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s/o Circ - and courtship When to discuss?


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Don't you think that's weird? Unless he can just manage conversationally, as in commenting that he's glad he's circumsized because he just read X and waiting to see if the kid agrees that he's glad too. Still a weird convo to have with potential FIL, though.

This one is ON HER. If it is that important to her, she needs to ask him herself.

 

Hell yeah, I think it's weird. But if I'm understanding correctly, in some situations the young man would go to the father for permission to date the girl. IMHO it's at that point the question should be asked... Doesnt even need to be asked really, just "hey, listen, my DD will only date circumcised boys, so if thats an issue for you, best walk away now" Its quite possible that the boy will choose to walk away at that point regardless of his penile state.

 

Thats if I'm reading correctly and the parents sort of negotiate the courtship.

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I wouldn't initiate that conversation right at the beginning. No need to scare off the guys. When it becomes clear that a relationship is learning towards being serious, it's time to talk about it.

But honestly, if a guy really wants to marry her, perhaps he'll agree to undergo the procedure. Give him some time to fall madly in love with her and see how things shake out. Perhaps something she thought was a deal breaker might not turn out to be so important. Or he'll agree to make that sacrifice for her.

 

If my ds ever agreed to make that sacrifice for a girlfriend, I'd hit him over the head with something heavy.

 

But that's just me. (And for the record, my ds is already circ'd -- but if he wasn't, I'd prefer he stay that way.)

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Frankly, I think the girl should wear a teeshirt stating her opinions on circumcision on her first date so my son and any future sons I may be blessed to have would know to run away from her at warp speed.

 

Now I'm picturing having to screen DS' girlfriends... "Hey, so have you seen my son's "uh-huh" yet? Yeah. He's keeping that foreskin. We'll dump YOU if we have to." :lol:

 

What the heck? Why would any parent be this involved with their child's sex life??? It gives me the creeps.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: And you need to give the boy's PARENTS ample opportunity to put a stop to any relationship that may develop. The boy's parents may not want someone who thinks like this in their son's life. I sure as heck wouldn't!!

 

Can you imagine being that boy's parent/s and finding out that some older guy was asking about his PENIS and what it looks like for his daughter? Holy cow!!! My son would NEVER go to that house or see that girl again unless it was over my dead body.

 

That conversation sounds like the opening scene of the worst porn movie ever to be made.

 

WSS.

 

I haven't been so grossed out by the Homeschool Christian Patriarchy since I saw those photos of young girls shaving their daddies at a Vision Forum convention.

 

Now I have to warn my son about yet another danger from the courtin' crowd: If he starts to get serious about a girl her Dad might ask him about his penis. Of course, that will happen over my dead body, but we try to prepare our kids for anything.

 

I'm going to raise my intact sons to treat any man who asks questions about their genitals (medical personnel exempted) to a perfectly-placed punch in the nose. Calling it Christian doesn't mean it's not perverted.

 

Moms, raise your boys to stand up for themselves. Don't let them grow up to submit to this crap. No questionnaires about doctrine or conviction, no interviews with Daddy to get permission to speak to a grown woman, no penis checks. Moms, raise MEN.

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I think it might be more of a personal preference issue. Some people don't like blonds. Some girls don't want a guy with a hairy chest. Some guys prefer large breasted women. I'm not sure how this issue is different.

 

I have seen many people who had a preference end up with someone with different physical characteristics than what they thought they wanted.

 

 

I agree on both points.

 

If one person strongly wanted kids and the other strongly did not. or one person was a smoker and the other hated cig smoke WHY would those two people be together?

 

Is it not just about finding someone like minded?

 

if there are areas where one would compromise, then you do - if there are serious non-negotiables REGARDLESS of the reason (for that particular individual) - why compromise on them?

 

true non-negotiables are simply that. If someone is willing to change because of another person's opinion means they don't have a true conviction about the matter. Or they decided for them that the issue REALLY is not a big deal or they compensate/ rationalize in other areas.

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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

But at least he could ask for a personal viewing. You know, just to make sure everything was OK. For the sake of the couple, of course. Entirely educational. ;)

 

And while we're at it, you haven't had breast implants, have you? We don't believe in those. Please to allow an inspection.

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"Now I lay me down to sleep... Please for the love of God and all that's holy - make my daughter gay so I never have to ask a old boy 20 years younger than I about the state of grace his penis is in And please help me especially God, if he doesn't know what I mean our first time through the discussion!!"

 

That's how that prayer goes, right??

 

I guess anyone from Europe would be out so make sure the daughter doesn't like accents too.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Yup. I'm pretty sure that's how it would go.

