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WHAT?????? Kindergardeners engaging in


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That is a very disheartening story. Kindergarten should not involve that sort of thing. I feel bad for those children and parents. Not only do they have to deal with the potential fall out emotionally with their kids, there is that stigma that this was failure or abuse on the parent's part. That man in the video concluded that it had to be something they had seen at home. That may be the case but may not be. Kids can surprise you with what they come up with. And, it only takes 1 over-exposed kid in a group, in the class, on the bus, in the neighborhood to introduce undesirable concepts to other children. The whole thing is sad. :crying:

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It is likely that the kids who instigated this in the public setting of a classroom have been abused sexually at home in some way. It is very sad that other kids would be exposed but also raises huge red flags- kids that young don't just learn this on their own.

 

:iagree: This is horrible, but I would definitely assume something was going on outside the classroom with at least one of the kids in question if not both.

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I agree with pp, these kids had to see or learn it somewhere. 5 yo's don't normally engage in that sort of thing when unsupervised. Someone somewhere has some explaining to do...big time.

 

This is one of the many reasons I have decided to homeschool. I just can't leave my 5 yo somewhere and something like this happen. I. Just. Can't. His biggest concer right now is race cars and reading lessons and I would like to keep it that way!

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Hm. That kind of stuff went on in MY kindy classroom. I didn't participate, but I remember that there were kids doing the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" thing...usually at nap time. Or talking about touching "butt holes". I have no idea who started it, or what not, but I think "doctor" play is pretty normal and universal.

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The kids took their clothes off and engaged in oral-like stuff while the teacher was in the room?? How long was that teacher standing with her back to the classroom??? For MONTHS... :glare:

 

At that age they are wearing elastic waist pants probably. Only takes a second to pull them down in front and show off a boy's "parts". I bet it happened faster than one would think.

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Hm. That kind of stuff went on in MY kindy classroom. I didn't participate, but I remember that there were kids doing the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" thing...usually at nap time. Or talking about touching "butt holes". I have no idea who started it, or what not, but I think "doctor" play is pretty normal and universal.

:iagree:

 

What seemed unclear and a bit weird to me was the classroom situation, not kids this age being involved in sex games. It's regularly listed in child development books as a common thing for that age group - lots of curiosity but low social inhibitions.

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Given what teachers are taught in today's teacher's colleges, there's a chance the teacher thought it was just "normal and developmental." :glare: She probably thought she was doing a good deed for the children by giving them a safe place to explore sex without their "prudish parents" getting in the way. [i've heard worse from teachers and professors, trust me.]

 

And yes, "showing" is normal for this age. Oral is not. That is generally introduced by abuse.

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:iagree:

 

What seemed unclear and a bit weird to me was the classroom situation, not kids this age being involved in sex games. It's regularly listed in child development books as a common thing for that age group - lots of curiosity but low social inhibitions.

 

 

Exactly. The fact it was in a classroom, over the course of months even once the teacher was made aware of the issue. Back when ds8 was 5 and the neighbor he was best friends with was 4, the two of them stripped nekkid in the shed (they were using it as a play house). They said they were playing married, both were nekkid but using separate towels as blankets on their "bed" they never touched each other. That was enough for the neighbor and I to be extra vigilent in our supervision and for me to lock up the shed and not allow it as a play space anymore. I could not imagine knowing that children are engaging in this sort of thing and doing nothing to supervise better, to keep that group of children separated etc. Clearly the school didn't take it seriously.

 

The fact they were engaging in sexual behaviour not just stripping, tells me at least 1 of the group of kids was exposed to it somehow, whether through abuse or movies or catching the parents in the act. So in that way yes it falls at the parents feet, but that school knew this was happening and did nothing to prevent it from happening again.

 

I think suing for 5 Million is insane, but I also think the parents should have pulled their kids and moved them to different schools much earlier when the school continued to do nothing, not waiting until half way through the year.

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I have to agree with everyone who said this is way beyond the "doctor" stuff that is normal for that age. Good grief, my mother had to put me in leotards for school because I thought it was hilarious the way everyone freaked out when I pulled up my shirt in kindergarten. It's a big jump from that to performing or pretending to perform certain actions.

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This is yet another reason to home school.

 

So let me get this straight... Parents complained for MONTHS?

 

Are they bleeping kidding me?

 

I'm sorry but if someone is trying to go down on my child - I'm going to do a heck of a lot more than wring my hands and say repeatedly, "oh my, you know you really should stop that!"

 

I think the parents are just as bad as the school.

 

There I said it.

