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Vent: Having pets doesn't make you a mom!


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But to get rid of an old cat who has lived with me for over ten years because of a grandchild who comes maybe once a year for a few days? It might mean the death of the cat and I really couldn't do that.

 

:iagree:

 

There would have to be a better solution than getting rid of the cat. It would be different if the child was moving in with you, and there was an severe allergy issue, but for infrequent visits? I'm sure there would be a way to get around the problem without having to find a new home for the cat.

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This baffles me. I'm sorry. I just can't imagine it. :001_huh:

I know not all families are like ours, but sometimes I get a little peeved when my MIL (who had several cats) wouldn't vacuum the couches, chairs, etc, trying to make it more pleasant for those of us allergic to cats. She lives 10 minutes away. We see them often. On random days it isn't a big deal, but Thanksgiving and Christmas, when they knew we would be out there all day? DH and I are both allergic to cats, and DS6 has asthma. I'm not saying she has to get rid of them (though I would happily run them over for her), but the thought of not making your house welcoming to your own family just boggles my mind. :confused:

 

I think there's a big difference between wishing your MIL would take the time to rid the house of as much cat fur as possible when you're visiting (and perhaps confining the cats to a separate room when you're there,) and thinking that she should get rid of them.

 

I really hope you were joking, but I have to admit that I am saddened by your statement that you "would happily run them over for her," as it sounds quite cruel. Even if you hate the cats, your MIL loves them and they are important to her.

 

I guess part of what I don't understand is why, if you know there's a problem for your family to be at your MIL's home, that you don't just invite her over to your house instead. Wouldn't it be easier than worrying that your ds will have an asthma attack at Grandma's house?

 

Realistically, if my ds had been asthmatic and allergic to their dog, my ds's health would have won out. If the allergy was so severe that there was a possibility of a severe health issue and there was no other viable solution, they would have found a new home for the dog. But they would have been heartbroken about it, and I would have been the one to tell them not to do it, and to just come over to our house to see ds instead. They really loved that dog, and I would never have had the heart to ask them to find him a new home.

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I think there's a big difference between wishing your MIL would take the time to rid the house of as much cat fur as possible when you're visiting (and perhaps confining the cats to a separate room when you're there,) and thinking that she should get rid of them.

 

I really hope you were joking, but I have to admit that I am saddened by your statement that you "would happily run them over for her," as it sounds quite cruel. Even if you hate the cats, your MIL loves them and they are important to her.

 

I guess part of what I don't understand is why, if you know there's a problem for your family to be at your MIL's home, that you don't just invite her over to your house instead. Wouldn't it be easier than worrying that your ds will have an asthma attack at Grandma's house?

 

Realistically, if my ds had been asthmatic and allergic to their dog, my ds's health would have won out. If the allergy was so severe that there was a possibility of a severe health issue and there was no other viable solution, they would have found a new home for the dog. But they would have been heartbroken about it, and I would have been the one to tell them not to do it, and to just come over to our house to see ds instead. They really loved that dog, and I would never have had the heart to ask them to find him a new home.

 

I probably wouldn't run them over. :D

(as you can see, I'm kidding. Cats are very hard to run over - they run too fast. :D Ok, ok, I'll stop! :lol: I do dislike cats - aside from making me break out in hives, I overall just don't enjoy them much. But that's just personal preference, and they do come in handy to kill small things outside. And, yes, even I think kittens are cute. :tongue_smilie: To the extent that when DH found a little 5 week old one in the bushes, I kept it for 24 hours til we could find a home for it. Despite being covered in a red rash. :lol: )

I can't invite all of DH's extended family to our house for holidays. We just don't have the space for it.

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Some of them dote on their tiny little dogs but have zero patience for children. It's rather sad. I sometimes wonder how they treat their grandchildren.

 

I'm not sure it's sad. Children can be loud and noisy and messy and obnoxious. Many of those people may feel that they've "been there, done that" with their own kids, and don't want to be bothered with other people's kids. It doesn't necessarily mean they aren't wonderful with their own grandchildren.

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Animals are also vulnerable. I believe that, once you take one into your life and your home, it is a moral and ethical responsibility to care for it to the very best of your ability. Anything less is inhumane.

 

I don't personally believe I'm any more "eternal" than my dog.

