mom2denj Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Whine alert.......I just had a conversation with my mom who I thought was supportive of my homeschooling in a quiet sort of way. We were talking about my youngest dd and I said that she is really loving her cheerleading class that she is taking and my mom came back with(in a snarky sort of way), well she is never going to get to do real cheering if you don't send her to "real" school. =( I was so disappointed that I didn't even bother to argue that homeschoolers can do any sport at school if they want. I homeschoooled my middle dd from 5th - 8th and she never said anything negative to me about it. I guess she knew that I was giving dd the choice to go to high school (A choice that I regret), so that made it ok. Well, I'm done whining. =( I feel like I backed down and did not stand up for what I believe is right. I'm wondering, what would you have said in that situation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I'm not sure that there is anything you could have said. The snark on her part was wrong but despite her now apparent negative feelings against homeschooling, she has done a good job of keeping her feelings to herself until now. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 In all reality, exactly what you did, with foresight.... I am sorry you feel that way. I am sorry, I think you just said something snarky. Oh! YOu are mistaken! There are wonderful competitive cheer teams through the local gymnasiums...so many opportunities! I guess I honestly thought you supported our decision to homeschool, I am sorry life is calling on the other line....gotta go. Ouch! That stung. Then silence. Lots of it...enough to let her fill in the blanks with awkward back peddling. Kind of a Secret life of homeschool mom Mitty :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Just wanted to offer a :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 Thanks everyone!! I'm am getting to the angry stage about it. I think that I will not share any of our homeschool activities with her for a while. My husband is very supportive and I guess that is all that counts!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I'm not sure there is much you could have said at the time. I would consider having a discussion about her reservations and your convictions. I don't have any BTDT suggestions though. I was HSed for a few years, my sister HS her kids, all my friends are HS parents... I try to surround myself with supporters. The "detractors" know to keep opinions to themselves;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanna Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Yeah, I agree that there was probably not much to say after a comment like that. She obviously spoke out of ignorance (meaning: not really knowing what opportunities are available to homeschooled children). My MIL was somewhat hostile about our decision to homeschool at first (saying, "I heard what you guys are thinking about doing and I don't want to even talk about it!"). Four years later she said, "You're doing a great job and I was wrong." And before this school year started when she learned we would be homeschooling her oldest grandchild through high school she said something like, "I thought you would send him to school at this point." With family members who just don't understand, I try to be as patient as I can in explaining to them that homeschooling does not automatically mean that our children will be cheated out of activities that are available to traditionally schooled children. Definitely "the proof is in the pudding" -- in time "doubters" will *see* that they had no reason to fret. So, don't feel like you shouldn't share about your child's activities with Mom and just take what she said with a grain of salt. :grouphug: Hope this helps a little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gramlingk Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I would suggest prayer first, discussion later. Pray for your response to be tempered with love and for a soft heart on your mom's part. I would probably talk to her about your feelings, though, since it will bring distance in your relationship and she is going to sense that if you are close. Maybe you could explain to her how you thought she felt about your decision to homeschool and then ask what negative feelings she might have about it. Then, you could tell her how much you could really use her support. Hopefully, this will all turn out well and you will gain a true supporter in the process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Well your mom is wrong. My dd cheers. She doesn't homeschool anymore, but she doesn't cheer at her school. She's in a cheer club. In the fall they chee or rec league football. When that's ove they have a competition season. They have a routine to music with dance, jumps, tumbling and stunts. Also, one of the local homeschool groups in my area sponsors a high school age football team and cheer squad that competes against some mall private schools in the area. So, there are definitely opportunities to cheer, even if one is not attending a brick and mortar school. Unfortunately, I think your mother's problem isn't really about cheerleading. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine_librarian Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Maybe you should think about why it bothers you that your mother disagrees with your choice. Are you afraid she might say something to your daughter, or is it the first time you've had a difference of opinion about the choices you are making for your children? I wouldn't try to punish her by excluding her from your daughter's activities, but if your relationship would permit it, I might speak to your mom about her concerns. Who knows, you might be able to easily diffuse her worries, or even discover that you are both approaching the same problems from different angles. I, too, have recently realized that not all of my closest family and friends agree with my choices, and it takes some getting used to. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Thanks everyone!! I'm am getting to the angry stage about it. I think that I will not share any of our homeschool activities with her for a while. My husband is very supportive and I guess that is all that counts!! Maybe it just means she has a twinge of sadness that your daughter might not get to do "social activities" with the other kids in town. We have those about our own kids; small town, everything centers around the schools.... I would think about not taking it personally, and offering a gentle shoulder...versus thinking of it as an insult. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Whine alert.......I just had a conversation with my mom who I thought was supportive of my homeschooling in a quiet sort of way. We were talking about my youngest dd and I said that she is really loving her cheerleading class that she is taking and my mom came back with(in a snarky sort of way), well she is never going to get to do real cheering if you don't send her to "real" school. =( I was so disappointed that I didn't even bother to argue that homeschoolers can do any sport at school if they want. I homeschoooled my middle dd from 5th - 8th and she never said anything negative to me about it. I guess she knew that I was giving dd the choice to go to high school (A choice that I regret), so that made it ok. Well, I'm done whining. =( I feel like I backed down and did not stand up for what I believe is right. I'm wondering, what would you have said in that situation? I was blindsided in a similar fashion by my dad. Things were going well, parents seemed supportive, and then WHAMMO!! I cried and then drove off. We were all at my home and I just left. It was horrible. That sounds a bit dramatic. It's not that I can't handle criticism or raised eyebrows or lectures. It was the total unexpectedness from people (not just any people, mom and dad) who I thought were in my court. Ouch!! So if you maintained your composure and didn't slam out of the house I think you did great! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Cheer clubs put out more (successful) teams here than do the local schools; so there's that ;) I'm sorry you were hurt by your mom's thoughtless comment. I think for me what would hurt more is not so much the words, but the realization of what they represented ... that someone I thought was a silent supporter, maybe isn't as on-board as I previously believed them to be. ((hugs)) That said, there are times when I question the choices my loved ones make. I try very hard to remain positive and encouraging, but unfortunately there are times when my true concerns slip out. Maybe I'm having a bad day, or maybe I'm stressed, and likely it has nothing to even do with their choices ... it's just that I'm not as good at moderating myself in general. I sometimes hurt the people I love, and that's more about me than it is them. I don't see you has having backed down; on the contrary, I see you as successfully identifying an argument you couldn't and wouldn't win - and prioritizing your relationship above it. Opinions are what they are, and there's nothing weak about agreeing to disagree ... directly or indirectly, as the case was here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I'm wondering, what would you have said in that situation? I probably would have said something very in-your-face in return. My tolerance for backhanded snark has reached an all-time low. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) Thank you all for your kind words and support! I needed it tonight!! Edited January 21, 2012 by mom2denj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.