 

I don't get why parents act like that. I would have pulled my kid THAT DAY I found out. If that meant I lost my job, so be it. If that meant they didn't go to school for a few weeks while I got them into another one, so be it. I'd pull them, take them to our pediatrician, and figure something else out for school and pray finances worked out. I do not comprehend how a parent can decide not to do that for months. It makes me angry and sad and frustrated and then angry again.

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Ok, I had missed the part about it going on for months AFTER parents complained. That is crazy. When my teacher found out about the show me play going on she separated the kids involved immediately and the problem stopped. I think it only lasted about a week or so total, and not every day..maybe just a few times.

 

And yes, if I complained and it happened even once more I'd freak out.

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This is so sad. My abuser was the same age as me and was modeling behavior that he had seen and experienced at home. I promise you it was uninvited. I didn't however know to say stop. We were only 6. Shame on them for saying the one girl "invited" it. This story sickens me in that its been going on for months. In my case I was lucky my older brother came in and tattled to my parents. It was swept under the rug, but at least it never happened again.

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I think the parents are just as bad as the school.

 

There I said it.

 

I don't get why parents act like that. I would have pulled my kid THAT DAY I found out. If that meant I lost my job, so be it. If that meant they didn't go to school for a few weeks while I got them into another one, so be it. I'd pull them, take them to our pediatrician, and figure something else out for school and pray finances worked out. I do not comprehend how a parent can decide not to do that for months. It makes me angry and sad and frustrated and then angry again.

 

These are easy words to say and not so easy to act on. Loss of job can equal loss of home, lack of food, loss of utilities and it can happen quite quickly when you are living paycheck to paycheck. New jobs are not so easy to come by. It is easy for me to say what I would or would not do in the same situation because I am not in it. I am also sure there are facts that are not in the article.

 

Are the parents to blame as much as the school? Maybe. But it is not a judgement I can make on the limited information I have.

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Guest submarines
These are easy words to say and not so easy to act on. Loss of job can equal loss of home, lack of food, loss of utilities and it can happen quite quickly when you are living paycheck to paycheck. New jobs are not so easy to come by. It is easy for me to say what I would or would not do in the same situation because I am not in it. I am also sure there are facts that are not in the article.

 

Are the parents to blame as much as the school? Maybe. But it is not a judgement I can make on the limited information I have.

 

:iagree:ETA: I missed the part that this lasted for months. I agree then, that the parents are guilty as well. I wouldn't necessarily quit my job and pulled my child out at the first notice, but I would've certainly raised enough h*ll as to make sure they straightened the situation out and moved beyond it. :glare:

Edited by sunflowers
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These are easy words to say and not so easy to act on. Loss of job can equal loss of home, lack of food, loss of utilities and it can happen quite quickly when you are living paycheck to paycheck. New jobs are not so easy to come by. It is easy for me to say what I would or would not do in the same situation because I am not in it. I am also sure there are facts that are not in the article.

 

Are the parents to blame as much as the school? Maybe. But it is not a judgement I can make on the limited information I have.

 

No they aren't easy. But dang straight my kid would not step foot back in that school until it was resolved. And yes, I would loose my job and home before I let my kids be in a sexually abusive situation that i could remove them from. I'd hate every minute of welfare less than sending my kid to that situation.

 

Can you imagine the reaction if a mom knew her husband or dad or whatever was aiding or encouraging or otherwise allowing this behavior and her only excuse for letting it continue was, "Well I told him to stop several times for months, but he didn't and I couldn't afford to change who I left my child with."

 

There is no way in heck we would tolerate that excuse - unless it is a school?

 

If anything I am the opposite. I would truly have zero tolerance for that school situation. But I can see how a woman might be scared of loosing her kids to the family abuser (a grandparent or spouse gaining custody) if she didn't handle it just right.

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No they aren't easy. But dang straight my kid would not step foot back in that school until it was resolved. And yes, I would loose my job and home before I let my kids be in a sexually abusive situation that i could remove them from. I'd hate every minute of welfare less than sending my kid to that situation.

 

Can you imagine the reaction if a mom knew her husband or dad or whatever was aiding or encouraging or otherwise allowing this behavior and her only excuse for letting it continue was, "Well I told him to stop several times for months, but he didn't and I couldn't afford to change who I left my child with."

 

There is no way in heck we would tolerate that excuse - unless it is a school?

 

If anything I am the opposite. I would truly have zero tolerance for that school situation. But I can see how a woman might be scared of loosing her kids to the family abuser (a grandparent or spouse gaining custody) if she didn't handle it just right.

