If you, or someone you know, has a very dirty or messy house, doesn't your spouse

[Shellydon]

mind? I have two in-laws with really yucky dirty homes and always wondered, but haven't worked up the nerve to ask. My husband would hit the roof if I didn't keep the house clean-ish. He helps when he is at home, but that is 3 hours a day compared to my all day.

[jennsmile]

From what I have seen with a relative is they blame each other for the mess. :glare:

[ChristusG]

It doesn't seem to bother either party.

[mommaduck]

Usually one party or the other "gives up". I have had a couple of friends in my life that were slight hoarders.

[Bluegoat]

Some people get along well because their tidiness level is similar. My husband and I are like this in general, we like it fairly clean but not super-neat. Sometimes we disagree about particular items, and what happens depends on who is most bothered.

 

I think in other cases they figure that if they want it cleaner, they should do it themselves - that is, they should not criticize the way their spouse runs the operation.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

Edited November 22, 2012 by Shari
More info

[Mona100]

I will give you my experience. I don't have a spouse. LOL! But in all seriousness, the appearence of my apartment has to do with the levels of my depression. There was a time when no one could come in but now, I don't have a problem if someone comes into the living room but I hope to God they don't have to use the bathroom. It is still a work in progress. The kitchen is ok but the floor needs work. It needs a real good deep cleaning. I am not a SAHM. I work 7on/7off but I still pick up extra shifts in between homeschooling my 16 year old daughter. She helps with the cleaning though, but she can't do it all as far as a deep cleaning. She can do the heavy traffic areas.

 

So, I know this got long but there used to be a time when even the heavy traffic areas were not clean ever period. Once I got treated for my depression, I was able to clean and maintain the heavy traffic areas. Now, I am on a mission to deep clean every part of my apartment (1200 sq ft). Hopefully, I will be done by the summer.

 

My thought always goes to some sort of mental issue when I hear about really dirty houses or hoarding issues. I can't imagine anyone in their right mind wanting to sit in a dirty house.

[8circles]

I don't know many (if any) people with dirty houses as you describe (rashes from carpet). I would guess maybe neither party minds much.

 

I always say my house is messy but not dirty, which I think is true. It isn't clean/neat enough for either my liking or DH's but it isn't my job more than his. My 'jobs' are to take care of my children & teach them, not to take care of the house. Both DH & I do as much as we can when we aren't 'at work'.

 

Clearly, I do more around the house because I'm physically here more, but it isn't more my job than his. If he wan't satisfied with the state of the house I would expect him to put more effort in.

[Denisemomof4]

A good friend of ours was deeply bothered by it, continually asked his SAHM wife to clean. She did nothing. Her kid was enrolled in a private school. After years and years, he finally left her. He was ashamed that he couldn't have anyone in the home for over a decade. He let her have the house and now he's living alone in a spotless apartment. He has a cleaning woman come regularly. It really mattered to him. Btw, his wife never cooked either.

 

My BIL can't stand it. He's fed up and sleeping on the couch for months. I doubt their marriage can be saved either. My sister's kids have always been in ps and she was a SAHM until about six months ago.

[Joanne]

Usually one party or the other "gives up". I have had a couple of friends in my life that were slight hoarders.

 

This was my family of origin. My mom was hoarder/depressed. Drove my Dad nuts and he was generally passive/aggressive in response.

 

(*shakes her head and knows it is no wonder she is a therapist)

[forty-two]

A good friend of ours was deeply bothered by it, continually asked his SAHM wife to clean. She did nothing. Her kid was enrolled in a private school. After years and years, he finally left her. He was ashamed that he couldn't have anyone in the home for over a decade. He let her have the house and now he's living alone in a spotless apartment. He has a cleaning woman come regularly. It really mattered to him. Btw, his wife never cooked either.

 

My BIL can't stand it. He's fed up and sleeping on the couch for months. I doubt their marriage can be saved either. My sister's kids have always been in ps and she was a SAHM until about six months ago.

 

Wonder why he didn't get a cleaning woman before?

