The "psychology" of obesity?

[Ester Maria]

Is there something which would explain - to somebody who does NOT get it the least - why would a young adult (early 20s) have consistent weight issues for many years, while they are NOT ill (nothing is physiologically wrong with them, their weight problems are not a symptom or a side-effect of something more fundamental), NOT delusional in any way (it is not like the person is not aware they have problems), and do NOT suffer from any other condition?

 

Is there such a thing as a "psychology" of obesity - especially in such young people, who 'should' by default care about their image, and apparently they do not? Why would a person have self-control in other areas of life, but not in this one? From what I know, they have not undergone any abuse, do not suffer from any additional conditions.and I cannot seem to individuate any additional factors, it is "pure" obesity.

 

We are not talking "a little overweight", they are obese. I cannot estimate the numbers, but in the 100+ kg group. Maybe even 120+. It is a product of an unhealthy lifestyle, but what would keep the person in that place for so long at such a young age? There seems to be nothing preventing them from doing something about it, a clear-cut self-control and determination issue in my eyes, but I am willing to consider if there is something else known about people like that. Why would they be doing this to themselves? Is there some kind of a mechanism that brings about this state? They were overweight from early teenage years, but it escalated when they moved away from parents. Are they just not ready to taker over the control for their life? Is it a pure laziness issue? But why would such a young person not care particularly? There are other signs of lack of general care about their appearance (maybe banal things, but you can also seem them with a greasy hair or dirt under their nails - nothing HUGE and they are not "dirty", but there are many subtle signs that they do not really take seriously their appearance or are more lax with it). What would drive a young person there? Is there any literature on this topic, anything online to read about?

 

They are quite intelligent. :confused: I do not think it can be boiled down to ignorance about what is healthy. It seems like some form of self-destruction to me. But WHY? And why in this form?

 

Not my place to say or do anything, but I would like to try to understand if there is something actually written on this topic.

Edited February 7, 2012 by Ester Maria

[regentrude]

As far as I understand, many severely obsese people suffer from eating disorders: they overeat for psychological reasons, as a coping mechanism, to drown out feelings, to feel better. (Often, they deal with underlying childhood traumas or abuse). I would suspect that for the severely obese (not the somewhat overweight who are just eating a bit much and lead a sedentary lifestyle) this would play a very significant role.

So, in a sense, they are ill. Just as a person with a different addiction to alcohol or drugs. For a compulsive overeater it is also impossible to do what other addicts can do: stay away from the drug completely. You can avoid alcohol. You can not avoid eating. That makes overeating a very hard to treat addiction, because you must address the underlying causes.

[Sandy in Indy]

You have obviously never dealt with weight issues.

[Wolfmeis]

There is much written on the topic, and even a cursory google search would send you well on your way.

 

It's not your place to say anything to this person, and I hope to God you really do restrain yourself from commenting until you do educate yourself some more on the topic.

[Ester Maria]

You have obviously never dealt with weight issues.

I have, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. I can fathom what would drive a person there, but this seems like a genuinely different issue to me, at least in this particular case. This person is much more "sane", in every sense, than what I was when I had weight issues. It seems to be the problem, not the facet of some other underlying problem, if it makes sense.

[Parrothead]

You have obviously never dealt with weight issues.

 

There is much written on the topic, and even a cursory google search would send you well on your way.

 

It's not your place to say anything to this person, and I hope to God you really do restrain yourself from commenting until you do educate yourself some more on the topic.

I'm sure this is why EM is asking for insight. That is one of the things we do here. Kindly help people understand that which they have little or no experience with.

 

Your hostility is a little over the top.

[kiana]

It's a hell of a lot harder than it seems to readjust your entire lifestyle, including no more eating in front of the TV, no more snacks when you get home from school, no eating when you wake up hungry at 2am, reasonable portion sizes and training yourself to recognize a reasonable portion size, training your body to not be STARVING on a reasonable portion size, etc.

 

It's also not something you can see quick results on -- if you've been a slob, you can get busy and get the place clean in a couple of days, wash your hair, etc. and you will see immediate results. With weight, it takes just about as long to take it off properly as it does to put it on in the first place, and many people see this as an insurmountable challenge. I know that for one of my friends (who at her heaviest was about 130 kg), what finally got her started was being in a severe car accident and needing to use a walker for several months.

 

For people who are seriously addicted to food, as someone else already mentioned, you cannot even stay away from what triggers your behaviours, as we must eat. An alcoholic can avoid alcohol completely. A compulsive overeater can only try to avoid triggers, including (for some people) banishing just about every kind of food they actually like. Another friend of mine decided to live only off specific foods that she hated, in an attempt to lose weight ...

[vettechmomof2]

really it is too hard for us to guess as to the why.

 

We do not know what is going on in that particular persons mind and that would really be the only way to know why. Of course they might not know themselves. They just might know they feel bad and when they eat they feel good. Then feel bad again due to weight so they eat more because that gives them a moment of feeling good.

 

There really are just too many reasons why, the best thing you can do for them is to encourage weights to help them drop the weight. Encourage them to meet you for a walk/run. Exercise day at the gym, etc.

[Snickerdoodle]

EM, this author wrote a blog series on his food reward hypothesis of obesity that you may find interesting (scroll through for titles):

 

http://wholehealthsource.blogspot.com/search/label/Food%20reward

[Amy in TX]

Do you know that this person is overweight because of overeating, ie, simply eating too much? It's also possible that they are overweight because they are eating more carbs than they can tolerate. It may not be an issue of self-control at all.

 

Here is a book on the subject of carbohydrates and overweight.

[VeganCupcake]

Food, particularly carbohydrates, make the body release serotonin, which makes people feel good. Some foods, like cheese and chocolate, actually produce a response in the brain very much like opiates do.

