Finding grace and forgiveness in your homeschool

[Halcyon]

This is a bit of a spinoff of the "How many times do you lose your temper during homeschool" thread. I was reading Yancey's book What's So Amazing About Grace today, and something struck me. I was thinking about whether there's a lot of acceptance, forgiveness in your homeschool, and how you remain "rigorous" (sorry, I know there are those who dislike that word but I can't find another that conveys a sort of "buckle down and challenge yourself" type of homeschool) while at the same time, leaving room for dawdling, errors, fatigue, bad moods, and plain ol' being a kid (and being a Mom!)

 

I was thinking that people who are finding themselves losing their temper in their homeschool could maybe benefit from forgiving, both themselves and their students....for not being as perfect as they/we should be ;) (I know I could). Yet at the same time, not becoming complacent....there's a balance there, yes?

 

 

I haven't really clarified my thoughts on this. But I thought I would ask others how forgiveness and acceptance play a role in your homeschool.

Edited January 13, 2012 by Halcyon

[Alte Veste Academy]

:bigear:

 

This thread has come on the perfect day for me to hear some wise answers. My particular problem isn't so much yelling or expecting too much of my kids, but I definitely have perfectionistic tendencies that are wreaking havoc on my own self-esteem.

Edited January 13, 2012 by Alte Veste Academy

[mom2scouts]

I enjoy reading Philip Yancey books because he always challenges me to think in new ways. Maybe I'll reread that one!

[2_girls_mommy]

I have no wisdom to share, sorry :) I do have that book on my shelf, but I haven't read it in awhile. I do know that I have to forgive myself and my kiddos often.

 

We had a great day today. We were all happy and laid back, but we still have history to do, and it is almost bedtime. Yesterday we got everything done, but we were not all happy about it because we were in a hurry trying to finish early because we had some plans. I was not as patient as I should have been. My kids were not overly cheerful either. We did get it done and ended up having a great time with our plans. But I woke up today determined that today would be better, and it was. Obviously I am still looking for that balance!

 

Off to do history. We have too busy of a schedule tomorrow and Sat. to try and make it up then.

[Mrs. A]

What a great question. I am learning quite a lot these days about how to accept my faults and the faults of my children and allow grace and forgiveness to be present in our daily interactions. I tend to be extremely hard on myself and push myself to perfection and I'm trying to learn to just let things go when it's needed.

[Halcyon]

I have no wisdom to share, sorry :) I do have that book on my shelf, but I haven't read it in awhile. I do know that I have to forgive myself and my kiddos often.

 

We had a great day today. We were all happy and laid back, but we still have history to do, and it is almost bedtime. Yesterday we got everything done, but we were not all happy about it because we were in a hurry trying to finish early because we had some plans. I was not as patient as I should have been. My kids were not overly cheerful either. We did get it done and ended up having a great time with our plans. But I woke up today determined that today would be better, and it was. Obviously I am still looking for that balance!

 

Off to do history. We have too busy of a schedule tomorrow and Sat. to try and make it up then.

 

Glad to hear you had a good day! We did too, but only because I decided, in light of the fact that we have a homeschool fitness class at 11:30am (what? do they not realize we're SCHOOLING?? LOL) and then home at 1 for lunch and then I have to go work at 2:15 pm...and we don't start formal school til 9 am.....I realized that Thursdays we're just not able to get a lot done (yes, it took me 4 months to realize this) and I need to ease up. So we did. We did Mythology, Math, Writing and Spanish, and that's it. I tried to "let it go" in my heart and head and it sorta worked. I "accepted" that we just cannot get as much done as I wanted on Thursdays, and that's okay.

[Halcyon]

What a great question. I am learning quite a lot these days about how to accept my faults and the faults of my children and allow grace and forgiveness to be present in our daily interactions. I tend to be extremely hard on myself and push myself to perfection and I'm trying to learn to just let things go when it's needed.

 

ANd how, exactly, do you "let things go"? :bigear:

[houseofkids&pets]

:bigear: I need advice on how to "let things go" too.

