly often what men have available by way of titillating photos is of air brushed, unnaturally enhances women who don't exist in real life. Those I do find offensive but because of how they put undue pressure on real women to conform to an unrealistic body image not because some guy somewhere can't control his urges. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funschooler5 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I guess I do have a double standard. I find a man ogling a woman who is not his wife more threatening than a woman ogling a man - at least the way it is done on this board. Here, it is more of a joke, a way to lighten the mood. But when men ogle other women, it seems to pack more of a punch. To be honest, there is a double standard in our society when it comes to appearance. Our society places higher values on attractiveness for women and, due to the unreasonable standards in the entertainment and advertising industries, it has become an unattainable ideal. Women are constantly bombarded with messages about how they are not good enough and then, when a man ogles someone more attractive, it sends a different message. At least, this is how I perceive it. :iagree: And while I don't find the kilt pictures offensive, I do think they are annoying when they pop up in a heated thread about a completely different subject. They end up derailing the whole conversation, and even though I know it's supposed to be done in a light-hearted way, it seems kind of....er....passive aggressive? I don't know if that makes sense or not. It's like people are forcing the thread to turn another way and sort of dismissing all of the "serious" stuff that everyone was talking about. I don't know...maybe I'd feel differently if I found the kilt thing funnier. IMO its been done to death, just the same pics posted over and over. Right now I think the Ryan Gosling things are hilarious, but talk to me in a month or so and I may feel differently. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 :iagree: And while I don't find the kilt pictures offensive, I do think they are annoying when they pop up in a heated thread about a completely different subject. They end up derailing the whole conversation, and even though I know it's supposed to be done in a light-hearted way, it seems kind of....er....passive aggressive? I don't know if that makes sense or not. It's like people are forcing the thread to turn another way and sort of dismissing all of the "serious" stuff that everyone was talking about. I don't know...maybe I'd feel differently if I found the kilt thing funnier. IMO its been done to death, just the same pics posted over and over. Right now I think the Ryan Gosling things are hilarious, but talk to me in a month or so and I may feel differently. :lol: That's the point! It changes the subject quickly before someone posts something they will regret. It is not to dismiss the serious stuff, it is to lighten the mood before someone reaches through the computer and rips the head off of another poster. It's a fun pass the bean dip type of thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 If my husband was laughing over a picture of a hot girl that had a caption saying "Hey babe, I have a great idea for vacation, let's visit EVERY major league baseball stadium! Would that be awesome?" I would laugh with him. I think the stuff that goes on on this forum is totally tame. It would be a different story if the pics had captions like "I want to hit that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Now I wonder if I'm on that list. It wouldn't surprise me. LOL As for the topic at hand, I don't care one way or another. What goes on here is very tame considering how bad it could be. I think we all know the difference between seeing a nice looking man in a kilt or even a nice looking man on the beach and inappropriate photos. Sadly often what men have available by way of titillating photos is of air brushed, unnaturally enhances women who don't exist in real life. Those I do find offensive but because of how they put undue pressure on real women to conform to an unrealistic body image not because some guy somewhere can't control his urges. IKR I often wonder if I am on someone's ignore list. For some odd reason I would be almost disappointed to not be on the "master list" though :lol: Something about being in the top 10 ya know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I think that: 1) It depends on the comments that go along with it. If the guys were being all lewd: "I'd like to do that!"...um, yeah, no. We don't say stuff like that. 2) It depends on the pictures themselves. We post relatively innocuous pictures of men in kilts from movie scenes or whatever, but if they were posting virtual porn that would be another story. 3) It depends on the intent. I think of what we do as silly fun but with good clean intent, just kind of playing around. We're not really doing it in a sexual fantasy kind of way. I've show dh a few of the men in kilts, and he laughs at them. And I don't consider looking at a picture of a man in a kilt on the internet as ogling (or a shirtless man in a pair of Carharts). In fact, can you ogle a picture? No double standard in our household. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I'm sort of a stick in the mud too. I would not approve if my DH did it. I don't do it either (as far as commenting and drooling goes), but I don't see a problem in reading and getting a chuckle out of what the other women are writing. In fact last night, I got such a good laugh out of one thread with men and kilts that I shared it with him and he would probably do the same if he found something similarly funny on a forum he frequented or guys were talking about at work. Finding amusement in something and actually lusting after another person are two different things, so I suppose I could say I'd be okay with him reading the threads like I do, just scanning through, giggling at everyone else, but I would NOT be okay with him pausing to "savor" the pictures, kwim? Intent is important. I also think the TYPE of pictures is important too. I didn't mind pictures of men in kilts from movies, etc., but I wasn't a fan of the shirtless, "I'm trying to look like a hunka hunka man" ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) I just don't want to be known as the one on here that blasts everyone rudely. My feelings on it have not changed, I just thought it was more prudent to delete it, though with it still in Catwoman's reply I guess everyone can still read it I just deleted my post (the one with your quote) because if you deleted your post, I didn't think it was right to leave it quoted in mine. FWIW, I never think of you as someone who blasts people rudely. I only commented on it because I thought it was very out-of-character for you, and I was sure you didn't mean it the way it came across. :001_smile: Edited February 12, 2012 by Catwoman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in the UP of MI Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I wouldn't like it and I don't like it when the threads here take that turn either but I'm a prude and a stick in the mud.:) I agree and so would dh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't think it's appropriate for men or women. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I agree with dmmosher, and I don't think she's saying she's 'better' than anyone else because she doesn't like those posts. Yes, there's a double standard, I believe. And, I've been feeling the same way about the kilt pics, and was afraid to say something for fear of being slammed. I don't think 'less' of you ladies who post the pics and whatever. But some of us don't really care for it, and I think it should be ok to say that. And no, I wouldn't want my dh posting pics of pretty women on his forums, either. And he wouldn't; not because I don't like it, but because he wouldn't want to. I don't have any problems with there being a 'cute kilt pics' thread or whatever; I can just not read it. But when they pop up in random threads? Yeah, not a fan. And maybe some of the ladies who post them didn't realize that others don't really care for it. So, now they do. No need to get offended, or accuse dmmosher or anyone else of being holier than thou or whatever. :iagree: You put into words exactly my thoughts on this subject. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) To the PP who taught me how to turn off photos here, thank you. We have our desktop in a very easy to see area of the home. My dc know that I like to read the WTM forums. And they know it is (mostly) about homeschooling activities. When an 8X10 of a (many times) shirtless man pops up and they see it, I have some explaining to do. To everyone who gave his/her opinion without making judgements about others' motives or states of holiness, thank you. Edited February 13, 2012 by dmmosher Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I guess I just don't see the stuff here as being suggestive. I think it's all about lightening things up, being a little silly, and having some fun. It never dawned on me that anyone would find kilt pictures offensive, and I am sure I'm not the only person who feels that way. I also never thought the little jokes would have been a problem for anyone, and I certainly never intended to upset anyone with anything I said. Hot Guys in Kilts Photos = Offensive enough not to recommend this forum to newbies??? Not even on my radar. :iagree: This is me too. The spirit in which it is done has never seemed offensive to me, and no, I wouldn't mind DH getting a laugh also over a discussion like those we have had here. To the poster who said they dislike them appearing in random threads...so, it's better just to let the thread continue to get nastier until it is shut down? Because that's when it usually happens. Honestly that's when I love it the most. Lightening up the tone of a thread that is getting too vicious or personal drops a MAJOR hint that everyone needs to cool down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 To the poster who said they dislike them appearing in random threads...so, it's better just to let the thread continue to get nastier until it is shut down? Because that's when it usually happens. Honestly that's when I love it the most. Lightening up the tone of a thread that is getting too vicious or personal drops a MAJOR hint that everyone needs to cool down. I agree, there are certainly times a good 'chill out' post is in order. But I think some of us are just saying, perhaps those 'chill out' posts could be about things other than ogling men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) I agree, there are certainly times a good 'chill out' post is in order. But I think some of us are just saying, perhaps those 'chill out' posts could be about things other than ogling men. OK, I'll try it just for you, but I don't think this is gonna be nearly as much fun... http://www.crock-pot.com/Images/Products/GROUPS/71_17_46051975.JPG Although that thing could heat me up any time... :drool5: Nope. Not funny. I gave it my best shot, but a crock pot just isn't the same as a guy in a kilt. Now a guy in a kilt holding a crock pot.... hmmmmmmmm... that might just work............... ;) Edited February 12, 2012 by Catwoman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I wouldn't like it and I don't like it when the threads here take that turn either but I'm a prude and a stick in the mud.:) Me, too. We can be sticks in the mud together. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 :iagree: This is me too. The spirit in which it is done has never seemed offensive to me, and no, I wouldn't mind DH getting a laugh also over a discussion like those we have had here. To the poster who said they dislike them appearing in random threads...so, it's better just to let the thread continue to get nastier until it is shut down? Because that's when it usually happens. Honestly that's when I love it the most. Lightening up the tone of a thread that is getting too vicious or personal drops a MAJOR hint that everyone needs to cool down. It always seems those who protest things like this, are the very ones who get caught with a stash of adult entertainment or get busted for solicitation. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 It doesn't bother me in the least. I don't visualize anything inappropriate with them and honestly (ok, don't bash me here) I don't even think kilts are that sexy. But, I am not offended by them in any way. I think ogling is the wrong term, at least for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't think kilts are sexy. I don't get the threads that have a bunch of pictures or comments about hot guys, so I just ignore them (although one time someone posted a pic of Johnny Depp that I thought was really hot :tongue_smilie:) but that kind of talk and pictures just don't appeal to me at ALL. I'm not bothered by it, and I've never even thought about it here on the board, I just ignore it. I am and would be bothered with my husband looking at pictures of scantily clad/naked women. That has been a constant issue in our marriage and I agree with whoever said that when guys do it, it is more threatening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 OK, I'll try it just for you, but I don't think this is gonna be nearly as much fun... http://www.crock-pot.com/Images/Products/GROUPS/71_17_46051975.JPG Although that thing could heat me up any time... :drool5: Nope. Not funny. I gave it my best shot, but a crock pot just isn't the same as a guy in a kilt. Now a guy in a kilt holding a crock pot.... hmmmmmmmm... that might just work............... ;) :thumbup: Nice try! Now if you'd posted a picture of a tea kettle, that would have been funny! :D Actually, I can think up a whole bunch more crudities and double-entendres from the picture you just posted than from the kilt/Hey Girl pix. ;) (I don't think I wanna know what that says about me!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 :thumbup: Nice try! Now if you'd posted a picture of a tea kettle, that would have been funny! :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Now all we need are some bean dip pictures... :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Now a guy in a kilt holding a crock pot.... hmmmmmmmm... that might just work............... ;) ooh dinner AND a show. I knew I loved the hive for a reason :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 It always seems those who protest things like this, are the very ones who get caught with a stash of adult entertainment or get busted for solicitation. :D :lol: as me Me thinks the lady doth protest too much :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I wouldn't care. My dh does his fair share of checking out eye candy as I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I have to admit, it was funny the first 100 times, but now it's just slightly annoying. Anytime there is an uncomfortable subject, or people get heated, here come the kilt pictures. I scroll right through. :rolleyes: It's probably the same people posting, good friends with an inside joke that I don't care about. I just can't imagine my husband posting the male version of that under similar circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 ooh dinner AND a show. I knew I loved the hive for a reason :D :D :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funschooler5 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 That's the point! It changes the subject quickly before someone posts something they will regret. It is not to dismiss the serious stuff, it is to lighten the mood before someone reaches through the computer and rips the head off of another poster. It's a fun pass the bean dip type of thing. Yeah, I get that. :) I guess I just prefer the direct approach ("Hey, that comment was un-called for!") rather than pages of photos. And maybe not everyone wants the discussion derailed. I liken it to people having a heated political argument IRL and then having a group of people walk into the room loudly chatting and laughing to cover up the discussion, because *they* feel it's getting too heated. Maybe the people having the discussion didn't want to be interrupted? I don't know, I like a good argument. And I think for the most part, people around here stay civil. If somebody says something hurtful, they usually apologize. Or they'll take a break for awhile. To the poster who said they dislike them appearing in random threads...so, it's better just to let the thread continue to get nastier until it is shut down? Because that's when it usually happens. Yep. I say let it run its course. I've seen a few threads where somebody has made a point, or asked a question that doesn't get answered because it's gotten derailed by pages of kilt photos or recipes. Sometimes (only sometimes) it *seems* to me like there are a few posters that dont like the way a certain thread is going , so they decide to jump in and take it over. I could be wrong though. I seem to be the only person posting about this. :D I'm not even sure why it bothers me, since I'm not usually posting on those threads. I read a lot more than I post. I just feel like if I was in the middle of an interesting conversation, it would bug me if it got derailed like that. Once the kilts come up (so to speak :lol:) the conversation rarely comes back around again. And that just doesn't seem fair if there are just a couple of people being nasty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I have to admit, it was funny the first 100 times, but now it's just slightly annoying. Anytime there is an uncomfortable subject, or people get heated, here come the kilt pictures. I scroll right through. :rolleyes: It's probably the same people posting, good friends with an inside joke that I don't care about. :iagree: And I don't think heat always calls for levity, or attempts at levity. [btw, thanks ... I love the block images option!] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 :iagree: And I don't think heat always calls for levity, or attempts at levity. [btw, thanks ... I love the block images option!] I'm sorry but your screename here is, "mirth." It made me laugh out loud that you posted what you did with that particular screename. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 No, because it's ok with me if DH looks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Those threads and pics are all done in fun, and I am certainly not thinking anything truly inappropriate looking at them. If my dh did the same, and it was all in fun without lewd comments, I wouldn't have a problem with that. He and I both know we are totally committed to each other, but we're not blind. We've been married 30 years - I know which celebrities he finds attractive and vice-versa. I show him those threads lots of times so he can laugh with me. It certainly wouldn't keep me from recommending these boards to a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 Just to set the record straight- My question in the OP was about a double standard. Only about 5 ladies gave their answer to that. Of course we and our husbands notice good looking people; that wasn't the point. Nor was porn, or averting eyes or admonishing others. As far as insinuating that I'm a hypocrite (a closet ogler, oh brother) , I wasn't the one who tagged certain threads with "nice christian ladies" and "wtm cougar club". Learning about turning off photos was a bonus, and it may even prod me to recommend WTM forums in the future, with a disclaimer. To all who shared what you think about the original topic without being nasty (whether you agree with my assessment or not), thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristangrace Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I've heard enough anecdotal evidence to suggest that women often get a free pass with this stuff. Professional women who comment on a man in sexual terms are perceived as cute or racy, but similar comment from a man can be professional suicide. I find that double standard to be reeeeeeeeeeeeally obnoxious for a few different reasons, one of which is that it seems to indicate that those women are totally OK with being taken less seriously than men. If I comment on my male co-worker's butt and everyone giggles, and my male co-worker comments on my butt and gets reprimanded by HR, what does that say about what my company thinks of me? I have to assume they think my co-worker's words are serious meaningful, but mine are just so much girlish blather. I probably shouldn't speculate about other people's motives, but I do wonder if some women talk sexually about men for some of the same reasons men used to talk sexually about women: power. "Look at me, fellows! I can talk about your ass in this office with impunity but you can't talk about mine! Neener neener ha ha!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Just to set the record straight- My question in the OP was about a double standard. Only about 5 ladies gave their answer to that. Of course we and our husbands notice good looking people; that wasn't the point. Nor was porn, or averting eyes or admonishing others. As far as insinuating that I'm a hypocrite (a closet ogler, oh brother) , I wasn't the one who tagged certain threads with "nice christian ladies" and "wtm cougar club". Learning about turning off photos was a bonus, and it may even prod me to recommend WTM forums in the future, with a disclaimer. To all who shared what you think about the original topic without being nasty (whether you agree with my assessment or not), thanks. So it was an honest question with a bit of shame on you thrown in for good measure? Because otherwise you would have just asked if there was a double standard and not the part about how you don't share the site with friends. And, in asking that we answer the question, you tried to shame everyone again (by saying that you will now share the site now that you can turn the picts off). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 Okay, it was worth starting this thread just for post #94. Thanks for your thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 So it was an honest question with a bit of shame on you thrown in for good measure? Because otherwise you would have just asked if there was a double standard and not the part about how you don't share the site with friends. And, in asking that we answer the question, you tried to shame everyone again (by saying that you will now share the site now that you can turn the picts off). I find it amusing that you are trying to shame the op into admitting what you presume to be her shaming others. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I guess I just prefer the direct approach ("Hey, that comment was un-called for!") I've been here more years than I can count, I think, long before it was this board. I don't think I've ever seen the direct approach work. On the other hand, I've seen the distraction technique work over and over. I prefer the method that ends the nastiness sooner rather than later. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I've heard enough anecdotal evidence to suggest that women often get a free pass with this stuff. Professional women who comment on a man in sexual terms are perceived as cute or racy, but similar comment from a man can be professional suicide. I find that double standard to be reeeeeeeeeeeeally obnoxious for a few different reasons, one of which is that it seems to indicate that those women are totally OK with being taken less seriously than men. If I comment on my male co-worker's butt and everyone giggles, and my male co-worker comments on my butt and gets reprimanded by HR, what does that say about what my company thinks of me? I have to assume they think my co-worker's words are serious meaningful, but mine are just so much girlish blather. I probably shouldn't speculate about other people's motives, but I do wonder if some women talk sexually about men for some of the same reasons men used to talk sexually about women: power. "Look at me, fellows! I can talk about your ass in this office with impunity but you can't talk about mine! Neener neener ha ha!" :iagree: with your supposition for why women spout off - some want to do what they think men are doing. whomever (male or female) is doing it sends a message of their lack of professionalism. the lack of accountability says to me HR is terrified of a s*xual harassement lawsuit that women will file, but men rarely do. (and if men do file one, it is stigmatizing for their careers.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I've been here more years than I can count, I think, long before it was this board. I don't think I've ever seen the direct approach work. On the other hand, I've seen the distraction technique work over and over. I prefer the method that ends the nastiness sooner rather than later. ;) :iagree: A little distraction can also prevent a lot of hurt feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Whew! I guess I'm not on your list or you wouldn't have quoted me! (I KNOW that I'm on some people's ignore lists because I have defended their position in threads and it's like I'm talking to myself.) ;) It's okay to write that since they won't see it. :lol: Now I wonder if I'm on that list. It wouldn't surprise me. LOL I see both of you! Hi! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stansclan89 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I just wonder how many others here (male and female) are like me and don't recommend this forum to fellow HSers because of it? Actually, I recommend this board because of all the references (men in kilts, various tea threads, etc). I think they are funny and what makes this board unique and fun. I can find hsing boards all over the place, but where can I make a comment or ask a question about anything and get an answer. And I do show my dh the threads I think are funny. He does the same type of thing on the hunting board he frequents. Neither of us have issues with either one. It's not the same thing as doing these things in a work place though. Then there is worry about power and manipulation relating to money and job security. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Just to set the record straight- My question in the OP was about a double standard. Only about 5 ladies gave their answer to that. Of course we and our husbands notice good looking people; that wasn't the point. Nor was porn, or averting eyes or admonishing others. As far as insinuating that I'm a hypocrite (a closet ogler, oh brother) , I wasn't the one who tagged certain threads with "nice christian ladies" and "wtm cougar club". Learning about turning off photos was a bonus, and it may even prod me to recommend WTM forums in the future, with a disclaimer. To all who shared what you think about the original topic without being nasty (whether you agree with my assessment or not), thanks. I thought your question was a good one and I didn't detect back-handed chastisement or hypocrisy at all. I have felt uncomfortable reading those threads, just sort of a "this is weird" feeling -- because in MY marriage, it is weird. Dh wouldn't be on a forum that had pix posted of "hotties." So yeah... I tend to close those threads when they start going that direction, because I don't want to be doing something that would be hurtful to dh if he were sitting beside me. It doesn't mean we're prudes or insecure in our relationship... it's just how we roll. I only want him to dwell on me as hot/drool-worthy, and vice versa. Yes, we both know there are plenty of other "hotties" out there -- we just don't choose to give them brain space. :D Sorry you got jumped on. I think there was some (understandable) defensiveness happening, which you probably should have anticipated. If I were "okay" with the hotties in kilts thing, I may have felt defensive, even if it was an innocent/just wondering question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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