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"That's not homeschooling, that's being a parent"


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I had this said to me earlier today by someone who was asking me about homeschooling. My kids are more independent now and while I do explain new concepts, it's usually more of a tutoring scenario or simply one of keeping them on task or answering questions as they come up. The person summed up my entire homeschooling of my kids with "That's not homeschooling, that's being a parent." To which I said, "Exactly." Homeschooling is an extension of my being a parent, with schoolwork being a bigger chunk of my responsibility to monitor than it would be otherwise.

 

I suppose the planning of curriculum, field trips and other opportunities usually relegated to schools might be outside of this person's idea of being a parent, but I didn't think of that at the time.

 

(Course this is one of the reasons why I have problem with someone who says that they've been homeschooling since birth. . ."

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Wow, I disagree.

 

When DH, who lives here but is not their teacher, helps one of my boys with a math lesson or looks over an essay, that is being a parent.

 

When I teach the truth of the math lesson or the specifics of how to write the essay (and am the one who prepared the student to be ready for the next step in either subject, and know whether they can do it, and will be the one to evaluate their work for the purposes of setting the next lessons or teaching further...) that is homeschooling.

 

Apples and oranges. Otherwise the public school teachers are acting like parents when they teach school subjects.

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Sounds like some of the comments that were in the definition of a homeschooler thread. In fact I made a similar comment in it :blushing: Though I was referring to doing activities with preschoolers. I think what you are doing is homeschooling. If one wanted to put a different name to it than that since much of it is independent I would tell the person you are facilitating their learning.

 

To this person it may seem to be a normal parenting thing to be guiding your children and introducing new concepts while simply being available to questions. But for the bulk of parents it is not. You are still homeschooling just in a different vein, most homeschool families don't have mom up from droning on and on in a lecture etc. Does this person homeschool as well? Or have in kids in ps? Or is this one of those people that has it all figured out but has no kids?

 

Yes hsing is an offshoot of parenting as they become intertwined but it is certainly not ONLY parenting. That's like saying a homeschooler is simply a stay at home mom. OR that a woman is *just* a mom etc.

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Wow, I disagree.

 

When DH, who lives here but is not their teacher, helps one of my boys with a math lesson or looks over an essay, that is being a parent.

 

When I teach the truth of the math lesson or the specifics of how to write the essay (and am the one who prepared the student to be ready for the next step in either subject, and know whether they can do it, and will be the one to evaluate their work for the purposes of setting the next lessons or teaching further...) that is homeschooling.

 

Apples and oranges. Otherwise the public school teachers are acting like parents when they teach school subjects.

 

that's the problem many times. People are expecting the teachers to parent and raise their kids rather than just teach them. But that is a vent for another thread :tongue_smilie:

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It's going to be hard to find a one size fits all definition when we all live in such varied places. This stuff that I do which is really parenting and not homeschooling is very unusual in this area, to the point where the average person would call it homeschooling, not parenting. It goes well beyond the call of duty in most people's minds around here. Not that it should. It should be just normal parenting. But here, it isn't.

 

Rosie

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Oh, the person has no children but lots of opinions. It was one of those funny comments that I disagreed with and agreed with at the same time. I disagree in the sense that I shed a lot of blood, sweat and tears even with my more independent kids and of course, our schooling has morphed some over the years. And just because our discussions aren't always formal doesn't mean that they aren't instructive and well thought out (sometimes). But I also agree in the sense that homeschooling is hard to separate from my parenting. In fact, it has become so much part of my parenting that I can't quite conceive of how I would be if my kids were at a B & M school.

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I recently listened to a homeschooling session where the woman used the term Home Educating. This struck me as interesting because the people in Australia use the term "home education" vs "homeschool". Anyway, the lady went on to state she doesn't like the term homeschool and explained why.

 

In short, she said we aren't teachers. We aren't teaching our children we are educating them. When she read out the definitions they were different. Basically teaching referred to what we think of teachers doing in schools. Educating went a step farther. It meant more.

 

She doesn't feel she is teaching her children, but educating them. She is educating them on many subjects not just academics. Anyway, it inspired some deep thinking on my own behalf and really struck me as amazing. I loved it. Well worth the thought process it evoked. Your comment {OP} made me think the same thing. :)

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Wow, I disagree.