 

On the days that just don't feel productive, I begin to get that overwhelming sense of anxiety. I worry that ds will get further behind (learning disabilities) if we don't buckle down and work harder. I get angry when I feel like he isn't putting forth his best effort because the pressure is on....then I turn into the screamer from h*ll. It is not pretty and I always feel terrible afterward. I am glad that my ds just hugs me and goes on with his day. It doesn't seem to phase him. (Yikes, does that mean I do it so often that he is desensitized??)

 

I feel like we don't get the time to really "enjoy" the homeschool experience since we focus so much on learning the basics. My mother is a retired elementary school teacher. She always encourages me by saying that no matter what, he is getting more out of the time we are together than he would if he were sitting in a classroom of 25+ kids.

[Mrs. A]

ANd how, exactly, do you "let things go"? :bigear:

 

 

Hopefully I can put it into words....

 

It's about my own attitude and being able to see the bigger picture. When I can keep in mind the thought that "getting x, y and z done today, right this minute" will not change the big picture innthe long run then it's easier for me to step back and say "ok. We will not be able to read this certain poem I had planned because dd2 woke early from her nap and disrupted our reading time. But it's ok, because in the long run it doesn't matter if we get to the poem today or next week. We can still get to it eventually." I try to keep asking myself- "will this issue matter at the end of our homeschooling journey? Will it affect ds or dd later in life?". If the answers to those questions are no, then I try to proceed with calm- knowing that I dont have to freak if the assignment isn't done this minute or the issue is not resolved right now.

 

On the forgiveness front, I have a tendency to be short tempered and I am working on learning to cope and have strategies in place to help me cool off when I need to. But for the times when I do explode, I make sure to always apologize and ask my children's forgiveness.

 

I am finding that if I focus less on doing things MY way and more on being open to getting them done in whatever way presents itself, we have far better days. After all I want my relationship with my kids to be the most important part of homeschooling and I am trying my best to keep that thought with me at all times.

[charlestonmom03]

Letting things go is not easy for me either. As I go throughout the day, I try to be aware that each hour is one that I will never have again, and try to ask myself if I am doing what I ought with that time. It does not mean we get everything done in a day, as I frequently fail to do what I ought now rather than pushing undesirable subjects/tasks off for "later". The reality is that even if I always had us doing what we should be doing, there are only so many hours in the day and a lot of times I overestimate what we can realistically accomplish. I have found it very helpful to me to reflect at the end of the day on (1) what I have done well that day (there is always something, even on the worst day!), (2) what I could have done better today (usually been more prepared, wasted less time online, or been patient with the boys), and (3) I make a resolution of one small thing that I am going to focus on improving the next day. Very often I realize that I am often making the same resolution many days of my life, but I think everyone has some dominant fault that we have to struggle against... My oldest boy does this same examination of his conscience each night before bed, and I think it is very helpful to him and has been fruitful.

[ms. pacman]

Mrs. A, what wonderful advice. This has been a big issue with me lately, and even though I know I have 4 little kids including a teething baby, etc, I still feel so much pressure to get x, y, z done that I often am impatient with the kids.

 

I know things need tweaking on my part when I start threatening public school. It feels so cheap and I hate when I do it. It's just been hard for me to find a perfect balance with everyone's needs taken into account.

 

I need to let go more. I want us all to enjoy this journey of learning together. Now I'm thinking that a more year round approach would help take some of this pressure away. I'm trying to cram too much into each day, and it's stressful.

[Halcyon]

I am finding that if I focus less on doing things MY way and more on being open to getting them done in whatever way presents itself, we have far better days. After all I want my relationship with my kids to be the most important part of homeschooling and I am trying my best to keep that thought with me at all times.

 

Wonderful thought.

[elegantlion]

nm

Edited January 13, 2012 by elegantlion
changed my mind

[angela in ohio]

I have found that my attitude has nothing to do with how rigorously we homeschool and everything to do with whether I choose to control my emotions and my responses to my children. I see a lot of people sort of blaming their dc for their own responses, but they are just children. I am the adult: I don't argue with them, I don't yell at them, but I also don't need their approval or even for them to always like me. I am the adult. :D

 

I think the secret is to not relax your expectations of dc, but to relax your response to whether it is met or not. So I expect the best, but I don't take it personally if it doesn't happen, nor do I hold it against my dc. We laugh over honest mistakes. We tease, we joke... I fill up the love tank so that things don't get tense even when I need to bring down the hammer, too.

