Mommyfaithe Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 No! Absolutely not. I plan to be able to help my girls fulfill their own dreams while raising a family. I do encourage them to go into flexible work fields...and to seek their dream jobs. I plan to help with baby sitting, homeschooling, whatever they need to make those dreams happen. I do not want them to be like me.....looking back and asking what if....what if....what if. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 The question about spouses feelings about you being a stay at home mom got me thinking. Do you talk to your daughters about being a stay at home mom? Do you encourage them to be a stay at home mom when they have kids? I am a third generation stay at home mom (grandmother, mother, me) and I 100% encourage my daughter to go into a field that is relatively family friendly and work at least part time if not full time. I have experienced divorce and then death of X-husband. I never want my daughter to be without the means to support herself and her family. Thoughts? I do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I am only stay-at-home since we had twins (before I could complete my PhD) and then one of them had (has) autism (he is disabled to the extent of never living independently, etc.). Luckily hubby makes enough that we can have me home (I homeschooled in part to fill the time ;) and it was FUN!!!). Ironically, my kid sister did NOT go beyond the local cc, has worked all her life, unable to advance w/o the four-year degree ... and is now the sole breadwinner since her pilot husband had heart trouble and was grounded by the FAA. She can never stop working, as they need her income and health insurance. We also have neighbors where, thank goodness, the mom already had finished her degree and had a good job, as the dad was diagnosed with Parkinsons last year and is becoming more and more disabled :sad: I have the twin boys - one a college sophomore now - and two singleton girls in high school, and we simply expect them to be able to work and support themselves as adults. Heck, I have even pointed out how we know two families (one relatives, the other neighbors) where for a few years while kids were small the mom worked and the dad stayed home since she had the better career. I have also talked up my sister and the neighbor with Parkinsons a lot to the girls, just to point out that you never know what may happen to the breadwinner in a family, and they need to be able to not only help support a family, but step up and be the sole support if need be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 An excellent education will benefit them no matter what they choose. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I agree with you. I think the message I received growing up was "You should be able to have it all." And really, I think that is nonsense. I have it all, but it is work, and I earn enough for hubby to stay home. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Oldest dd has a master's in chemistry and is currently staying home to raise/teach her kid. She's taught part time but for now she's ready to stay home and focus on that. I think she has it all- staying home with the girls right now but a top notch education to enable her to earn money is she needs to/wants to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I tell my girls every day that they can be whatever they want to be. And I believe God has a plan and a path for them. They see me juggle a career (I'm a nurse) and a family, so they know it can work. I love being home with them, but I love my job too. Ideally I would like to see them go to college and be able to support themselves and their families (should they choose to marry and have children), and then have the option of working or staying at home. They are under the impression that college is not optional. :D I will not guilt them into being sahm or make them think it's the only way. There's nothing worse than a miserable sahm. I hope that if they choose to have a family and work that I will be able to help with my grandbabies. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I have it all, but it is work, and I earn enough for hubby to stay home. :D That is wonderful that it works for you. It would not work for us. Honestly, with all of our kids, we are encouraging them to go to college before getting married. (Which I did, and I'm thankful for. My husband did not, and it was a struggle for all of us as he pursued an education after we were married & had kids.) And, as long as they are godly people, I plan to encourage them with whatever choices they make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Heck - I'm not even encouraging my DD to get married :tongue_smilie: It's all her choice -if she wants to work I'll homeschool her kids for her if she wants ;) Honestly - I hope she has skills and can support herself - unlike her mother who quit Uni to stay home with the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinWa Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I would teach my daughter about "how" to be a stay at home mom - just incase she becomes one. I would also encourage her to either go to college or have some sort of trade before she gets married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I've been widowed, divorced, and now remarried. I've worked full-time, part-time, and been a SAHM. I've been the full-time wage-earning spouse of a SAHD. No matter what I've done, I've tried to do what I thought was best for my family. My kids have watched that over the years. Now I have four adult daughters and two of them work part-time (nurse and bartender), one is a SAHM with a home business, and the other is about to go back to school as an adult for her nursing degree after being a SAHM (and plans to work part time after that). I think it's great that they have choices. I think it is wonderful to have