 

In our case, neither of us are great cleaners, but, per a pp, depression complicated it a lot. Now we are messy but not dirty, and are working at keeping things picked up better.

[sbgrace]

I have two relatives who are actual hoarders. In both cases the spouse is certainly upset by the mess but in the case of mental illness like this there isn't much another person can do. It's very hard on the spouse. I've tried to help becuase of the spouse but, again, there isn't much anyone can do. It's sad.

 

In the case of general messy stuff I think sometimes both spouses are on the same page in terms of tolerance level of mess. If they aren't it's like any other marriage difference issue I'd think. Some people are probably not at all adept at cleaning and maintaining though. Isn't that how programs like Fly Lady are born?

 

A good friend of ours was deeply bothered by it, continually asked his SAHM wife to clean. She did nothing. Her kid was enrolled in a private school. After years and years, he finally left her. He was ashamed that he couldn't have anyone in the home for over a decade. He let her have the house and now he's living alone in a spotless apartment. He has a cleaning woman come regularly. It really mattered to him. Btw, his wife never cooked either.

 

 

 

Why didn't the friend get a cleaning lady over while living with his wife? I'd think the marriage had other issues beyond this one thing.

Edited January 20, 2012 by sbgrace

[Shellydon]

What you all have said makes a lot of sense. I wasn't talking about hoarders, just people too lazy (there own words!) to clean.

[Denisemomof4]

Wonder why he didn't get a cleaning woman before?

 

In our case, neither of us are great cleaners, but, per a pp, depression complicated it a lot. Now we are messy but not dirty, and are working at keeping things picked up better.

 

He wanted one, she didn't. They discussed this for years but the wife, and my sister, completely disregarded what their dh's said. I think beneath it all was a lot of anger on the wife's part. Lots of issues in both marriages with no compromises.

[Denisemomof4]

Btw, my sister and friend's wife were both hoarders. They also lived in Squalor.

[Hockey Mom]

My IL's are hoarders. It started with FIL and his 'projects' that overtook the garage, yard, and finally the house. MIL joined in with 'antique shopping'. Once MIL was dx with RA, she gave up trying to clean even a little. I've offered several times to go over to her house (40 miles away) and help her clean, but every time the date approaches, they suddenly have to go out of town. I'm just grateful they are no longer dumpster diving for treasures.

[forty-two]

What you all have said makes a lot of sense. I wasn't talking about hoarders, just people too lazy (there own words!) to clean.

Well, when I was seriously depressed, that's what I would have said, too - it was true enough, but not the whole story. IME, there's a world of difference b/w mentally healthy's "too lazy to clean" and mentally ill's "too lazy to clean". I, at least, really lost sight of what normal people were like and just how far I was from normal standards. Now I'm still "too lazy to clean", but I keep our house lightyears better than I did.

[lionfamily1999]

What you all have said makes a lot of sense. I wasn't talking about hoarders, just people too lazy (their own words!) to clean.

Ime, folks like that tend to be birds of a feather, or else they find a middle road (in a healthy relationship anyway). I've known men that got upset if the house was too kept. In the words of one, "It's like living in a hospital." Another said it made him nervous, like at any moment he would get into trouble for making a mess.

 

It takes all kinds.

[elise1mds]

My MIL has just never learned how to clean. Her notion of 'cleaning' is my notion of 'tidying up.' She also gets easily overwhelmed. Her kids (including my DH) never knew different growing up, and these days they just shrug. She also has severe psychiatric issues, so I'm sure that plays into it.

[Shellydon]

Well, when I was seriously depressed, that's what I would have said, too - it was true enough, but not the whole story. IME, there's a world of difference b/w mentally healthy's "too lazy to clean" and mentally ill's "too lazy to clean". I, at least, really lost sight of what normal people were like and just how far I was from normal standards. Now I'm still "too lazy to clean", but I keep our house lightyears better than I did.

 

 

Well. Both of these people maintain part time jobs and cart kids to some activities and are physically clean. There are no other signs of depression. I take them at their word - cleaning is not fun and therefore not worth the time.