 

I think it helps that classical education is about quality and not quantity. Many of the families I know who have a lot of tears are all about quantity: many, many pages to fill out. Dc are smart enough to know busywork. We focus on authentic learning, and so it's not drudgery or a chore. That keeps things moving in the right direction.

[AngelBee]

thinking

[Halcyon]

I have found that my attitude has nothing to do with how rigorously we homeschool and everything to do with whether I choose to control my emotions and my responses to my children. I see a lot of people sort of blaming their dc for their own responses, but they are just children. I am the adult: I don't argue with them, I don't yell at them, but I also don't need their approval or even for them to always like me. I am the adult. :D

 

I think the secret is to not relax your expectations of dc, but to relax your response to whether it is met or not. So I expect the best, but I don't take it personally if it doesn't happen, nor do I hold it against my dc. We laugh over honest mistakes. We tease, we joke... I fill up the love tank so that things don't get tense even when I need to bring down the hammer, too.

 

I think it helps that classical education is about quality and not quantity. Many of the families I know who have a lot of tears are all about quantity: many, many pages to fill out. Dc are smart enough to know busywork. We focus on authentic learning, and so it's not drudgery or a chore. That keeps things moving in the right direction.

 

Great points, Angela. Thank you for sharing.

[Runningmom80]

http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-Mothers-Approach-Yourself-Children/dp/1742373771/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

 

 

This book has helped me tremendously. Now that I have two toddlers, I need to get the young children version. :lol:

[Sweetpeach]

:bigear:

 

Listening in! This is the elephant in our hs right now. In my world, pushing my kids into rigour is not something I'm interested in doing. Pulling them into joyful, authentic learning is my heart's desire.

 

The question is: HOW?

 

I'm processing with a few other experienced mamas who seem to have this balance sorted out.

 

Great thread!

[acurtis75]

I have found that my attitude has nothing to do with how rigorously we homeschool and everything to do with whether I choose to control my emotions and my responses to my children. I see a lot of people sort of blaming their dc for their own responses, but they are just children. I am the adult: I don't argue with them, I don't yell at them, but I also don't need their approval or even for them to always like me. I am the adult. :D

 

I think the secret is to not relax your expectations of dc, but to relax your response to whether it is met or not. So I expect the best, but I don't take it personally if it doesn't happen, nor do I hold it against my dc. We laugh over honest mistakes. We tease, we joke... I fill up the love tank so that things don't get tense even when I need to bring down the hammer, too.

 

.

 

Great points and a much needed reminder. I've been finding myself feeling frustrated a lot this week and I know it's really about my responses and not what my child is/isn't doing but some times it helps for someone to point it out.

 

I read in a book once that we should consider our emotions, especially anger and frustration, to be a warning sign to something going on in our heart. Almost like smoke that sets off a fire alarm. The smoke isn't the problem but it warns you about the fire. Our emotions aren't the problem it's what's inside my heart that's causing me to respond this way to unfinished work. Am I prideful about being ahead in the curriculum? Am I expecting perfection from my child when I'm nowhere near perfect? I've been having to check myself a lot the last few weeks.

[Ester Maria]

I think the secret is to not relax your expectations of dc, but to relax your response to whether it is met or not. So I expect the best, but I don't take it personally if it doesn't happen, nor do I hold it against my dc. We laugh over honest mistakes. We tease, we joke... I fill up the love tank so that things don't get tense even when I need to bring down the hammer, too.

:iagree:

[Tess in the Burbs]

your post timing is perfect! Wednesday my son purposely chose not to do his math test. After 2 hours I moved on and we had plans that afternoon so it was left until today. I didn't take things away that day to finish it. I moved on. And I was torn about it.

