Blessedchaos Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 (edited) We have been looking at homes for some time in preparation to move. But there is a huge part of me that wants to stay in our current home. Dh doesn't agree. I need advice on what to do... Current house: -2,600 square foot rambler (ranch) with daylight full windows in the finished basement. -4 bedrooms -2 baths -Quiet, stable neighborhood full of mature trees and empty nesters (we've been here 10 years and are still the new kids on the block; no one ever moves. many of our neighbors are original owners or have been there over 20 years). -Not many kids -Great layout but not a very open floorplan. This could be changed for not a lot of $ ($5K or lower - we've had quotes) -We have done a LOT of remodeling to get the home to our tastes -Convenient location, but surrounding area is sort of old, busy, and not so pretty (our neighborhood is very nice and very pretty, though) Potential home (these are dh wants): -2 story (with basement) -Much larger (he's looking at least 3,500 finished which I think is WAY too big) -Newer home with much work done -Master bath, mudroom, main or upper laundry, larger yard We have no mortgage on our home and are completely debt free. For this reason alone I don't want to move; we worked very hard to get here. There are things I would love to have (a master bath, mudroom, main floor laundry) that I don't, but I don't need these things. I love my house, but there are still things I would like to do to it or that need to be done. Dh really wants to move. We have put an incredible amount of work and money into our current home fixing it up over the past 10 years and I think he is just done. He wants a big house that doesn't need work (haha:D). Or if we bought a house like a foreclosure that does need work then at least the house would have the potential to be great. He says that no matter how much money/work we put into this house it will still not have all the things we want and our resale will be limited; it will still have only 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms if you will. I understand he is tired and wants to be done, but I don't believe there is any such thing as a work-free house. I also see that financially we would be in a much better place to stay. We would essentially be starting over again with a mortgage. The thing is that the arguing over the house has become extreme. Every time I ask dh to do anything house related he gets really annoyed and life is miserable. Things as small as screwing something into the wall or changing window treatments (even if I spend no money and do it myself) cause arguments. I can't take it anymore. But I'm not sure moving will help these things or make them worse. For just the reason that he thinks they will be better makes me just want to go ahead and move. What to do? It seems like a no-brainer, but my dh doesn't think so... Help! Edited January 17, 2012 by Blessedchaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Why is it so important to your dh that you move? It sounds like your current house meets all of your needs, and the "improvements" in the new house sound like things you would be more excited about than your dh would be. Is there more to this in his mind that just a new house? Is he bored and stir-crazy? Dealing with a mid-life crisis? Does he want to impress friends, family, or co-workers? Just asking, because usually the wife seems to be the one who wants the bigger, better house and the husband is the one who doesn't want to take on a new debt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedchaos Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 (edited) I don't know. I'm trying to figure that out myself. I think a lot of it must be that he has worked so hard on this house and he is just tired of doing home improvement projects. I think he thinks if we move into a new house everything will be new and he won't need to do the work. The funny thing is we have been looking mostly at foreclosures that need work (they tend to be less expensive). We are both frustrated. We both love being debt free and our current house does meet our needs. But every time we talk about staying he gets upset and says that if we stay we won't do anything else to the house. Well there are still things that need to be done. The house is 32 years old and at the stage that things start to wear out and need replacing. We have done most of the big stuff already. Unlike him, I love improving the house and putting ourselves into it. He gets upset and says the house is fine as it is (he has said this when we've had peeling siding and missing floor tiles). It is fine as it is right now, but it would be much nicer with a more open, functional floor plan. I think spending a few thousand on that to make our current home more functional makes more sense than spending $100K plus to buy a new home. It's hard to understand him. He grew up very poor in another country, so perhaps this is his way of overcompensating? Yet he literally does not care how our current home looks, so I don't think it's so much that he's out to impress. I don't know... I forgot to mention that we go through this several times a year. He will get on the want to move kick and start looking at houses. We've had our house up for sale a number of times already, but for various reasons it hasn't sold. I don't want to keep going through this constantly and it's hard on the kids as well. I just want to be settled. Edited January 17, 2012 by Blessedchaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 If you are mortgage free, you must have a bit of money that can be spared. Why not put a bit of money aside to pay for the improvements you want? It's not the money your dh is objecting to, it's the time and effort he has to put in. Bypass him and spend your pocket money to do them. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I've bought new...a builder's spec house. Brand spanking new....it is the most expensive fixer-upper we've ever owned. lol Partly because I forgot to figure in the costs of blinds, gutters, and landscaping to start. We have an acre and there was a patch of grass out back as big as a ping pong table. The rest was MUD. New carpet, kids, mud, and a new puppy. Yeah, that worked... It seemed like we worked hard for a couple of years to get the house cozy. We've painted. Installed more crown molding. Lots and lots of landscaping. Window coverings. I enjoy the projects as does dh--when he has time and we have money. Our house is eleven years old now...there is always something to be done, fixed, or improved. That's homeowning. We are saving for new air conditioning. The garbage disposal just died. It could be your dh is just seeing the grass is always greener side of things. Remember the grass is greener where it's watered and fertilized. If I were you I'd save some dollars and have the necessary upgrades/work done. It will help your home sell faster and you get to see if you like living with them... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Do your kids like their school? Would they be going to the same school? One of the biggest things people take for granted in life is good neighbors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedchaos Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I agree about hiring a contractor to do the improvements, but dh won't do it. I've tried suggesting it. He just objects to spending the money altogether. I've also talked to him about the hidden costs of a new home. I know it's a lot of work. He says he knows too, but that's ok because then the house is what he wants. We are doing some of the improvements (ie we just remodeled the ds bathroom - major project! and we are putting in new doors) getting ready to sell. Every time we do something I love my house even more, so it makes it harder for me. But with every improvement he gets grumpier and I think it solidifies the moving for him. He says it all looks the same to him; he doesn't care what the doors look like or what color the walls are. Unfortunately, there is no happy medium here. Either we stay or we move cuz we can't kinda move:tongue_smilie:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedchaos Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Do your kids like their school? Would they be going to the same school? One of the biggest things people take for granted in life is good neighbors. My kids love their schools. It would be extremely difficult to get what dh wants and stay zoned for these schools, so it would most likely be a school switch or me continuing to drive them everyday (which is what we do now). This is hard on them, this talking about moving all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I think I would want to stay since there isn't a mortgage. Is he wanting to trade up because this house is fixed up? I know people who buy fixers and then flip them once all the improvements have been made. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 A couple of things stand out to me... getting annoyed with minor things, lots of arguing. Moving does not improve such issues. It seems like the house is a deflection of other issues. Please try and work on what's underlying that. Don't move. I don't think it's the house. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Ok, if you're moving into a 3500 sq ft house there is just no way that isn't going to be tons of work and upkeep. Heck, cleaning the floors alone could keep you busy for a while! :001_smile: We actually downsized to be in our current house from a big house, so I tend to think less is more. Especially with a paid off mortgage. If you have the money to scale up, I'd just look at remodeling using a contractor to make the layout more what you want. If you could really make a big change to your space for 5K that's great and I'd jump on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I just don't see a compelling reason to move. You are debt free, in a good neighborhood, with a house you like. No house is maintenance free. Trust me. I moved from a 110yo fixer-upper to a modern house in the suburbs and there is still a TON of work. That is the nature of a house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 A couple of things stand out to me... getting annoyed with minor things, lots of arguing. Moving does not improve such issues. It seems like the house is a deflection of other issues. Please try and work on what's underlying that. Don't move. I don't think it's the house. :grouphug: Certainly something to think about. The amount of upheaval to your kids and taking on a debt for a house that will still require upkeep and investment just doesn't make sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Let me tell you, a mud room, basement and laundry upstairs in the mater bed is AWESOME. You have no idea. I thought I never would want those things either, but I totally see what he means now that I have them. And we went from 1000 to about 5000 and it's easier to clean ans take care of. I would move. But that's the way I am. Though, now that I'm here and have all that stuff? You'll wheel me out of here dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAM Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 We just went through months of trying to decide the same question. In the end, we decided to stay put and take out an equity loan to do some of the things we wanted to do. We reasoned that we saved tons of money by not upsizing, and not switching to a town with a higher tax rate, like we were considering. Moving is often much more expensive than remodeling, and as long as you like your location, remodeling can make more sense. So we committed to doing the improvements and so far I am happy with it. We are planning to put on a small addition soon, and looking at all the costs compared to moving, I still think it was the way to go financially. Especially if your mortgage is already paid off! This is not to say that I still don't check realtor.com occasionally;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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