Blue collar-background folks: Struggling to homeschool teens

[Elinor Everywhere]

:iagree: Though I'm not sure you need to pay them.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Mommyfaithe]

This is what we are aiming for! So your kids only do 3 hours a night plus Saturdays? How does that work? Do you feel like it is enough time?

 

We also are paying ds 12. We are trying to show all the kids that if you start saving now, you will have x amount of dollars to work with.

 

Yes...it is enough time, because they are learning other very important skills....seeing physics in action, explaining processes to clients. We also started the boys high school level work a year early..

 

My boys graduate high school with 24 credits....we school year round....when a course is finished/it is finished.

Ds 17 is finishing up his last 2 required courses this year....easy enough to finish up in evenings and weekends. So, yes...it has been hard work, but do-able.

Faithe

[Scarlett]

You see that bolded print in your post up there? You are scolding me from a place of peace and plenty. You are the person in the Bible, book of James, who says to the poor, "Go and be filled. Be like me, I'm fine." Don't you know my DH and a million just like him work just as hard as your husband has? Don't you know that not everyone can get ahead in this economy? Don't you know that some of us who were just fine are now NOT FINE?

 

I love the bolded quote above. Wow. And yes, I am one that was fine until suddenly we weren't. Savings was totally depleted and the wolves were at the door. Dh recently got a job in his field and we are able to breathe now. But not everyone who is hardworking and qualified is getting a job.

 

 

OK, here is something I've considered: My 15yo needs just one more science and one more math to achieve my state's graduation standards. I've thought of graduating him so he can go to work sooner, to begin saving for his own life. He would then probably go to an apprenticeship, rather than college. That's the kind of thing we're thinking about. Is that best, or is it best to try to be more attractive to colleges in the possibly vain hope that someone will offer him a free ride? We won't have money for anything, anything, anything at all for their college. Not one thin dime.

 

Doing the former now doesn't rule out the latter for later on. I think the idea of graduating early and going to work/trade school is a great idea. LOTS of kids/people go to college or get a skill with no FOO financial support. My dh is one. He was hurt on the job when he was early 30s and suddenly could no longer do what he had done his ENTIRE life since he was 13. So he went back to school. He came out debt free because he buckled down and took advantage of all financial aid he could get. It can be done.

 

 

So your ds could go to trade school of some sort now and who knows he might find a life's calling and LOVE it. Or if not he will at least have a way to support himself while he goes on further in his education.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Thank you all so much. We had a decent day around here and I'm down off the ledge again.

 

We've all had a big chat and there are plans in place.

 

First off, DH pointed out that we're tired and struggling right now but our eldest son only has 3.5 years until graduation. Surely we can finish the course. Surely we can see him through. So that's settled. He is the one most likely to go to college, so he does need these good homeschool courses, especially as that's all we can offer. (Except room and board, of course, if he gets into a college in our city.)

 

The reminders about skillbuilding were helpful; DH can teach the boys almost everything handy but as you all listed various skills I had a brain wave:

 

My younger brother owns a home renovation company in another state. It would be ideal for all parties to send our 15yo to his uncle for summer work. Brother needs cheap labor, son needs skills and work experience, and the relationship between us all is very good. My brother is a full-time preacher, as well, and I couldn't think of a better first boss. DS could board with Grandma who lives nearby. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I guess I didn't realize my son was old enough for that option.

 

Son #2 is fully on board with learning to do the gardening and canning. We do those frugal things but, again, I hadn't realized he was old enough to take some of that over. This son (age 13) has been volunteering at the library for a couple of months. He said if he can't find money-making work he will look for more volunteer opportunities, to make connections, be responsible to others, and have something good to put down on job applications. We totally approve of that plan. Volunteering suits him, and will prepare him to step into that coveted job whenever he gets the chance.

 

This one might go to public school for high school. (I think I've mentioned that before.) Choirfarm, I'll try to pm you about scholarships and cc opportunities, etc. because I'm very new to researching all of that. Preliminary research seems to show that the help will be easier to grasp if the child is a public school student.

 

I'm horrible at the guidance counselor thing but I'm trying to learn.

 

DH will start to teach both boys 'handyman courses' this spring. He said he'll start with small engine repair, car maintenance, and Plumbing 101.