 

Today he took several more hours to eventually finish. I decided he had to finish it. Nothing would happen until he did. And he knew the work was piling up. All of Wed work, today's work. He finally dug in today and got it done....after several more hours.

 

During this wait I was so upset/mad/frustrated/sad about the situation. Do I truly just give him an hour for a test and fail it if he refuses to even try? Or do I show grace and compassion and love and maintain my relationship with over being teacher in this situation. I chose the grace and love and keeping our relationship first.

 

After 2 days and over 4 hours he finally finished the test. He only missed a few problems. And was so kind to me afterward I was so thankful I didn't unleash my anger at him but instead encouraged him even though I felt like it was a deliberate act to not to the work at first. He could do it. He just chose not to. We were able to talk about effort and doing our best. Had I lost it I never would have had the opportunity for that talk or hug.

 

I want challenging. I want effort on his part. But I am choosing relationship over challenging some days. It was worth it

[Halcyon]

your post timing is perfect! Wednesday my son purposely chose not to do his math test. After 2 hours I moved on and we had plans that afternoon so it was left until today. I didn't take things away that day to finish it. I moved on. And I was torn about it.

 

Today he took several more hours to eventually finish. I decided he had to finish it. Nothing would happen until he did. And he knew the work was piling up. All of Wed work, today's work. He finally dug in today and got it done....after several more hours.

 

During this wait I was so upset/mad/frustrated/sad about the situation. Do I truly just give him an hour for a test and fail it if he refuses to even try? Or do I show grace and compassion and love and maintain my relationship with over being teacher in this situation. I chose the grace and love and keeping our relationship first.

 

After 2 days and over 4 hours he finally finished the test. He only missed a few problems. And was so kind to me afterward I was so thankful I didn't unleash my anger at him but instead encouraged him even though I felt like it was a deliberate act to not to the work at first. He could do it. He just chose not to. We were able to talk about effort and doing our best. Had I lost it I never would have had the opportunity for that talk or hug.

 

I want challenging. I want effort on his part. But I am choosing relationship over challenging some days. It was worth it

 

What a good example! I too would have had a very hard time not "making" him do the test--and it is so interesting to hear what happened when you decided to "let him go" on it a bit.

 

The other day, my son was working on math, and he began to make a series of silly errors. Instead of chalking it up to getting over a sickness, being 9, or simply momentarily forgetting the right way to do the problem, I got upset and told him it looked like he'd need to go back and redo that whole part of the book, and maybe mastery is not the best approach for him, nad I am so disappointed in you yadayadayada:blushing: Overreact much? When I think back, I think _I_ got scared--scared that he's moving too fast and "HA! I knew that would come to bite us in the but*" sort of feeling, scared that I didn't teach him the concepts fully--I reacted out of fear. Fear not only that he didn't really know anything (again, getting dramatic) in math, but that he had never learned how to be careful and that was MY fault, ya da ya da ya da.

 

My son's response was much more self-forgiving than mine (and this is my child who is known to flagellate himself) He said "Mom, I just forgot for a moment! Sometimes a kid is allowed to forget, and then it comes back to me and I remember! It's not the end of the world." :001_huh: My response was just so wrong, on so many levels, and it spoke I think to my own fear that I am not doing a "good enough" job.

 

What does "good enough" mean, and how can I find the grace and forgiveness to recognize that sometimes my kids don't do things exactly the way they "should" and that actually is OKAY, not something to be remedied on the spot in a spasm of worry and anxiety.

 

 

I need to put a sign up in my kitchen that says "Stay cool. It's all good." :coolgleamA:

[acurtis75]

What a good example! I too would have had a very hard time not "making" him do the test--and it is so interesting to hear what happened when you decided to "let him go" on it a bit.

 

The other day, my son was working on math, and he began to make a series of silly errors. Instead of chalking it up to getting over a sickness, being 9, or simply momentarily forgetting the right way to do the problem, I got upset and told him it looked like he'd need to go back and redo that whole part of the book, and maybe mastery is not the best approach for him, nad I am so disappointed in you yadayadayada:blushing: Overreact much? When I think back, I think _I_ got scared--scared that he's moving too fast and "HA! I knew that would come to bite us in the but*" sort of feeling, scared that I didn't teach him the concepts fully--I reacted out of fear. Fear not only that he didn't really know anything (again, getting dramatic) in math, but that he had never learned how to be careful and that was MY fault, ya da ya da ya da.