 

When DH, who lives here but is not their teacher, helps one of my boys with a math lesson or looks over an essay, that is being a parent.

 

When I teach the truth of the math lesson or the specifics of how to write the essay (and am the one who prepared the student to be ready for the next step in either subject, and know whether they can do it, and will be the one to evaluate their work for the purposes of setting the next lessons or teaching further...) that is homeschooling.

 

Apples and oranges. Otherwise the public school teachers are acting like parents when they teach school subjects.

:iagree: Huge difference.

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Oh, the person has no children but lots of opinions. It was one of those funny comments that I disagreed with and agreed with at the same time. I disagree in the sense that I shed a lot of blood, sweat and tears even with my more independent kids and of course, our schooling has morphed some over the years. And just because our discussions aren't always formal doesn't mean that they aren't instructive and well thought out (sometimes). But I also agree in the sense that homeschooling is hard to separate from my parenting. In fact, it has become so much part of my parenting that I can't quite conceive of how I would be if my kids were at a B & M school.

 

In that case I would not think twice about it. How many of us thought we had all the right ideas/opinions etc before we had kids and then learned the truth of it. The fact is without having kids this 1 person has not seen what the norm is amongst families with schoolaged children and how much involvement the average parent has in regards to their child's education etc. If they did they may see it differently. They may not, but I wouldn't put much stock into that opinion, as without actually raising/teaching kids you can not learn the ways that homeschooling is different from *just* parenting and how it is combined into 1 entity. The majority of people I know, while smart people who love their kids very much do not put much thought into their educations beyond filling out the registration forms each year and buying the items on the supply list. So to me pouring the energy, time etc into researching, developing and implementing your lesson plans etc is definitely homeschooling and not just parenting even if you are serving more in a facilitator/tutor type role with the actual material.

Edited by swellmomma
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I am a mom. I am a homeschooler. They are not one and the same. Being solely responsible for my kids' education in an age where raising them on the farm or in a society growing up apprenticed in a trade assures you a living is not the same thing as just parenting them. It's not even close. I am responsible for more than parents who choose to send their kids to school are.

 

Yes, ultimately a child's education is the parents' responsibility, but when you choose to outsource it, your role becomes more of a "reinforcing the school's job." I have a child in school. She is educated by her teachers. I am in a supporting role. I sometimes don't like the way they do things, and I sometimes complain, but the simple fact is that I have given the responsibility of educating her to the school. I oversee my schooled child's education, but I do not implement it.

 

In the same way that hiring a cook to feed your family is not the same as cooking all their meals yourself, home educating your child is not the same as sending them to school and it's not "just being a parent."

 

Tara

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Yeah, I've met a few moms who seemed to think that they to just as much as home school moms, plus their kids go to school. The way it was said was very obviously an attempt to put down and minimize my job as a home schooling mom. Not that it affects my self worth or anything, but it was pretty annoying. (btw, I know some on here ps and after school, these women were not talking about that). I don't know many (any irl actually) non homescooling moms who do lesson planning, curriculum research and fairs, teaching, marking, field trips, assessing, modifying curricula, etc for their kids in ps.

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I recently listened to a homeschooling session where the woman used the term Home Educating. This struck me as interesting because the people in Australia use the term "home education" vs "homeschool". Anyway, the lady went on to state she doesn't like the term homeschool and explained why.

 

In short, she said we aren't teachers. We aren't teaching our children we are educating them. When she read out the definitions they were different. Basically teaching referred to what we think of teachers doing in schools. Educating went a step farther. It meant more.

 

She doesn't feel she is teaching her children, but educating them. She is educating them on many subjects not just academics. Anyway, it inspired some deep thinking on my own behalf and really struck me as amazing. I loved it. Well worth the thought process it evoked. Your comment {OP} made me think the same thing. :)

 

I completely agree with this. C&Ping my post from the "Definition of a Homeschooler?" thread: IMO a homeschooler is one who has made a conscious decision to be the one responsible for his/her child(ren)'s education instead of relying on an outside source for that responsibility. I don't care how old the child is. I say that I homeschool from birth. But then, I intensely dislike the term "homeschool." I'd prefer to think of myself as a "parent educator" or some such term. But, I applaud any parent who bucks today's trend of shipping off their two-year-old to preschool in favor of quality time and parent-led learning, even if they plan to send them to school at five.

