What would you have done/do?

[Melissa in Australia]

I went to our local homeschool group yesterday. This group covers a geographical area of 100 km, and we meet once a month in a central spot, usually doing something like bush-walking, orienteering, or as yesterday, swimming.

 

we were late and as we arrived one of the father's came up to me in front of everyone and put out his hand to shake mine, I shook his hand, and as I shook his hand he said "Congratulations for not wearing a floral dress, I think I have never seen you not wear floral, it is an improvement". :scared::glare:.

I mumbled something about liking floral and turned my back on him.

 

What should I have done? and what should I do?

poll to follow.

[Jean in Newcastle]

"Excuse me? I didn't know that you were in charge of the dress code."

[Cassy]

What an idiot. I'd have just agreed, and told him floral would probably look much better on him.

 

Best wishes

 

Cassy

[tadbhoward]

What a boob.

[Slipper]

How horribly rude.

 

Whenever I'm speechless, but I feel like a good comeback is required, I try to say it as sincerely as possible. In this case, i would probably say something to the effect of, "That's so rude and your comment has embarrassed me."

[*Inna*]

There would be a very long and loaded pause. And then, "And how are you today?" What an ass. :glare:

[AK_Mom4]

I wanted to vote for the "the stripy shirt makes you look like you gained 10 pounds" but I couldn't find that option.

 

Of course, I never think of these things at the time. I probably would have looked at him and said "Gosh, how rude!" which is not really a good snappy comeback.....

[MariannNOVA]

I would have responded that he is clearly someone with too much time on his hands if he keeps track of what I am wearing.:glare:

 

And, yes, I would have said that.:)

 

What a boob he is! :glare:

 

I might have told him THAT as well.:)

[JenneinCA]

I would have stood there with my mouth open and been confused at the situation.

 

And next time I would wear whatever I felt most comfortable in. Floral or stripes or whatever.

[mbholly]

I would just ignore him :)

[elegantlion]

I say he needs to work on his socialization skills.

[Element]

Ugh. Who does that? :angry:

 

Floral is super "in" right now. Just look at Pinterest! I chose "floral dress/daisy chain" but I'd probably wear that anyway. Ignore him. He's probably an unsocialized homeschooler. ;)

 

ETA: My standard retort to this kind unsolicited comment/criticism/complement is always: (wide eyes)(pause) "Wow." (shake head) (turn away)

Edited February 9, 2012 by Element

[Alice]

What I probably would have done....blush and be embarrassed. No reason I/you should be but that's reality.

 

I think really the best thing you can do is be say nothing. Anyone who was there and heard it has got to think he's a big *ss and incredibly rude. All you do by being polite is make him look even worse. You could say something like "Excuse me?" which then either makes him repeat his stupid comment or makes him back off. If he repeats it then say "Oh" and walk away.

 

Next time...I'd wear my most floraly-floral dress possible and just dare him to say something.

[Cindy in FL.]

I would just say something funny and make a joke out of it. Then I would continue to go about my business as usual.

 

Cindy

[*Lulu*]

I voted for smacking him a good one. (That would be *my* trailer park coming out. :tongue_smilie: )

 

However, if it actually happened to me I would suppress my urge to cut him and do one of the following:

 

Stare at him with disgust, throw off his hand, and walk away.

 

Stare at him with open contempt, throw off his hand, tell him I hope his wife is the one teaching manners, and walk away.

 

 

The next time I went to the group I would wear my loudest floral print, and a withering look. :D

[ereks mom]

I voted "other".

 

I think the best strategy would be:

Stare him right in the eye with the most amazed look I could muster, then calmly but firmly say, "That was rude," and walk away, calling "Hello!" cheerfully to a friend.

[ereks mom]

I say he needs to work on his socialization skills.

 

:lol: Very true!

[Jean in Newcastle]

There's always bursting into tears and running away. . . (At certain times of the month this just might be my option.)

[Catwoman]

If he's paying that much attention to what you're wearing, he probably has a crush on you.

 

Or else he's gay. :tongue_smilie:

 

Did he say it in a snotty way, or in a way that led you to believe he honestly intended it as a compliment? Maybe he's just awkward around women?