 

My son's response was much more self-forgiving than mine (and this is my child who is known to flagellate himself) He said "Mom, I just forgot for a moment! Sometimes a kid is allowed to forget, and then it comes back to me and I remember! It's not the end of the world." :001_huh: My response was just so wrong, on so many levels, and it spoke I think to my own fear that I am not doing a "good enough" job.

 

What does "good enough" mean, and how can I find the grace and forgiveness to recognize that sometimes my kids don't do things exactly the way they "should" and that actually is OKAY, not something to be remedied on the spot in a spasm of worry and anxiety.

 

 

I need to put a sign up in my kitchen that says "Stay cool. It's all good." :coolgleamA:

 

It's always math isn't it:001_huh:

 

We're having a bad math week here too. I think you hit it right on the head with the worry about moving too fast and not doing a good enough job. We always struggle to get back to our routine after the holidays but it seems to be taking longer than normal...for both of us. It seems like all we've gotten done all week is math because it's taking her SOOO long! So I go through the whole, it's too hard, I'm pushing her too much, I need to teach it differently emotional roller coaster. She looked at me yesterday after staring blankly at the same problem for who knows how long and said, "Mommy, I know how to do this, it's not too hard for me...I'm just daydreaming a lot because I don't want to do it".Well, I'm so glad I spent the whole week anxious and worried about this. Couldn't she have told me that, Monday?

 

I need your sign with an extra line that says "she's only 6 stupid, she's acting her age, relax!!"

[Colleen in NS]

ANd how, exactly, do you "let things go"? :bigear:

 

I've done it by figuring out what very broad goals I have for my kids at the end of grade 12, and then by prioritizing the smaller details that will help fulfill those goals. This has caused one thing after another to fall off our plate - the most recent being that we dropped TL2 for the rest of the year so that ds could concentrate on getting through the brick wall he was hitting with Latin. Hopefully he will pick up and finish TL2 next semester, while maybe taking a semester off from Latin. But I'm not worried about it. We also dropped VfCR study last year, even though it's a great vocab. program. The thing that frustrates me is that I want us all to do ALL of the study methods in the WTM book, :D, because it opened my eyes to the fact that various subjects CAN be learned if you have a system of study. Even though each subject in there is fabulously laid out, there just isn't enough time; nor do my kids learn at an even pace (whose do??). Nevermind the fact that I have one in the middle of adolescence and another on the beginning edge of it, which is a whole new experience for me!!! :lol: Oh, hey, maybe that's another answer to your question - "how do you let things go?" "Um, as your kids get older, they'll let you know loudly and clearly that something has to give!" :lol:

[Cassy]

'Letting go' to me is 'trusting'. Trusting that my teaching is good enough, trusting that my children if happy, healthy and challenged, will achieve the very best they are capable of achieving.

 

'Letting go' is releasing tension, anxiety and control, and using the energy they consume to inspire, excite and challenge my children.

 

Best wishes

 

Cassy

[angela in ohio]

What a good example! I too would have had a very hard time not "making" him do the test--and it is so interesting to hear what happened when you decided to "let him go" on it a bit.

 

The other day, my son was working on math, and he began to make a series of silly errors. Instead of chalking it up to getting over a sickness, being 9, or simply momentarily forgetting the right way to do the problem, I got upset and told him it looked like he'd need to go back and redo that whole part of the book, and maybe mastery is not the best approach for him, nad I am so disappointed in you yadayadayada:blushing: Overreact much? When I think back, I think _I_ got scared--scared that he's moving too fast and "HA! I knew that would come to bite us in the but*" sort of feeling, scared that I didn't teach him the concepts fully--I reacted out of fear. Fear not only that he didn't really know anything (again, getting dramatic) in math, but that he had never learned how to be careful and that was MY fault, ya da ya da ya da.

