KristenR Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 So what would you say if a "friend" asked you when you planned on joining the real world and going back to work? I ask this for a friend of mine whose close friend of her asked her this. My friend has two children under the age of 4 and doesn't plan on homeschooling... but still this comment irks me. My friend doesn't necessarily plan on going back to work at all. Her husband is lucky in his business right now where she can afford to stay home and she would be an involved parent even when her kids are in school. That being said, before mommyhood she was a paralegal at a local law firm. Maybe her friend thinks motherhood is a step down? Oh, and the real kicker is that the friend who asked this question IS a mother herself. She has one 2yr old boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAM Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Well my gut reaction is- why on earth is staying home with your child not the "real world"? Is the office really the "real world"? I imagine such a question coming from someone who doesn't feel completely comfortable with being a working mother and so wants to reassure herself at someone else's expense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I'd laugh off her silly comment with a, "Ha, it doesn't get any more real than being in the trenches with my kids!" I wouldn't give it a second thought. People say things all the time that isn't intended to be offensive, and even if it is (intended negatively), <shrug> oh well. And I'd secretly feel sorry for her for thinking that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garddwr Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 If the friend who asked is a working mother, she may be trying to shore up her feelings about working by denigrating the idea of staying home. I think women are hypersensitive about other women making different life/parenting choices because we are afraid our own choices are being judged (by the person who chose differently). If you respond in a way that is critical of the other person's choice, things just go downhill. I would personally respond with something like "Oh, I've always planned to stay home if I could. I really appreciated my mom being at home when I was growing up, and I feel like mothering is my profession now." Which is true in my case. I don't know if your friend always planned to stay home, but maybe she could come up with a simple statement that expresses what draws her to be home with her kids, without making sweeping generalizations about the value of staying home vs. working. --Sarah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 it would all depend on the tone? Was it just converstation or was it a rude comment. really it could be nothing more than a mild comment of simple conversation. maybe the mom herself was trying to figure out what she wanted to do also and we trying to see what other moms are doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 "What world do you think I'm living in?" Or, I would probably just ask her what she means by that. Trying to elaborate on what was likely an off-the-cuff comment she didn't think through before saying might help her get why that's a stupid, insulting thing to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 "Never! It's much more fun over here!" or if I'm feeling serious "DH and I will always try to do what works best for our family, at the moment that is xyz..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Ugh. What a thoughtless comment. I'd probably say something like, "I don't know, when do you plan on raising your own child instead of paying someone else to do it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I would laugh and ask "You don't think parenting is real world?" and then laugh again and abruptly stop and kind of cock my head a little and wait for an answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I'd probably just laugh and make a comment about enjoying my "fake" world. Or I might be really snarky and make a comment about how nice it is that DH makes SOOO much money that I don't have to be bothered to get my hands dirty. I'd also re-evaluate that friendship :glare:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I would laugh and ask "You don't think parenting is real world?" and then laugh again and abruptly stop and kind of cock my head a little and wait for an answer. Yes! Along these lines... or My investment portfolio is much more diversified now...I like it that way :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 If somebody said that to me, I'd probably just smile and say, "I'm happy right where I am, staying home with my kids, and I'm fortunate that my husband's job enables me to do so." If they brought it up another time in a snide or sarcastic manner thinking they were being cute, I'd have to arch a brow and pointedly say, "You do realize you're being offensive, right? I really have no desire to continue defending my lifestyle choice to you, so can we just let it go?" I'm sure they'd get the point that time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Ugh. What a thoughtless comment. I'd probably say something like, "I don't know, when do you plan on raising your own child instead of paying someone else to do it?" I would laugh and ask "You don't think parenting is real world?" and then laugh again and abruptly stop and kind of cock my head a little and wait for an answer. Something like one of these, depending upon how rudely the person meant it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Ugh. What a thoughtless comment. I'd probably say something like, "I don't know, when do you plan on raising your own child instead of paying someone else to do it?" Yeah, because what's really a good idea is ratcheting up the Mommy Wars even further. :glare: I agree that the woman's comment was completely wrong and messed-up. But it's not because she chose the wrong side to be judgmental about, it's because it is wrong to attack other mothers for their perfectly normal variations on the parenting theme. You probably wouldn't accept "well, she did it to me first" from your kids; don't do it yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 When I HAVE to. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazyDazy Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Never! Fantasyland is perfect for me. :D OR I have moved on to more important things. Work is really for the unenlightened. (I would only use this one if the one asking truly was being rude and insensitive because really they are just asking to be insulted, aren't they?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Ugh. What a thoughtless comment. I'd probably say something like, "I don't know, when do you plan on raising your own child instead of paying someone else to do it?" Ha! Thats what Id be thinking in my head, but wouldn't say outloud. I would ignore the snark in the comment and address the real question. I'd say, "You know, I've found so much satisfaction in being a mother that I don't ever want to go back to work!" :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 "This is MY real world." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 So what would you say if a "friend" asked you when you planned on joining the real world and going back to work? . after the blinking stage . . . . I'd simply respond that I was already "working" in the "real world". followed by a hard stare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 So what would you say if a "friend" asked you when you planned on joining the real world and going back to work? Give her a big sincere smile and tell her you're too busy sleeping late, shopping, and going out for long lunches to be bothered with that whole tedious "job" thing. And then look at her with great pity in your eyes. Make sure she knows you feel very, very sorry for her. (I have done this, and it tends to shut people right up.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 "Never! It's much more fun over here!" This. IME comments like that are often the product of sour grapes. It's best to act confident in your choice, smile and pass the bean dip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 How about, "Before our house gets foreclosed on, hopefully" or... "When it's time for the kids to go to college, I plan to go back for another degree, until then... it's Starbuck's every day..." (which going to the coffee house and enjoying time off seems lovely to me, right now :)) Or, "Why, do you know of someone who needs my skills?" Depends on how and why I thought the question was asked. I can usually keep the snark, down, but sometimes.... it pops out :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 (edited) So what would you say if a "friend" asked you when you planned on joining the real world and going back to work? I ask this for a friend of mine whose close friend of her asked her this. My friend has two children under the age of 4 and doesn't plan on homeschooling... but still this comment irks me. My friend doesn't necessarily plan on going back to work at all. Her husband is lucky in his business right now where she can afford to stay home and she would be an involved parent even when her kids are in school. That being said, before mommyhood she was a paralegal at a local law firm. Maybe her friend thinks motherhood is a step down? Oh, and the real kicker is that the friend who asked this question IS a mother herself. She has one 2yr old boy. If the real world means having to endure obnoxious questions from nosy b*tches like you, I'll just stay on my fantasy planet. Thanks for asking and bless your little heart, darlin'! :D :glare: :auto: Edited February 2, 2012 by Audrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 So what would you say if a "friend" asked you when you planned on joining the real world and going back to work? ":lol::lol::lol: Oh, you're serious. :001_huh: Let me tell you, I'm in the real world right now. When I am ready for a well-deserved break, I will look for a job outside of my home.:lol::lol::lol:" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I personally think people say stuff like this when they're feeling insecure about their own choices on some level. I'd just say "I love not having to take my kids to daycare". Personally, I feel much more in the real world NOW than opposed to when I was working in corporate America, so that's another response. When people say stuff like this now, it helps me to realize that people are insecure about their own choices and like to project that onto others. Helps me let go of it easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
photomo Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 She's just jealous she doesn't get to stay home:tongue_smilie: My sister in law is a Paralegal (she doesn't think it's a step down) and they are trying to get bills paid off and money in savings and then she is planning on staying home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I'd assume there is jealousy or insecurity on the part of the mom who said that. My response would be to laugh a little & say "I dunno, I kinda like this world right now." With a genuine smile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 This. IME comments like that are often the product of sour grapes. It's best to act confident in your choice, smile and pass the bean dip. :iagree: I have a few friends and family who say this because they are shocked I have a master's degree in a highly employable field, but have no plans to head back to work as of now. It seems to bother my friends with similar degrees the most, and they largely must work because of their financial situation. I think sometimes it is their dissatisfaction that leads them to make remarks like this. I absolutely believe some women are happier working outside of the home fwiw. But just as they don't want to be judged, I dislike the judgment about staying at home. I usually just pass the bean dip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 It all depends on what the person asking the question meant. The phrase, "the real world" often just means "the working world." I remember at graduation from school, they would love to throw in the phrase, "the real world" meaning mostly work (and probably bills, too.) The person might have used that phrase meaning, "You're lazy at home and living in la-la land. Come back to work and be fulfilled." Or she might have meant, "When are you going to have to give up what we both think is nicer (staying at home) and be forced into the daily grind of a work-a-day lifestyle?" If it were me, I might have babbled on about how much I love being home, or I might have blown it off with an, "I dunno," or I might have made a joke of it, "Heavens--never, I hope!" It would all depend on my mood and the questioners attitude at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 It's a waste of time. People say things like this to me sometimes, and I choose to think they are really saying, "I miss having work in common with you" or something like that. I don't think most of them really care what my answer is, they are just making conversation. I don't think it's worth getting huffy about. It's just your friends ribbing you, and if you get defensive and start the whole, "I have the most important job in the world" routine, you end up looking ridiculous in their eyes because they were just running their mouths without any serious intent. I usually just laugh and say, "Never." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I absolutely believe some women are happier working outside of the home fwiw. This is very true. And they're good mothers, too. Just because someone actually likes working over staying at home doesn't mean anything's wrong with them or that they're miserable working. Some women just love it. And if you've spent a bunch of money and time pursuing a degree, I see nothing wrong with wanting to use it, rather than stay at home. But then again, I never (ever) wanted to grow up and have kids. I always wanted to get a job. When I finally did have kids, it was tough staying at home all day when they were babies. It took me about 5 years to get used to staying at home. I love it now, but it was tough those first 5 years. It wasn't what I thought my life would be, and I had to adjust my thinking/desires. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Give her a big sincere smile and tell her you're too busy sleeping late, shopping, and going out for long lunches to be bothered with that whole tedious "job" thing. And then look at her with great pity in your eyes. Make sure she knows you feel very, very sorry for her. (I have done this, and it tends to shut people right up.) :lol: and eating bon bons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 When DS7 was six months old my sister wanted to know when I was planning to go back to work - the tone was such that it was obvious she was quite irked I'd decided to stay home and not return to work. I told her that DH and I decided I didn't need to go back to work, so I was staying home, no plan to ever return to work. If you could have seen her face! Her reply was why was I wasting my degree and experience? I just shook my head, told her she wasn't going to understand and left it at that...I didn't feel it necessary to justify or defend my decision - it didn't effect her or her family, so really, it wasn't something she should concern herself with. When I'd decided with DH to not go back to work, it was specifically because the work on did required extensive travel (80-100% each week)....with 22-years of working, I also was quite happy to "retire" and be a mom! No regrets still....I don't even toy with the idea of going back to work - DH will be (hopefully) ready to retire in 10 years (he'll be 60) and we can just enjoy our kids and retirement years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 It's a waste of time. People say things like this to me sometimes, and I choose to think they are really saying, "I miss having work in common with you" or something like that. I don't think most of them really care what my answer is, they are just making conversation. I don't think it's worth getting huffy about. It's just your friends ribbing you, and if you get defensive and start the whole, "I have the most important job in the world" routine, you end up looking ridiculous in their eyes because they were just running their mouths without any serious intent. I do agree with this. Mostly, people are just making conversation. I've only had people get REALLY rude with me a couple of times. Mostly, people are just curious or making conversation when they make comments or ask questions. I also have to say, I find it really weird when people ask for help with comebacks. Either you are a snappy comeback person or you are not. I am. If you're not, then I doubt your ability to deliver my line with the proper attitude. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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