 

Not everyone feels empowered enough to do this. Even in this day many don't know that this is an option. I live in a small town in comparison (but it is a city) and I know many of the parents of my children's classmates would fear social service involvement. Many parents just don't know. I'm not sure that the financial aspect would be the number one worry on many of these parents minds if they had already had run-ins with social services or have dealings with the welfare system. Do I blame the parents for not making more of a stink? Maybe, but they might not know there is another option. I really sympathize with them. I hold the school system primarily responsible - especially in a big city like New York where they are probably dealing with every issue under the sun. And honestly - I don't care how big the city or town - its the school's responsibility to investigate these things - and if they can't do it - it needs to be reported to the authorities. Aren't there laws about that?!?

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Not everyone feels empowered enough to do this. Even in this day many don't know that this is an option. I live in a small town in comparison (but it is a city) and I know many of the parents of my children's classmates would fear social service involvement. Many parents just don't know. I'm not sure that the financial aspect would be the number one worry on many of these parents minds if they had already had run-ins with social services or have dealings with the welfare system. Do I blame the parents for not making more of a stink? Maybe, but they might not know there is another option. I really sympathize with them. I hold the school system primarily responsible - especially in a big city like New York where they are probably dealing with every issue under the sun. And honestly - I don't care how big the city or town - its the school's responsibility to investigate these things - and if they can't do it - it needs to be reported to the authorities. Aren't there laws about that?!?

 

 

:confused:They are so ignorant or cowering they don't think there is an option to NOT allow their child to continue in a sexually abusive situation? I think that is total carp. For crying out loud, I'm pretty sure they know what google is if nothing else.

 

I hold PARENTS primarily responsible for their kids. And no, it is not the school's job to investigate anything - that is what police do. But no one called the police because it is okay for schools to do to our kids what woud not only cost us custody of our kids, but get us jail time.:glare:

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:confused:They are so ignorant or cowering they don't think there is an option to NOT allow their child to continue in a sexually abusive situation? I think that is total carp. For crying out loud, I'm pretty sure they know what google is if nothing else.

 

I hold PARENTS primarily responsible for their kids. And no, it is not the school's job to investigate anything - that is what police do. But no one called the police because it is okay for schools to do to our kids what woud not only cost us custody of our kids, but get us jail time.:glare:

 

This is how the system is built. I didn't say it was right - but we live in a world of mandatory reporters. And yes I do think there are parents ignorant enough to think this way. In a perfect world every child would have parents similar to those here on WTM, but the reality is that isn't the case.

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This is yet another reason to home school.

 

So let me get this straight... Parents complained for MONTHS?

 

Are they bleeping kidding me?

 

I'm sorry but if someone is trying to go down on my child - I'm going to do a heck of a lot more than wring my hands and say repeatedly, "oh my, you know you really should stop that!"

 

I think the parents are just as bad as the school.

 

There I said it.

 

I don't get why parents act like that. I would have pulled my kid THAT DAY I found out. If that meant I lost my job, so be it. If that meant they didn't go to school for a few weeks while I got them into another one, so be it. I'd pull them, take them to our pediatrician, and figure something else out for school and pray finances worked out. I do not comprehend how a parent can decide not to do that for months. It makes me angry and sad and frustrated and then angry again.

 

:iagree:

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Not everyone feels empowered enough to do this. Even in this day many don't know that this is an option. I live in a small town in comparison (but it is a city) and I know many of the parents of my children's classmates would fear social service involvement. Many parents just don't know. I'm not sure that the financial aspect would be the number one worry on many of these parents minds if they had already had run-ins with social services or have dealings with the welfare system. Do I blame the parents for not making more of a stink? Maybe, but they might not know there is another option. I really sympathize with them. I hold the school system primarily responsible - especially in a big city like New York where they are probably dealing with every issue under the sun. And honestly - I don't care how big the city or town - its the school's responsibility to investigate these things - and if they can't do it - it needs to be reported to the authorities. Aren't there laws about that?!?

 

Seriously??

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This is how the system is built. I didn't say it was right - but we live in a world of mandatory reporters. And yes I do think there are parents ignorant enough to think this way. In a perfect world every child would have parents similar to those here on WTM, but the reality is that isn't the case.

 

Yes, the school is supposed to report it, not investigate it.

 

There is no such thing as a grown adult who doesn't know it is wrong to leave their child in a known sexually exploitive situation.

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Horrifiying but not new. There are similar stories every few years, and I always wonder how often it happens and we just don't hear about it.

 

I totally agree that this is a red flag about one or more of the children's backgrounds. I hope they receive help and not just shock and judgement.

 

I have heard stories like this more than once from my DH. But usually in his case it is a one time thing and CPS is immediately involved. I can't imagine months of this going one. I think the teacher and who ever didn't report it are at fault. Be that the principal, vice principal, counselor, any school official who sat on parental complaints needs to be fired.

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Yes, the school is supposed to report it, not investigate it.

 

There is no such thing as a grown adult who doesn't know it is wrong to leave their child in a known sexually exploitive situation.

 

 

 

I agree with you, but the school system is purposely set up to exclude parents from their own authority in dealing with their own dc. Parents fear the school authorities in an unhealthy way, right or wrong.

 

 

This is *EXACTLY* why schools will never flourish in the USA until there is a major upheaval of power/control. The schools don't give a rats patootie about the kids - as an institution - and the people who do care have zero power.

 

 

The parents ARE ultimately responsible. :iagree: But, the way our society is structured, most parents either don't KNOW that they are responsible (I am completely serious!) once they pass those school doors or they don't WANT that responsibility and gladly use the school as a scapegoat.

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This is yet another reason to home school.

 

So let me get this straight... Parents complained for MONTHS?

 

Are they bleeping kidding me?

 

I'm sorry but if someone is trying to go down on my child - I'm going to do a heck of a lot more than wring my hands and say repeatedly, "oh my, you know you really should stop that!"

 

I think the parents are just as bad as the school.

 

There I said it.

 

I don't get why parents act like that. I would have pulled my kid THAT DAY I found out. If that meant I lost my job, so be it. If that meant they didn't go to school for a few weeks while I got them into another one, so be it. I'd pull them, take them to our pediatrician, and figure something else out for school and pray finances worked out. I do not comprehend how a parent can decide not to do that for months. It makes me angry and sad and frustrated and then angry again.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I can see how kids would play the peeking game a few times - but even that seems pretty ridiculous if it went on for MONTHS. These are kindergarteners - not rebellious 8th graders. Good grief. If the teachers cannot get a grip on K students, no wonder 9th graders fail in the system. These are 5 year olds!!!! If you have a problem that goes on for MONTHS with 5 year olds and you cannot fix it, then you don't deserve to be teaching or operating a school.

 

And what parent would let this go on for months is beyond my comprehension too.

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'Show me' games are age expected.

 

Contact, oral, etc is NOT.

 

Heads should roll. Principal, teacher, and whomever else knew about it and failed/refused to act.

 

And parents absolutely had a responsibility to protect their children, once aware of the situation.

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Hm. That kind of stuff went on in MY kindy classroom. I didn't participate, but I remember that there were kids doing the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" thing...usually at nap time. Or talking about touching "butt holes". I have no idea who started it, or what not, but I think "doctor" play is pretty normal and universal.

 

I think that looking and touching is normal. I'm not sure about the oral part. Of course, the children should have been better supervised at school, so that it could be caught early and the lesson could be taught about bodily privacy.

 

FWIW, I was playing doctors at that age having experienced no abuse.

 

Laura

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Given what teachers are taught in today's teacher's colleges, there's a chance the teacher thought it was just "normal and developmental." :glare: She probably thought she was doing a good deed for the children by giving them a safe place to explore sex without their "prudish parents" getting in the way. [i've heard worse from teachers and professors, trust me.]

 

And yes, "showing" is normal for this age. Oral is not. That is generally introduced by abuse.

 

There are a few people who post on here who are classroom teachers. I think this line of "reasoning" is very insulting. Think about the situation from another point of view. Teachers routinely deal with kids from all kinds of backgrounds including ones who have been abused. No teacher is a miracle worker, but many are faced with incredible challenges in the classroom. It is bit premature to speculate on what actually went on in the room.

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Come on...that's a bit alarmist and pretty exaggerated. Really, teachers are taught that it's ok for little kids to engage in sex acts right out in the open during class?

 

Not really. Dh and I both went through the usual teacher education child psychology classes, and we know many teachers in real life. One high school teacher supplies what would be considered by any reasonable person to be pornographic reading materials, because "their parents won't let them read it at home."

 

I'm not saying that the teacher encouraged it; but something was going on in his/her brain to allow it to continue happening. I'm just making one guess. We could guess apathy or any other number of reasons, but there was some reason it continued.

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These are easy words to say and not so easy to act on. Loss of job can equal loss of home, lack of food, loss of utilities and it can happen quite quickly when you are living paycheck to paycheck. New jobs are not so easy to come by. It is easy for me to say what I would or would not do in the same situation because I am not in it. I am also sure there are facts that are not in the article.

 

Are the parents to blame as much as the school? Maybe. But it is not a judgement I can make on the limited information I have.

 

I blame the parents more! Teachers are helpers in our kids lives, but the final responsibility is the parents. We recently had a 6 year old die from a peanut allergy in school. The parents want to sue because the epipen wasn't allowed in the classroom. They knew this ahead of time and allowed their daughter to go to school anyway. The time to sue was before your child died from something that was preventable and predictable. If your child is being sexually preyed upon and the school doesn't do anything, you are still the parent. You are ultimately accountable.

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