 

My son's response was much more self-forgiving than mine (and this is my child who is known to flagellate himself) He said "Mom, I just forgot for a moment! Sometimes a kid is allowed to forget, and then it comes back to me and I remember! It's not the end of the world." :001_huh: My response was just so wrong, on so many levels, and it spoke I think to my own fear that I am not doing a "good enough" job.

 

What does "good enough" mean, and how can I find the grace and forgiveness to recognize that sometimes my kids don't do things exactly the way they "should" and that actually is OKAY, not something to be remedied on the spot in a spasm of worry and anxiety.

 

I need to put a sign up in my kitchen that says "Stay cool. It's all good." :coolgleamA:

 

For me, the correct response is somewhere between letting it go as "good enough" and flipping out. ;) I would definitely say something about the silly errors, but I wouldn't make it into a bigger issue (that's the stereotype of wives, too - we start with the socks he left on the floor and make it about whether he loves us at all. :lol:) I would (on a good day :D) tell him that I expect and know he can do better, and I would make him re-do the missed problems in as matter-of-fact a way as possible. I probaly would have teased about checking to see if he left his brain in the car when we got home. ;)

Then I would have called my bff (the one who shares my fears about failing as a homeschool mother) and cried that my ds doesn't know anything at all and I have totally failed, and she would tell me to get over myself.

 

I guess I see a lot of people in these threads thinking it is all or nothing, and that isn't the case. It isn't "be a horrible screaming monster" OR "let whatever they do be good enough." :D You can tell them you are disappointed in the effort they made without making it about them as a person or you as a teacher. They will be better people for it, and they will respect you for setting boundaries and believing that they can do better.

[Halcyon]

'Letting go' to me is 'trusting'. Trusting that my teaching is good enough, trusting that my children if happy, healthy and challenged, will achieve the very best they are capable of achieving.

 

'Letting go' is releasing tension, anxiety and control, and using the energy they consume to inspire, excite and challenge my children.

 

Best wishes

 

Cassy

 

Nice.

[Mrs. A]

For me, the correct response is somewhere between letting it go as "good enough" and flipping out. ;) I would definitely say something about the silly errors, but I wouldn't make it into a bigger issue (that's the stereotype of wives, too - we start with the socks he left on the floor and make it about whether he loves us at all. :lol:) I would (on a good day :D) tell him that I expect and know he can do better, and I would make him re-do the missed problems in as matter-of-fact a way as possible. I probaly would have teased about checking to see if he left his brain in the car when we got home. ;)

Then I would have called my bff (the one who shares my fears about failing as a homeschool mother) and cried that my ds doesn't know anything at all and I have totally failed, and she would tell me to get over myself.

 

I guess I see a lot of people in these threads thinking it is all or nothing, and that isn't the case. It isn't "be a horrible screaming monster" OR "let whatever they do be good enough." :D You can tell them you are disappointed in the effort they made without making it about them as a person or you as a teacher. They will be better people for it, and they will respect you for setting boundaries and believing that they can do better.

 

 

You make a great point in the bolded paragraph. It doesn't have to be all or nothing does it?

[Tess in the Burbs]

What a good example!

 

I need to put a sign up in my kitchen that says "Stay cool. It's all good." :coolgleamA:

 

yeah well, I have had the days I pushed him on, raised my voice and said things that weren't nice. Like I was going to hold him back and he and his sister would be together next year in math. She will pass him at some point anyway, but I told him to get with it or he would repeat math. Uh yeah right, like I would put myself through that half of the book with him AGAIN :tongue_smilie:

 

Anyway, we all have our days we aren't the encouraging type. And we all have those brief moments of perfect encouragement. And just hope they balance out in the end :D

[gamedesignmom]

Hopefully I can put it into words....

