Karis Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 If a single young lady wanted to marry a circ young man, at what point (before getting emotionally serious) in the relationship would that subject be discussed? Not here to debate "why." It's a preference. And non-negotiable. Now, because it IS such a personal issue, (not something you just come out and ask) how would she know that the young man "qualified" before things progressed too far. (not meaning physical intimacy - but emotional attachment) Need ideas as to how to approach the subject. Given where we are culturally, I guess that may happen when discussing sexual health. What would be the best way to graciously handle this sensitive issue? TIA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) She would really chose not to marry a man because of the state of his penis? I have no idea when, early on I think. It would be unfair to both parties to move far with a condition like that in the way. I don't think many young men would be willing to have it done for her (my young men sure wouldn't) so its probably best got out of the way before feelings get too deep. And how... Hey Bob, are you circed? Probably works. How sad. Edited January 16, 2012 by keptwoman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Marry someone Jewish? :D I cannot think of any way to bring this up without putting the girl in a bad light. I'm curious to see if anyone else can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) She would really chose not to marry a man because of the state of his penis? :eek: :eek: :eek: I was thinking the same thing. Why would it possibly matter? (I'm assuming we're not talking about any kind of religious reasons here.) I'm sorry -- I know you specifically said you weren't here to debate why, but this just boggles my mind. I can't think of a single graceful way to mention something like that, especially when it's a "non-negotiable" issue. It's not like the poor guy is going to do anything about it if he's not trimmed to her specifications, and I can't comprehend why anyone would consider not marrying a man she loved because of the status of his foreskin. Personally, if it's that big a deal to her, she's not ready to marry anyone. (Wouldn't she think it was shallow if the guy said he wouldn't marry her because although he loved her, her b**bs were the wrong size?) Edited January 16, 2012 by Catwoman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) nm Edited January 16, 2012 by jennsmile Can't stand object lessons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 :eek: :eek: :eek: I was thinking the same thing. Why would it possibly matter? (I'm assuming we're not talking about any kind of religious reasons here.) I made a lot of lists as a youth of thing I thought I would want in a mate. This one never even hit the radar. :001_huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Religious reasons or not, unless the young man in question is Jewish, I don't know a single person that wouldn't run for the hills over that conversation. If dh had told me that I just wasn't good enough for him with my labia intact, I never would have spoken to him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karis Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Yes It really IS that simple. so, when is "early?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karis Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Marry someone Jewish? :D I cannot think of any way to bring this up without putting the girl in a bad light. I'm curious to see if anyone else can. That was my first thought! ha ha and I agree about how she would be perceived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Well, I guess pretty early on. "Before I accept your invitation to go on a date, I have to tell you that I only date circumcised men. Do you meet that requirement?" :lol: I would strongly prefer dh to be intact, but I fell in love with him as a person. That's why I married him. It could have been good to discuss the issue of circumcision for any sons since we initially did not agree and it is a deal-breaker for me. But I didn't know that would be a point of conflict until we started having kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Marry someone Jewish? :D :lol: Could she get him into a really skimpy Speedo? Could you ask his mother? If she adores him she may get over it. (Or learn to love it. As someone once said to me, once, "well, it just seems like MORE.") A man can always get snipped. Boy, imagine: if you love me you'll get circ'd. She may mature and get less squeamish about things in general. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Boy: "Hey, I think you are really cute, would you like to go out sometime?" Girl: "that depends, are you intact or circumcised?" I think that is the only fair way. Waiting until they are ready for intimacy is way too late for non-negotiable issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Yes It really IS that simple. so, when is "early?" In a courtship model, doesn't the guy approach the girl's father? In that case, I guess her father could tell the young man that if he is intact, his daughter won't marry him. :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 "By the way, I don't feel that there's room in our potential marriage for the three of us, so either you or your foreskin has to go." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 What? Who on earth would think that the state of the boy's penis was a deal-breaker issue? Or an issue at all? And which state is the 'bad' one?? (Wait, sorry, I re-read and I see that the boy has to be circumcised.) If she's innocent enough, she won't know the difference. My friend got married at 19 and though she had a lot to say about how much fun she was having, she wasn't entirely certain which state her husband existed in. (Myself I suspect he was intact because of his nationality.) After all, she didn't have anything to compare with! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 In a courtship model, doesn't the guy approach the girl's father? In that case, I guess her father could tell the young man that if he is intact, his daughter won't marry him. :confused: But how does she tell her dad to say such a thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Yes It really IS that simple. so, when is "early?" If it were me, I'd bring it up in a discussion about children. "How do you feel about circumcision?" would probably bring out whether or not he was circumcised himself. And if he didn't straight out volunteer the information at that point, I'd ask him straight out. If this is a man I'd be seriously considering for marriage then I'd assume we'd come to a point where we'd be comfortable discussing something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) nm Edited January 16, 2012 by jennsmile Can't stand oject lessons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karis Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 In a courtship model, doesn't the guy approach the girl's father? In that case, I guess her father could tell the young man that if he is intact, his daughter won't marry him. :confused: that makes sense. thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 "By the way, I don't feel that there's room in our potential marriage for the three of us, so either you or your foreskin has to go." :lol::lol::lol: Is this a girl who is using the courtship model for dating? If so, how does she know the difference? It's not something I would even think of telling my dds about! If not, well, she can find out for herself if it's a dealbreaker . . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 "By the way, I don't feel that there's room in our potential marriage for the three of us, so either you or your foreskin has to go." :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: That made me spit out my coffee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I made a lot of lists as a youth of thing I thought I would want in a mate. This one never even hit the radar. :001_huh: I was too naive to have really given it any thought. I am pretty sure eldest dd would DIE before asking such a question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 In a courtship model, doesn't the guy approach the girl's father? In that case, I guess her father could tell the young man that if he is intact, his daughter won't marry him. :confused: Yep, if the boy is going to the parents to ask permission then that is an excellent opportunity. If not, early to me would be on the first date. Good luck to her, I imagine there are a few circed boys who will run the other way when they hear the state if their dangly bits are as important as their loyalty, thoughtfulness etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 She would really chose not to marry a man because of the state of his penis?I have no idea when, early on I think. It would be unfair to both parties to move far with a condition like that in the way. I don't think many young men would be willing to have it done for her (my young men sure wouldn't) so its probably best got out of the way before feelings get too deep. And how... Hey Bob, are you circed? Probably works. How sad. :iagree::iagree::iagree: I'm sorry, but WHAT? There are people so ignorant that they wouldn't marry a man who isn't circ'd?? Well, that's one way for me to weed out undesirable DILs I guess. :glare: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I guess about the same time you ask him about which sexual positions / acts he prefers . . . . ??? Honestly, while intact/circ does not matter to me, there are some things I won't do . . . but when I got into a relationship with a guy who thought I ought to, I had enough other reasons to run away. Maybe the sex stuff could have been the deal breaker (I mean if he couldn't see it my way on only that item). But in any case, I didn't bring it up; he did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Yes It really IS that simple. Karis, I don't mean to sound rude, but it honestly isn't that simple for many of us. If you could give us a few more details about the relationship/courtship, it might make more sense to us, but from what you've told us so far, this seems just plain odd. (I'm not saying that it is; I'm saying that's how it appears.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingM Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I think she should bring it up right away, so that both circumcised and uncircumcised men would know exactly where the woman places her values in life and could plan their own interest accordingly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I guess about the same time you ask him about which sexual positions / acts he prefers . . . . ??? While they're watching p*rn? :D OK, I probably shouldn't have said that. :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 In a courtship model, doesn't the guy approach the girl's father? In that case, I guess her father could tell the young man that if he is intact, his daughter won't marry him. :confused: Yeah, that's my understanding. This conversation is so out there. LOL. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that a woman (a virginal woman especially) would have any kind of preference. How in the world can she even KNOW she has a preference? Uh, the only other way I can think to bring up the conversation is to talk about circumcision in general. What his feelings are about circ or not his son, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 The only possible non-religious reason that I could come up for this even being an issue is if someone felt strongly about the circ/ or uncirc. of future boy babies. But that someone would have to be the parents (ie. the daughter and man she marries), not the future grandparents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Are we asking if the guy in question is or isn't...or...are we asking him to take a stand now on his potential children irt the issue? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Are we asking if the guy in question is or isn't...or...are we asking him to take a stand now on his potential children irt the issue? She is asking about the actual guy and his... I just thought bringing up the conversation in general might net her the answer she seeks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 OK, here is my serious answer with some thought behind it. She is not mature enough to get married yet. If she is ooged out at the thought of an intact husband, she is not ready to handle married life, children, and all the difficulties and trials and bodily fluids that will be involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 There is a Caroline in the City episode about this. Jewish girl will only date Jewish cir'd men. The guy is lying and says he is, so he decides to get cir'd. It was interesting, though I saw it after my marriage. So I really didn't give it thought beforehand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 OK, here is my serious answer with some thought behind it. She is not mature enough to get married yet. If she is ooged out at the thought of an intact husband, she is not ready to handle married life, children, and all the difficulties and trials and bodily fluids that will be involved. :iagree: entirely. It's got nothing on dirty diapers and puking children...:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 OK, here is my serious answer with some thought behind it. She is not mature enough to get married yet. If she is ooged out at the thought of an intact husband, she is not ready to handle married life, children, and all the difficulties and trials and bodily fluids that will be involved. :lol: No kidding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I made a lot of lists as a youth of thing I thought I would want in a mate. This one never even hit the radar. :001_huh: Ditto here! I think the main things I had were that he had to somewhat share my faith, had to be taller than me, and had to be older than me. Got it all. On the other hand, DH swore he'd never date a military BRAT...and then he met me ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbkaren Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) K... this seems just plain odd. (I'm not saying that it is; I'm saying that's how it appears.) Okay, I'm saying it; odd. And if it matters, my opinion is: Before the first date, so he doesn't get attached to someone who's about to reject him for something he had no say in as an infant. Edited January 16, 2012 by bbkaren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I think she should bring it up right away, so that both circumcised and uncircumcised men would know exactly where the woman places her values in life and could plan their own interest accordingly. Frankly, I think the girl should wear a teeshirt stating her opinions on circumcision on her first date so my son and any future sons I may be blessed to have would know to run away from her at warp speed. Now I'm picturing having to screen DS' girlfriends... "Hey, so have you seen my son's "uh-huh" yet? Yeah. He's keeping that foreskin. We'll dump YOU if we have to." :lol: What the heck? Why would any parent be this involved with their child's sex life??? It gives me the creeps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karis Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 If it were me, I'd bring it up in a discussion about children. "How do you feel about circumcision?" would probably bring out whether or not he was circumcised himself. And if he didn't straight out volunteer the information at that point, I'd ask him straight out. If this is a man I'd be seriously considering for marriage then I'd assume we'd come to a point where we'd be comfortable discussing something like that. very mature answer. thank you as an older woman that's doable. I meant for a young lady. This is something a Father would address when the discussion of marriage came up with a young man. Meaning the guy initiates the convo. I know many do not court and could care less about having a Father's blessing and even less so about the covenant of circ - so I appreciate those who chose to respond to the question asked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 OK, here is my serious answer with some thought behind it. She is not mature enough to get married yet. If she is ooged out at the thought of an intact husband, she is not ready to handle married life, children, and all the difficulties and trials and bodily fluids that will be involved. :iagree: I've been thinking about this question and am stymied! But, really. If the thought of a man with an intact private part is a deal breaker, there may be some maturity issues. Don't they all look alike, um, at THAT time? KWIM? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 "By the way, I don't feel that there's room in our potential marriage for the three of us, so either you or your foreskin has to go." :smilielol5: That smilie is not laughing quite hard enough for me. Really, I cannot imagine EVER asking someone about their own state of... Completeness. When I felt as though the relationship would progress into something serious, I would probably already know the person's personal religious/cultural/hygienic preferences, but at that point I would certainly ask his opinion on the preferences for his sons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 very mature answer. thank you as an older woman that's doable. I meant for a young lady. This is something a Father would address when the discussion of marriage came up with a young man. Meaning the guy initiates the convo. I know many do not court and could care less about having a Father's blessing and even less so about the covenant of circ - so I appreciate those who chose to respond to the question asked. You don't have to answer this - is this HER preference? Or is it your dh's? And, does it really matter in the long run? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 You said "covenant" of circumcision. So then this is a religious matter? In that case, I could see the father asking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 very mature answer. thank you as an older woman that's doable. I meant for a young lady. This is something a Father would address when the discussion of marriage came up with a young man. Meaning the guy initiates the convo. I know many do not court and could care less about having a Father's blessing and even less so about the covenant of circ - so I appreciate those who chose to respond to the question asked. Ok, then maybe the girl/her father could have a discussion about Acts 15. Does the young man come down on the side of yes, Chrisians need to keep the covenant of circumcision or no, they don't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 very mature answer. thank you as an older woman that's doable. I meant for a young lady. This is something a Father would address when the discussion of marriage came up with a young man. Meaning the guy initiates the convo. I know many do not court and could care less about having a Father's blessing and even less so about the covenant of circ - so I appreciate those who chose to respond to the question asked. The word courtship had a meaning before it was co-opted by a certain segment of the population. If you mean a patriarchal courtship model, then you should say so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Now I'm picturing having to screen DS' girlfriends... "Hey, so have you seen my son's "uh-huh" yet? Yeah. He's keeping that foreskin. We'll dump YOU if we have to." :lol: What the heck? Why would any parent be this involved with their child's sex life??? It gives me the creeps. I just asked DS his reaction, the girl would be gone-burger. Anyway, if I had to make a guess as to why this girl has chosen this criteria, I would guess it is that she believes the intact penis to be a/unclean and b/likely to harbour HPV that could infect her. Also, she may be concerned that he may be more susceptible to penile cancer and die prematurely (even though the rates of penile cancer are one in a bazillion, circed or no... Yeah, I'm exaggerating slightly) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 If a single young lady wanted to marry a circ young man, at what point (before getting emotionally serious) in the relationship would that subject be discussed? Not here to debate "why." It's a preference. And non-negotiable. Now, because it IS such a personal issue, (not something you just come out and ask) how would she know that the young man "qualified" before things progressed too far. (not meaning physical intimacy - but emotional attachment) Need ideas as to how to approach the subject. Given where we are culturally, I guess that may happen when discussing sexual health. What would be the best way to graciously handle this sensitive issue? TIA Oh my goodness. I can understand it being a preference, but would she reject the love of her life because his parents had not circumsized his penis?!! Wow. Flummoxed on that one. Anyway, if it is that darn important, she had better bring it up pretty quick so she doesn't waste his time or hers. That should be easy enough. Comment on a news story about medical issues or babies and take it from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 The word courtship had a meaning before it was co-opted by a certain segment of the population. If you mean a patriarchal courtship model, then you should say so. And in that patriarchal model, don't the PARENTS do all the pre-screening? How would the girl meet an uncircumcized guy within that model anyway??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 She is asking about the actual guy and his... I just thought bringing up the conversation in general might net her the answer she seeks? I asked DH how he would react in that situation. He would be honest and then ask why. If the reason is that I thought that he wasn't good enough because he's circ'd, then I guess I'm not good enough because I have my priorities a bit messed up (as he said, "oh yeah, forget about character, integrity, personality, etc...if whether my mother had me snipped or not is the deciding factor...") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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