 

And I'll add that I do consider education a part of parenting. If the government hadn't taken over education in the first place, none of us would be "homeschooling," we just wouldn't be sending our children off to a school. But, alas, the government did take over education and that's changed a lot, including terminology. As more and more people send their children to "professionals" earlier and earlier, I have no problem saying that I homeschooled "from birth." Of course, when I only had an infant, I did not claim myself to be homeschooling. I say it now as a way to emphasize that it's a choice we made early enough that we never pulled a child out of a school setting to start homeschooling.

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If the government hadn't taken over education in the first place, none of us would be "homeschooling," we just wouldn't be sending our children off to a school.

 

That I don't agree with. There have been schools the world over for thousands of years that were not run by governments. Even if the government didn't run schools, we would still have them, and I think that by this time in history, the vast majority of children would attend. We are beyond the "ma and pa working the farm" lifestyle, and people would send their kids to schools so they (the parents) could go to work.

 

Even before the governments ran schools in the US, lots of kids went to school.

 

Tara

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I am a mom. I am a homeschooler. They are not one and the same. Being solely responsible for my kids' education in an age where raising them on the farm or in a society growing up apprenticed in a trade assures you a living is not the same thing as just parenting them. It's not even close. I am responsible for more than parents who choose to send their kids to school are.

 

Yes, ultimately a child's education is the parents' responsibility, but when you choose to outsource it, your role becomes more of a "reinforcing the school's job." I have a child in school. She is educated by her teachers. I am in a supporting role. I sometimes don't like the way they do things, and I sometimes complain, but the simple fact is that I have given the responsibility of educating her to the school. I oversee my schooled child's education, but I do not implement it.

 

In the same way that hiring a cook to feed your family is not the same as cooking all their meals yourself, home educating your child is not the same as sending them to school and it's not "just being a parent."

 

Tara

 

:iagree: I throw a lot of parenting into my schooling, but schooling is my job and not just parenting. If that were the case I wouldn't be obsessing over algebra and Latin and planning how to be the best high school guidance counselor I can be.

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That I don't agree with. There have been schools the world over for thousands of years that were not run by governments. Even if the government didn't run schools, we would still have them, and I think that by this time in history, the vast majority of children would attend. We are beyond the "ma and pa working the farm" lifestyle, and people would send their kids to schools so they (the parents) could go to work.

 

Even before the governments ran schools in the US, lots of kids went to school.

 

Tara

 

I didn't mean everyone when I said "we." I meant people who didn't send their children to a school but instead chose to take charge of their education themselves. And I was referring to the terminology that was set up when government-mandated school came into being--that public "school" is the norm and other choices must be qualified as "homeschool" or "private school," etc.--not that the majority of people wouldn't outsource education in today's world.

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It's going to be hard to find a one size fits all definition when we all live in such varied places. This stuff that I do which is really parenting and not homeschooling is very unusual in this area, to the point where the average person would call it homeschooling, not parenting. It goes well beyond the call of duty in most people's minds around here. Not that it should. It should be just normal parenting. But here, it isn't.

 

Rosie

 

Does Keptwoman know you feel this way?? :leaving:

 

**sorry, I couldn't resist** :p :D

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Does Keptwoman know you feel this way?? :leaving:

 

**sorry, I couldn't resist** :p :D

 

:tongue_smilie:

 

Keptwoman likes me. She smiles when she opens the door and finds me there. Or maybe she's just smiling in relief that I'm not a missionary or an electricity company representative who has ignored the list beside her doorbell. According to that list, the postie is the only person allowed to knock on her door, so I feel special.

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:tongue_smilie:

 

Keptwoman likes me. She smiles when she opens the door and finds me there. Or maybe she's just smiling in relief that I'm not a missionary or an electricity company representative who has ignored the list beside her doorbell. According to that list, the postie is the only person allowed to knock on her door, so I feel special.

