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Why did this woman get angry with me?


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I would have thought you approaching me was odd but I wouldn't have been rude. I really don't get others assigning nicknames to people though. If I want to be called something different, I will let ya know.

 

We have the opposite problem with younger dd. We've had several people ask us what her actual given name is after she is introduced. It gets annoying, especially when they call her a different name because they've assumed she has a more formal one. :001_huh:

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Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with correcting people on this. Both of my sons have names with common nicknames and although dh and I don't often use them.....every. other. person. does. And always will. It is what it is.

 

:iagree:

 

My oldest has a name with a very common nickname that I despise. The only reason we named him the way we did is that dh said we never had to use that nickname (and I fell for it). So, WE don't use that nickname, but everyone else does. (Some of you here use this nickname for your ds. It IS common.)

 

Ds, himself, has corrected people... but when he doesn't, neither do I. If it bothers him I encourage him to talk to the person directly (ever since he was 3!). If he doesn't correct them, it doesn't bother him enough. And if it doesn't bother him, it's not my business. (It's HIS name.)

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I think for me it's the fact that these are tween girls and that you were asking the mom to correct her dd, not what she herself is calling your dd. It would be totally different if the mom were calling your dd by the nickname--in that case I'd think it was completely appropriate for you to politely correct her. But you're talking about tween girls who have already known each other a while in a context that wasn't controlled by either parent. So either the teacher introduced your dd incorrectly or the friend started using the nickname on her own without your dd correcting her. I wouldn't be offended if I was the parent you approached, but I would have been a bit taken aback and might have thought that you seemed a bit too uptight about something that didn't seem to bother your dd. UNLESS you told me that your dd was shy about telling my dd that she didn't like the nickname and you asked me to give her a heads-up. That I could see. Because in the grand scheme of things, what a friend calls your dd really is between them, even if it's not your cup of tea. If your dd doesn't like it and needs help advocating for herself, that's understandable, but it doesn't sound like you came across that way.

 

:iagree:This is oretty much exactly what I was going to say, but there's something wrong with our heating, and my fingers are frozen. I keep mistyping the simplest words.

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We got one! It occurred to us that her name is two names smushed together and we all like the second name as a nickname. It fits dd's personality and demeanor much better.

 

I told her she is going to have to tell her friend her new nickname. She is okay with that. But said she doesn't want to tell adults.

 

What can I say? She is really a shy kid.

Congrats :party: I'm not sure how she made it to tween-age without you guys realizing this sooner but congrats all the same.

 

What exactly does the bolded mean?

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My only thought is that she was taken aback that you went up to her JUST to tell her that. Why not make a little small talk first? I think it may have come across as awkward, but that doesn't excuse her snippy attitude. I might have rolled my eyes later and probably told my mom about it to get her take. I would NOT have discussed this with the other moms. I certainly wouldn't dream of saying a negative word to your DD (or mine) and if this other mom does then that is far worse than an awkward correction.

 

Did your DD want you to mention this to the other mom? I'm still not clear if your DD hates the first syllable of her name said on its own as much as you do (sorry if you spelled this out already and I missed it). I read that she doesn't want to embarrass the girl, but is she truly bothered by the shortened name?

 

In my son's case, yes, we've had some name issues. He and I have been able to work out solutions. I understand that it's hard for your DD to do so. I can understand why you felt moved to do something about it.

I feel as strongly as I do because the only other person I've known who went by the name (it is part of my grandmother's first name but she goes by something different. We are weird about names.) ended up in the gutter strung out on dope and suicidal. So I do have a bad association with the name. Dd just isn't fond of it but will put up with it so as to not be confrontational.

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I can only say, I would not have addressed it. I let my kids tell their friends what they want to be called. My middle dd has a name that has a whole host of possible nicknames. Not everyone calls her the same thing. That's okay. If she doesn't like a name, then she can tell them.

 

Talking to the mom about it is a little weird to me. But, that's just me. I wouldn't have reacted rudely. I might have been thinking, "how am I supposed to remember how every kid we meet once wants to be addressed?" And then forgot about it.

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I was something like, "Hi, I'm Vicky's mom. I just wanted to say that we don't do nicknames, yet I didn't feel right correcting your dd. Would you mind terribly asking her to call Vicky by Vicky instead of Vic."