[sbgrace]

He wanted one, she didn't. They discussed this for years but the wife, and my sister, completely disregarded what their dh's said. I think beneath it all was a lot of anger on the wife's part. Lots of issues in both marriages with no compromises.

 

Btw, my sister and friend's wife were both hoarders. They also lived in Squalor.

 

Huh. Denise, I have hoarders in my family (a parent and an in-law). To me your statement that they are hoarders living in squalor (I get it...) and completely disregarded what their dh's said just don't go together.

 

Complete disregard for a spouse's needs is a completely different thing than mentally ill so unable to do what spouse wants.

 

This is like a spouse telling the spouse with severe depression to get rid of it and then regarding the failure of their spouse to snap out of it as disregard. Except in the case of hoarding there is no good treatments available at all to my knowledge. If they are really hoarders they really couldn't help it. This doesn't make it easy for the spouse to live with though. I recognize that. That's true of any mental illness. But the attitude that they could have but didn't is off if, indeed, they are mentally ill. Maybe it felt that way to the spouse though. I know my father just recently said something along the lines of "if she cared you'd think she'd stop" even though he well knows she can't. Mental illness is really hard.

Edited January 20, 2012 by sbgrace

[Halcyon]

The one friend I know whose house is pretty bad doesn't seem to mind. Husband doesn't seem to mind either. I would go Absolutely. Completely. Batty. :tongue_smilie:

[LazyDazy]

I think it depends on what you see as normal. My hubby was raised by a hoarder and I was raised by a cleaning lady. We have completely different views on what is clean and what is not. His tendency to keep stuff drives me crazy and my tendency to clean/purge makes no sense to him. :glare: We are still working on a balance.

[PollyOR]

Well, I think you get used to it (my own experience). For some reason I don't see it until guests are on the agenda. I don't like having a dirty/messy house but I get overwhelmed when I think about trying to clean it. My mom thinks it has something to do with perfectionist tendencies...because I can't do it perfectly, I get overwhelmed, throw up my hands, and quit.

 

My husband grew up with a very organized mother. Her house was clean and home cooked meals were on the table for breakfast and supper. For years he silently compared me to his mom. My lack of homemaking abilities was a real sore spot for years. Then, he got a job at church where he visited other homes weekly. He realized that many people weren't like his mom. He is now a lot more relaxed about the state of our home and tells me to chill out when I start getting stressed.

 

I also wonder if the size of house makes a difference. We have five people and a medium dog living in a 1047 sq ft house. We don't have a designated space for homeschooling so there is stuff stashed all over the house. Oh, and we actually park in our garage instead of using it as a storage space.

 

I admit I'm messy and yes, it bothers me. Apparently not enough to change.

[Murphy101]

I think true living in filth is a sign of mental illness.

 

Messy house? Dishes from a meal or two? The mountain of laundry awaiting the wash or being folded/put up? Been a few days since vacuuming?

 

Whatever. Not my house and I don't care.

 

Maybe their spouse doesn't care.

Maybe their spouse IS the primary source the mess.

 

I can say when 1 spouse does care, it isn't pretty if the situation doesn't change.

 

My house? It would drive me batty.

[Desert Rat]

I think you're right about depression having a lot to do with cleanliness. I used to walk into a family member's room and just know she was cycling down again.

I think sometimes it's just boils down to not seeing it. I'm a super neat, clean, tidy, whatever person. I clean other people's houses. Some of my clients just don't see the mess (or in some cases downright filth). Others clean before I come. I don't judge; I just clean and move on. In a few cases though, I think these people wouldn't mind living in a dirty house. I have inlaws like this. They just don't care or can't be bothered.