 

:) That's great and all but if she really liked you I think she'd let you live in the house instead of the backyard. Just sayin'. :p ;) :D

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I recently listened to a homeschooling session where the woman used the term Home Educating. This struck me as interesting because the people in Australia use the term "home education" vs "homeschool". Anyway, the lady went on to state she doesn't like the term homeschool and explained why.

 

In short, she said we aren't teachers. We aren't teaching our children we are educating them. When she read out the definitions they were different. Basically teaching referred to what we think of teachers doing in schools. Educating went a step farther. It meant more.

 

She doesn't feel she is teaching her children, but educating them. She is educating them on many subjects not just academics. Anyway, it inspired some deep thinking on my own behalf and really struck me as amazing. I loved it. Well worth the thought process it evoked. Your comment {OP} made me think the same thing. :)

 

 

This is interesting, because I have always felt the same way. I had heard that other countries used terminology, and thought theirs was more appropriate.

 

I don't like it when people say I'm my kids' teacher, or when my mom calls and says, "Are you done teaching today?" It doesn't make me mad; it just doesn't feel right.

 

Some of the subjects my kids do, I know very little about. How can I teach them what I don't know?? I don't. I'm not "teaching" them, in my mind. I'm not a teacher. I'm their parent.

 

I have always thought it odd when homeschooling parents say things like, "I like the summers because it gives me a chance to just be Mom, and not be their teacher." I don't get that, because to me it's all the same. I'm Mom when I'm telling them to take out the trash, or whether we're going to the park together, or whether I'm doing WWE with them. There is no "Mom" hat and "teacher" hat.

 

Along the same lines, I find it mildly curious when people things like, "Let's get together and pray for our schools." We don't have a school. We have a family and a home, etc, but it sounds odd to me to talk about "my family's school."

 

But I'm probably in the minority on all that.

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"That's not homeschooling, that's being a parent." QUOTE]

 

It's being an intentional parent. My sister was basically the only stay at home mom in her neighborhood. Guess who feed everyone's kids cookies and milk and helped them with her homework after school? There were lots of Moms in the neighborhood but few who were intentional about their role(s) as parent.

 

I'm don't cease being the mom when I'm homeschooling anymore than I cease being the teacher when I am "momming."

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Yeah, I've met a few moms who seemed to think that they to just as much as home school moms, plus their kids go to school.

 

Rarely, I have heard people say that they "homeschool" in the evenings, weekends, or summers.

 

I have heard people say their kids go to school, but the parent spends around 30 hours a week on their kids' education -- helping with homework, volunteering at school, etc. I wouldn't call it homeschooling (and neither do they), but I just find that interesting.

 

I don't like it when people say they've homeschooled since birth. I guess every non-neglectful parent has by that definition, so why even qualify it as homeschooling?

 

To me, the term "homeschooling" means the absence of school when the child is legal age for mandatory school. It doesn't mean you read to your toddler, and it doesn't mean you take your family on cool vacations in the summer.

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I guess I'm confused. If the child is out of the house and being taught by teachers other than the parent, how is the parent implementing the education?

 

Tara

 

I met to at least one woman locally who had two kids, and she said she spent close to 40 hours a week monitoring her public schooled kids' education -- overseeing their homework, volunteering in school, meeting with teachers, researching what she thinks they "should" be doing, complaining to teachers and administers, etc. I'm not saying that's good, and frankly it sounds pretty darn frustrating, but apparently it happens.

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"That's not homeschooling, that's being a parent." QUOTE]

 

It's being an intentional parent. My sister was basically the only stay at home mom in her neighborhood. Guess who feed everyone's kids cookies and milk and helped them with her homework after school? There were lots of Moms in the neighborhood but few who were intentional about their role(s) as parent.

 

I'm don't cease being the mom when I'm homeschooling anymore than I cease being the teacher when I am "momming."

 

Yes. I think this too.

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Not necessarily implementing, but certainly *overseeing* a child's education can be a full-time job depending on what the public schools are passing as "education"!

 

I just read a good book called Going Public: Your Child Can Thrive in Public School (Pritchard) and it contends that ALL parents should be homeschooling parents. I agree. Whether it's the teaching--or the re-teaching!--of a subject or the oversight of the curriculum and homework, accountability for study habits and work ethic, or the use of critical thinking within the curriculum, parents cannot abdicate their responsibility in their child's education. How it looks is going to be different for each family, but an uninvolved parent is a KEY component in failure, IMO.

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But from the recent thread we had here about the amount of our own parents involvement in our educations, I think that most folks said clearly that their parents were mostly totally uninvolved, didn't they? I know mine were. And I don't know many people today who supervise homework, do tutoring/mentoring with their kids on their school work or that sort of thing, either, so I don't think it's that much more prevalent today than it was when I was growing up.

 

I would agree that I think it's what a parent *should* be doing for their child, but I don't think that many people actually do that with any regularity....

 

As my son gets older and we continue to read aloud together, even though he loves it, he feels embarrassed for others to know we do it. I think this stems from an adult a few years ago saying something about it because they didn't understand (Can't you read for yourself? or something like that....). We've talked about this numerous times.

 

My standing up in front of "the class (of one)" and lecturing to him about history, etc. would be just stupid. It would just feel weird and unnatural. You don't lecture to one person, you talk to them. So I read aloud and we both make comments, ask questions, and just in general discuss what I'm reading as we go along. It's a great means of fostering discussion. The pictures in the books take the place of a powerpoint that a teacher in front of a class would be using. The book is my notes.

 

Adopting a tutoring style is the perfect way to address most topics with one or two students at a time, in my opinion. The dynamic of a few is totally different from the dynamic of a whole class; it calls for different teaching methods....

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most folks said clearly that their parents were mostly totally uninvolved, didn't they? I know mine were. And I don't know many people today who supervise homework, do tutoring/mentoring with their kids on their school work or that sort of thing, either, so I don't think it's that much more prevalent today than it was when I was growing up.

 

My parents' involvement in my education consisted of asking me, "Did you do your homework?" and occasionally helping out with school projects or quizzing me for a test when I asked. They went to parent/teacher conferences, and my mom was in the PTO, and she helped with garden club, and she was a homeroom mom, but those things have nothing to do with being involved in my education in the sense of actually educating me.

 

I honestly don't think you can expect that from parents whose kids go to school. I don't pick my schooled child's curriculum. I don't read it (for the most part), and I don't need to become an expert on it in case she has trouble. Honestly, that's what her school is for. I send her to school so I don't have to homeschool her. ETA: I do complain a lot about her school(s), but my complaints are almost exclusively about process and rarely about content. My complaints are about schools overstepping their authority and intruding into my parental purview, not about the actual content of what they teach.

 

While I see nothing wrong with parents who would read their kids' curricula and teach/reteach their kids after school, I don't think that parents need to do this or should have to. I think they should help their child find the help they need when they need it, and that help may come from the parents, but in my case, with my dd, helping her find the help she needs involves helping her hook up with the right teacher or tutor. I'm not in school with her every day, so I can't keep tabs on exactly what she's doing and always be prepared to jump right in and help her. And I think that's ok.

 

Tara

Edited by TaraTheLiberator
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I would agree that I think it's what a parent *should* be doing for their child, but I don't think that many people actually do that with any regularity....

 

I'm curious as to why people think that being heavily involved in a child's education is what all parent's "should be doing".

 

My mother was very hands off with my education - I can't remember a time she ever helped me with my homework or even asked me if I had done it - it was my responsibility. She didn't take us on cool field trips -she was a single mum and didn't have the money or a car. She never even read to me that I can remember and certainly not after I learned to read myself.

 

And yet - I think my mum was a great parent. All my siblings and I went to Uni and ended up highly educated.

 

So why is it that being heavily involved in your kids education equals "good parent" and not being involved equals "a neglectful parent".

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I don't necessarily equate "heavily involved" as good and completely uninvolved as bad. From my own personal experience, I wish that my parents had been more involved with me (in any way, really, but school would have been fine).