 

I had an aplogetic, I hate to bother you attitude.

 

I'm sorry to say, but if someone said that to me I would think she was a bit over-the-top controlling. I would assume the child would TELL my child if she didn't want to be called "Vic." And if she didn't tell my child, then I would assume she was okay with it and the *mother* had an issue. (Sorry.)

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Ultimately, if this is a big deal to your daughter it should be addressed. Fine. She should have handled it with her friend directly, but whatever. I don't think fretting yourself and worrying that this woman will do something to your daughter is productive or even necessary.

 

:chillpill:.

 

Curious, what did YOUR daughter say when you told her what happened between you and the other mom?

I didn't tell her. I don't want her thinking badly of her friend's mom.

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If her name is Carolina and the girl calls her Carol - that's the same name! Cara is different. Even if a little girl did call my Carolina "Cara", I'd not correct that.

 

.

 

No ma'am. In either Carolina, which should be the standard for a name like Carolina--don't you think? Anyway, in either Carolina, "Carol" would be another name and "Cara" would be the shortened form of the name: it's Cara-lina!

;)

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Moms are defensive on behalf of their kids. They will see your correction as a criticism or rejection. Then if it isn't even something they would correct their kids for, they will get miffed. I might have gotten miffed over that.

 

I would not have thrown a fit, but then again, I tend to go quiet when I'm ticked (and then go rant to someone else).

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Congrats :party: I'm not sure how she made it to tween-age without you guys realizing this sooner but congrats all the same.

 

What exactly does the bolded mean?

That she won't correct/confront an adult if one says her name incorrectly.

 

She allowed our tai chi sifu to call her a name that rhymed with her name (he is hearing disabled) for the fist 3 weeks we went to tai chi. I tried to get her to talk to him and tell him what her name is and she simply was too shy. I had to tell him and now a year later they laugh about it and he calls her Ralph.

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We got one! It occurred to us that her name is two names smushed together and we all like the second name as a nickname. It fits dd's personality and demeanor much better.

 

I told her she is going to have to tell her friend her new nickname. She is okay with that. But said she doesn't want to tell adults.

 

What can I say? She is really a shy kid.

 

 

That's the thing about nicknames, you usually don't get to choose them. It's either your parents, or your friends, that start calling you by something other than your given name when you're young. It just seems awkward for anybody to say, "Hey, guys! Start calling me Rach instead of Rachel!" I mean, I'm sure people do it, but nicknames just kind of *happen*.

 

I agree with many others that it just wouldn't matter enough for me to approach someone I didn't know to point it out. I wouldn't have copped an attitude, but I would have thought it was odd.

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OK, I would not have done this. I have corrected people who insist on calling my son the wrong name, but usually when they are speaking to me about him and using the wrong name. (Even then, some people are offended.) But I wouldn't tell a mom to tell her kid to get it right. Mostly because I am raising boys who are not shy as opposed to a girl who is shy, and I can't be bothered to deal with stuff like this secondhand.

 

But if Chucki approached me with this I wouldn't think she deserved all these extremely insulting labels (hello! she's right here!) and I wouldn't think I should avoid her because she is all those extremely insulting labels. I would just think, "She cares what her kid is called," and move on.

 

I have to quit reading this thread. It makes me want to take up drinking.

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I can only say, I would not have addressed it. I let my kids tell their friends what they want to be called. My middle dd has a name that has a whole host of possible nicknames. Not everyone calls her the same thing. That's okay. If she doesn't like a name, then she can tell them.

 

Talking to the mom about it is a little weird to me. But, that's just me. I wouldn't have reacted rudely. I might have been thinking, "how am I supposed to remember how every kid we meet once wants to be addressed?" And then forgot about it.

I suppose it is because I'm so used to having to say something for her because she is just so incapable of doing it on her own. She is getting better about it, but still has years to go.

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I would have responded politely and promised to let my daughter know, but it's not a situation I would bother to micromanage if the girls kept using the nickname amongst themselves. By not correcting people, or showing any sign of disapproval, your daughter is giving people permission to use, and get used to, this unauthorized name. I don't see this as something you can fix for her. She has to care ENOUGH to deal with it during introductions.