[Caitilin]

We are untidy, and there are parts of the house I routinely avoid because the dc have gotten too much stuff out without putting it back, and it makes me too angry to be worth it. But dh and I are both about equally untidy, and he knows that my job is teaching and taking care of dc, not cleaning the house. We muddle along the best we can, but we will never win house beautiful awards. Dh has never, in 15 years of marriage, complained about a messy house. He is a great guy. :001_wub:

[TravelingChris]

My dh likes the house neater than I keep it. But he compares our house to the motel rooms he keeps sleeping in (he travels about half the month). I do not like filth. But, for example, I am not cleaning the bathroom that I told my youngest to clean twice already. She will do it. I do get maids for heavier cleaning. I used to think my dh's opinion was more valid than I now do. I have been to many other homes and I know ours is definitely middle of the road if not better. Yes, there are people who keep their houses neater. But overall, our house is fairly neat and certainly not anywhere close to a hoarder's house or anything like that. I just haven't figured out some places for some of our stuff yet and am also waiting for our son to move out so I have some more room. What I really don't like are things like filthy carpets or floors. That bugs me a lot.

[Denisemomof4]

Huh. Denise, I have hoarders in my family (a parent and an in-law). To me your statement that they are hoarders living in squalor (I get it...) and completely disregarded what their dh's said just don't go together.

 

Complete disregard for a spouse's needs is a completely different thing than mentally ill so unable to do what spouse wants.

 

This is like a spouse telling the spouse with severe depression to get rid of it and then regarding the failure of their spouse to snap out of it as disregard. Except in the case of hoarding there is no good treatments available at all to my knowledge. If they are really hoarders they really couldn't help it. This doesn't make it easy for the spouse to live with though. I recognize that. That's true of any mental illness. But the attitude that they could have but didn't is off if, indeed, they are mentally ill. Maybe it felt that way to the spouse though. I know my father just recently said something along the lines of "if she cared you'd think she'd stop" even though he well knows she can't. Mental illness is really hard.

 

I certainly don't know all the ins and outs of everything, but I though it was awful that both wives were home all day, kids in school, both husbands worked long, long hours and came home to huge messes, and my friend's didn't cook, either.

 

I also believe both wives were neglected, which would be depressing.

 

My sister does have a mental illness, and she's an extremely difficult person to be around.

 

In the case of my sister, part of me thinks she left her house in a shambles because she was angry at her husband. She's got a lot of issues.

 

I only know what allnfour people told us. I was sad for the kids, tough. Were talking filth with bugs and mice, even animal feces and urine in the house.

 

When my sister showed me her bedroom, I was shocked. I didn't even know what to say. I remember her asking me for input, and all I could say was that something had to have gone horribly wrong for her to get to that point. I had wanted to help her but she was too embarrassed. She finally did clean it up, and I hope she's stayed on top of it.

 

:sad:

[brett_ashley]

I'm super lazy when it comes to housework and it just doesn't bother my husband that much. I think he would prefer things a little neater or cleaner, but he is really the most laidback person I know. Not much gets under his skin. Last week I commented, "I'm sorry I'm not a better roommate. I'm sure it annoys you how I leave my clothes and things all over the place." He responded by saying, "No one's perfect--I just enjoy the 99% of you that is!" :) He is wonderful.

 

My mom is like me--super lazy and cluttered, but it really bothers my dad, so she keeps a better handle on things. It occurred to me over Christmas that sometimes I wish my husband was very bothered by it so it didn't get so out of control! On the other hand, the house has been neat and clean for 2 days and I am a total grouch when it's spic and span. Clean houses stress me out!

 

I do have someone help me clean the floors and toilets every other week so it's not like we have bugs or rodents or anything.

[jennsmile]

I think it gets to a point where they don't know where to start so they don't do anything. I know I have offered to help clean out stuff and I always get put off for another time. I just pray the people in my case that I know clean it up before they die or I will be stuck with a 2 car garage, large master bedroom and closet and storage units to clean up with out knowledge of what truely is valuable.

[NotAVampireLvr]

My house is messy... but clean if that makes sense. I have asthma as does DS1 so it has to be clean... I'm good about sweeping and vacuuming. As long as the living room and kitchen are picked up DH doesn't mind everything else - which is usually cluttered/messy unless we have company coming. I try to make sure the dishes are done and the toys are picked up...