 

The younger two will take over the household chores that their older brothers did. They mopped floors, made beds, and folded laundry today.

 

Lastly, I instituted a non-negotiable 9pm bedtime and 6am wake-time for the entire family. If DH and I don't get more time together and more sleep we are going to wither on the vine. We've both got to slow down and rest a bit, even if that just means going to bed early on weeknights. We've been letting the teens push us around in this area because they always love to talk at bedtime. Well, I have to live to teach another day, so they have to go to bed early.

 

So I'm still here. By next week I'll be asking questions about rhetoric or something. I'm in it to win it. Or at least to survive.

 

I just really needed to vent about this, and then to spread the burden around the family a little bit better. I believe in these boys, I believe in homeschooling, and I do want them to have a better life and future. I just have corns on my feet and holes in my apron. Thanks hugely to all who understood and offered practical tips, and to those who didn't understand but offered friendship and hugs.

 

Love,

TD

[Catwoman]

Thanks for posting the update -- I'm so glad to hear that you've discussed everything with your dh and that you're feeling better now.

 

Sometimes, life just gets overwhelming, but you're not just lying there waiting for the train to run you over. You're taking action and I truly admire that. :grouphug:

[justamouse]

:grouphug:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Thanks for posting the update -- I'm so glad to hear that you've discussed everything with your dh and that you're feeling better now.

 

Sometimes, life just gets overwhelming, but you're not just lying there waiting for the train to run you over. You're taking action and I truly admire that. :grouphug:

 

Thanks, Cat. Also, thanks for the giggle at the mental image, which I had to search for and found:

 

[Meriwether]

If you've got a decent lawnmower, they could bid on cemetary jobs. My BIL did that and my FIL took it over when he graduated. Where they live, the jobs are bid. There are a lot of small, older cemetaries that have to be maintained.

[NASDAQ]

Tibbie, :grouphug: You sound like you've been working so hard to give your boys the best. I can't imagine the pressure you must be under in this terrible economy.

 

Have you looked at the professional programs in college? My brother got his BCom in accounting and is 5/6 of the way to becoming a chartered accountant. He co-op'ed his way through school. He didn't have to do this, but he wanted the opportunity to work with accounting firms. Brother is younger and got an articles position at the nadir of the recession, just because there aren't all that many people with accounting degrees who adore doing audits for a living. But hey, it works for him. He was a terrible high school student. In fact, he was such a bad high school student he had to do the JC-and-transfer route, which saved the family money. Not that everyone who did JC-and-transfer was terrible in school, but he was ;) Engineering degrees are similar here.

 

My mother was a high school drop out who went on to do law school and marry a lawyer and therefore raised children much more privileged than herself. Although in general she was of course happy for the opportunity, she did at times feel somewhat distant from our experience of life, because it was so different than her own. I can imagine that this is more so the case when you are in essence sacrificing large parts of your own peace and peace-of-mind to give your children opportunities you didn't have.

[5kidsforME]

Yes...it is enough time, because they are learning other very important skills....seeing physics in action, explaining processes to clients. We also started the boys high school level work a year early..

 

My boys graduate high school with 24 credits....we school year round....when a course is finished/it is finished.

Ds 17 is finishing up his last 2 required courses this year....easy enough to finish up in evenings and weekends. So, yes...it has been hard work, but do-able.

Faithe

 

 

This is good to know. Like I said my oldest is 12 and our plan is one thing..we hope it works the way we are planning. It is heartening to hear it has worked for others as well!

[5kidsforME]

Thank you all so much. We had a decent day around here and I'm down off the ledge again.

 

We've all had a big chat and there are plans in place.

 

First off, DH pointed out that we're tired and struggling right now but our eldest son only has 3.5 years until graduation. Surely we can finish the course. Surely we can see him through. So that's settled. He is the one most likely to go to college, so he does need these good homeschool courses, especially as that's all we can offer. (Except room and board, of course, if he gets into a college in our city.)