[ocelotmom]

Possible contributing factors:

 

 

• Not really knowing how to cook (or not having interest in doing so)
  
• Never having been taught to enjoy healthy food or exercise
  
• Learning to juggle school/job demands with personal care (including exercise and home cooking)
  
• Having more disposable income than free time
  
• Suddenly having 100% free choice over food after a lifetime of having most of their food choices made for them
  
• Having poor body image at a lower weight, which doesn't give them any particular motivation to maintain it
  
• Peer influence (including dating) leading to poor food choices
  
• Not having a good grasp on their own mortality and the long-term effects of lifestyle choices
  
• Having priorities other than personal appearance. I think most of us would agree that this is a good thing, but weight is an issue where health and personal appearance intersect.
  

 

[3browneyedboys4me]

My 'bestie' is over weight. She would probably fall into your weight range that you mentioned. She is the greatest person in the entire world. Just simply awesome! I never, ever ask her why she is over weight. She has talked with me about it and I know some of the reasons. However, I love HER. I don't care how big she is. I just listen and if she asks, i will help her out any way I can. But, there is one thing I've learned about ppl, they do not want to change until THEY want to change. I will be the first person holding her hand, walking with her, or encouraging her in ANY way I can when she is ready to make a change. I will also be the same person standing right beside her having an ice cream!

 

People know their problems. They can see and acknowledge them when they are ready. They don't need anyone 'helping' them. Or, at least, that has been my experience. Alcoholism runs in my family, but you couldn't get a person in my family to acknowledge it. If ppl own it, they have to do something about it.

 

I don't know who this person is to you, but I would recommend just loving them for who they are. We are NOT what ppl see on the outside. Though, some of us are wrapped up in pretty packages. :) Some are not, and they are just as worthy of our love and attention as anyone else on this planet.

[Mom-ninja.]

For the same reason a person of any walk of life can be an alcoholic. And I'd say food addiction is far worse because you can't completely remove yourself from being around food. So you have to face your addiction every.single.day.

 

:iagree:

 

 

I never understood this until a friend of mine explained it this way. It's an additcion just like one can be addicted to drugs or alcohol. However, with those things, to stop the addiction, you have to not touch alcohol or drugs at all. With food you have to keep consuming food to live, and it makes it that much harder to fight the addiction.

 

My mother is addicted to food. Her father was an alcoholic. He chose alcohol; she chose food.

 

Every single person in my mother's family is thin except her. She is eating herself to death. She gets ZERO exercise.

[Ester Maria]

Do you know that this person is overweight because of overeating, ie, simply eating too much? It's also possible that they are overweight because they are eating more carbs than they can tolerate. It may not be an issue of self-control at all.

I asked DH (who is a biochemist) about this case, he says that absent underlying medical issues, that degree of obesity must be a product of a very serious lack of balance, and in this case - with the person having the knowledge, the circumstances (they live in an area with a lot more natural and whole foods) and, finally, the money to change if some of it involves greater expenses - intentionally bad lifestyle, knowing what one is doing to oneself. And this is exactly what seems to be going on, from the outside. Now, the question is why would they be in that place if they do not have any other issues (and other people swear they do not)?

 

I asked him if about the addiction mechanism, biochemically, esp. as regards sugar, but he agrees that in this particular case, with the person being so outstandingly collected in many other situations, and having the degree of self-awareness and introspection that they do, it is highly unlikely that they are "coerced" into this behavior even considering the food addiction factor. He assumes it is self-destruction.

 

Yet, they are too old for anyone to tell them anything or help them in any way. DH could probably do it in a heartbeat and arrange something for them, but the degree of connection is such that is truly not our "place" to say or do anything. It just puzzles me so much. The person does not behave, and does not have a "background", of any other person with an eating disorder that I know. It seems to me that there is something genuinely "psychologically weird" about their situation, but I am having a hard time putting my finger on it. I know that appearances can be misleading, though, but it seems like such an unlikely problem for them that it really interests me what might be behind it.

[Pink Fairy]

My 'bestie' is over weight. She would probably fall into your weight range that you mentioned. She is the greatest person in the entire world. Just simply awesome! I never, ever ask her why she is over weight. She has talked with me about it and I know some of the reasons. However, I love HER. I don't care how big she is. I just listen and if she asks, i will help her out any way I can. But, there is one thing I've learned about ppl, they do not want to change until THEY want to change. I will be the first person holding her hand, walking with her, or encouraging her in ANY way I can when she is ready to make a change. I will also be the same person standing right beside her having an ice cream!

 

People know their problems. They can see and acknowledge them when they are ready. They don't need anyone 'helping' them. Or, at least, that has been my experience. Alcoholism runs in my family, but you couldn't get a person in my family to acknowledge it. If ppl own it, they have to do something about it.

 

I don't know who this person is to you, but I would recommend just loving them for who they are. We are NOT what ppl see on the outside. Though, some of us are wrapped up in pretty packages. :) Some are not, and they are just as worthy of our love and attention as anyone else on this planet.

 

I adore this post. :001_wub: Your bestie is lucky to have such an understanding, loving friend.

[Jana]

I appreciate your honesty and candor. But even a cursory look at your own life should lead you to the conclusion that we all live in some sort of disconnect (a place where our thoughts/feelings don't match our behavior).

 

Do you think this person is happy being obese? Does it enhance their life? Do you think they have any impulse to change this aspect of their life? Have they ever tried and failed? The answers to these questions should tell you if this is a place where this person has mastery or not. So ask yourself, is there a place in your life, where you repeatedly do something you wish you wouldn't? This may lead you to the psychological answers (or empathy) for which you are looking.

