ciyates Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 My son has a female friend who is way more into him than he is in to her. For the last few years she has listed him as her boyfirend on FB or her number one friend etc. I am ashamed to say his behavior with her is not that of a gentleman. I put a stop to them talking, facebooking etc. I told her mother they were not to have any contact. For about a year they did not then she set up a fake FB account contacted him and started calling and texting. Her mother brought her to my see my son when she knew I would not be around. I found out about it when I was checking my son's text and was livid. The language they used was terrible. It was pornographic. I contacted the mother and told her, forwarded her the text and said under no circumstances could they see contact each other. This was about 4 months ago. Over the last few weeks the mother has been contacting me asking me to let them talk. She says her daughter has grown up and desperately needs my DS in her life. My response is NO! I can't understand her response. She is a conservative homeschooler. I can tell you if anyone ever talked to my DD the way my DS spoke to her I would not want them within a country mile of one another. They are young 16 and 14. Am I over reacting or what? P.S. The young lady involved has a history of making up lies and telling them to my son or telling them about my son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 She says her daughter has grown up and desperately needs my DS in her life. My response is NO! I can't understand her response. She is a conservative homeschooler. I can tell you if anyone ever talked to my DD the way my DS spoke to her I would not want them within a country mile of one another. They are young 16 and 14. Am I over reacting or what? P.S. The young lady involved has a history of making up lies and telling them to my son or telling them about my son. I wouldn't trust either of them as far as I could spit. You need to have a heart to heart with son, and son needs a man to man with dad. I have seen this situation, and the young man is put through a ringer of guilt and demands, and then dumped when girl is older and can get a better guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Her daughter desperately needs your son?! This screams unhealthy - an unhealthy dependence on your son, unhealthy interactions between the two, an unhealthy interference from the mother into your own parenting of your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You are not crazy. No way would I let my 16yo son be involved with a 14yo girl with the interaction-history you described. And no 14yo girl "has grown up and desperately needs" a 16yo boy in her life. Good Grief! btw....my DD has a nice phone app called BlackList that blocks calls and texts from the listed numbers. Sounds like your son could benefit from the same! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker25 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Ugh, as the mother of daughters I want to say thank you for your vigilance. I agree with your assessment and boundaries 100%! I would distantce myself far from this family. I would do the same if it were my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Her daughter desperately needs your son?! This screams unhealthy - an unhealthy dependence on your son, unhealthy interactions between the two, an unhealthy interference from the mother into your own parenting of your son. No joke. Stick to your convictions, mama. No WAY would my boys EVER have contact with the young lady again (while under my roof) if we were in that situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You are not the crazy one here! Good for you for keeping your ds away from that girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 at 14?! No one desperately needs anyone at 14. :glare: You are not overreacting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 My son has a female friend who is way more into him than he is in to her. For the last few years she has listed him as her boyfirend on FB or her number one friend etc. I am ashamed to say his behavior with her is not that of a gentleman. I put a stop to them talking, facebooking etc. I told her mother they were not to have any contact. For about a year they did not then she set up a fake FB account contacted him and started calling and texting. Her mother brought her to my see my son when she knew I would not be around. I found out about it when I was checking my son's text and was livid. The language they used was terrible. It was pornographic. I contacted the mother and told her, forwarded her the text and said under no circumstances could they see contact each other. This was about 4 months ago. Over the last few weeks the mother has been contacting me asking me to let them talk. She says her daughter has grown up and desperately needs my DS in her life. My response is NO! I can't understand her response. She is a conservative homeschooler. I can tell you if anyone ever talked to my DD the way my DS spoke to her I would not want them within a country mile of one another. They are young 16 and 14. Am I over reacting or what? P.S. The young lady involved has a history of making up lies and telling them to my son or telling them about my son. creepy... Things are not what they seem in this young girl's family. I think you should stay far, far away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You are not the crazy one here! Good for you for keeping your ds away from that girl. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 creepy... Things are not what they seem in this young girl's family. I think you should stay far, far away. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 creepy... Things are not what they seem in this young girl's family. I think you should stay far, far away. I don't know if things aren't as they seem in this darn family because this whole thing is actually quite creepy!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in KY Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 In not too long he will be old enough to get into trouble whether he initiated anything or not. If she has told lies to and about him, he should stay far, far away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 What role did your son play in this? If after month the girl is still desperate to have him in her life, it sure sounds as if there might still be contact. Was his language inappropriate because he was being mean to her or was he encouraging her? In other words, were the texts one sided or did he actively participate? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 No matter who said what, the contact does need to stop. I only have daughters, and I would be really scared if one of them, at 14, "desperately needed" another human being in their life. Anyway, is your dh involved? He really needs to have a talk with son about the proper way to speak with young ladies. You are doing the right thing!! Stand strong! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Something's wrong here... if someone's son talked inappropriately, I might be doing say.... coffee with the mom, but I wouldn't be getting my daughter together with him. :( bad choices... :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You are not the crazy one here! Good for you for keeping your ds away from that girl. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You are not the crazy one here! Good for you for keeping your ds away from that girl. :iagree: Nope...not ever gonna happen ..... You are a good Mamma....keep that girl AWAY!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 The mom sounds like the crazy one. The dd is bad news and is way too young to be doing the things she is doing, but the mom is my biggest concern. She is actively pressuring her dd into a serious se*ual relationship with your ds. Is she hoping the dd will get pg so your family will have to provide for her and her future baby? Because I can't think of any other reason why this mom would be so desperate for her dd to date your ds. Run! Run away! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 No matter who said what, the contact does need to stop. I only have daughters, and I would be really scared if one of them, at 14, "desperately needed" another human being in their life. She desperately needs a decent mom. You know, I'd even be scared this blatantly inappropriate mom might be writing some of it .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Her daughter desperately needs your son?! This screams unhealthy - an unhealthy dependence on your son, unhealthy interactions between the two, an unhealthy interference from the mother into your own parenting of your son. :iagree: You are NOT crazy. Stay far, far away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 YIKES. I think I would run away from this girl and her mom! And as a previous poster mentioned, I would be wondering if ds still has some contact with her that is prolonging the emotions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 She desperately needs a decent mom. LOL, well yeah. I should have said I would be scared if she "desperately needed" a boy. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Yikes. You might not be to 'restraining order' level yet, but I'd sure be collecting documentation in case you suddenly need one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 It sounds stalkerish to me. Gavin DeBecker talks about the stalker personality in at least one of his books. You need to really impress upon your son that NO contact can happen, because once he slips up, even once, it resets everything in the girl's brain to zero. Meaning, she knows that if she texts 180x, eventually he breaks down and responds. So his abstaining from responding those 179x has been wiped out to nothing, because she got what she wanted. So, he can expect at least another 180 texts, even if his breaking of the silence was to say, "Stop texting." Anyway, I'm not one for saying involve the law, but you already tried to work it out with the parent, and you can't. Anyone who will blatantly disregard your very clear request isn't someone with whom you can work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlylocks Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You are NOT crazy... I'd be changing his phone #. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 run. RUN NOW. change his phone number, put her number on block. tell other people who know your ds that you would appreciate being informed if they see him around town with this girl. There is something wrong with this girl. More wrong with the mother and your ds could end up a lot of trouble. Right now, being 16, he probably doesn't believe you so you are going to have to work hard to protect him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Her daughter desperately needs your son?! This screams unhealthy - an unhealthy dependence on your son, unhealthy interactions between the two, an unhealthy interference from the mother into your own parenting of your son. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Her daughter desperately needs your son?! This screams unhealthy - an unhealthy dependence on your son, unhealthy interactions between the two, an unhealthy interference from the mother into your own parenting of your son. :iagree:You and your husband need to draw a solid LINE that this girl and her mother do NOT cross. What kind of mother tells another mother, "My 14 year old daughter NEEDS your 16 year old son?" Wow. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Her daughter desperately needs your son?! This screams unhealthy - an unhealthy dependence on your son, unhealthy interactions between the two, an unhealthy interference from the mother into your own parenting of your son. :iagree: That is just wrong on so many levels. I'm sad for the girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sevilla Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 This could eventually turn scary in a legal stalking and pressing charges kind of way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You're not crazy. My friend went through a similar situation with her ds and a girl when they were both about 14-15. The other mom didn't say her dd *needed* friend's ds, but she didn't think it was a big deal that they were texting at all hours of the day and night. Friend and her dh had many talks with their ds about how the relationship was unhealthy. They told him it needed to be cut off. But the girl kept trying to maintain the relationship. Friend talked to other mom and got nowhere; like I mentioned, she thought it was no big deal. So friend went straight to the girl and told her to stop calling/texting. Other mom was slightly annoyed but the friend was able to steer her ds in a more positive direction. Teen hormones can really wreak havoc. You are wise to protect your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoretee Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 You're not crazy. Hold your ground...you are making the wise choice and your son will appreciate it about 10 years from now! :iagree: I agree with everyone else's comments. Have a heart to heart talk with your son and try to explain how harmful the situation has become. It seems like the girl has issues that are not being dealt with at home, and had started to seek out someone else to fill those needs and desires. As much as possible, try to explain to your son, that those needs and desires need to be met by another responsible adult mentor or a counselor who can help her work through those issues. If it has gone this far, his heart is going to be involved too and maybe explaining that girl needs an adult's help will help him to understand it is not healthy for him to continue to try to fill her "void." But...you are definitely not crazy and you want to make sure it doesn't get any worse than it already is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Before I got to the end, I assumed you were talking about college age kids. Sixteen and fourteen?!!! In a short time, that's jail bait! I understand it may be difficult for your son, he's probably been emotionally manipulated and his youthful passions triggered. I think it very important that you and your dh do whatever it takes to disconnect him from the sick family and help him understand clearly the sort if outcomes you are seeking to help him avoid. So sorry you have to deal with this - as the mom of two teen boys, it is a big fear of mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted February 4, 2012 Author Share Posted February 4, 2012 Anyway, is your dh involved? He really needs to have a talk with son about the proper way to speak with young ladies. You are doing the right thing!! Stand strong! :grouphug: DH came down really hard, DS knew better. DS was in the wrong and made bad decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted February 4, 2012 Author Share Posted February 4, 2012 I think I have DS convinced of how dangerous this situation is (the potential for the girl to lie about him on something serious). The young lady has told lies about young men in the community that if anyone took serious would destroy their lives. I can understand teenagers getting themselves in situations like this but it is the mom who really makes me crazy. I showed her the text messages. I was livid at my DS for his behavior, and she wasnt concerned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.