 

And Jenny and I have different religious beliefs, but I agree with this. I believe pets do have a conscious, and I believe that they go to heaven. What is more, C.S. Lewis agrees with me. :iagree:

 

It doesn't bother me when people call their pets their furbabies. I've known people whose pets were MUCH more loving toward them than their own kids/family were!

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I probably wouldn't run them over. :D

(as you can see, I'm kidding. Cats are very hard to run over - they run too fast. :D Ok, ok, I'll stop! :lol: I do dislike cats - aside from making me break out in hives, I overall just don't enjoy them much. But that's just personal preference, and they do come in handy to kill small things outside. And, yes, even I think kittens are cute. To the extent that when DH found a little 5 week old one in the bushes, I kept it for 24 hours til we could find a home for it. Despite being covered in a red rash. )

I can't invite all of DH's extended family to our house for holidays. We just don't have the space for it.

 

:D :D :D

 

I agree that it wouldn't kill her to clean the house for holidays. Not all guests are happy about cat hair getting all over their clothes every time they sit on the sofa. ;)

 

I was just thinking that for everyday, casual visits, it might be easier to have her over to your house... unless she's a real pain in the you-know-what and never knows when it's time to leave... :tongue_smilie:

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:D :D :D

 

I agree that it wouldn't kill her to clean the house for holidays. Not all guests are happy about cat hair getting all over their clothes every time they sit on the sofa. ;)

 

I was just thinking that for everyday, casual visits, it might be easier to have her over to your house... unless she's a real pain in the you-know-what and never knows when it's time to leave...

 

Its more that she just wouldn't make it here. :D

She's notorious for saying things like, 'I heard the phone ringing but I had a cat in my lap, so I couldn't get up.' That is her general attitude on life.

Overall she's a great person, and she loves the kids, but she is one of those who likes it better at home than anywhere else, kwim? It has gotten to where, now, they come over here sometimes, it just depends.

But a lot of the cats decided they wanted to be outside, so the cat hair isn't as bad now, either. Now she just has pomeranians. :tongue_smilie:

ETA: and ducks. and chickens. But those are outside with the cats. :D She really likes animals. We tease her that we told the kids we were taking them to the zoo when we were coming to her house. :)

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I'm not sure it's sad. Children can be loud and noisy and messy and obnoxious. Many of those people may feel that they've "been there, done that" with their own kids, and don't want to be bothered with other people's kids. It doesn't necessarily mean they aren't wonderful with their own grandchildren.

 

And animals aren't? :D It's sad to me when someone values an animal over a human being. Whatever the excuse. I think those people are missing out on life when they closet themselves away from the rest of society. Obviously they still have love to give. The fact that they choose to give it to an animal over a human being bothers me. There are a lot of people out there who could benefit from some of that love. Just my opinion!

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And animals aren't? :D It's sad to me when someone values an animal over a human being. Whatever the excuse. I think those people are missing out on life when they closet themselves away from the rest of society. Obviously they still have love to give. The fact that they choose to give it to an animal over a human being bothers me. There are a lot of people out there who could benefit from some of that love. Just my opinion!

 

But just because they love and coddle their pets doesn't mean they are valuing animals over human beings. They might have lots of adult friends and be close to their families.

 

Not wanting to be around children does not equate to not valuing people. They don't want the children to be run over by a bus; they just don't want to be bothered with them on a daily basis.

 

I don't want to be around other peoples' kids on a daily basis, either, but it doesn't mean I don't want them to exist or that I don't think they are important and valuable. I don't believe you have to love kids and want them around you, in order to value people in general.

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And animals aren't? :D It's sad to me when someone values an animal over a human being. Whatever the excuse. I think those people are missing out on life when they closet themselves away from the rest of society. Obviously they still have love to give. The fact that they choose to give it to an animal over a human being bothers me. There are a lot of people out there who could benefit from some of that love. Just my opinion!

 

An animal is a lot less likely to exploit you when you give it some of that love.

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Well.

 

I guess I'm a little nuts. My dog is... well, my baby. My daughter calls her her sister, family refer to me as her mommy, and I love her. A lot.