 

Have other people made this "mistake" with the nickname? If this isn't an isolated incident you're probably facing a losing battle. Let's say the child has a grandmother named Isabel and a grandmother named Ann, and you named her Annabelle. People will call her Ann or Annie because those are obvious choices EVEN IF you think the're not because Ann is it's own name.

 

There are certain situations where it seems like Everybody Else is being unreasonable, but if it happens often enough, with different people, you have to really examine whether or not you are the unreasonable one.

 

Personally, I think using Chuck for Charles or Billy for William seems odd to me. I mean, HOW are those better choices than Charlie or Willy. I will never agree, but the rest of the wider world has put those options into common use and that's just a battle I'd lose.

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I don't get why a mother wanting her child not to be called by a nickname is weird or controlling.

 

 

That is not weird.

 

This is weird:

Sally Mae and Judith just met and are playing together. Sally Mae says, "bye, Jude, nice to meet you." Mom of Judith has a talk with Sally Mae's mom and lets her know that Sally Mae needs to call Judith by the right name. That is weird to me. Like I said, I can't remember the name of every kid we meet once and make sure my kids call them by the right name. I meet way too many kids.

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That she won't correct/confront an adult if one says her name incorrectly.

 

She allowed our tai chi sifu to call her a name that rhymed with her name (he is hearing disabled) for the fist 3 weeks we went to tai chi. I tried to get her to talk to him and tell him what her name is and she simply was too shy. I had to tell him and now a year later they laugh about it and he calls her Ralph.

 

Why doesn't she simply introduce herself by what she wants to be called? No explanations or anything, just, "Hi! I'm Lina" Even if her name is Carolina...

That way she wont have to put up with awkward corrections.

 

Poor dear, one of my sisters was painfully shy as a child, so I sympathize. I used to hate correcting adults, but I hated being called out of name even more so I learned to endure it.

 

I'm sure your girl will grow into a more confident young lady, and not her shyness cripple her. I'm sure this will seem rather silly by the weekend.

 

Seriously, don't worry about this.

 

You might need to tell your DD that you spoke to the girls mom though. Especially since it didn't go well, you wan't the girl to take an attitude with your DD and she not know why...

 

Maybe wait and see if anything happens between the girls and illuminate the situation for your DD if you find that it would be useful/informative to know why here classmate is suddenly cool toward her.

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OK, I would not have done this. I have corrected people who insist on calling my son the wrong name, but usually when they are speaking to me about him and using the wrong name. (Even then, some people are offended.) But I wouldn't tell a mom to tell her kid to get it right. Mostly because I am raising boys who are not shy as opposed to a girl who is shy, and I can't be bothered to deal with stuff like this secondhand.

 

But if Chucki approached me with this I wouldn't think she deserved all these extremely insulting labels (hello! she's right here!) and I wouldn't think I should avoid her because she is all those extremely insulting labels. I would just think, "She cares what her kid is called," and move on.

 

I have to quit reading this thread. It makes me want to take up drinking.

It's okay Tibbs. (Can I call you Tibbs?)

 

You are my hero. Here, have one on me. :cheers2:

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I suppose it is because I'm so used to having to say something for her because she is just so incapable of doing it on her own. She is getting better about it, but still has years to go.

 

Ah! You are so brave to come here and ask opinions...we homeschooling moms are full of them! :) Here's one more...I think if you had talked about how sweet her daughter was, introduce yourself, make an effort to get to know the mother of your daughter's friend FIRST ...it would have been much different. I'm all about giving grace and grace and MORE grace (because boy, I sure do need it at times!!)...what is more important the sweet friendship your daughter and hers have forged or the nagging detail of her name? You are already putting demands (however small) on someone you have never even taken the time to get to know and appreciate...that rubs people wrong these days...

 

And instead of correcting her, I would have mentioned my daughter's name a few times..."Elizabeth really enjoys dancing with your daughter..how old is your daughter? Elizabeth is turning 9 in September, they are very close in age..." ETC... Then you would be amazed, the lady would have spoken to her daughter about what a nice mom Elizabeth had, her daughter would have corrected her and said, "No mom that's Lizzie." Then the mom would tell her "her mom calls her Elizabeth"...problem solved, no feelings hurt..and now two friends have been established and encouraged.