 

As a parent, I think that I should be involved to some level with my children's lives. Now, if I have to work full time and have no partner, of course there's going to be less involvement than if I'm a stay at home mom. But I still think that I should be connecting with my children on some level on a regular, daily basis. My parents did not connect with us. At all. Ever. I don't think that connection necessarily needs to be through school work, but children do generally have homework to do when they get home so that would be one way to connect....

 

I think parents in Japan are, in general, very heavily involved in their children's educations with all the after schooling, tutoring, learning clubs, etc. that go on there after school hours. I'm not saying we need to be that sort of parent, either. But it seems to me that parents should be more aware of what is occurring with their children's educations than they often are (at least those I know)....

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You seem to be taking part of my comments out of context and I'm a little confused, I guess. I'm responding to someone telling Jean that what she does with her children is what "all parents" do with their children - just being a parent - not "teaching."

 

I think that all parents do (or should) be involved at least sometimes and in some ways with their children's educations. My own experience has been that most I've known growing up, as well as those I know now, are not, however. There was a recent thread that gave weight to this argument. I believe that most who responded there said that their own experience was that their parents were really not involved in their education at all.

 

So I was simply saying that recent evidence indicates that what this woman said to Jean (*all* parents do that) is probably not correct. It seems that most parents do not do this. I don't really care, personally, whether others do this or not. I'm simply making an observation.

 

I then went on to say that I think that the tutoring (vs. lecturing) model is better suited to one or a few students and is a perfectly valid "teaching" style - or at least that's what I was attempting to say.... The person commenting to Jean seemed to indicate that "tutoring" was not the same as "teaching" - not as good in some way....

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I guess I'm confused. If the child is out of the house and being taught by teachers other than the parent, how is the parent implementing the education?

 

Tara

 

I'm certainly implementing part of their overall education because I teach them outside of and in addition to what they do at school. I still use some of the same curriculum that I did as a homeschooler.

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You seem to be taking part of my comments out of context

 

I actually agree with you about most parents not being heavily involved in their children's education. I was just giving anecdotal evidence of that as the child of parents who were not heavily involved and as a parent who is not heavily involved in my one schooled child's education.

 

Tara

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You seem to be taking part of my comments out of context and I'm a little confused, I guess.

 

Sorry - wasn't picking on you specifically - yours was the last post I read that seems to support a common theme here.

 

I'm not saying parents shouldn't be at ALL interested in their kids education - but a lot of what I see seems to be not "support and interest" but rather "absolute control" and I don't think that is a good thing.

 

My mum was interested in our educations - went to parent interviews, came to school plays/sports days and talked to the teacher if there was a problem she could see -but as to the actual execution of it and the choices we made -those were left to us.

 

I think parents in Japan are, in general, very heavily involved in their children's educations with all the after schooling, tutoring, learning clubs, etc. that go on there after school hours. I'm not saying we need to be that sort of parent, either. But it seems to me that parents should be more aware of what is occurring with their children's educations than they often are (at least those I know)....

 

Not so much - I've lived in an Asian country. The parents are generally hands-off except to force their kids with a stick to get good grades etc. The kids are generally in school all day and then sent to 2-3 tutoring classes after school - the parents certainly don't involve themselves. Dad usually works late (till 10pm was when business finsihed in Korea) and Mum had other duties to fulfil. Its the kids absolute own responsibility to get good grades.

 

I worked at an English school - I couldn't get any parents to come in and talk to me about their kids problems. The most I would get is " Johnny is failing - ok - I will punish him and he will do better". After hearing several stories of harsh punishment from students I refused to call their parents anymore and let them know their kid was failing -I just worked with them myself.

 

Generally - the only thing they want to hear from teachers is that their child is at the top of the class - other then that they really have no interest in what their kids is learning. They will stand over them with a big stick and force them to practice the piano for several hours so they can brag to their friends about their talented child but as to really knowing what is going on with their child's education - they are pretty clueless. They know if their kid is failing or if they are "genius" anything in between they are not so interested in.

 

The parent's hardly ever took responsibility for helping their child if they were struggling - if I had a dollar for every time I was told - "Yes Johnny is not an A student -he is very dumb - he has always been dumb - just pass him please so we are not ashamed -we can do nothing to help a dumb child". I just couldn't convince them that with some help their kid might get better marks -it was all or nothing.

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