 

But with eating issues there is also a profound confluence of biological issues. While some people might be lazy, and overeat, they may also have a very high resting metabolism. So the same behaviors might yield a different outcome than in your friend's case.

 

Your friend wears her Achilles' heel, everyone "knows" what her issues are (or at least they can guess).

 

Good for you for trying to understand.

[regentrude]

I asked DH (who is a biochemist) about this case, he says that absent underlying medical issues, that degree of obesity must be a product of a very serious lack of balance, and in this case - with the person having the knowledge, the circumstances (they live in an area with a lot more natural and whole foods) and, finally, the money to change if some of it involves greater expenses - intentionally bad lifestyle, knowing what one is doing to oneself. And this is exactly what seems to be going on, from the outside. Now, the question is why would they be in that place if they do not have any other issues (and other people swear they do not)?

 

I asked him if about the addiction mechanism, biochemically, esp. as regards sugar, but he agrees that in this particular case, with the person being so outstandingly collected in many other situations, and having the degree of self-awareness and introspection that they do, it is highly unlikely that they are "coerced" into this behavior even considering the food addiction factor. He assumes it is self-destruction.

.

 

I think pretty much every alcoholic is fully aware that drinking is bad for him. Many alcoholics have tried to quit, repeatedly, unsuccessfully. They DO know what they are doing to themselves, but they can not stop.

A person addicted to food may know exactly what she is doing to herself, but finds herself unable to stop.

Yes, the behavior is self-destructive. As is alcoholism. but the short term gains in terms of feeling better seem to outweigh anything reason tells about the long term detriment.

 

Whether the person has other issues, you can.not.know. Whatever dysfunction they experienced in their family growing up, you have no idea, because family dysfunction is often a well-guarded secret. The person herself may not know WHY she feels this way. Some women undergo long term therapy to figure out why they have these problems (just as women who, for instance, stay with abusive husbands because they are addicted to the dysfunction; very often children of alcoholics)

[kiana]

Simply because someone has all the other areas of their life so well together is no reason to discount psychological issues with food.

 

It's very hard to make the right choices consistently.

[fairfarmhand]

Self-control issues are obvious when they are food related. But it can be the same problem in other people that is manifested in a gossiping tongue, bad temper, poor money management, etc....

[Amy in TX]

Whether the person has other issues, you can.not.know. Whatever dysfunction they experienced in their family growing up, you have no idea, because family dysfunction is often a well-guarded secret.

 

This is also true.

[leeannpal]

My 'bestie' is over weight. She would probably fall into your weight range that you mentioned. She is the greatest person in the entire world. Just simply awesome! I never, ever ask her why she is over weight. She has talked with me about it and I know some of the reasons. However, I love HER. I don't care how big she is. I just listen and if she asks, i will help her out any way I can. But, there is one thing I've learned about ppl, they do not want to change until THEY want to change. I will be the first person holding her hand, walking with her, or encouraging her in ANY way I can when she is ready to make a change. I will also be the same person standing right beside her having an ice cream!

 

People know their problems. They can see and acknowledge them when they are ready. They don't need anyone 'helping' them. Or, at least, that has been my experience. Alcoholism runs in my family, but you couldn't get a person in my family to acknowledge it. If ppl own it, they have to do something about it.

 

I don't know who this person is to you, but I would recommend just loving them for who they are. We are NOT what ppl see on the outside. Though, some of us are wrapped up in pretty packages. :) Some are not, and they are just as worthy of our love and attention as anyone else on this planet.

 

:iagree: This is probably the single best post I've seen on here!

[OH_Homeschooler]

Is there something which would explain - to somebody who does NOT get it the least - why would a young adult (early 20s) have consistent weight issues for many years, while they are NOT ill (nothing is physiologically wrong with them, their weight problems are not a symptom or a side-effect of something more fundamental), NOT delusional in any way (it is not like the person is not aware they have problems), and do NOT suffer from any other condition?

 

Is there such a thing as a "psychology" of obesity - especially in such young people, who 'should' by default care about their image, and apparently they do not? Why would a person have self-control in other areas of life, but not in this one? From what I know, they have not undergone any abuse, do not suffer from any additional conditions.and I cannot seem to individuate any additional factors, it is "pure" obesity.

 

Is there any literature on this topic, anything online to read about?

 

They are quite intelligent. :confused: I do not think it can be boiled down to ignorance about what is healthy. It seems like some form of self-destruction to me. But WHY? And why in this form?

 

 

Oh boy.

 

TLC is airing a 4-part series, "My 600 Pound Life." The one they aired last week, about Melissa, was amazing.

 

Of course there is a psychology of obesity. Google it. Shouldn't be hard to find sources.

 

Why do you assume overweight people are unintelligent? I'm obese and actually very smart.

 

Why do you assume this woman doesn't care about her image?

 

Why do you care about this at all?

[Shellers]

You have obviously never dealt with weight issues.

 

:iagree:

 

Some people can eat like horses and be thin while others despite eating right will be overweight.

 

I'm overweight and I eat very healthy, I know I eat less than most people but I'm still overweight. We don't have any junk food in the house, we limit carbs and eat a plant based low fat diet. If I exercise daily for an hour or so then I will drop the weight but no matter what I will never be skinny.

[leeannpal]

Self-control issues are obvious when they are food related. But it can be the same problem in other people that is manifested in a gossiping tongue, bad temper, poor money management, etc....

 

Amen! I really don't see how a weight issue is any diiferent than any other vice a person may have:confused:

[Laurie4b]

I asked DH (who is a biochemist) about this case, he says that absent underlying medical issues, that degree of obesity must be a product of a very serious lack of balance, and in this case - with the person having the knowledge, the circumstances (they live in an area with a lot more natural and whole foods) and, finally, the money to change if some of it involves greater expenses - intentionally bad lifestyle, knowing what one is doing to oneself. And this is exactly what seems to be going on, from the outside. Now, the question is why would they be in that place if they do not have any other issues (and other people swear they do not)?

 

 

 

I asked him if about the addiction mechanism, biochemically, esp. as regards sugar, but he agrees that in this particular case, with the person being so outstandingly collected in many other situations, and having the degree of self-awareness and introspection that they do, it is highly unlikely that they are "coerced" into this behavior even considering the food addiction factor. He assumes it is self-destruction.

 

Yet, they are too old for anyone to tell them anything or help them in any way. DH could probably do it in a heartbeat and arrange something for them, but the degree of connection is such that is truly not our "place" to say or do anything. It just puzzles me so much. The person does not behave, and does not have a "background", of any other person with an eating disorder that I know. It seems to me that there is something genuinely "psychologically weird" about their situation, but I am having a hard time putting my finger on it. I know that appearances can be misleading, though, but it seems like such an unlikely problem for them that it really interests me what might be behind it.

 

 

How do you know whether or not there are underlying medical issues? And why the need to "analyze" this particular person? Is there any benefit to the analyzing? I don't get it.

Edited February 7, 2012 by Laurie4b

[Pink Fairy]

I asked DH (who is a biochemist) about this case, he says that absent underlying medical issues, that degree of obesity must be a product of a very serious lack of balance, and in this case - with the person having the knowledge, the circumstances (they live in an area with a lot more natural and whole foods) and, finally, the money to change if some of it involves greater expenses - intentionally bad lifestyle, knowing what one is doing to oneself. And this is exactly what seems to be going on, from the outside. Now, the question is why would they be in that place if they do not have any other issues (and other people swear they do not)?

 

I asked him if about the addiction mechanism, biochemically, esp. as regards sugar, but he agrees that in this particular case, with the person being so outstandingly collected in many other situations, and having the degree of self-awareness and introspection that they do, it is highly unlikely that they are "coerced" into this behavior even considering the food addiction factor. He assumes it is self-destruction.

 

Yet, they are too old for anyone to tell them anything or help them in any way. DH could probably do it in a heartbeat and arrange something for them, but the degree of connection is such that is truly not our "place" to say or do anything. It just puzzles me so much. The person does not behave, and does not have a "background", of any other person with an eating disorder that I know. It seems to me that there is something genuinely "psychologically weird" about their situation, but I am having a hard time putting my finger on it. I know that appearances can be misleading, though, but it seems like such an unlikely problem for them that it really interests me what might be behind it.

 

And then there is this. You are speaking about her like she's a science experiment gone wrong, and it's all so very interesting isn't it?

 

It's weird, and icky.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Unless you have personally taken her to a doctor to be tested for thyroid problems, and other hormonal problems that can affect weight gain and seen all the test results, I'm not sure how you could be 100% sure that there are no physiological reasons. Many of these hormonal things are "invisible" in that the person usually does not look or act ill.

 

Also weight problems often have a domino effect in someone's life. Being obese can often lead (ironically) to a malnutrition in certain vitamins and minerals needed to be healthy. Being deficient can lead to fatigue and other causes for someone not wanting to get up and exercise. If you are out of shape, it is extremely difficult to start to get into shape. And often the changes to your metabolism, hormone levels and other psychological changes that happen just from being obese, can make it difficult to lose weight when you do try to do something about it.

 

Many hidden things in our food chain in the form of hfcs and other additives can also pack on the pounds. Dieting itself can also lead to further obesity when a person loses and then gains even more weight than they had lost to begin with.

 

Dealing with the perceptions that people have of obese people being unintelligent slobs can also lead to depression or at the very least self consciousness that can again make it difficult for them to get out and exercise. Or it can lead someone to eat (or continue to eat) for psychological reasons.

[StephanieZ]

One thing I have seen time and again is a HX of abuse in many overweight people. Especially s*xual abuse. If I were able to facilitate access to counseling, I would do so.

[In the Rain]

My 'bestie' is over weight. She would probably fall into your weight range that you mentioned. She is the greatest person in the entire world. Just simply awesome! I never, ever ask her why she is over weight. She has talked with me about it and I know some of the reasons. However, I love HER. I don't care how big she is. I just listen and if she asks, i will help her out any way I can. But, there is one thing I've learned about ppl, they do not want to change until THEY want to change. I will be the first person holding her hand, walking with her, or encouraging her in ANY way I can when she is ready to make a change. I will also be the same person standing right beside her having an ice cream!

 

People know their problems. They can see and acknowledge them when they are ready. They don't need anyone 'helping' them. Or, at least, that has been my experience. Alcoholism runs in my family, but you couldn't get a person in my family to acknowledge it. If ppl own it, they have to do something about it.

 

I don't know who this person is to you, but I would recommend just loving them for who they are. We are NOT what ppl see on the outside. Though, some of us are wrapped up in pretty packages. :) Some are not, and they are just as worthy of our love and attention as anyone else on this planet.

 

You are a great friend! Your 'bestie' is very lucky.

[OH_Homeschooler]

I see from looking at your profile you've written several threads in the past regarding weight issues. I think you may have a serious complex when it comes to this.

 

I would like to add though, is there anything in your life where you wake up and think: "Gee, I really need to do something about that?" Because if you don't then you will never understand how someone could dare to walk this earth overweight.

 

But if you ever wake up and think something every day, like "I need to get more organized" you might understand. If you wake up every day and realize there's something you need to do but you never get it done, perhaps that's what it's like for this "friend" of yours.