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I used the last bit of my grandmother's first name (this would actually be what the little girl called dd) and the first bit of dh's mom's name and mushed them together to come up with dd's name.

 

The part first part of dd's name is actually short for another longer name.

 

So... could it be like...

Grandma was Amanda-Sue and mom was Anna.

Dd is Sue-Anna and being called Sue?

 

Still, I think this is your dd's battle, not yours. If it doesn't bother her *enough* for her to take a stand, then I think you have to let it go. One day she'll decide to do something OR not. And if she doesn't, then she's probably going to be called "Sue" for the rest of her life by tons of people. You can't go around correcting everyone she meets for the next 70 years. She's going to have to do this herself. And as a tween? This is a good time. (She doesn't have to approach friend's mom about it, but if it's important to her, she should approach the friend.)

 

Try explaining it like this: try explaining to your dd that she should assume a friend doesn't *want* to upset her, so she needs to help them out by clueing them in. (They'll appreciate it.)

 

Friend *likes* you. If she knew that the nickname upset you, she'd be horrified. That was never her intention. You wouldn't want your friend to feel that way just b/c you never *told* her, would you?

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OK, I would not have done this. I have corrected people who insist on calling my son the wrong name, but usually when they are speaking to me about him and using the wrong name. (Even then, some people are offended.) But I wouldn't tell a mom to tell her kid to get it right. Mostly because I am raising boys who are not shy as opposed to a girl who is shy, and I can't be bothered to deal with stuff like this secondhand.

 

But if Chucki approached me with this I wouldn't think she deserved all these extremely insulting labels (hello! she's right here!) and I wouldn't think I should avoid her because she is all those extremely insulting labels. I would just think, "She cares what her kid is called," and move on.

 

I have to quit reading this thread. It makes me want to take up drinking.

 

I am really not trying to be insulting. I have enough of my own quirks that people consider weird. I am okay with some people thinking I am weird. :) And she did ask, right?

 

I suppose it is because I'm so used to having to say something for her because she is just so incapable of doing it on her own. She is getting better about it, but still has years to go.

 

Well, I think at most I would mention it to the other kid with both kids standing there. Going through the mom is the thing that makes it weird to me. Again, it wouldn't make me mad. And some of my best friends do things that I think are weird. ;)

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Why doesn't she simply introduce herself by what she wants to be called? No explanations or anything, just, "Hi! I'm Lina" Even if her name is Carolina...

That way she wont have to put up with awkward corrections.

 

Poor dear, one of my sisters was painfully shy as a child, so I sympathize. I used to hate correcting adults, but I hated being called out of name even more so I learned to endure it.

 

I'm sure your girl will grow into a more confident young lady, and not her shyness cripple her. I'm sure this will seem rather silly by the weekend.

 

Seriously, don't worry about this.

 

You might need to tell your DD that you spoke to the girls mom though. Especially since it didn't go well, you wan't the girl to take an attitude with your DD and she not know why...

 

Maybe wait and see if anything happens between the girls and illuminate the situation for your DD if you find that it would be useful/informative to know why here classmate is suddenly cool toward her.

I don't think she has ever called herself by the shortened version of her name. It is always the full name.

 

Although now that we have a sanctioned nickname she may start using that. :lol:

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Ah! You are so brave to come here and ask opinions...we homeschooling moms are full of them! :) Here's one more...I think if you had talked about how sweet her daughter was, introduce yourself, make an effort to get to know the mother of your daughter's friend FIRST ...it would have been much different. I'm all about giving grace and grace and MORE grace (because boy, I sure do need it at times!!)...what is more important the sweet friendship your daughter and hers have forged or the nagging detail of her name? You are already putting demands (however small) on someone you have never even taken the time to get to know and appreciate...that rubs people wrong these days...

 

And instead of correcting her, I would have mentioned my daughter's name a few times..."Elizabeth really enjoys dancing with your daughter..how old is your daughter? Elizabeth is turning 9 in September, they are very close in age..." ETC... Then you would be amazed, the lady would have spoken to her daughter about what a nice mom Elizabeth had, her daughter would have corrected her and said, "No mom that's Lizzie." Then the mom would tell her "her mom calls her Elizabeth"...problem solved, no feelings hurt..and now two friends have been established and encouraged.