 

It's about my own attitude and being able to see the bigger picture. When I can keep in mind the thought that "getting x, y and z done today, right this minute" will not change the big picture innthe long run then it's easier for me to step back and say "ok. We will not be able to read this certain poem I had planned because dd2 woke early from her nap and disrupted our reading time. But it's ok, because in the long run it doesn't matter if we get to the poem today or next week. We can still get to it eventually." I try to keep asking myself- "will this issue matter at the end of our homeschooling journey? Will it affect ds or dd later in life?". If the answers to those questions are no, then I try to proceed with calm- knowing that I dont have to freak if the assignment isn't done this minute or the issue is not resolved right now.

:iagree:I was really stressed out at the end of last year when dh was not thrilled with our progress. I have a chronic illness and we get less done. I've decided to focus on the more important subjects and to 'pad' our schedule with a generous timeframe.

 

On the forgiveness front, I have a tendency to be short tempered and I am working on learning to cope and have strategies in place to help me cool off when I need to. But for the times when I do explode, I make sure to always apologize and ask my children's forgiveness.

 

:iagree:Me too. I've learned more about forgiveness and grace since I started homeschooling than in all my previous life. It's been such a growth experience for me spiritually and emotionally.

 

I am finding that if I focus less on doing things MY way and more on being open to getting them done in whatever way presents itself, we have far better days. After all I want my relationship with my kids to be the most important part of homeschooling and I am trying my best to keep that thought with me at all times.

 

Prayer and a reduced schedule has done wonders for all of our attitudes here. This past week was our first back from the holidays, and also the first that my 4 yo ds joined us in school (briefly). It actually went really well. I've been paying a lot of attention to having self-control as well (it's the topic of the month in my kids' Sunday School) so that may also be helping. I'm really happy with our week, although if I compared, which I don't, we may not have gotten nearly as much done as others. :)

[Halcyon]

Using a loop schedule this week was actually a big help to me...I told myself that for a few weeks at least, while we try out the loop, I am going to let go of expectations for certain subjects. For our core subjects I don't think I could do that, but by using a loop for the other subjects, I am hoping to be able to "let go" a bit and spend more time simply enjoying homeschooling, rather than "getting on to the next thing". It worked this week, I am happy to say. I also promised myself that we would stop work by about 300--no later--no matter what we'd accomplished, so the boys could have time to play and relax. That turned out to be a plus too. The boys went to their room and had a "drawing competition" where they each drew a picture, and the other one "graded" it. I overheard this:

 

"Why did you only give me 12 on this? 12% is terrible! This is a good drawing!!"

"Well, that's out of 10."

"So you mean I got 12 out of 10?"

"Yes!"

"Well, that's better than what I gave you, which was 80%."

"How can 12 be better than 80?" (this is younger talking to older)

"Well, 80 out of 100 is only 80% but 12 out of 10 is more than 100%"

 

and so on....

 

DH has suggested to me that I allow more time for them to find their own way in the day, and not "direct" them so much. By easing up on the formal academics a bit, I think more of this type of interaction can happen, where they discover things on their own. I guess a lot of it is TRUST for me. Trusting that everything will be okay.....it is easier to FORGIVE when one has TRUST, no?

[KrissiK]

This is an interesting thread. Not what I expected. My problems with losing my patience have more to do with behavioral issues, obedience issues, respect issues, not necessarily school related. Those are things I cannot "let go" and I struggle more every day with my oldest. I battle my oldest ds (8) on attitude, not hitting, tripping, etc. his siblings, lying. And I struggle where does mercy and grace fit in with all this because I so often see myself in an adversarial relationship with my son when my desire is to come along side him in more of a "I'm on your side" relationship. Although I'm discovering more and more that this child wears conflict like a cloak. He's been gone since last night at a father/son camp out with Awana and we have had the most peaceful existence, the other four and me.

[acurtis75]

Using a loop schedule this week was actually a big help to me...I told myself that for a few weeks at least, while we try out the loop, I am going to let go of expectations for certain subjects. For our core subjects I don't think I could do that, but by using a loop for the other subjects, I am hoping to be able to "let go" a bit and spend more time simply enjoying homeschooling, rather than "getting on to the next thing". It worked this week, I am happy to say. I also promised myself that we would stop work by about 300--no later--no matter what we'd accomplished, so the boys could have time to play and relax. That turned out to be a plus too. The boys went to their room and had a "drawing competition" where they each drew a picture, and the other one "graded" it. I overheard this:

 

"Why did you only give me 12 on this? 12% is terrible! This is a good drawing!!"