 

Overweight people know they need to lose weight. They understand the biology of why they weigh more than they should. They know the steps they need to take to get rid of the excess weight. They imagine the benefits of being thinner.

 

This is just like you might know the benefits of getting more organized, and you might read up on how to do so and know all the tricks and tips. But something is keeping you from doing it. What is that? Why don't you just get organized if you're not unintelligent and you know what to do? Why won't you just change this one little flaw about yourself?

 

This is a complete oversimplification but it sounds like perhaps you need it as simple as possible.

[justamouse]

Oh boy.

 

TLC is airing a 4-part series, "My 600 Pound Life." The one they aired last week, about Melissa, was amazing.

 

Of course there is a psychology of obesity. Google it. Shouldn't be hard to find sources.

 

Why do you assume overweight people are unintelligent? I'm obese and actually very smart.

 

Why do you assume this woman doesn't care about her image?

 

Why do you care about this at all?

Why does she care? Because she cares.

 

EM is asking an honest question, and she's getting hostility.

[OH_Homeschooler]

One thing I have seen time and again is a HX of abuse in many overweight people. Especially s*xual abuse. If I were able to facilitate access to counseling, I would do so.

 

But certainly not the case for every overweight person.

[OH_Homeschooler]

Why does she care? Because she cares.

 

EM is asking an honest question, and she's getting hostility.

 

I don't really see it as an "honest question" at all. Not the way it's phrased. It's condescending and assuming and as an overweight person, I find the tone of her "question" very insulting.

[waa510]

Unless you have personally taken her to a doctor to be tested for thyroid problems, and other hormonal problems that can affect weight gain and seen all the test results, I'm not sure how you could be 100% sure that there are no physiological reasons. Many of these hormonal things are "invisible" in that the person usually does not look or act ill.

 

Also weight problems often have a domino effect in someone's life. Being obese can often lead (ironically) to a malnutrition in certain vitamins and minerals needed to be healthy. Being deficient can lead to fatigue and other causes for someone not wanting to get up and exercise. If you are out of shape, it is extremely difficult to start to get into shape. And often the changes to your metabolism, hormone levels and other psychological changes that happen just from being obese, can make it difficult to lose weight when you do try to do something about it.

 

Many hidden things in our food chain in the form of hfcs and other additives can also pack on the pounds. Dieting itself can also lead to further obesity when a person loses and then gains even more weight than they had lost to begin with.

 

Dealing with the perceptions that people have of obese people being unintelligent slobs can also lead to depression or at the very least self consciousness that can again make it difficult for them to get out and exercise. Or it can lead someone to eat (or continue to eat) for psychological reasons.

 

 

:iagree: My mom struggled with her weight for many years, due to undiagnosed hypothyroidism. It was only found during bloodwork for a different medication she was about to begin taking, that her new doctor found it. Adjusting her thyroid medication has also been a painstakingly slow process, and her meds frequently need to be adjusted as she ages and her body changes. She eats well, and has always exercised 2-3 hrs a day and still does but only loses 5 lbs here or there maybe every 3-4 months. She has a significant amount of weight to lose to be considered a healthy weight. It's very sad to see her struggle, and to know that she's doing everything she can. So there may be underlying medical issues that this person is dealing with that they may not even be aware of. Just something to consider.

[Ester Maria]

So ask yourself, is there a place in your life, where you repeatedly do something you wish you wouldn't? This may lead you to the psychological answers (or empathy) for which you are looking.

Absolutely, but with *me*, there are some underlying issues there and I can individuate them, and I have an insight into the whole mechanism there. I still find myself inside that dynamic, but I know why.

 

For this young person, I am having a hard time fathoming that why, assuming things are as they appear to be. They are young. Successful. Scary smart. A wonderful future in front of them. Apparently very happy. From a stereotypical "good family" (in which nobody is obese).

And with a problem that diminishes their quality of life and might, God forbid, turn out to be eventually fatal in some way, because they do not even stagnate, they seem to be sinking deeper and deeper every year.

 

For comparison's sake, when I had food issues in the other direction at that age, I was immature, p!ssed at the whole world, wanting to "prove" things to myself by playing silly control games with my own body, spiting people who loved me, oscillated between self-awareness of what I was doing and periods of genuine "delusion" about the state of my body, impatient and mentally overcharged (played those games of pushing my limits there too), and even on the outside you could see that something was "off". A totally different case. As some things changed, and some of my internal clickers started to click, the issues were gone. The weight problem was a symptom, a part of the larger picture, not an isolated "off thing" about me. Everything was off about me then. Almost every other weight problem story that I know, in that age group (before kids, major life stresses, stability, etc.), where there were no other medical issues, is similar - triggered by something else, and where you can 'see' if you know the person that there are other parts of an equation there.

 

That is why this person surprises me, because they go against everything what I associate with an eating disorder of those proportions in young people. Nothing "else". Just this. And a perfectly healthy and stable, in all other apparent aspects, young person.

 

I get what you mean by all of us having that fragile spot and this may be hers - but I would not expect the problem of those proportions at that age. It does seem unusual to me, because it creates such a mismatch. It seems to me extremely unlikely that her inner world is like what mine was when I had those issues.

[Amy in TX]

I just don't think that overweight is completely understood, or that there is one single reason for it, or one course of action that will cure it. People of normal weight have a wide variety of lifestyles and eating habits, and so do overweight people. There are slim people who eat like horses, and fat people who are quite abstemious. There are slim people who live on bread and cookies, and overweight people who live on salad and fish. There are people who have been more than one of these, but at different times of their lives (like me).