I understand perfectly. Being short on time (I had to go to the next peek class before the doors closed) I didn't bother with much more than a, "Hi, I'm ___. I need to bring this to your attention" type conversation.

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OK, I've been thinking about this thread since I posted last (no, I have no life. Why do you ask?).

 

I think it's weird and off-putting because it was so unnatural. If you had found a way to work it into a conversation, it would not have been a big deal. For example,

 

1) Wait for either mom or daughter to use the nickname in your presence. Then respond naturally with "actually, she really prefers Lulabell."

 

2) "Oh, I'm glad to finally meet you! Actually, maybe you could help me out with a sticky situation. Susie has been calling Lulabell "Lu." Lulabell really dislikes the nickname, but she's afraid of hurting Susie's feelings by correcting her. Do you think maybe you could mention it to her sometime? We're working on helping her assert herself, but she's still pretty shy." That explains WHY you are talking to the mom instead of your DD talking to the daughter (which would be the normal way to handle things), so you wouldn't come off as uptight/controlling/snobby/whatever.

 

3) "Oh, your Susie's mom? Is Susie correct, or does she go by Susan or Sue? Susie, okay that's great. You never know with nicknames. Lulabell has been getting called "Lu" in class a lot and I know it bothers her, so I wanted to make sure I got Susie's name right. So, how 'bout them Cowboys?"

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So... could it be like...

Grandma was Amanda-Sue and mom was Anna.

Dd is Sue-Anna and being called Sue?

 

Still, I think this is your dd's battle, not yours. If it doesn't bother her *enough* for her to take a stand, then I think you have to let it go. One day she'll decide to do something OR not. And if she doesn't, then she's probably going to be called "Sue" for the rest of her life by tons of people. You can't go around correcting everyone she meets for the next 70 years. She's going to have to do this herself. And as a tween? This is a good time. (She doesn't have to approach friend's mom about it, but if it's important to her, she should approach the friend.)

 

Try explaining it like this: try explaining to your dd that she should assume a friend doesn't *want* to upset her, so she needs to help them out by clueing them in. (They'll appreciate it.)

 

Friend *likes* you. If she knew that the nickname upset you, she'd be horrified. That was never her intention. You wouldn't want your friend to feel that way just b/c you never *told* her, would you?

More like Suannie. But, yeah. That is very similar. So Sue is a nickname for Susan. To dh and me calling dd Sue is the equivalent of calling her Susan.

 

That sounds reasonable and I'd probably be okay with it. To me the nickname the girl used would be like naming dd Suannie but calling her Amanda.

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I am really not trying to be insulting. I have enough of my own quirks that people consider weird. I am okay with some people thinking I am weird. :) And she did ask, right?

 

 

 

Well, I think at most I would mention it to the other kid with both kids standing there. Going through the mom is the thing that makes it weird to me. Again, it wouldn't make me mad. And some of my best friends do things that I think are weird. ;)

I don't mind if you think I'm weird. I know I'm in good company. :tongue_smilie:

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OK, I've been thinking about this thread since I posted last (no, I have no life. Why do you ask?).

 

I think it's weird and off-putting because it was so unnatural. If you had found a way to work it into a conversation, it would not have been a big deal. For example,

 

1) Wait for either mom or daughter to use the nickname in your presence. Then respond naturally with "actually, she really prefers Lulabell."

 

2) "Oh, I'm glad to finally meet you! Actually, maybe you could help me out with a sticky situation. Susie has been calling Lulabell "Lu." Lulabell really dislikes the nickname, but she's afraid of hurting Susie's feelings by correcting her. Do you think maybe you could mention it to her sometime? We're working on helping her assert herself, but she's still pretty shy." That explains WHY you are talking to the mom instead of your DD talking to the daughter (which would be the normal way to handle things), so you wouldn't come off as uptight/controlling/snobby/whatever.

 

3) "Oh, your Susie's mom? Is Susie correct, or does she go by Susan or Sue? Susie, okay that's great. You never know with nicknames. Lulabell has been getting called "Lu" in class a lot and I know it bothers her, so I wanted to make sure I got Susie's name right. So, how 'bout them Cowboys?"

Number 2 was the approach I was trying to take. Before I got to the we are tying to help dd assert herself (not sure I'd use those words but close) the other mom shut me down with a hand up and a bunch of snippy Okays.