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Well, that would be something I would want to know about a potential husband and potential father-in-law...because I'd be telling my daughter to RUN!

 

DH didn't "sow his wild oats" and has had no problem being faithful. My dad and stepdad sowed theirs and still couldn't be faithful. Granted, this doesn't mean that this is the way it is for every person, but someone with that kind of thinking (boy, go sow your oats so you won't cheat!) is not someone I would want to be around let alone have my daughter marry into their family. :glare:

 

 

 

I'm with you 100%. I know people have histories, but this seems excessive.

 

My response was :ohmy:. And then I sputtered half-formed sentences at him for a while and ended up telling him he was "barking mad." Had we not actually be friends, I (hopefully) would have stopped at :ohmy:

 

But he said it worked for him, and parents like to pass on those things that worked for them so...

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I wouldn't initiate that conversation right at the beginning. No need to scare off the guys. When it becomes clear that a relationship is learning towards being serious, it's time to talk about it.

But honestly, if a guy really wants to marry her, perhaps he'll agree to undergo the procedure. Give him some time to fall madly in love with her and see how things shake out. Perhaps something she thought was a deal breaker might not turn out to be so important. Or he'll agree to make that sacrifice for her.

 

Girls who want men to be circumcised as grown men need to find a circumcised man. If any woman tries to convince my sons to submit to circumcision "if they love her" she and her crazy family will feel the full wrath of my entire clan.

 

The foreskin is a body part. We don't go around slicing off parts of ourselves to win mates.

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Tibbie Dunbar: I'm going to raise my intact sons to treat any man who asks questions about their genitals (medical personnel exempted) to a perfectly-placed punch in the nose. Calling it Christian doesn't mean it's not perverted.

 

Well, I wouldn't want my (Large, strong) son to hit anyone, especially an older man. But I would want him to take charge of that conversation immediately and tell him that this is something he will discuss with his future wife only.

 

Moms, raise your boys to stand up for themselves. Don't let them grow up to submit to this crap. No questionnaires about doctrine or conviction, no interviews with Daddy to get permission to speak to a grown woman, no penis checks. Moms, raise MEN.

 

Hear, hear.

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I agree on both points.

 

If one person strongly wanted kids and the other strongly did not. or one person was a smoker and the other hated cig smoke WHY would those two people be together?

 

Is it not just about finding someone like minded?

 

if there are areas where one would compromise, then you do - if there are serious non-negotiables REGARDLESS of the reason (for that particular individual) - why compromise on them?

 

true non-negotiables are simply that. If someone is willing to change because of another person's opinion means they don't have a true conviction about the matter. Or they decided for them that the issue REALLY is not a big deal or they compensate/ rationalize in other areas.

Considering that men generally don't have a say in whether they are circ'd or not...their parents decide that and they just tend to live as they are...I'm not seeing where it's a matter of likemindedness. My husband is circ'd, but he's not for RIC.
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I'm trying to imagine someone asking one of my young men about the state of their private parts. :001_huh:

 

Honestly, I believe my boy would hand the dad a copy of the New Testament, and then he would probably determine that if it was an issue, then it wasn't a good match.

 

If we were of a religious heritage that called for circumcision as a requirement, then my boys would only seek a mate within that religion.

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If one person strongly wanted kids and the other strongly did not. or one person was a smoker and the other hated cig smoke WHY would those two people be together?

 

Well, honestly, I do know smokers who've quit for a relationship. My own brother's one of them.

 

However -- judging by the information revealed in dribs and drabs, I think she should date someone ONLY from within her congregation or a sister congregation.

 

I'd also do some serious preparation for single adulthood. :P

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And while we're at it, you haven't had breast implants, have you? We don't believe in those. Please to allow an inspection.

 

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

We're going to have to give our kids cell phones just in case crazy parents want to check their naughty bits to make sure they are suitable for their children. I cannot wait to be in an Apple store in 10 years explaining to DS why I'm buying him the best new phone out there.

 

"Well son, I need to be texted immediately if any of your girlfriends' fathers want to see your "uh huh." Just drop your pants for the dirty old guy and video the whole thing so I can FB it and get it out of the way."

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If my ds ever agreed to make that sacrifice for a girlfriend, I'd hit him over the head with something heavy.

 

But that's just me. (And for the record, my ds is already circ'd -- but if he wasn't, I'd prefer he stay that way.)

 

If one of my children told me that their beloved would only marry them if they had cosmetic surgery, I'd be very worried about the unhealthy dynamic in that relationship.