 

We all tend to impute our own experiences to other people--maybe you look at your overweight friend and think, "Why doesn't she just eat less?" because you eat little and stay slim. I tend to think, "Why doesn't she reduce carbs?" because that is what keeps my weight down. Someone else might think, "Why doesn't she get active?"

 

There is always an imbalance, but what the correct balance is must be different for each person.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Absolutely, but with *me*, there are some underlying issues there and I can individuate them, and I have an insight into the whole mechanism there. I still find myself inside that dynamic, but I know why.

 

For this young person, I am having a hard time fathoming that why, assuming things are as they appear to be. They are young. Successful. Scary smart. A wonderful future in front of them. Apparently very happy. From a stereotypical "good family" (in which nobody is obese).

And with a problem that diminishes their quality of life and might, God forbid, turn out to be eventually fatal in some way, because they do not even stagnate, they seem to be sinking deeper and deeper every year.

 

For comparison's sake, when I had food issues in the other direction at that age, I was immature, p!ssed at the whole world, wanting to "prove" things to myself by playing silly control games with my own body, spiting people who loved me, oscillated between self-awareness of what I was doing and periods of genuine "delusion" about the state of my body, impatient and mentally overcharged (played those games of pushing my limits there too), and even on the outside you could see that something was "off". A totally different case. As some things changed, and some of my internal clickers started to click, the issues were gone. The weight problem was a symptom, a part of the larger picture, not an isolated "off thing" about me. Everything was off about me then. Almost every other weight problem story that I know, in that age group (before kids, major life stresses, stability, etc.), where there were no other medical issues, is similar - triggered by something else, and where you can 'see' if you know the person that there are other parts of an equation there.

 

That is why this person surprises me, because they go against everything what I associate with an eating disorder of those proportions in young people. Nothing "else". Just this. And a perfectly healthy and stable, in all other apparent aspects, young person.

 

I get what you mean by all of us having that fragile spot and this may be hers - but I would not expect the problem of those proportions at that age. It does seem unusual to me, because it creates such a mismatch. It seems to me extremely unlikely that her inner world is like what mine was when I had those issues.

 

She has probably done some personal introspection of her own, my friend, but chooses to keep those thoughts private.

 

Her lack of explanation doesn't mean she doesn't know what her problem is or what she "should" be doing to solve it. It just means she's not talking.

[GingerPoppy]

I carry about 10 extra pounds, but am still in a normal range for weight and BMI. However, I love food. I mean, I really love it. It's not even junk that I love--I really, really love healthy food, too. I crave big pans of sauteed veggies, yogurt with flaxseed, rice noodle soup, tomatoes on toast, guacamole, steak, you name it. I don't care much for sugary foods, but give me potato chips or fries and I'm a happy camper. I get a ton of pleasure out of food--real food. I tend not to buy junk or processed stuff (aside from the potato chips).

 

Now, for some reason, I can eat a normal meal and feel hungry an hour or two later. Not a gnawing sensation in my stomach, but rather a headachy, brain-foggy type of low blood sugar feeling. My body also seems to demand more food than I think some people eat. I have an appetite, for sure. I can't "just have a salad" for supper, or I will feel sick. I can't skip meals, either.

 

I don't think everybody's body works this way, but I bet some are like me. My body wants to eat. Quite a bit. Quite often. So, yes, I could exercise grand self-control, but then my body doesn't feel very good. I'll happily carry the 10 pounds to be able to eat without depriving myself.

 

Just wanted to post another perspective. I don't think there's any evidence in my life (or the person discussed in the OP) that there is some kind of self-destruction going on. I think it's hard to know "why" somebody does something.

[regentrude]

I would like to add though, is there anything in your life where you wake up and think: "Gee, I really need to do something about that?" Because if you don't then you will never understand how someone could dare to walk this earth overweight.

 

But if you ever wake up and think something every day, like "I need to get more organized" you might understand. If you wake up every day and realize there's something you need to do but you never get it done, perhaps that's what it's like for this "friend" of yours.

 

Overweight people know they need to lose weight. They understand the biology of why they weigh more than they should. They know the steps they need to take to get rid of the excess weight. They imagine the benefits of being thinner.

 

This is just like you might know the benefits of getting more organized, and you might read up on how to do so and know all the tricks and tips. But something is keeping you from doing it. What is that? Why don't you just get organized if you're not unintelligent and you know what to do? Why won't you just change this one little flaw about yourself?

 

This is a complete oversimplification but it sounds like perhaps you need it as simple as possible.

 

I do not think this adequately addresses the question, because it may well be that a person does wake up with the though of becoming more organized and then goes and just does what is necessary. And then this person can not possibly understand why others don't simply do what they know they should be doing - because she obviously can.

So, you basically just re-state the same question: why CAN some people, and why can't others?

Which is something I have been wondering a lot- about ALL kinds of issues, the one you mentioned (being organized) one of them. Why don't they just... DO it?

Edited February 7, 2012 by regentrude

[LucyStoner]

Yes there are many food issues and (ETA: I meant to say psychological here) causes or contributors to obesity. One or more or even none could be a factor in anyone's obesity.

 

Food addiction

Self esteem issues

Self hate

Sexual abuse history

physical abuse history

Power struggles with parents and caregivers over food

Years of ingrained habits

Poverty mindset/hoarding food in case it is not there later (my son's friend is like this)

Compulsive overeating/binges

Sugar Addiction

Emotionally disordered eating

Depression

 

You can not assume that none of these are at play. Or that any of them are at play. There are also many physiological reasons and just misinformation about what is healthy and what is not.

Edited February 7, 2012 by kijipt

[Ester Maria]

Why do you assume overweight people are unintelligent? I'm obese and actually very smart.

Where do I assume that? I also happen to know overweight people who are smart. And thin people who are idiots. No connection.