 

I had her before I had my daughter. And she was my "support" during emotional and medical crises. When I was writhing in pain so bad I was throwing up, my dog laid on the bed with me, following me back and forth to the bathroom. When all I could do was cry for days, it was my dog's fur that I cried into.

 

I don't know. I guess I understand how a pet can become very important to a person. We never know what the person may be missing, wanting, hurting from, etc..... (Although, if the pet takes precedence over your human child, there's a problem...) And people that have no children that compare having animals to having children really just don't understand, but did any of us understand what it meant to have children until we actually had them?

:iagree:

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I guess I'm just insane. I have a child, a stepchild, and three grandchildren. My doggy is still my baby and I am his Mommy. I love him with ALL my heart and would move mountains for him. He does have a Christmas stocking and get gifts and we do celebrate his birthday and I bring him wherever I can or make sure someone else is home with him.

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And animals aren't? :D It's sad to me when someone values an animal over a human being. Whatever the excuse. I think those people are missing out on life when they closet themselves away from the rest of society. Obviously they still have love to give. The fact that they choose to give it to an animal over a human being bothers me. There are a lot of people out there who could benefit from some of that love. Just my opinion!

 

100% agree.

 

When people with animals elevate that relationship over their other people realtionshiops that is a problem.

 

When your cousin brings her "daughter" (dog) to visit you in the hospital after you have a baby, when you SPECIFICALLY told her not to as the hospital that you are at is pet free, that is a problem. :glare: Even sadder is when you realize she would have never come if she hadn't brought the dog.

 

 

It has become a sickness in our society IMO. I do think that some people have lost it when it comes to their pets.

 

My cousin looked into getting a service animal license for her dog because she helps her mentally. The problem is, is that she has no mental health problems. :001_huh: Although I am starting to wonder.

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Taking care of animals does not compare to taking care of humans. Of course it doesn't. And women who are childless and call their pets their "children" usually just long for human children and can't have them for whatever the reason (medical, disagreement between the married partners, etc).

 

Although it doesn't compare with having a child, it does meet a need to take care of animals. I am a rescuer by nature and I have 7 cats and a dog to prove it. I love my animals so much and if anything happened to any of them, I am one to pull out all the stops to save them. I feed them top grade food, even if it costs a lot of money. I diligently give my 15 year old cat (whom I had before either of my kids) his daily medicines and his ration of canned food with love and joy. I clean up their messes, fix up their boo-boos, take them to the vet for their colds, etc. My dog takes allergy shots each month! So, while they are not my children and I don't consider caring for them to be the same as caring for my human kids, I do get great joy from being able to give my animals a good life and to take care of their needs. My human kids are growing up and they don't always "need" mom...nor do they always want to love on mom. My animals...DO! :)

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According to your religious beliefs, which don't happen to be mine.

 

I wouldn't ever want to have to choose between a child and my dog. Although the child would "win," it would be indescribably painful to me. My dog is not a human, but she means as much to me as most people do. She's my best friend.

 

Animals are also vulnerable. I believe that, once you take one into your life and your home, it is a moral and ethical responsibility to care for it to the very best of your ability. Anything less is inhumane.

 

I don't personally believe I'm any more "eternal" than my dog.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

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I wasn't saying that I have Killer Circus Monkeys; perhaps I was speaking hypothetically.

 

Of course, I'm not saying that I don't have Killer Circus Monkeys, either... :tongue_smilie:

Hmmm...so either you're denying the reality, or fibbing. Which is it? KCM lover you!

:iagree:

 

It goes without saying that Mariann is our resident WTM go-to person when it comes to Killer Circus Monkeys.

 

It's a highly specialized field and I, for one, am grateful that she's here for us. :tongue_smilie:

Huh? When did Mariann become the KCM go to person? And why am I just hearing about this now?

 

If this has anything to do with the AGA, I need to know!!

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Well.

 

I guess I'm a little nuts. My dog is... well, my baby. My daughter calls her her sister, family refer to me as her mommy, and I love her. A lot.

 

I'm nuts right there with you. I do it for plants. I love googling my childhood home and seeing those trees *I* protected that first hot summer, moving a box to shade them, watering them. My father told me it was my job to make sure they lived and I was Miss Dedication. I was 8.