Edited February 9, 2012 by Catwoman

[*Lulu*]

I just wanted to add that 5 or 10 years ago I would have stammered and quickly moved away totally mortified. (If something like that happened without my kids around- I would have left, it would have upset me so badly.) I am discovering, that as I age, I have much less tolerance for people's bull. Maybe it is a carry over of momma bear attitude; maybe it is a realization that I care much less about other people's opinions than I used to.

[Janie Grace]

Honestly, the fact that he noticed and commented on your clothing choices is a bit creepy to me. Like a weird back-handed compliment or an indication that he notices you. I don't know, I'm probably reading too much into it, but I just think that's bizarre. I'd avoid him.

[Melissa in Australia]

There's always bursting into tears and running away. . . (At certain times of the month this just might be my option.)

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction! this guy is a complete jerk.

[Melissa in Australia]

I just wanted to add that 5 or 10 years ago I would have stammered and quickly moved away totally mortified. (If something like that happened without my kids around- I would have left, it would have upset me so badly.) I am discovering, that as I age, I have much less tolerance for people's bull. Maybe it is a carry over of momma bear attitude; maybe it is a realization that I care much less about other people's opinions than I used to.

 

I don't care about this jerk's opinions at all, it was just the way he said it in front of everyone that I sort of found embarrassing, and hearing someone ( I presume his wife) snicker.

[Brindee]

Wow! How very rude! I'm not one that ever has quick answers when needed! I always think of great comebacks days later. :glare:

 

 

Someone mentioned how florals are in. You could look around quickly then at him in shock, and say, "I wouldn't say that too loud, it's already made people stare in disbelief at your obvious ignorance! How embarrassing for you not to realize what is fashionable! I'd suggest you go check up on what's what before saying any more...... out loud....... where people can hear you!" :tongue_smilie:

Edited February 9, 2012 by Brindee

[Heather in Neverland]

"I am so sorry. Did I mistakenly give you the impression that your opinion matters to me?"

[Remudamom]

I'm with CatWoman. I would have asked him if he was gay or stalking me, and if his wife knew about his obsession with another woman's dressing habits.

[SJ.]

I would have replied that it is laundry day with a laugh.

 

I like to assume the best in people. Has this man ever been rude to you before? Perhaps he is was trying to break the ice, make a joke, be friendly BUT perhaps he is awkward in social situations.

 

Really, what it all boils down to is - if you like floral prints and wear them a lot then who cares what anyone else thinks!

 

I think flowers are pretty. :)

[cindergretta]

Good heavens. :001_huh: Is he normally so unfiltered?? Depending on your "history" with him, I might make a snarky reply or looked shocked and stunned or laugh it off.

 

If he is typically a moron, I absolutely LOVE some of the comebacks in this thread! :lol:

[Lisa R.]

I'm not a big fan of the snappy retorts. I think it reduces oneself to the level of the offending party.

 

I certainly wouldn't change or adjust my wardrobe in any way for this guy. If I wanted to wear floral to the next gathering, I'd do it. If I wanted to wear a plain shirt, I wear it. It would completely depend on *my* mood that day.

 

As far as a reply, I would've stared at him for a few uncomfortable seconds. Then I would slowly and quietly say, "I'm sure you didn't mean to be so rude." Then I would simply walk away. This causes you to look like you assumed he has no ill intentions but lets him know that he crossed a line.

[nukeswife]

That was really rude. I probably would have looked right at him and said "Oooo, it must have hurt when they removed the filter between your brain and your mouth" or something along those lines.

 

I'm not afraid to dish it right back at people.

[Catwoman]

I'm with CatWoman. I would have asked him if he was gay or stalking me, and if his wife knew about his obsession with another woman's dressing habits.

 

:D :D :D :D

 

And you know, if he turns out to be gay, you might want to seriously re-think the florals. I have never had a gay man steer me in the wrong fashion direction. ;)

[JeneralMom]

I would have said "that was really rude and hurtful" and walked away.

[lionfamily1999]

If you continue to stalk me I will be forced to file for a restraining order.

 

What a turd.

[elfgivas]

"Wow. How about those Leafs?!" (head shake optional)

 

(hockey reference..... or, "how about those patriots?" anything that is an obvious, blatant change of topic as indicating that the current one is hardly appropriate...)

 

but i would just let it go after that, and thank my lucky stars that he's married to someone else....

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Zebra]

I just asked DH about this and he said you should have asked him why he was so interested in what you wear. Dh claims there are only 2 possible explanations, and Catwoman already outlined them nicely!