 

The reminders about skillbuilding were helpful; DH can teach the boys almost everything handy but as you all listed various skills I had a brain wave:

 

My younger brother owns a home renovation company in another state. It would be ideal for all parties to send our 15yo to his uncle for summer work. Brother needs cheap labor, son needs skills and work experience, and the relationship between us all is very good. My brother is a full-time preacher, as well, and I couldn't think of a better first boss. DS could board with Grandma who lives nearby. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I guess I didn't realize my son was old enough for that option.

 

Son #2 is fully on board with learning to do the gardening and canning. We do those frugal things but, again, I hadn't realized he was old enough to take some of that over. This son (age 13) has been volunteering at the library for a couple of months. He said if he can't find money-making work he will look for more volunteer opportunities, to make connections, be responsible to others, and have something good to put down on job applications. We totally approve of that plan. Volunteering suits him, and will prepare him to step into that coveted job whenever he gets the chance.

 

This one might go to public school for high school. (I think I've mentioned that before.) Choirfarm, I'll try to pm you about scholarships and cc opportunities, etc. because I'm very new to researching all of that. Preliminary research seems to show that the help will be easier to grasp if the child is a public school student.

 

I'm horrible at the guidance counselor thing but I'm trying to learn.

 

DH will start to teach both boys 'handyman courses' this spring. He said he'll start with small engine repair, car maintenance, and Plumbing 101.

 

The younger two will take over the household chores that their older brothers did. They mopped floors, made beds, and folded laundry today.

 

Lastly, I instituted a non-negotiable 9pm bedtime and 6am wake-time for the entire family. If DH and I don't get more time together and more sleep we are going to wither on the vine. We've both got to slow down and rest a bit, even if that just means going to bed early on weeknights. We've been letting the teens push us around in this area because they always love to talk at bedtime. Well, I have to live to teach another day, so they have to go to bed early.

 

So I'm still here. By next week I'll be asking questions about rhetoric or something. I'm in it to win it. Or at least to survive.

 

I just really needed to vent about this, and then to spread the burden around the family a little bit better. I believe in these boys, I believe in homeschooling, and I do want them to have a better life and future. I just have corns on my feet and holes in my apron. Thanks hugely to all who understood and offered practical tips, and to those who didn't understand but offered friendship and hugs.

 

Love,

TD

 

YAY! This was a GOOD post to read! You have given me inspiration as well. Hats off to you Tibbie. :001_smile:

[kristamaranatha]

I'm also glad that you've talked it over and worked out a plan of action.

 

I just wanted to encourage you with some words from Philippians 4:

 

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

[Catwoman]

Thanks, Cat. Also, thanks for the giggle at the mental image, which I had to search for and found:

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

We have all of those cartoons on DVD -- ds used to love watching them! (Of course I had to watch too -- you know, just to supervise... :D)

[choirfarm]

:

 

 

 

(I think I've mentioned that before.) Choirfarm, I'll try to pm you about scholarships and cc opportunities, etc. because I'm very new to researching all of that. Preliminary research seems to show that the help will be easier to grasp if the child is a public school student.

 

 

. Thanks hugely to all who understood and offered practical tips, and to those who didn't understand but offered friendship and hugs.

 

Love,

TD

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Here are some more.. We are all in this together!!!! Hang in there!!! And do feel free to pm me.

[Rivka]

There is considerable need-based aid available for excellent students. If you guys are really broke, your EFC is probably $0.

 

:iagree: Also, don't limit yourselves to considering the least expensive higher education choices, such as state universities. Expensive private liberal arts colleges can be a surprisingly good option. They have endowments which provide scholarship money, they are likely to value a working class, first-generation student for increasing the diversity of their community, and, most importantly, a real person reads and individually considers your child's application essay and thinks about him as an individual person.

 

I worked in a private college's admissions office, and we would have fallen all over a tagline like "from the trailer park to Parnassus in one generation" if the other elements of a strong application were there.

[fairfarmhand]

so glad you are getting your perspective on track. I understand that life can be discouraging.

 

BTW, my 8th grader's 6 am wake time has really helped her so much.

 

She is ready for bed at a decent time. too/

[Colleen in NS]

I'm horrible at the guidance counselor thing but I'm trying to learn.

 

elegantlion had a great thread going about this awhile ago - I can't remember if you participated in it or not.