an adult focused full time on the home and the family. Sometimes that can't be a reality, and the family has to adjust. For us, putting the needs of the family first and having similar goals and working together to try to reach those goals while being as supportive as possible to each other has worked out well. It helps to be flexible, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I really hope that my children end up in marriages where one of them can be home with the children. It really doesn't matter to me if it's the mom or the dad. I can totally see my son staying home for awhile, and I can see my one daughter who is married working while her husband stays home with the children. But, I realize situations are not always ideal, and therefore I think it's best if both the mom and dad are prepared to do something, and I encourage my daughters as well as my son to follow their passion/interests that might lead to a career for them. (My husband very suddenly became severely disabled 1.5 years ago, so you never know what life holds.) We also don't assume all of our children will get married, or think that's necessarily the highest calling. What is most important, for us, is that they lead lives that are pleasing to God, whether married or single, at home with children or not. Personally, I've loved staying home with my children all these years, and I believe my children would too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 That is wonderful that it works for you. It would not work for us. I was merely noting "having it all" (career and family) for a woman need not be "nonsense", as you claimed. There are men out there willing to be "the back up band" for a solid lead singer. I've known several. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I would totally support my dds making the choice to be stay at home moms, but it's only a choice if there are other options open to them. I don't want them limited in their choices because of education or religious attitudes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) My mom was a SAHM, and I had a career but became a SAHM. However, I don't think SAHM-dom is all rainbows and roses. As with all potential career paths my children consider, I will discuss the pros and cons of being a SAHP. All I can do is talk to them about the challenges and benefits of different types of careers, and they will ultimately have to decide. The tough part is that at 18 or 20 there is no way I thought I would ever become a SAHM. I thought I'd work at least part time once I had children, etc. Most of my friends were very driven and felt the same way. And then we had kids, and some of us were shocked to find ourselves wanting to be SAHPs. Had someone tried to tell my 20 year old self that, I would have laughed. I pursued a master's degree, had outstanding grades, was very into my career. And then we went through infertility and that crystallized how important this all was to me. With many of my friends, I have witnessed how student loans can make it difficult to have the option to SAH. Most of the good universities for my particular major were private and expensive. Attending a program like that can literally take SAHPing off the list of options due to the cost and loans. But how do you have a realistic conversation about that at 18 or 20? I guess all you can do is dialogue about choices and what they might mean down the road. It is so difficult! I feel it is essential that she have as many doors open to her as possible. Hopefully she'll find a career she loves, even if she goes on to become a SAHM later. I think there is a lot of value in having a SAHP, but I also think there are lots of downsides. In her generation, I am concerned about the long-term viability of one parent remaining home vs. a 2 family income. As more jobs get outsourced, and education costs climb, etc. I do wonder about whether it will even be a feasible option. I also think SAHPing has a significant emotional toll that isn't for everyone. Edited February 12, 2012 by Momof3littles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I talk to my kids about stewarding their gifts and talents to the best of the ability. I talk to them about getting training so that they can earn money in a field if they need to, be that f.t. work or as a sahm. Working in a career, or working at home- both are work; just different forms. We talk about forms and content. We also talk about what does "having it all means" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't believe that every child is best served by having a SAHM, although mine certainly was. If someone is absolutely frantic and martyr-like all the time, or depressed and inert, or abusive, or just plain extremely miserable at home, I would not be one to say that nevertheless she should absolutely force herself to do that. I hope that my DD has children, that she takes joy in being a parent, and that she also takes joy in other pursuits; that she loves God with all her heart, soul, and mind, and that God's love and Word form and inform her planning and decisions. I hope that she is able to be both independent and interdependent. And I will support her in staying home or working as long as she seeks God's will and what is best for her family. Actually, now that I think of it, I will support her even if she doesn't, but not as wholeheartedly. It is extremely difficult to work and raise children well. I hope that she has the blessing of being able to stay home with her children, and the educationally well-based confidence that she can support them and herself well if necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I encourage my dd to think big picture. I think choosing a career that is flexible and could be walked away from for a season is important. Equally important is to not rack up so many student loans that you won't be able to walk away or work part time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I support whatever my child chooses to do, acknowledging there are sacrifices that must be made in any relationship. My mother was the primary breadwinner and she's always said one of the couple must be flexible. This was brought home to me when my dh and I ended up arguing over who would have to cancel a business trip to stay in town with our ds. In my family, my mother and my sisters work full time and earn the most money. I am the only one who chooses to stay home with the kids. Biologically, you cannot know how you will feel about being a SAHM until you have a child. I thought I was going to work full-time as my mother did and it wasn't until I was midway through my pregnancy that I realized I wanted to be home with my child. Both my sister and mother mentioned they were ready to go back to work within three weeks of giving birth. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving my child in daycare after my son was born. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 We are raising our children with traditional values and modern skills. How's that for an answer. I love this answer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 My daughter is too young for me to think about these things, but all I know for sure is that I would highly encourage her get an education beyond college and develop her career before having children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I've been widowed, divorced, and now remarried. I've worked full-time, part-time, and been a SAHM. I've been the full-time wage-earning spouse of a SAHD. No matter what I've done, I've tried to do what I thought was best for my family. My kids have watched that over the years. Now I have four adult daughters and two of them work part-time (nurse and bartender), one is a SAHM with a home business, and the other is about to go back to school as an adult for her nursing degree after being a SAHM (and plans to work part time after that). I think it's great that they have choices. I think it is wonderful to have an adult focused full time on the home and the family. Sometimes that can't be a reality, and the family has to adjust. For us, putting the needs of the family first and having similar goals and working together to try to reach those goals while being as supportive as possible to each other has worked out well. It helps to be flexible, too. :iagree: Flexibility is the key and what the spouse is open to -- communication is vital. I have been the breadwinner in the marriage back in the day as an Elementary Schoolteacher when ds was born up to his Kindergarten days. Hubby raised our baby well and I think it bonded them as now he is very protective of our teen son! (Son has Asperger's Syndrome and a rare liver disease... but hubby loves him dearly.) I was always impressed with the fact hubby did an amazing job raising our baby/toddler, got meals made, cleaned house, laundry and chores. I was wiped out by the time I got home from teaching little ones all day. ;) I took over when son was in Kindergarten and took p/t subbing jobs or teacher's aide positions to supplement income. Hubby worked full time. Then son went into a coma and we nearly lost him. So, we pulled him out of private school (3rd grade) and I made the decision to homeschool him as I refused to have him be put in public school -- in special ed half of the day. Hubby supported by decision and we made the best of it. Now ds is a 10th grader and soon transitioning to college. We've been rich and poor. But never regretted the decision to stay at home and homeschool. I'm considering going back to work as a Elementary Schoolteacher in a few years. Most likely work 'til I am in my late 70's as I get bored easily and need something to do. :D I do think any young lady needs to be empowered and have a Plan B and a certificate or degree in case something happens like death of a spouse or divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I would hope that my daughters get their degrees, pursue their talents, and plan before they have children. With planning and working hard before having a child, there should be little need to have both parents work if they don't want to...for most people. I would hope my grandchildren would never have to be in daycare. I would love homeschooling too for them, because we have strong feelings against ps. I guess it boils down to teaching my girls and boys, too, to work hard, save, make prudent choices and explore their own hearts...to plan and get educated so that many options are available. Once they are adults, though, I won't be overbearing mama bear. They will make their own choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 If that is her choice, then yes. However, I want her to get a degree in something where she can support herself if she ever needed to and that she has a parttime option if she ever needed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I want my dd to do whatever makes her happy, and if she works I want to take care of her kiddos. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 No, I do not encourage my DD to stay home. I encourage her to get an education and be in a position to make the choice that is best for her and her family (presently, having children does not figure in her plans for the future at all).I tried being a SAHM for several years and am very glad NOT to stay home full time anymore. Seeing that my DD has a very similar personality to mine, I would be surprised if that would make her happy in the long term - because it did make me sick and miserable. :iagree: I could have absolutely written this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 My kids are still pretty young, but as far as family life goes, I would encourage all of them to consider that having children is a kind of absolute commitment, and they need to think seriously about whether they want that, and what kind of lifestyle is conductive to it. Personally I don't think the modern two working FT parents, kids in daycare situation is very good for children, and so I would tend to tell them they need to try and create a family life that is different than that. As far as lifestyle in general - my intention is to give them an education as far as grade 12 that will mean they are well educated in the truest sense - strong basic academic skills, a good knowledge of many topics, all the things one needs to be an interesting person, a good citizen, and so on. We would also like to give them many of the skills and maybe some resources they need to actually live - the ability to grow food, build a house, and if possible even a bit of land if they want it. I'd like them to be able to go to learn a trade or career skill that will allow them to be really independent if they want to be - working for themselves. As far as university, I hope to give them enough education they don't need it just for that, but of course if they want a skill that requires it, or have an academic vocation it would be required. (And if they want to go just for the learning I think that is wonderful but needs a bit of free cash.) Essentially i want my kids to have as little debt and as simple a life as possible, including mortgages, and real skills to get by on their own. Then, if they want to, they can really have a life where they are available for family life or community work or to serve the Church or to study or invent or whatever, because they will not have to earn a lot to live. Both parents can be really available for the kids. To me that is what can give us real freedom, and it's counter-cultural enough that I figure I will have to make it pretty explicit - I didn't figure it out until I was older and by then it was very difficult to get out of the choices I had already made. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I want my daughter to do what she wants to do. Period. I feel the same about my sons. :iagree: This exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I would be thrilled if my children stayed home with their children. I also want to make sure that everyone leaves the house with a skill that can earn them money, both in regular times and if times get really bad. Definitely want them to leave with lots of practical skills! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pehp Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 My children are very young. But my expectation is that they will both (i have a boy and a girl) learn domestic skills (keeping house, meal planning, laundering) and that they will both get rigorous educations, including graduate degrees. That having been said, I would love to see my daughter stay home with her children. I am the first at-home mother in a long line of women who had careers outside the home, and I love our lifestyle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 but I certainly do encourage them to stay home with their children, at least when they are young. Dd is staying home with dgs. Oldest dd is getting engaged soon, and she and her bf have already discussed the fact that she will stay home after they have kids, and that she wants to home school. I encourage my son to go to college, get a good job/career, and plan to support his wife and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I encourage (or will encourage) my daughters to work towards an education and possible field they enjoy but, if they have children, I would prefer they stay home. My oldest wants children and wants to homeschool. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocketgirl Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) My mom was probably the furthest thing from a stay at home mom back in the 70s, 80s. She worked hard, long hours, all the time. I rarely remember her being home to tuck me in or get me ready for school. I always believed I'd get a busy job too, then I did, then I had kids & realized I couldn't do both well & gave up the job. The furthest thing from what I would have thought I'd do. Now I love tucking in my kids, I love getting them ready for whatever they are doing. I wouldn't influence my kids to go one way or the other but would emphasize the positives & the realities of both & hope they have time to experience working full time before they have children and hope they have the means to make the best decision for their families. For now, we hope our children work hard at everything they do, encourage them to have fun, and help them set goals, like striving for and completing college before starting a family "life". Edited February 12, 2012 by rocketgirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I would like my daughters and my son's wives to stay home with the children until at least school aged. If due to financial reasons that is not feasible than I would like to be the one caring for my grandbabies each day. I do not want my grandkids in daycare any more than I wanted my own kids in it. I don't expect them to homeschool, or to stay home after the kids are in school fulltime, though if they want to I will support that. I want them to have an education and career before kids, with skills to stand on their own 2 feet should anything happen requiring them to return to the workforce sooner than planned. I want my sons to have the skills and education to be able earn a large enough salary that their wives can stay home with the children for the early years. It's not that I want my daughters trapped at home, or reliant on a husband, it's that I do not feel group care situations (daycare) are ideal for kids particularily in the birth-5 age range. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rtcrmine Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I want my girls to have an education and be self sufficient. When they are ready to settle down and raise a family I want them to do just that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizaG Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I would like my daughters to become stay-at-pew nuns. :) But if they end up having an active vocation as nursing or teaching sisters, I won't bother them about it. It's all good. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 No, I don't *want* my dd to be a stay at home mom. I want her to make the decisions that best meet the needs and desires of everyone in her family at that time, including HER. That may or may not be "stay at home" mothering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I think I would like her to have the option to be a SAHM when she comes to have children and would encourage her to look after her kids within her family if possible. In practice it totally depends on what job or career she ends up doing and how her family set up works. She might have a partner who is happy at home some of the time or a job she can do from home or part time so she can have both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homemaker Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Yes, if God allows them to marry and have kids, yes, I would like them to stay at home and I hope my son chooses a wife who will stay at home as well. My children are still little, but when they are older we will go out of way to teach them to save a wife's income (or pay of any debt with it) but not to live off of it at all, so it won't be a burden when she stays at home. I have too many friends that bought a house off their two inomes instead of just the husbands and now are stuck working when they don't want too. I would definately like them to have a skill or degree, however, I have a teaching degree but if my husband were to die or become disabled we have insurance to cover that and I would still be able to stay at home. If he were to divorce me then I would be in trouble and need to go back to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 My 19 year old has no intention on getting a boyfriend, spouse, or children. At one point, children (from fostercare) was an option she'd consider "one day;" but she has changed her mind. Of course, she's 19; she could *still* change her mind (when the right boy comes along?). However, she will not entertain the discussion so I have no idea if she will stay home. I do think that she is more likely to homeschool or ask for me to after all the junk we and my friend has had to deal with regarding the public schools. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaigeP Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 My parents felt very strongly about my being able to make a living should I have to do so and they wanted me to have an education (after high school) and a degree that would earn enough income to support a family, but at the same time they also taught me that IF I choose to marry and bare children that my calling would be to be a stay at home mother as that was what was best for my children. I remember my father saying, "If you any your husband have to live in a tiny old rickety home for you to be able to stay home with your little ones, then I'd do it." My mom had a college degree (accountant) and stayed home with us while we were small and returned to work for only about 4 years once we were in school. I don't have a daughter, only sons, but if I ever have one, I will teach her like my parents taught me -- to get an education (one that doesn't rack up tons of debt afterwards and that can earn a salary --- i.e. if she majors in flute in needs to be a secondary major IMO) and then, if she marries and has children, that she needs to put that off and accept a new calling. Being a SAHM is not always easy. It's much easier to deligate that responsibity and to get up and get all spifted up (dressed) and to head out into a world where you don't have to condescend (you can talk with adults all day and not read another Goodnight Moon and answer, 'Why is doodoo brown?" all day). For me, the emotional toil of this (not being with my kids and missing out on their fleeting time at home and knowing that they are not being shepherded/guided/taught by another who knows them and loves them and is training them as I do/know how to do. Granted, there are women who cannot afford to stay at home (even despite making sacrifices to do so- ---- downsizing, old cars, no pedicures, the rare haircut, no vacations, etc. and there are women who cannot (will not) change their dispositions ("I hate this." "I'm bored outta my mind", "If I have to wipe another snotty nose", "I can't take being cooped up in this g--forsaken house anymore." etc.) and conduct themselves with joy in this HIGH calling. I've worked outside of the home for 5 years before motherhood -- I know it's easier -- it's an easier job, it requires 0.5% of the time/effort, and it's more "adult" for lack of a better word. I decided long before marriage that's what I'd be. When I was voted, "Most likely to Succeed" in high school and I had to have a little write-up under my photo I wrote that I wanted to one day be a full time homemaker; the teacher told me that I needed to put something else with some more "ambition". I told her that was my ambition and that I didn't want to change what I wrote. That's how the world (and many Christians) see this calling. They certainly think Titus chapter 2 is a bunch of outdated fooey. This is easier to do for Christians who see it as a calling and who see the spiritual training of our children as of primary import. If one lacks this,then I can see how it'd be much easier to say that one person (mom) or another (sitter/daycare aka (pre)"school":glare:) can do the job just as well. Another person/institution can keep a child out of a socket, can wipe a drippy booger, can put a PB&J in front and can even teach manners and kindness and can earn a child's trust and love. But, this is, as I see it, only about 1/4 of what motherhood is to me. I was always surprised at my former church when I'd ask the young ladies (most of whose moms were SAHMs BTW) their future plans and they made no mention of motherhood much less being a homemaker -- it was always career oriented talk). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 don't have a daughter----but I would hope that she would enjoy her life and see if a career was for her before she settled down into a stay-home lifestyle--that being said if she wanted to do it I would be all for it..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't have a daughter (nor do I ever expect to have one), but I am raising my son to have the *worth ethic, *financial maturity, *emotional maturity and *moral maturity that will allow his future wife to stay at home with their kids and will help him to know how to prioritize his family. It's just my belief that if you have kids, you stay at home with them. They are that important. I appreciate this post. Having seven daughters, each unique, has made this a front and center discussion in our home. Currently we are preparing or oldest daughter to go to college. I am not always certain that is a good choice as investing eighteen years into her anf then dumping her into the liberal abyss seems a poor choice to me. However, that said, our ultimate goal is to raise a WHOLE person... Well adjusted, intelligent, socially adept, conscious, thinking, thoughtful hunan being WITHOUT student loans, so that she can go into a marriage without feeling as though she must work. And I will about to consciously training her to look for a man who WANTS his wife to stay home and care for the family and home educate as she would like 2yo be a homeschooling mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't have any daughters, only one son. My husband and I are raising him in an egalitarian household, where his mom stayed at home for the first 4.5 years, and now works full-time, and where his dad worked until last year, but now is a SAHD and home school teacher. We hope to teach him that he shouldn't make any such decisions based on any religious or social ideals about who should stay at home, and who should support the family. If he gets married, and one of them is able to stay home with any kids they have, and they are happy with that, great. If they both work, and their family is happy, that's great, too. The one thing I don't want him to do is to marry someone who insists that he, and he alone, is responsible for the financial support of the family. Even if he chooses to be the sole earner, and she eagerly embraces being a SAHM, it's still a joint decision, and so both bear equal responsibility for that. I'm so sick of men being reduced to their earning status. Frequently, when husbands/fathers are laid off, or desire to be the stay-at-home parent for a change, it's something to be merely tolerated, or even resented. SAHDs are rarely appreciated in society, unless they are independently wealthy. My husband is no less a parent to our son than I am; why should he automatically be relegated to "working parent status" and deprived precious time with his son? I'm no more "entitled" to that boon than he is. Working and staying at home both have their benefits and drawbacks. It's ridiculous that either choice so often gets polemicized into all good, or all bad. I hope my son has the wisdom to find and marry someone who he appreciates and loves as a whole person, and not so much on whether she's set on being a SAHM/working mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdrumm4448 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 We are raising our children with traditional values and modern skills. How's that for an answer. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 IAnd I will about to consciously training her to look for a man who WANTS his wife to stay home and care for the family and home educate as she would like 2yo be a homeschooling mother. Right.... I'm telling the girls that they should not consider a guy if he wouldn't allow her to stay home *if she wanted to.* That's a pretty good litmus test for most guys IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 It doesn't matter what I want. I have made it clear I expect her to finish college. She has plans to pursue a field that requires a doctorate. If she eventually has children, I will support her decision to pursue the family style that suits her best. My mother was home when I was little, by the beginning of school for me she worked full time. She was not suited to be a sahm. She was a better mom working away from home. The situation is different for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MathGirl Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 We encourage our daughters to get an education or training of some sort beyond high school so that if the need or want arises, they could get a job and hopefully earn more than minimum wage. I got my bachelor's degree, had dd the following summer and have been a SAHM ever since. So even though I've never worked in my field, I am glad I at least have that degree should I need it in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I want my daughters to have choices. I was encouraged to be a stay at home mom. My education was not prioritized to the extent my brothers was (the words, "They will have to support a family some day" were common in my home). I was not encouraged to work when I was a teen, but I was encouraged to get married, which I did, and had two kids right away. I have no employment history since I was waiting tables when I was 17. It will be very difficult for me to enter the work force later, even though I have a degree. I want my kids to feel like they have more options. (Of course, I had options, but I didn't really feel like I did.) :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) .... Edited December 17, 2012 by ksva Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.