[Desert Rat]

I think it depends on what you see as normal. My hubby was raised by a hoarder and I was raised by a cleaning lady. We have completely different views on what is clean and what is not. His tendency to keep stuff drives me crazy and my tendency to clean/purge makes no sense to him. :glare: We are still working on a balance.

 

Holy cow! What a pair! I wish you all the best luck in trying to find a middle ground. I can't imagine the discussions you two must have. Must be fun! :lol:

[chepyl]

I generally like things neater than DH....that makes our current situation difficult. I have "given up" for now. We have a path through the house. I run a load of dishes every day if I can...otherwise the cabinets are empty. I wash clothes as needed. BUT, right now, thinking about a dirty dish makes me physically ill. I have ZERO energy and DH is exhausted from the show we had last week. I am hoping for an anniversary gift of a clean kitchen tomorrow....

 

When DH cleans, he cleans better than me. He scrubs the toilets with an old toothbrush...but it takes a lot of motivation to get to that.

 

I currently hate the state of our house and hope that I start feeling better in a few weeks. It is very trying on a relationship when it bothers one more than the other. But, we deal.

[PollyOR]

I currently hate the state of our house and hope that I start feeling better in a few weeks. It is very trying on a relationship when it bothers one more than the other. But, we deal.

 

You have a good excuse. :) Hope you start feeling better soon.

[frugalmama]

My house sometimes is pretty bad, depending on how sick I've been lately. When my joint pain flares up it can get deep quickly.

 

 

I'm trying to declutter and get rid of a lot of stuff in addition to moving things around to where they work better for ME in an attempt to avoid it getting so bad while I'm sick.

[Parrothead]

I think it depends on what you see as normal. My hubby was raised by a hoarder and I was raised by a cleaning lady. We have completely different views on what is clean and what is not. His tendency to keep stuff drives me crazy and my tendency to clean/purge makes no sense to him. :glare: We are still working on a balance.

This was dh and I when we first got together. We've both mellowed a bit 15 years later. He sees the mess now and will throw things away. I've gotten sick of worrying about it every single day.

[Shellydon]

My house is messy... but clean if that makes sense. I have asthma as does DS1 so it has to be clean... I'm good about sweeping and vacuuming. As long as the living room and kitchen are picked up DH doesn't mind everything else - which is usually cluttered/messy unless we have company coming. I try to make sure the dishes are done and the toys are picked up...

 

I think most houses with many kids are cluttered and often messy. When you have a toddler, the things go a flyin'. At least at my house:001_smile:

[JennyD]

We know an older couple who have long lived in a totally disorganized, very untidy home. They are both quite successful and both of their offices are the same way -- piles everywhere, stuff on the floor, etc. Neither DH nor I could bear it , but they seem perfectly content to live like this and have been happily married for decades. As we always say after we see them, it's a good thing they found each other :D

[Audrey]

I think people either give up or it just didn't bother them in the first place. If one person in the household is super tidy or super messy, it is really hard to be that other person who isn't. So, you either give up or you don't let it get to you.

 

On the opposite side... I am super tidy (okay... OCD) and my dh is what I would guess is an "average tidy" person who tolerates me. He did once say that he had this wild, fleeting fantasy of letting one of the hogs run through the house and gleefully chasing it all over the furniture, then not cleaning anything afterwards, just reveling in the mess.

 

At first, that horrified me (ooo! the mess!), but then it kind of made me want to cry and laugh at the same time. Cry, because that's just an indication of how rotten I must be to put up with sometimes, and laugh because... well, that's just funny.

[mom2scouts]

My house is usually pretty messy and cluttered and my husband barely seems to notice. I tend to be more of a perfectionist and he's more of a hoarder, so much of the mess is his. I just can't keep up with the mess my family makes (and doesn't clean up)and he just keeps bringing home things he finds (from dumpsters, from the side of the road, that someone gave him...). For every bag of clutter I finally manage to clean out, he usually brings home twice as much!

 

It's very frustrating for me because I find disorder frustrating, but I'm usually overwhelmed and just give up.

[SKL]

I definitely agree that it's probably depression or other mental issue. The other thing it could be is that someone was sick or injured for a while, and eventually got too overwhelmed with the mess. The thought of cleaning makes them want to go to bed and cover up their heads. (Kind of like the way my work backlog sometimes makes me feel.)

 

My sister (unmarried, not a mom but a dog owner/breeder) is a person whose house tends to get messy quickly and stay that way for a long time. She isn't a cleany person by nature, so she puts it off until it seems to be too much. But last month, she laid out a plan for the 24 days before Christmas. Each day she cleaned a specific area of the house until it was done. Now here's hoping it stays that way for a while.

 

My brother's wife was like that for a while, too. My brother is kind of a slob himself, but he works long hours, and his wife stayed home (I think this was before she even had her one kid). He got sick of never having a place to put down his coffee cup and such. He also used to do the cooking, which would not be so bad if she did the cleaning. One day our other brother told him he needed to "grow a pair" and they eventually worked out something they could both live with.

 

I live with people whose standard for neatness is way below mine. I used to get irritated, but that only reduced my quality of life. Eventually I got them to be better about some things (like used pantyhose left on the kitchen counter), and I got more tolerant about some things (like their water glasses sitting around for a month at a time).

[dirty ethel rackham]

I wouldn't say our home is very messy, but we are messy ... our house is cluttered. If my husband has a problem with it, he needs to be part of the solution. While I am here all day, we are making messes all day and he makes messes too in the short amount of time he is home (i.e. never acting on/filing his mail, leaving stuff around the house, never decluttering his stuff unless I threaten something drastic, hiding things from the "goodwill" pile, etc. ) When he does "declutter" he seems to put the "used most often" stuff behind or underneath the "rarely needed" stuff, so it gets messy the first time we need the "used most often" stuff.

 

I would hit the roof if my husband felt he could complain about the state of the house like he was my overseer or something.

 

ETA: our house IS clean, because I can't stand filth. It may not be "baby crawling" clean everyday, but we have a cleaning woman due to some of my health issues. Most of the time, we can do a decent crisis clean for company (mostly straightening, dishes, counters and bathrooms) in about a half-hour.

Edited January 20, 2012 by dirty ethel rackham

[Denisemomof4]

I think people either give up or it just didn't bother them in the first place. If one person in the household is super tidy or super messy, it is really hard to be that other person who isn't. So, you either give up or you don't let it get to you.

 

On the opposite side... I am super tidy (okay... OCD) and my dh is what I would guess is an "average tidy" person who tolerates me. He did once say that he had this wild, fleeting fantasy of letting one of the hogs run through the house and gleefully chasing it all over the furniture, then not cleaning anything afterwards, just reveling in the mess.

 

At first, that horrified me (ooo! the mess!), but then it kind of made me want to cry and laugh at the same time. Cry, because that's just an indication of how rotten I must be to put up with sometimes, and laugh because... well, that's just funny.

 

Auudrey, I think that's hysterical!!!! :D

 

I once called dh at work and told him Thunder, my horse, spooked and ran into our house and I couldn't get him out. I cant believe he actually believed me!!!:lol::lol::lol:

[Ibbygirl]

I am hoping for an anniversary gift of a clean kitchen tomorrow....

 

Happy Anniversary! :) I hope you get what you wish for. :grouphug:

[Jeanne in MN]

Our messy house really bothers my dh. I don't care for it either, but I can't seem to keep up with school, cooking, cleaning, and other things I'm involved in. I feel like there's no time for me! So the house gets messy. He doesn't help much at all around the home and I'm working harder on getting the kids to help. It's still hard, though.

[fraidycat]

I am usually one of those "messy house but, clean in the corners" kind of people. Behind the fridge, behind the stove, etc...where I can clean it and it might actually last more than five seconds. Trying to keep up with the kids and DH, who do not have the same "need" for neatness as I do is futile.