Edited February 9, 2012 by MeAmy

[nono]

Other. "Who died and left you in charge of fashion?" Possibly a foul word sprinkled in there, if his demeanor was particularly rude.

 

Clearly, I'm not of the opinion that Lisa R. is. ;) If someone wants to start with that kind of crap with me, I'll finish it.

[Virg]

Honestly I probably would have cried and never wanted to go back. I am ridiculously oversensitive like that though. I don't think what I would have done is your best option lol

[elfgivas]

oh, i must admit this has my brain going a mile a minute....

 

if it

 

was his wife who snickered, how about

 

"aren't you the lucky one, married to a woman who finds it cute that you keep track of what another woman is wearing....."

 

(of course, i'd have thought of it as i was driving home fuming, but still.... ;))

 

there is always "please pass the bean dip"....

 

sigh....

 

ann

[happypamama]

I'm with CatWoman. I would have asked him if he was gay or stalking me, and if his wife knew about his obsession with another woman's dressing habits.

 

That's exactly what I would have wanted to say -- "Does your wife know you pay this much attention to another woman's clothing?"

 

(Though, people do notice habits. I wore skirts for about 18 months straight, but last winter, when I was pregnant, I switched to jeans, because it got cold, and I didn't want to deal with maternity tights. One of my friends from co-op stopped by to drop something off and mentioned later that one of her teens who was with her commented that she'd never seen me wear pants before, which was true, as we were newish to the group. So maybe it wasn't odd that this guy noticed, but it sure was rude for him to comment!)

[Catwoman]

I just asked DH about this and he said you should have asked him why he was so interested in what you wear. Dh claims there are only 2 possible explanations, and Catwoman already outlined them nicely!

 

Please tell your DH that I think he is a wise and sensible man. ;)

[justasque]

I would have replied that it is laundry day with a laugh.

I like to assume the best in people. ... Perhaps he is was trying to break the ice, make a joke, be friendly BUT perhaps he is awkward in social situations.

 

 

I'm not a big fan of the snappy retorts. I think it reduces oneself to the level of the offending party.

 

 

I'm assuming he was trying to say you looked particularly nice (and different than usual), but messed it up big time. I assume his wife laughed because he messed it up so thoroughly, and she loves him despite his hopeless ineptness. Some guys are just really bad at that stuff. Doesn't mean they're bad people, or deserve snappy retorts. His wife will set him straight when they get home.

 

Don't take fashion advice from this guy. ;-)

[Ibbygirl]

Oh gosh. At first I think I would have been like, "say what?" and then I probably would have to say something sarcastic in reply like, "Thank you for not wearing a floral dress too." or "Gee, is everyone in your family that rude or is it just you?" or "I think I saw your brain-to-mouth filter in the parking lot. Why don't you go get it and we'll talk then. " :glare:

 

What a utter jerk!!

[Emmy]

I would have said something like, "Wow, that was really rude....and weird that you notice what I wear", and then walked away.

[Haiku]

I voted other. People say dumb things all the time. Ignore it and move on.

 

Tara

[angela in ohio]

(Similar to some PPs) Step back with a horrified look on your face and say very loudly, "What an inappropriate, creepy thing to say to a woman you barely know. Does you wife know you are keeping track of what I wear?"

[Shelly in IL]

Hear him. Make the jack"&$$" say it again louder and see who was embarrassed!

[Laurie4b]

I probably would have said, "Well that was rude," before turning my back.

[Susan C.]

Ask him to contribute to the clothing budget or be quiet!!!

[Tap]

I would just let it go. Just like if someone says they like your new hair cut but you didn't get one. So, he doesn't like florals...why care?

 

I work with the public and I have to say, men give me more comments on my looks than women do. There are several patients that I have helped for a few years, who notice if I get a hair cut or change the style. They will voice their opinion freely. I think it is just a personality trait, and I try to take compliments as the come. He was giving you a compliment, try to take it at that and let it go. Next time, if you see him while you are wearing floral, make a joke about you "letting yourself go", laugh and walk away.

[Brindee]

I would just let it go. Just like if someone says they like your new hair cut but you didn't get one. So, he doesn't like florals...why care?

:001_huh: I think she already said she DIDN'T care what his opinion was, it was the manner in which it was done that was the concern! :001_smile: