SonshineLearner Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 So we live in a spot I've lived for 13 years now. At first, I worked and had a best friend that I'd have for.... 15 years. Perfect... Besty Friend and lots of people I worked with to chat with. That was decent. (but we're not friends, now.. long story, but it became unhealthy :() Now I'm married... things are a bit off as we had our oldest girls two weeks on two weeks off. Now that they're almost gone, it's actually more "level" because we won't have kids coming and going all the time. More of a "steady" time. I don't really have "friends" here; I'd like to, I have people that if I'm desperate I can call. Some of them call me to offer favors or ask, perhaps. My mom is my absolute best friend, she's terminal now and I'm realizing I have NO one to stay here for... not a friend to have tea with... not someone to do movies with.... I'm pretty much pity partying for myself. I've talked to my husband about picking up and moving somewhere in a couple of years, and although that is pretty much a fantasy.... I'm just wondering if I can break into the "friend circle" with a couple people here. Has anyone made some decent friends, after kinda "not" for a long time? We're not really going to church, although I hope to at some point. I went to the same church for a long time.... I always thought that small towns would be cool, but lately I'm just thinking that they're a bunch of family spread out over town... :( How have you "built" your best friendships? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 You could come meet me at OMSI. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I'm beginning to think that long-lasting friends are pretty rare. I had several, what I thought were really great friendships, until I wasn't involved in the same activities. Now, while they're around and I still talk with them about twice a month, we're not tight like we once were. I have one friend whom I know will be my friend for life but even with her, our lives are totally different. We only see each other once a month, maybe. If you want female companionship, I'd look to activities you enjoy and see what pops up there. But just looking for friends, I don't have a lot of faith it will happen. Like all relationships that last, it takes real work. But you have to have a starting point. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamaTanya Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 :grouphug: My mom was my best friend. I've been in a hole without her. I'm so sorry you're going through this valley. :grouphug: As far as my own friend-experience. Well, I've been disappointed. Often. Co-workers who didn't seem to care about me after I'd moved to another job. Friends who didn't keep in touch after a church change. Couple friends with relationships that changed when either a) they didn't care to tolerate our ds with special needs or b) we became too stressed with the strained relationship among the dc. And a best friend (without dc/not by choice) who just could not accept that I couldn't drop everything to hang out when I had little ones . . . Sigh. I will say, however, that even though I've missed the closeness of having a best friend, I have had people who reached out and were there for us when we desperately needed someone. People who rallied around our family when Mom was ill. People who camped out at the hospital when our dd had surgery. People who showed up to help us move. So . . . while I don't have a best friend, I do trust . . . I KNOW . . . that God always has provided support through others, sometimes from people we would not have expected (or even asked!) I pray you'll find all you need and want. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 So we live in a spot I've lived for 13 years now. At first, I worked and had a best friend that I'd have for.... 15 years. Perfect... Besty Friend and lots of people I worked with to chat with. That was decent. (but we're not friends, now.. long story, but it became unhealthy :() Now I'm married... things are a bit off as we had our oldest girls two weeks on two weeks off. Now that they're almost gone, it's actually more "level" because we won't have kids coming and going all the time. More of a "steady" time. I don't really have "friends" here; I'd like to, I have people that if I'm desperate I can call. Some of them call me to offer favors or ask, perhaps. My mom is my absolute best friend, she's terminal now and I'm realizing I have NO one to stay here for... not a friend to have tea with... not someone to do movies with.... I'm pretty much pity partying for myself. I've talked to my husband about picking up and moving somewhere in a couple of years, and although that is pretty much a fantasy.... I'm just wondering if I can break into the "friend circle" with a couple people here. Has anyone made some decent friends, after kinda "not" for a long time? We're not really going to church, although I hope to at some point. I went to the same church for a long time.... I always thought that small towns would be cool, but lately I'm just thinking that they're a bunch of family spread out over town... :( How have you "built" your best friendships? :) Yes. I had that experience. I had a bestest friend who moved across country. It was a very long time of no real friends. I tried but circumstances or differences were always in the way. I learned to embrace the lonliness and become independent and happy with myself. I'm already somewhat of a loner. But, after several years (10yrs) I did start to pick up a friend or two. It takes work! When I was first married and starting a family it was easy to make friends. But, as the kids grew older (and we got pickier as we matured) it got harder. Now, everyone's schedules are crazy...so it takes effort to work on the friendships. I did change churches 3x at that time. The first one I just couldn't find a kindred spirit friend - long story. The 2nd on was pretty set in their ways and no one was really looking for a friend. They were nice, but there was just no way I could break in. But, the 3rd church takes community pretty seriously. I'm actually quite taken aback at people's concern and care for me and my family. Anyway, I have a few friends through the church, but I've also developed friends outside of the church. Those, of course, take more work because I don't see them on a regular basis. But ,we talk and do lunch every month or so. Its easier to do that now that my kids are older and mostly out of the house. It was MUCH harder when most of them were in the elementary/middle school years. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Church is a good place to start. Other ideas are local community groups that are in your interest areas---book clubs, volunteer opportunties, sports, etc. I had friends all along but it wasn't until about 6 years ago that I got a really close friend. She had recently moved to our area. She is 11 years older than me but my oldest is older than her daughter so we fit together in the stage of life we were in. We attend the same church, both homeschooled, both liked horses, both had done foster/adoption, dealth with infertility, etc. She has now moved back to Alaska but we still call or text several times a week and when she is back for a visit (her daughter still lives here) then we get together quite a bit. Honestly, for us, we DO things together vs. just meeting for coffee or lunch (which honestly we have rarely, if ever, done). We run errands together if we are headed in the same direction, we did volunteer work together at church, we walk 3-4 miles when we can get together, etc. Neither of us really has time to just "sit" and visit but by doing things we can find time to connect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I can understand your feelings in some regard. :grouphug: DH and I have been here for 8 years and I really don't have any friends either. When we first got it I was alone for about 2 years. Then we moved to another town and bought our first home and started to go to church. I had a best friend for 4 years. Sadly we had to cut ties because like you it was unhealthy. Then I met a couple of other gals and become immediately besties with them. Sadly I had to drop one due to it being unhealthy and then the other is just an occasional friend. We talk every couple of weeks and set up playdates, but it's not someone I would confide in on much. It's more for my kids and the adult conversation. My neighbor is in her 50's and is the closest to a bestie I have right now. And the sad truth is we have barely anything in common! She's widow'ed now, has no kids, and naps most of the days away. However she's a great friend when I need someone to just listen to me or someone to give me a reality check. But I'm finding it harder to relate due to the fact we have so many differences. What's wrong with me! Ugh! I met a friend that was almost an instant friendship in a dr. office and we exchanged emails and striked up tons of interests and even better?? She was a homeschooler too! But she was the type of friend that was only inside, never left her house, and rarely ever set up times for our children to play together. It got AWKWARD and I ended up cutting ties. Well now dh and I are switching churches again. This has caused me alot of nice friends and the kids too! The only friend they have is our neighbor girl and she only plays on school breaks and the summer time. It's sad! Just this past weekend I told dh about going back to a church we were attending because they offer more for socializing for the kids and the adults whereas the other church we'd been attending for 6 years isn't. He hasn't said yes or no, but I know it'll be awkward at first but I want to branch out, set roots here, and enjoy where we live! I want some friends that aren't nuts! Maybe I've been the squirrel and just attrack nutty friends!? LOL!! All that babble to say, I feel you!! I have the forums I frequent for my friends and the occasional conversation with my "friend"...but my best friend right now is my sister who lives 10 hours away! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I think as we age we learn the rarity and fragility of friendship. I have a friend right now who is teaching me this. She goes on 'dates' with everyone, even her children. She calls people out of the blue to invite them to the free library movie or ice cream. She organizes get-togethers. We are not always in the place where I can do the same, but I do see that even if 95% of the people never become good friends I do need to make time and effort for getting to know people. I need to be open enough to try...and accepting enough to realize that most of those people won't be long-term friendships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 Wow:( Thanks everyone for the thoughts. I did make a really good friend from our last homeschool group that I was in... She was only a few years older with all her kids gone, so we'd meet up every few weeks and chat a bit in between. She's a lovely person, but she just moved this last week. (across the country) I do want to branch out, and I have noticed that many people don't have real deep friendships. :( My mom has a lovely friend that she's had since early childhood and they still get together. I'm looking for more than just playdates for my kids, although that's a start :) "Dates" with friends sounds very thoughtful. Perhaps I'll get up the nerve to try that. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I met SpecialMama via our city's hsing online community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I met SpecialMama via our city's hsing online community. I wish our town had one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I'm so sorry you are going through this, Nayfiesmama. :grouphug: We just recently moved an hour away from a lot of my friends. It is hard, and I get lonely sometimes. I really appreciate this forum to "talk" with other home school moms. :) I will be praying that you find a sweet , close, friend! And I'm so sorry about your mother. This is a valley for you right now :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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