 

However, I do agree that mental health plays a big part. My house went downhill fast when I experienced some situational depression. It was horrible, and overwhelming to even try to make a decision about where I should put an item, or whether I should dust or vacuum first. It's not that I didn't notice the mess, but I just Could. Not. Make. A. Decision. I wouldn't say that any one of my family members or friends would have been able to look at me carting kids around to activities, and otherwise living life and noticed any signs of depression. I might not have been as cheerful as normal, but I could/would try to act as "normal" as possible when around others.

[Lily_Grace]

Dh is not happy with a messy house. We had some issues starting out because his mom took care of everything growing up and I grew up in a cluttered home and while neither of us likes the cluttered, dirty feeling, we didn't know how to change it.

 

Turns out moving often and purging regularly tends to help keep the clutter down. :lol: We have much less stuff except in our personal rooms in the house and it works better for everyone. Now the word "messy" in our house means a 5 minute tidy will take care of it.

[sewingmama]

My DH does not mind mess -I mind very much -which is why I get stuck with all the cleaning :glare:

 

If I get busy and the house gets messy DH does nothing to fix it so I assume he doesn't care or it doesn't bother him enough.

 

I sleep in a different room because DH doesn't care about keeping the room clean and I'm not sleeping in a room of dirty washing and piles of clutter.

 

My DD made a HUGE mess in the toilet today while I was out - DH threw her in the shower but left the cleaning. I have not had time to get to it (don't worry we have another toilet to use :D) and DH has gone to bed so I guess he doesn't care. (Hmm which reminds me - I keep forgetting myself -I'll clean it when I get off here)

 

It's my biggest worry that if I die the house will be filthy and my kids will have to live in it.

 

It causes a great deal of stress on our marriage - like I said we don't share a room. I do not clean his room - I've done it and it doesn't help. When he goes on business trips I go in and clean it spotless -and not even 24 hours after he gets back its trashed again - so why bother KWIM.

 

I had a SIL that NEVER cleaned (and she had no kids). I hated going to her house it was so gross. My BIL didn't do anything to clean it either but they got divorced and he cited the messy house as a reason.

Edited January 20, 2012 by sewingmama

[*********]

My parent's house is gross. Just gross. They have junk, clutter, AND it's dirty. And it's a tiny house in which they also keep lots of pets.

 

{shudder}

 

As a kid, my two sisters and I cleaned the whole house every weekend. All of it; floors, dusting, bathrooms, laundry, etc. We did NOTHING on Saturdays besides clean. I'm not kidding. My stepmom did NOT clean OR cook. Cooking was part of my job from the age of 12 on. I cooked dinner every night. The house stayed clean. I mean, my parents still had too much junk, too many pets, and too much clutter for that tiny house, but at least it was clean.

 

Then, my two sisters and I all moved out within a 3 year span. Which left just my baby sister and my parents.

 

No one cleaned. At all. It got gross quick. And it's still gross. I don't go there anymore, because I just can't hack it. And *I* don't get it. It's just my folks there now. Granted they've got all their animals there to, :tongue_smilie:, but come ON. Neither one of them works more than 40 hours a week. They're only in their mid fifties, and don't have any health issues that would keep them from cleaning. They just don't want to. I'm serious; they just don't like to clean, so they don't. My stepmom would even tell you that.

 

The last time I was there, a few years ago, Moose had to use the bathroom. He was only three years old, I think; and you know how sometimes, three year olds just say what they're thinking without any filter? Yeah, I had to shush him when he started crying that he didn't want to use the toilet because it was so dirty. But honestly, I didn't blame him; I didn't want to be in there, either! It was so bad that I didn't have him wash his hands at the sink; I took him right back out to the living room and gave him hand sanitizer. I didn't mean to try to offend my folks (and I'm not sure they noticed anyway), but when you keep your bathroom so dirty that people don't want to WASH at the SINK, there's a problem.

 

I do know my dad suffers from depression, and I suspect that my stepmom does to (though she doesn't say so). I'm SURE that has a lot to do with it.

 

As a result, I can't stand having a dirty house. I mean, we get messy sometimes as a result of life with kids. But not dirty.