 

But, some people may have issues like this without understanding some of what is going on. This does not seem to be the case. I wanted to emphasize how "good on the outside" things are, and that I doubt any of that is due to her not having the knowledge / access to better choices.

Why do you assume this woman doesn't care about her image?

I tried to give examples of other subtle signs (not only occasional) of letting herself go.

Why do you care about this at all?

Maybe because they are in some form dear to me? :) But not close enough to speak to them (as it is a very private topic), yet still trying to understand that on some level?

 

Geez, guys. I know it is a sensitive topic. I tried to word it in the way to avoid any controversy. I am only trying to understand what motivates her, at such a young age (keep in mind the age! these are early 20s!), and in doing so I am breaking some of my own internal barriers of "OMG, what BS, it's all self-control" type of thinking I tend to have (while being aware of those blocks in my own thinking) about many issues, trying to see if there is something more fundamental here that I am missing. So would you all please stop slapping me with "you obviously never had similar issues" and "you are so judgmental, why do you care" and attempt to help me understand this, if you know of helpful resources that are past "simple googling", which I obviously already did before even opening the topic?

Edited February 7, 2012 by Ester Maria

[Michelle in AL]

There is also now a genetic component. Here's some info directly from my patho book that might help you understand:

 

The causes of obesity are mutliple and complex. Genotype and envirnmental gene interactions are important predisposing factors. Single gene defects are rare and obesity is usually polygenic and associated with other endocrine disorders (diabetes, hypothyroidism). There are also several metabollic abnormalities that contribute. Environmental factors include culture, socioeconomic status, food intake and exercise.

 

Once excess fat is laid down, certain hormones respond that increase hunger and decrease metabolism.

[Michelle in AL]

Here's some more info you may find helpful:

 

Regulation of satiety and appetite occurs through neuroendocrine regulation of eating behavior, energy metabolism, and body fat mass. The system is complex and controlled by a dynamic circuit of signaling molecules from the periphery acting on the central controls including the brain stem, hypothalamus, and autonomic nervous system. An imbalance in any system is usually assoc with excessive caloric intake.

 

Hormone imbalances related to obesity: ghrelin, cholecystokinin, leptin, & adiponectin.

 

Looking at all these pathophysiology isues, you can see how a great portion of weight control is not related to impulsiveness or self control. Weight loss can of course be achieved, but it is difficult. Their metabolism is slower, and therefore weight loss is too. The appetite due to hormonal factors is greater and that is an abstacle too. Not to mention the feeling of hunger even though you've eaten, would be very difficult to overcome.

[justamouse]

I wonder if her knowing how smart, how good, how the whole world could be set before her for her taking has her terrified. I wonder if she's self sabotaging because she's afraid her shooting star is far to much for her to control.

 

Success and beauty hand in hand is scary. It's unwanted attention...it's a lot of power. It's dealing with jealousy, envy and maybe the weight makes her feel 'normal'. The expectations to continue on with that trajectory...

 

Just armchairing it.:001_smile:

Edited February 7, 2012 by justamouse

[OH_Homeschooler]

Where do I assume that? I also happen to know overweight people who are smart. And thin people who are idiots. No connection.

 

Because in your original post after describing this person you wrote:

 

 

They are quite intelligent. :confused:

 

To me that implies that you believe that intelligent people should not be overweight because they know better.

 

But, some people may have issues like this without understanding some of what is going on. This does not seem to be the case. I wanted to emphasize how "good on the outside" things are, and that I doubt any of that is due to her not having the knowledge / access to better choices.

 

Trust me, no one knows more than me the issues underlying my weight. When I am stressed I can recognize that I am shoving food down my throat and it's not a pleasant experience, yet I can't stop. When I am sad and I go for some chocolate, I know it's to soothe myself. I know I eat emotionally. I am always trying to find ways to channel my energy elsewhere. But sometimes that just doesn't work and I end up with my old standby, food.

 

I go to Weight Watchers, I exercise, I track my food most of the time. I read every article I could find with tips on how to lose weight. I think about these things. Sometimes I lose weight, sometimes I plateau. Someone might look at me and think "Why doesn't she just do something?" because it might appear that I'm not making any progress toward my weight loss goals. Trust me, not an hour goes by that I don't at least think about something I could do.

 

You say you were nearly anorexic when you were her age but can't imagine the same issues led you to such different outcomes. You might be surprised, and you might understand better than you think. They are both eating disorders, after all.

[Jana]

Absolutely, but with *me*, there are some underlying issues there and I can individuate them, and I have an insight into the whole mechanism there. I still find myself inside that dynamic, but I know why.

 

For this young person, I am having a hard time fathoming that why, assuming things are as they appear to be. They are young. Successful. Scary smart. A wonderful future in front of them. Apparently very happy. From a stereotypical "good family" (in which nobody is obese).

And with a problem that diminishes their quality of life and might, God forbid, turn out to be eventually fatal in some way, because they do not even stagnate, they seem to be sinking deeper and deeper every year.

 

For comparison's sake, when I had food issues in the other direction at that age, I was immature, p!ssed at the whole world, wanting to "prove" things to myself by playing silly control games with my own body, spiting people who loved me, oscillated between self-awareness of what I was doing and periods of genuine "delusion" about the state of my body, impatient and mentally overcharged (played those games of pushing my limits there too), and even on the outside you could see that something was "off". A totally different case. As some things changed, and some of my internal clickers started to click, the issues were gone. The weight problem was a symptom, a part of the larger picture, not an isolated "off thing" about me. Everything was off about me then. Almost every other weight problem story that I know, in that age group (before kids, major life stresses, stability, etc.), where there were no other medical issues, is similar - triggered by something else, and where you can 'see' if you know the person that there are other parts of an equation there.

 

That is why this person surprises me, because they go against everything what I associate with an eating disorder of those proportions in young people. Nothing "else". Just this. And a perfectly healthy and stable, in all other apparent aspects, young person.

 

I get what you mean by all of us having that fragile spot and this may be hers - but I would not expect the problem of those proportions at that age. It does seem unusual to me, because it creates such a mismatch. It seems to me extremely unlikely that her inner world is like what mine was when I had those issues.

 

So your life experience is different than hers, and her life doesn't make sense in light of your own.

 

It doesn't have to. They way people manage their own suffering only has to make sense to them.

[kolamum]

A person's battle with being overweight is so personal that I think asking for insight and wanting to know why is kinda sorta like peeking in someone's underpant drawer.

 

There are so many reasons that aren't going to be obvious to the outside world, many of them start right inside a person's head.. "You're not good enough.. You'll never be thin.. You can't achieve that goal.. You don't fit in.." the list could go on and on and on.. Only the person suffering can know which demons they personally are fighting.

 

Just because a person IS overweight doesn't mean they DON'T care or that they aren't aware or that they don't know. It also doesn't mean that they don't care about how they look, and in fact the opposite is probably very true. They are faced with how they feel and look every day, just like you, when they try to pull on their pants and notice they are feeling a wee bit tight. Which could cause a chain reaction of bad eating if the person is an emotional eater. On the other hand if they get dressed and feel they look drop dead beautiful today they could also feel they can "splurge" a little today because they earned it for whatever hard work they've achieved.

 

What many people fail to realise or take into consideration is that the mental side of being overweight in any way is far more dangerous to the body then the actual excess weight. Now, I know there will be those who will argue with me because they consider the stress on the joints, the heart, & other major organs. But, unless you've BEEN there you can't even begin to fathom the internal dialogue that can send you into a headlong spiral of depressing thoughts that can totally unglue you for days, if not weeks, to come.

 

That same internal dialogue can then cause you a chain reaction of poor eating choices.. too much or too little and set you back even farther. It doesn't help when people whisper, giggle, or hint that they think you've put on a few extra k's.

 

It's interesting that people accept that drugs & alcohol abuse can/should be considered a disease, but we consider people lacking in self control, pigs, and other vulgar terms when they gain excess weight.

 

Did you know that a child on certain ADD or ADHD medication can gain weight from the medication?

 

Did you know that some birth control pills & depression pills can cause you to gain weight?

 

Did you know that certain tablets for pain, allergy, & even cancer can cause a person to gain weight?

 

Did you know that the #1 undiagnosed problem with people is thyroid related and it's often a big cause for depression, joint problems, and obesity? Most Dr's will run a simplistic blood test and feel the number they get back isn't big enough to make a big deal out of, but they don't run the #1 test that could give them the clearest numbers to know for sure.

 

Did you know that body image problems can also cause people to gain weight?

 

We live in a society where skinny jeans fall off people and visible bones are considered beautiful. We live in a world where when we find out superstars have eating disorders everyone wonders how it could have gone unnoticed for so long.. hmm, maybe because today's eating habits aren't where they should be and so their skin and bone look was pretty darn normal looking before even though people hinted that it wasn't flattering.

 

There are two major things that could help obesity.

 

#1, Stop making skinny the in-look and go for healthy. When I hear 8 & 9 year old little girls obsessing about their weight in the local department store I want to cry for them knowing exactly where they'll be by the time puberty hits them. When a 12 year old niece decided to "talk behind a friend's back" about how much food the girl ate & then make insulting facts about how certain people should be exercising because of their size I pointed out that it's NOT about skinny it's about HEALTHY. Sure, the fellow in McDonald's might look like he shouldn't order that large fry, and you know he probably shouldn't BUT what if he just came off of 6 weeks of chemo and this is the first meal he's been able to hold down in that time? What if he's got a thyroid condition, takes medication to make him like he is? What if he's got some other unknown and invisible to us disease that makes him like he is. Even if he doesn't judging and insulting him will do nothing for his self confidence and body image.

 

#2, Maybe it's time a bag of potato chips should cost $3 instead of a head of lettuce. When you have to get the most grocery in your home with the least money spent it's a lot easier to grab 2 bags of salty greasy potato chips to throw in the kids lunch boxes then it is a pound of apples for $3 knowing you'll only get a half dozen apples. Those bags of chips will last two weeks or more where as your apples will only last a week. Yes, you and I both probably know that regardless the apples are better for you, but having been in a position once where I had to make those kinds of choices I know how hard it can be!

[GingerPoppy]

Yes there are many food issues and physiological causes or contributors to obesity. One or more or even none could be a factor in anyone's obesity.

 

Food addiction

Self esteem issues

Self hate

Sexual abuse history

physical abuse history

Power struggles with parents and caregivers over food

Years of ingrained habits

Poverty mindset/hoarding food in case it is not there later (my son's friend is like this)

Compulsive overeating/binges

Sugar Addiction

Emotionally disordered eating

Depression

 

You can not assume that none of these are at play. Or that any of them are at play.

 

I don't think there's always something negative involved. Maybe she simply derives a LOT of pleasure from eating, and therefore eats a lot.

[MBM]

Personally, I think whether a person is obese or not depends mostly on body chemistry. Some of that is inherited while the rest is determined by lifestyle. After trying myriad methods to lose fat, people become demoralized and feel defeated.

 

Interestingly, I recently read about a pastor who used community to get obese and overweight members well again. IIRC, it's been successfully replicated a number of times. If you want to read more, it's somewhere on the Dr. Oz website. (I don't have time to find the article right now -- maybe later.)