"Well, that's out of 10."

"So you mean I got 12 out of 10?"

"Yes!"

"Well, that's better than what I gave you, which was 80%."

"How can 12 be better than 80?" (this is younger talking to older)

"Well, 80 out of 100 is only 80% but 12 out of 10 is more than 100%"

 

and so on....

 

DH has suggested to me that I allow more time for them to find their own way in the day, and not "direct" them so much. By easing up on the formal academics a bit, I think more of this type of interaction can happen, where they discover things on their own. I guess a lot of it is TRUST for me. Trusting that everything will be okay.....it is easier to FORGIVE when one has TRUST, no?

 

We attempted to try a loop schedule this week but just didn't get much done. I was out of town Monday and we had a funeral Tuesday, we have a class in the middle of the day Thursdays and Friday we had unexpected company until 1pm. I was frustrated because "my plans" didn't get completed but now when I look back on the week my plans were ridiculously unrealistic. I think we'll do better with the loop next week. Dd is excited about getting to pick the order of the loop. We were discussing school over dinner last night and I realized she likes every subject except math but we spent all our time this week on math. No wonder we were both unhappy. Fortunately we are doing her math test today and then we have a break from long division for a while. I loved long division when I was in school but she clearly doesn't.

[lllll]

..

[Halcyon]

This is an interesting thread. Not what I expected. My problems with losing my patience have more to do with behavioral issues, obedience issues, respect issues, not necessarily school related. Those are things I cannot "let go" and I struggle more every day with my oldest. I battle my oldest ds (8) on attitude, not hitting, tripping, etc. his siblings, lying. And I struggle where does mercy and grace fit in with all this because I so often see myself in an adversarial relationship with my son when my desire is to come along side him in more of a "I'm on your side" relationship. Although I'm discovering more and more that this child wears conflict like a cloak. He's been gone since last night at a father/son camp out with Awana and we have had the most peaceful existence, the other four and me.

 

 

This is hard. :grouphug: Have you read Unconditional Parenting? It might help.

[Halcyon]

One thing that popped into my head as I was reading this thread was something I discovered by chance with my dc. That thing is that *I* did not necessarily have to be the one to solve every problem that came up. Whether it was working out a chore system, which book to use for which subject, how to schedule it all, when to do what thing, etc., I found that if I just spent some time hashing it out with them - mostly as a group, sometimes individually - that they often came up with their own solutions for whatever problem we were having.

 

I sometimes had to give them input, like 'These are the things I want to cover in our group time, so decide when you want to do the group things and then make up your own individual schedules and let me see them before you finalize them'. Or 'These are the basic chores. Figure out a schedule/system'. And I sometimes sat and mostly listened as they worked through the process of solving the latest problem, speaking only when I absolutely had to.

 

If I thought any dc would be likely to become difficult, I sometimes asked dh to sit with us as they discussed things. He never said too much, but his presence had a nice effect on certain of our dc. ;)

 

This also kept me from being the 'bad guy' all the time. And it helped them slowly take responsibility for their own school. My role gradually became more of consultant (for lack of a better word).

 

Long-term results have been worth the effort, that's for sure.

 

These are great thoughts. I do this with regards to our chores, but hadn't thought of doing it with homeschool. I guess I thought my oldest was too young still, but maybe not. They both help me out with chores; I'll say "This is what needs to get done today, how can you each help me?" And each of them will offer to do a couple of things on the list, and I feel less overwhelmed, more grateful...and more forgiving when things dont' go the way I plan.

 

My oldest is pretty clear about wanting to get done a certain amount each day; he's not a slacker, by any means. So I think I could have a talk with him about what he wants to accomplish each day, and still have time for himself. Having that talk might help him take even more ownership over his day (he's pretty independent as is) and lessen my need for feeling like I need to have everything in hand at all times.