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Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with correcting people on this. Both of my sons have names with common nicknames and although dh and I don't often use them.....every. other. person. does. And always will. It is what it is. Both of my sons prefer their nicknames now and that's what their friends address them as. We've learned to love it. :D

:iagree:

As a former teacher, I find it helps nip nicknames in the bud IF the child remarks they do not like being called by the nickname to the other child.

 

The parent thing? She may have been PMS-ing and the OP's comment may have hit her at a wrong time. Or not knowing the OP's tone or gesture or timing... it may have been misinterpreted as snarky? I'd let this one pass.

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Number 2 was the approach I was trying to take. Before I got to the we are tying to help dd assert herself (not sure I'd use those words but close) the other mom shut me down with a hand up and a bunch of snippy Okays.

 

That was so rude, especially the "hand up" thing.

 

Personally, I'm proud of you for not kicking her in the shins.

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I don't think you are necessarily being *rude* by correcting the mom, but, to be entirely honest, if someone came up to me and said that, I'd think they were weird. I'd be pretty flabbergasted.

 

I barely have space in my brain to remember my own acquaintances names, and barely have time in my life to remind my kids to do their school work, say pleases and thanks, etc. If someone came up to me and told me such a thing, I'd be thinking, "You're kidding me, right? I am supposed to remember this? And, I am supposed to remember to tell my kid this later? Get a grip, lady, this is not a priority in my life, and I don't want to waste my brain cells or time on it." Even if I did try to remember, I'd probably mess it up, and tell my kid to call your kid something entirely wrong. I mean, really, I am trying to remember too much already, TYVM.

 

I really don't mean this to be hurtful! You can do whatever you want to do! I just wanted to be encourage you to reconsider making *your* issue into anyone else's issue. If it is important to you, then you need to make the name clear on your own, and your child can make the name clear. And, be prepared to repeat, repeat, repeat politely and without offense -- and be prepared that some folks will think you are weird, so you might miss out on some friendships.

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As a 14yo, I had all my closest friends call me something COMPLETELY unrelated from my real name because I WANTED them to... (so, like "Sue" with a nickname of "Barbara"). I never discussed it with my parents (to this day I have no idea if they realize that 90+% of my close friends called me some variation of "Barbara"). In fact, 1 of the main reasons I went by said random name was because my original name didn't have a nickname, really, and I wanted one badly!! :) I would really truly introduce myself as "Barbara - but I go by Barb" among certain select groups of peers... :D

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What would I do? I would let my daughter decide whether or not she wants to be called by the other name. If she didn't care enough to tell the friend, then I definitely wouldn't have said something to the friend's mother. It's possible your daughter even introduced herself as the nickname.

 

I don't think I'd bring it up regarding my 4 year old, to give an idea of the age at which I think a child can make this decision. My 2 year old would be indignant if someone didn't use her name. :001_smile:

 

:iagree: Once my kids were old enough to speak, they could call people on the use of nicknames if they wanted to. Unless she was called something really age inappropriate, I wouldn't have said anything to the parent.

 

If you really felt the need to approach the other parent because your child is so shy, I would have started the conversation with "Susan is so shy and afraid to ask. Would you mind asking your little darling not to call her Susie? She really doesn't like going by that name". I do get it because my youngest was so shy for a long time, but at age 7, she wouldn't hesitate to correct someone because I've never done it for her. There are things I will step in with her, but this seems pretty minor to me.

 

Honestly, I could see how someone would think this was weird in some contexts. I wouldn't be rude and snippy about it, but I might do an inner eye roll. :D

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That was so rude, especially the "hand up" thing.

 

Personally, I'm proud of you for not kicking her in the shins.

 

I don't know, I could see myself putting my hand up in a "Ok, will do" way. It would not be to shut someone down, just to assure them I understand, in case my previous "Oh, Ok, sure, no problem" didn't convince them (people tend to keep explaining themselves even after you've said "OK". eta: and I mean an "OK" said nicely, not dismissively) I'm not saying that was the case in the OP's situation, just saying that a "hand up" thing isn't necessarily aggressive, sometimes it's meant to be reassuring.

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I don't know, I could see myself putting my hand up in a "Ok, will do" way. It would not be to shut someone down, just to assure them I understand, in case my previous "Oh, Ok, sure, no problem" didn't convince them (people tend to keep explaining themselves even after you've said "OK".) I'm not saying that was the case in the OP's situation, just saying that a "hand up" thing isn't necessarily aggressive, sometimes it's meant to be reassuring.

 

Chucki already said that the woman was snippy and that she said the OKs in a snippy way, so that's why I didn't think the woman was being reassuring. I thought it sounded more like she wanted Chucki to shut up and go away.

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I used to get annoyed as well, but in the opposite direction. I used a nickname, and people would officiously expand it... but their assumptions about my given name were always incorrect! I still have relatives who don't seem to know my actual name! It's as different as being called David instead of Gwyneth. LOL okay maybe not that bad ;)

 

Also, we named our son with the intention of always calling him by his "nickname," our actual preferred given name for him. We gave him a longer name only as a last-minute decision, only in case he wanted the option of one thing more businesslike as an adult.

 

A first-grade teacher ignored our instructions on the matter, and went so far as to lecture the class on "showing yourself respect" by avoiding the use of nicknames. :( :( :(. He has insisted upon use of his longer name ever since, and requested we stop calling him by his "disrespectful" name. I still experience urges to strangle the woman.

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I don't know, I could see myself putting my hand up in a "Ok, will do" way. It would not be to shut someone down, just to assure them I understand, in case my previous "Oh, Ok, sure, no problem" didn't convince them (people tend to keep explaining themselves even after you've said "OK". eta: and I mean an "OK" said nicely, not dismissively) I'm not saying that was the case in the OP's situation, just saying that a "hand up" thing isn't necessarily aggressive, sometimes it's meant to be reassuring.

There is a different body language between the two types of hands up. There is the "I get it. Thanks for the heads up," type and the "Who the h377 do you think you are demanding that my kid call your kid by her actual name?' type.

 

This lady (and I use that loosely) was more of the second example.

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You asked for opinions, so please don't think I mean this in a nasty way, but if someone had approached me and and said what you did I would have thought they were nuts... (though I wouldn't have copped an attitude). I would have thought the mom was a control freak and way too uptight (not saying you are those things, just that it would have been my impression).

 

:iagree:No offense. The other woman has maturity issues, IMO. Putting her hand up? Grow up woman... But if someone said that to me I'd be thinking they had too much time on their hands.

 

But I understand about the awful nicknames. I do my best to make sure my oldest is never called the most common nickname for his name. I do correct people but only if they've said it in my presence & I try to be not-uptight about it.

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I used to get annoyed as well, but in the opposite direction. I used a nickname, and people would officiously expand it... but their assumptions about my given name were always incorrect! I still have relatives who don't seem to know my actual name! It's as different as being called David instead of Gwyneth. LOL okay maybe not that bad ;)

 

Also, we named our son with the intention of always calling him by his "nickname," our actual preferred given name for him. We gave him a longer name only as a last-minute decision, only in case he wanted the option of one thing more businesslike as an adult.

 

A first-grade teacher ignored our instructions on the matter, and went so far as to lecture the class on "showing yourself respect" by avoiding the use of nicknames. :( :( :(. He has insisted upon use of his longer name ever since, and requested we stop calling him by his "disrespectful" name. I still experience urges to strangle the woman.

The bold is how I ended up with Chuck. Originally in high school my nick name was Charlie. And if one were to use a diminutive of my real first name it is more commonly used as a diminutive for another first name. But that doesn't actually bother me because I despise my first name and would rather be know by most anything but.

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:grouphug:

I've got an ultra-shy child who never corrected people who called her by the wrong name when she was a tween. She's 15 now and does correct people. So there's hope! :001_smile: She's been called Ali before. Her name is Aline, not Alison. Ali is the wrong nickname. We solved the problem by moving across the country ;)(of course, we were moving anyway, but it did resolve the situation).

 

Anyway, I completely understand talking to the parent.

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:grouphug:

I've got an ultra-shy child who never corrected people who called her by the wrong name when she was a tween. She's 15 now and does correct people. So there's hope! :001_smile: She's been called Ali before. Her name is Aline, not Alison. Ali is the wrong nickname. We solved the problem by moving across the country ;)(of course, we were moving anyway, but it did resolve the situation).

 

Anyway, I completely understand talking to the parent.

Thanks. :grouphug:

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Chucki already said that the woman was snippy and that she said the OKs in a snippy way, so that's why I didn't think the woman was being reassuring. I thought it sounded more like she wanted Chucki to shut up and go away.

 

Yes, true. I just immediately thought, hey I put my hand up sometimes, I hope no one thinks when I do that I'm giving attitude! But, yeah, you're right.

 

There is a different body language between the two types of hands up. There is the "I get it. Thanks for the heads up," type and the "Who the h377 do you think you are demanding that my kid call your kid by her actual name?' type.

 

This lady (and I use that loosely) was more of the second example.

 

Yes, after some more thought, I think I saw something like that on a reality show (I don't watch many, but I do like Tabatha's Salon Takeover) not long ago. The person who did it certainly did not mean to be reassuring. :lol:

I am sorry she reacted that way, I cannot imagine being THAT offended by it.

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OK, I've been thinking about this thread since I posted last (no, I have no life. Why do you ask?).

 

I think it's weird and off-putting because it was so unnatural. If you had found a way to work it into a conversation, it would not have been a big deal. For example,

 

1) Wait for either mom or daughter to use the nickname in your presence. Then respond naturally with "actually, she really prefers Lulabell."

 

2) "Oh, I'm glad to finally meet you! Actually, maybe you could help me out with a sticky situation. Susie has been calling Lulabell "Lu." Lulabell really dislikes the nickname, but she's afraid of hurting Susie's feelings by correcting her. Do you think maybe you could mention it to her sometime? We're working on helping her assert herself, but she's still pretty shy." That explains WHY you are talking to the mom instead of your DD talking to the daughter (which would be the normal way to handle things), so you wouldn't come off as uptight/controlling/snobby/whatever.

 

3) "Oh, your Susie's mom? Is Susie correct, or does she go by Susan or Sue? Susie, okay that's great. You never know with nicknames. Lulabell has been getting called "Lu" in class a lot and I know it bothers her, so I wanted to make sure I got Susie's name right. So, how 'bout them Cowboys?"

 

:iagree: And could I just ask you to script my life? I wish I could come up with the great, natural ways of phrasing things that you did.

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I am sorry she reacted that way, I cannot imagine being THAT offended by it.

 

:iagree: The OP made me think you were coming on too strong. With the additional information...maybe she was having a bad day?

:iagree: And could I just ask you to script my life? I wish I could come up with the great, natural ways of phrasing things that you did.

 

LOL Well thank you. I'm the 3rd of 6 children, so I've developed a knack for wording things so that "the party of the 2nd part" understands what "the party of the 1st part" was trying to say, instead of what they actually said. It has actually gotten me in trouble more than once because I sometimes get annoyed at people who insist on taking statements at face value instead of responding to the intent.

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As a 14yo, I had all my closest friends call me something COMPLETELY unrelated from my real name because I WANTED them to... (so, like "Sue" with a nickname of "Barbara"). I never discussed it with my parents

 

I did something similar. I go by a nickname that is common for my given name, but it's NOT the one I was called growing up. I just decided, as a teen, that I *preferred* this one and went around introducing myself to new people that way. I started signing all my school papers that way. Pretty soon, *everyone* except my family called me by my new nickname. Then I went to my family members (in small groups) and asked them to please call me by my new nickname. Now *everyone*, including my father and brother, call me by that name. And I'm happy. (If someone called out that old nickname, I probably wouldn't turn around. I don't recognize it as *me* anymore. LOL!)

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If you really felt the need to approach the other parent because your child is so shy, I would have started the conversation with "Susan is so shy and afraid to ask. Would you mind asking your little darling not to call her Susie? She really doesn't like going by that name".

 

That's a good segue.

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A first-grade teacher ignored our instructions on the matter, and went so far as to lecture the class on "showing yourself respect" by avoiding the use of nicknames. :( :( :(. He has insisted upon use of his longer name ever since, and requested we stop calling him by his "disrespectful" name. I still experience urges to strangle the woman.

 

:lol: I totally get where you're coming from! If someone influenced my boys to abandon their nicknames (they both also have more formal first names), I'd also want to cause them bodily harm. Yeah... I don't have anger management or control issues or nuthin'. :lol:

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