 

I know people who babied their dogs until the human babies came, and then they were locked in the basement yapping. One woman said, "you think you know love when you have a dog, but when you have a baby, then you know you didn't." Well, I disagree. I treated my pets like pets, but well trained, well cared for pets, and the dog and cat I had when kiddo were born were certainly members of the care team.

 

The dog buzzed right over and stuck her nose in kiddo's crotch the moment the diaper was wet. Then she'd look at us. "Come over here and lick this mess up" her eyes said. She was patient when he was learning to pull up. She sat up night after night when the baby first came home growling at every sound outside. Dog and hubby and baby went on many outdoor adventures together.

 

And cat? Cat was kiddo's first word. A cat who didn't like children, but allowed this baby to maul her about. At first peep, it was the cat who sprang up and woke us before baby's voice was loud enough. My animals acted like older sibs, like members of a family. Heck, the cat even knew to give a special "rescue" cry and the dog would go barreling out to chase off whatever was harassing her.

 

My mother once pointed out that my pets were better disciplined, better trained, better groomed, and better fed than most children on earth. To me, the care of those in my charge, no matter how mute, is a penetrating responsibility, and while I didn't call myself their "mom", I did call myself their person. "That's my dog, and I'm her person." To not feel that way about the animals I take on would have been outside my personality. Nutty or not, it's just *me*. As someone said, my pets (always strays) win the "Stray's Lotto".

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I'm nuts right there with you. I do it for plants. I love googling my childhood home and seeing those trees *I* protected that first hot summer, moving a box to shade them, watering them. My father told me it was my job to make sure they lived and I was Miss Dedication. I was 8.

 

I know people who babied their dogs until the human babies came, and then they were locked in the basement yapping. One woman said, "you think you know love when you have a dog, but when you have a baby, then you know you didn't." Well, I disagree. I treated my pets like pets, but well trained, well cared for pets, and the dog and cat I had when kiddo were born were certainly members of the care team.

 

 

Well, I'm nuts about my pets in the same way but I don't think that is what the OP is talking about because you and I don't forget what species the dogs and cats are. Now I do think that when we bring an animal into our home that we have a responsibility to take care of all of that animal's needs. So while I dislike the "animal = human" idea, I also dislike the "animal = dispensable" idea just as much.

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Well, I'm nuts about my pets in the same way but I don't think that is what the OP is talking about because you and I don't forget what species the dogs and cats are.

 

Do they *really* forget, or are they just being all ooshy-gooshy because their love life is lacking, or some such thing?

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Do they *really* forget, or are they just being all ooshy-gooshy because their love life is lacking, or some such thing?

 

Well, some people don't treat their animals in the best way for that animal. For example, they might load the dog in the stroller to take it everywhere, without considering the animal's need for appropriate exercise.

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Well, some people don't treat their animals in the best way for that animal. For example, they might load the dog in the stroller to take it everywhere, without considering the animal's need for appropriate exercise.

 

:iagree:But I was safe because, I don't get dogs that would put up with that. I'm trying to imagine my Shepard/Ridgeback (my "Richard") doing anything but running ahead of me, scouting for whatever domesticated dogs scout for.

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I used to love my cats so much before I had kids. They meant the world to me. I remember the love I had for them was so fierce. I just adored those cats.

 

But once I had kids I was shocked at how unimportant the cats became. I've always felt guilty about it, but I didn't have anything left at the end of the day to give to the cats. I almost never pet them after the babies arrived. Those poor cats would sort of slink around the house looking sad.

 

This is so similar to my experience! I've always felt really guilty, like I'm not as good a person as I thought I was, because even though I ADORED my dog before I had my first child, I could never again summon up the same level of interest once I had children.

 

I remember thinking that having a dog was great training for having a child, before I had my first. (In fact, I remember thinking, "how could a human baby be as cute as a dog, when it has no fur? :lol:)

 

Then once I had my first child I realized how absurd that thought was. But if someone who is infertile or otherwise is unable to have a child, and wants to attach to a pet in that way, I would NEVER disabuse them of their notion.

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This is so similar to my experience! I've always felt really guilty, like I'm not as good a person as I thought I was, because even though I ADORED my dog before I had my first child, I could never again summon up the same level of interest once I had children.

 

.

 

I think this is perfectly normal. I still love my dogs but they will never be equal to or more important than my children.

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