 

"Well, Jack says he loves me, but he won't marry me unless I get a boob job." :001_huh:

 

"Jill and I have gotten kind of serious, but she says she won't marry me unless I get circumcised." :confused:

 

This mama would point out that true love doesn't put surgical alteration requirements on a potential mate. True love focuses on the person inside with a healthy dose of physical attraction thrown in. ;)

Edited by Veritaserum
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I wouldn't initiate that conversation right at the beginning. No need to scare off the guys. When it becomes clear that a relationship is learning towards being serious, it's time to talk about it.

But honestly, if a guy really wants to marry her, perhaps he'll agree to undergo the procedure. Give him some time to fall madly in love with her and see how things shake out. Perhaps something she thought was a deal breaker might not turn out to be so important. Or he'll agree to make that sacrifice for her.

I'm just horrified that anyone would make this suggestion, it's not fair on either party in the courtship. Conversely we could say that perhaps SHE might not find it so important when they were in love, and she will make the sacrifice for him. Either way, I find it appalling that people would avoid this conversation until hearts have a high chance if being very very hurt.

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Girls who want men to be circumcised as grown men need to find a circumcised man. If any woman tries to convince my sons to submit to circumcision "if they love her" she and her crazy family will feel the full wrath of my entire clan.

 

The foreskin is a body part. We don't go around slicing off parts of ourselves to win mates.

 

 

But I love you, Tibbie. That's why I'm mailing you my pinkie toe on Tuesday. I'd mail it tomorrow but it's MLK, you know. :lol:

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If a single young lady wanted to marry a circ young man, at what point (before getting emotionally serious) in the relationship would that subject be discussed?

... What would be the best way to graciously handle this sensitive issue?

 

Man: "Who are your heroes?"

Woman: "Abraham. He circumcised himself."

 

I don't think an innocent, virginal woman shouldn't have an opinion or preference, but I think if it's a deal breaker, it would be better to ask. It would also be betterfor uncirced men to save their time.

 

Or have her dad or brother scout for potential husbands in locker rooms?

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If one of my children told me that their beloved would only marry them if they have cosmetic surgery, I'd be very worried about the unhealthy dynamic in that relationship.

 

"Well, Jack says he loves me, but he won't marry me unless I get a boob job." :001_huh:

 

"Jill and I have gotten kind of serious, but she says she won't marry me unless I get circumcised." :confused:

 

This mama would point out that true love doesn't put surgical alteration requirements on a potential mate. True love focuses on the person inside with a healthy dose of physical attraction thrown in. ;)

I believe the first/last time I had heard of a man being told to get circ'd if he wanted the girl he "liked" for a wife, the city was slaughtered...:tongue_smilie:

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WSS.

 

Moms, raise your boys to stand up for themselves. Don't let them grow up to submit to this crap. No questionnaires about doctrine or conviction, no interviews with Daddy to get permission to speak to a grown woman, no penis checks. Moms, raise MEN.

 

I just asked my boys what they would do if a dad asked them anything about their private parts. One said he'd walk away. FAR away. Another said he'd want to HIT anyone who asked.

 

Woohoo. I'm raising men!!! (FWIW - we have both circ'd and uncirc'd boys.)

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When I read the original post, my take was that it was an object lesson. I assumed that karis was trying to point out how awkward and unlikely it would be to discuss circumsision during the getting-to-know-each-other-phase since a poster on one of the other circ threads stated that circumsision of infants was something that should be decided upon before marriage. Looks like I was wrong.

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Man: "Who are your heroes?"

Woman: "Abraham. He circumcised himself."

 

I don't think an innocent, virginal woman shouldn't have an opinion or preference, but I think if it's a deal breaker, it would be better to ask. It would also be betterfor uncirced men to save their time.

 

Or have her dad or brother scout for potential husbands in locker rooms?

 

Hahahahaha

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I just asked my boys what they would do if a dad asked them anything about their private parts. One said he'd walk away. FAR away. Another said he'd want to HIT anyone who asked.

 

Woohoo. I'm raising men!!! (FWIW - we have both circ'd and uncirc'd boys.)

 

LOL!

 

A quick masculinity check that can be performed by non-professionals at home:

 

Q. Son, what would you do if your girlfriend's Dad wanted to talk about your penis?

 

A. Punch him in the nose!

 

Correct! Other acceptable answers include walking away, far away, and/or finding a new girlfriend.

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LOL!

 

A quick masculinity check that can be performed by non-professionals at home:

 

Q. Son, what would you do if your girlfriend's Dad wanted to talk about your penis?

 

A. Punch him in the nose!

 

Correct! Other acceptable answers include walking away, far away, and/or finding a new girlfriend.

 

My ds laughed. He thought I was kidding that anyone would ever ask that. When I said, "no really... there are some dads who would ask you that before you could date their daughter," he gave me a scowly look, said "bunch of pervs! I don't need any girl THAT bad!" then walked away.

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Is it not just about finding someone like minded?

 

if there are areas where one would compromise, then you do - if there are serious non-negotiables REGARDLESS of the reason (for that particular individual) - why compromise on them?

 

Well, then, if it is simply a personal preference and not a religious conviction, then I guess the best time to ask is right about the time she'd be open to the young man saying, "Gee, honey, I think you're swell, but I can only marry you if you get a boob job."

 

I just don't think there's a polite way to discuss the private parts of someone with whom you haven't developed a close relationship without it being very personal and very offensive. Heck, it has massive potential for too personal and extremely offensive between two people who have developed an emotional relationship.

 

Cat

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Help, I'm being stalked by a gal with a kitchen knife and a box of fingerpaints!

 

Jen, I love you, too, but let's just be real good friends. It'll be as if we have no body parts at all, k? Nobody has to mail anything. Really. OK, a Christmas card, but no actual blood.

 

 

Oh alright. But if you ever change your mind and want to date me, PM the OP and ask her DH to check me out for you. :glare:

I want to make sure I've had all the right things cut off before we hit Chili's for dinner.

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I agree on both points.

 

If one person strongly wanted kids and the other strongly did not. or one person was a smoker and the other hated cig smoke WHY would those two people be together?

 

Is it not just about finding someone like minded?

 

if there are areas where one would compromise, then you do - if there are serious non-negotiables REGARDLESS of the reason (for that particular individual) - why compromise on them?

 

true non-negotiables are simply that. If someone is willing to change because of another person's opinion means they don't have a true conviction about the matter. Or they decided for them that the issue REALLY is not a big deal or they compensate/ rationalize in other areas.

 

Smoking is a habit. Being circumcised in not. Smoking is something you decide to do once you are at least in grade school. Usually being circumcised is not.

 

If you want someone like minded you have a couple of choices:

 

Join or start a club or organization or church that only allows like-minded people.

 

Give out a survey of all non-negotiables (and I'm assuming that anyone with this as a non-negotiable would have a lot of others) to anyone who is going to be involved with you in friendship (esp. male since you don't know how the relationship might develop).

 

Be strong enough to come out and ask. If it is that non-negotiable then you need the strength of character to back it up.

 

Look for like-minded parents since those are the ones who actually arranged for the state of the boy's privates.

 

Or perhaps you might do a study of whether it really needs to be such a non-negotiable item. . .

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If a single young lady wanted to marry a circ young man, at what point (before getting emotionally serious) in the relationship would that subject be discussed?

 

Not here to debate "why."

 

It's a preference. And non-negotiable.

 

Now, because it IS such a personal issue, (not something you just come out and ask) how would she know that the young man "qualified" before things progressed too far.

 

(not meaning physical intimacy - but emotional attachment)

 

 

Need ideas as to how to approach the subject.

 

Given where we are culturally, I guess that may happen when discussing sexual health. What would be the best way to graciously handle this sensitive issue?

 

 

 

TIA

 

As soon as humanly possible. Right after eye contact, and before any other conversation.

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I have only read the first 50 ish replies, so forgive me if I repeat..

 

I would be concerned that if your dd asked on any personal level such as "are you circum..." then it may be read as some sort of signal about her eagerness to begin the "active" part of the relationship. Did that make sense? I would hate for a young man to get the wrong idea.

 

I think a far better way would be to ask his feelings on circum.. in general. Who knows, even if he is not, if he supports it then he would be willing to have it done at some point before marriage. Men can have this procedure at any age.

 

All that being said, I would be very leery as the parent of the young man. So tread lightly.

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LOL!

 

A quick masculinity check that can be performed by non-professionals at home:

 

Q. Son, what would you do if your girlfriend's Dad wanted to talk about your penis?

 

A. Punch him in the nose!

 

Correct! Other acceptable answers include walking away, far away, and/or finding a new girlfriend.

 

Do they have to phrase it in the form of a question, like on Jeopardy?

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Do they have to phrase it in the form of a question, like on Jeopardy?

 

Yes. Yes, they do. It's the penis category on Jeopardy. That version only comes on after 11:00 pm EST so you might have missed it if you go to bed early. The host wears a jockstrap and heels.

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