 

Lastly, I instituted a non-negotiable 9pm bedtime and 6am wake-time for the entire family. If DH and I don't get more time together and more sleep we are going to wither on the vine. We've both got to slow down and rest a bit, even if that just means going to bed early on weeknights. We've been letting the teens push us around in this area because they always love to talk at bedtime. Well, I have to live to teach another day, so they have to go to bed early.

 

 

 

Good stuff. Kids-to-bedrooms-at-certain-time is firm here, too, for these very reasons. I cannot be "on" all the time.

 

:grouphug: to you for everything else you wrote about in this thread. I "hear" you on many things, but have nothing useful to add, except that I always like reading about your homeschool journey. You're inspiring to me.

[elegantlion]

Good stuff. Kids-to-bedrooms-at-certain-time is firm here, too, for these very reasons. I cannot be "on" all the time.

 

:grouphug: to you for everything else you wrote about in this thread. I "hear" you on many things, but have nothing useful to add, except that I always like reading about your homeschool journey. You're inspiring to me.

 

Here's the thread on being the guidance counselor.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=327049&highlight=guidance+counselor

 

Today I be happy if we could get through algebra without the contents of his knowledge falling out through the gaps in his head. :001_huh:

 

Tibbie, I'm glad you all sat down and worked it out. Modeling that skill will pay your boys great dividends. It's easier to hide and mope when everything is on the precipice.

[Harriet Vane]

Thank you all so much. We had a decent day around here and I'm down off the ledge again.

 

We've all had a big chat and there are plans in place.

 

First off, DH pointed out that we're tired and struggling right now but our eldest son only has 3.5 years until graduation. Surely we can finish the course. Surely we can see him through. So that's settled. He is the one most likely to go to college, so he does need these good homeschool courses, especially as that's all we can offer. (Except room and board, of course, if he gets into a college in our city.)

 

The reminders about skillbuilding were helpful; DH can teach the boys almost everything handy but as you all listed various skills I had a brain wave:

 

My younger brother owns a home renovation company in another state. It would be ideal for all parties to send our 15yo to his uncle for summer work. Brother needs cheap labor, son needs skills and work experience, and the relationship between us all is very good. My brother is a full-time preacher, as well, and I couldn't think of a better first boss. DS could board with Grandma who lives nearby. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I guess I didn't realize my son was old enough for that option.

 

Son #2 is fully on board with learning to do the gardening and canning. We do those frugal things but, again, I hadn't realized he was old enough to take some of that over. This son (age 13) has been volunteering at the library for a couple of months. He said if he can't find money-making work he will look for more volunteer opportunities, to make connections, be responsible to others, and have something good to put down on job applications. We totally approve of that plan. Volunteering suits him, and will prepare him to step into that coveted job whenever he gets the chance.

 

This one might go to public school for high school. (I think I've mentioned that before.) Choirfarm, I'll try to pm you about scholarships and cc opportunities, etc. because I'm very new to researching all of that. Preliminary research seems to show that the help will be easier to grasp if the child is a public school student.

 

I'm horrible at the guidance counselor thing but I'm trying to learn.

 

DH will start to teach both boys 'handyman courses' this spring. He said he'll start with small engine repair, car maintenance, and Plumbing 101.

 

The younger two will take over the household chores that their older brothers did. They mopped floors, made beds, and folded laundry today.

 

Lastly, I instituted a non-negotiable 9pm bedtime and 6am wake-time for the entire family. If DH and I don't get more time together and more sleep we are going to wither on the vine. We've both got to slow down and rest a bit, even if that just means going to bed early on weeknights. We've been letting the teens push us around in this area because they always love to talk at bedtime. Well, I have to live to teach another day, so they have to go to bed early.

 

So I'm still here. By next week I'll be asking questions about rhetoric or something. I'm in it to win it. Or at least to survive.

 

I just really needed to vent about this, and then to spread the burden around the family a little bit better. I believe in these boys, I believe in homeschooling, and I do want them to have a better life and future. I just have corns on my feet and holes in my apron. Thanks hugely to all who understood and offered practical tips, and to those who didn't understand but offered friendship and hugs.

 

Love,

TD

 

This is a great plan!!! I'm really impressed. You'll never regret following through with this.

 

:thumbup1: