A Homeschooling and Neighbor Story--SN related

[Tiramisu]

Yesterday, I ran into a sweet but anxious neighbor who I hadn't seen in a long while. She looked at me with a sorely troubled expression and asked about my oldest dd, "Is she going to college? How will she ever survive in college classes? Or on a campus?" as though by homeschooling I had completely ruined dd's chances for future success.

 

A good friend was also there and seemed as shocked as I was by the question. And probably also very interested to see how I'd respond.

 

Well, what could I say? "She's in classes every week, and she got great scores on her PSAT's. But she may never do very well in a classroom environment because she has auditory processing disorder. She was just diagnosed." I don't know why I threw that out, except that I know she has a son with LD's who is troubled as an adult. Perhaps part of me wanted to turn this confrontation in the direction of mutual sympathy.

 

We chatted a bit and she seemed generally happy to hear about dd's interest in a particular college and her career goals.

 

A few minutes later my sensory seeker girl, who is in ps, bounded out of the house and across the street full speed and proceeded to interrupt us while bouncing around and babbling non-stop, making grandiose gestures and swinging her head wildly so her hair would swish in all directions. When she sprinted in again, my neighbor said, "Hyperactivity."

 

Well, yes, but, "They call her a model of good behavior in school."

 

Slump.

[peacefully]

.

[houseofkids&pets]

I call it "youthful enthusiasm" rather than hyperactivity. You know that there are always going to be those negative people who will attempt to rain on your parade. It sounds like you handled it in a much more civil way than I would have. And good for your daughter that she is doing well in classes and on the PSAT. She obviously has a lot of strengths!!

[PeterPan]

Let's flip this. You've btdt on a lot, so you meet some lady with a 5 yo who has signs of xyz and you tell her. The lady tells you to get out, that you're raining on her parade, that it's normal for kids this age, that nothing is wrong because she ate right, that kids are resilient. You know differently.

 

So I take situations like that (which I've had happen myself) and I try to figure out what they did and why it turned out that know, knowing that it's advice well-intended and intended for me to learn from. So that's what I would ask? What really happened with her? Is there something *you* should change after hearing her story, or do you have those bases hit already? I think these are GOOD questions. You don't need somebody to pat your back. You want someone to show you your holes. They shouldn't beat you up and turn you to pulp in the process, lol, but yeah you want to hear the honest truth.

 

So my totally different story, same scenario? When I was pregnant with my first, I had all these ladies in the quilting classes telling me I was nuts, wasn't going to like it, it was going to hurt, blah blah. The reality is I had theoretical answers and hadn't really hit head-on, in my own soul, those serious issues about how committed I really was, what would I do if *my* internal stamina wasn't there, etc. So even though I didn't agree with their conclusions, I could learn from them, kwim?

 

People like that are hard, because they've been hurt so much. Just put on your strong shoes and know you've dealt with the issues she brings up. If you have, that's all you can do. NOBODY can guarantee outcomes on anything.

[Tiramisu]

Hmmm. Some folks seem to want to focus on the disability, not realizing how resilient and bright these kiddos are as well. I'm sorry you had to deal with her negativity. You, however, dealt with the situation with your usual graciousness. I need to learn some of that when I'm in a similar boat.

 

Wow, Kelly, I'm sure glad you're back. I needed that boost. :)

[Tiramisu]

I call it "youthful enthusiasm" rather than hyperactivity. You know that there are always going to be those negative people who will attempt to rain on your parade. It sounds like you handled it in a much more civil way than I would have. And good for your daughter that she is doing well in classes and on the PSAT. She obviously has a lot of strengths!!

 

Thanks for this. The more we are finding out about her difficulties, the more appreciative I am of how well she's doing.

[Tiramisu]

Let's flip this. You've btdt on a lot, so you meet some lady with a 5 yo who has signs of xyz and you tell her. The lady tells you to get out, that you're raining on her parade, that it's normal for kids this age, that nothing is wrong because she ate right, that kids are resilient. You know differently.

 

So I take situations like that (which I've had happen myself) and I try to figure out what they did and why it turned out that know, knowing that it's advice well-intended and intended for me to learn from. So that's what I would ask? What really happened with her? Is there something *you* should change after hearing her story, or do you have those bases hit already? I think these are GOOD questions. You don't need somebody to pat your back. You want someone to show you your holes. They shouldn't beat you up and turn you to pulp in the process, lol, but yeah you want to hear the honest truth.

 

So my totally different story, same scenario? When I was pregnant with my first, I had all these ladies in the quilting classes telling me I was nuts, wasn't going to like it, it was going to hurt, blah blah. The reality is I had theoretical answers and hadn't really hit head-on, in my own soul, those serious issues about how committed I really was, what would I do if *my* internal stamina wasn't there, etc. So even though I didn't agree with their conclusions, I could learn from them, kwim?

 

People like that are hard, because they've been hurt so much. Just put on your strong shoes and know you've dealt with the issues she brings up. If you have, that's all you can do. NOBODY can guarantee outcomes on anything.

 

I think the bolded part really hits the mark. I see she's not happy. Her own son has struggled as an adult, not just with the disability, but with unemployment due to the economy--he has a good trade--and there's a history of substance abuse. She's in pain because she see's his pain. He doesn't know what's going to happen in his future--no job, no relationship, aging mother. Plus, he stays in his room all day, every day. Maybe something about that matches her image of what homeschooling is. She's a retired public school teacher; that may play a part.

 

As far as how we're doing...vision therapy evaluation tomorrow. I think I'm covering my bases one by one, but it seems it will never be done. Won't be able to afford therapy, but I'm ignoring that fact now. :tongue_smilie: