Homeschool/social skills/behaviors

[SunshineMom]

Lately, many people have commented on my children's behavior; that they are content, happy, good listeners, and polite which others contribute to our homeschooling. I have noticed more of these comments this year (we have always homeschooled) as opposed to previous years. My girls are in 3rd and 4th grade. I am wondering if these years are especially difficult for ps kids so as to make my children appear more behaved? Maybe kids in these years (3rd-5th) are especially prone to emulated poor peer behaviors? I have been told that the more we homeschool, the more our kids will be different from ps kids, socially and academically. Comments?

[Tarreymere]

I think people just hear the tired old cliche about how homeschooled kids are unsocialized (although no one really seems to know what that means anyway) and are surprised when they meet normal homeschool kids.

 

Used to be that the perception was that homeschool kids were not being properly educated and folks were surprised to run into homeschooled kids who could do things like multiply and divide. Now they expect homeschooled kids to know academic subjects but to not know how to conduct themselves in public.

 

I think that well-behaved children are a credit to the parents who put the time in to make them so, and who better to have the time to teach children how to behave than a homeschool parent? Makes sense, right?

 

And, of course, the public school kids have more practice acting just like all the other kids around them who were not taught how to behave. But hey, they're socialized (socialized to behave poorly, from what I can tell) and that is supposed to be some kind of advantage. At least that's the latest and greatest from the NEA.

[julikins]

All ears!

[sassenach]

Rainfox pretty much summed it up. I will add that 3rd grade was what inspired me to homeschool. Several of my friends who also said they would never homeschool suddenly found the inspiration after the 3rd grade year. So I would say that, yes, there is a shift around that time that is very noticeable in psed kids.

[NotAVampireLvr]

We haven't started homeschooling yet, but I'd love to comment on that. DS1 is hyperactive, but we've been able to control it with his diet, along with making sure he gets enough activity during the week. It goes very well. We have high expectations for all of our kid's behavior, and outside of school we are selective with whom they spend a great amount of time with. I don't feel as though we shelter them though.

 

When DS1 comes home from school after having a bad day, we talk about it, his choices, etc. One day he came home completely broken it seemed. I finally called the teacher and talked with her and she said he was a delight to have in class and wished more students were as polite as he was. Yes, he has his moments, but he is always apologetic and she never has to correct him more than once. For me to hear that my hyperactive child was "polite" was a huge milestone for me.

 

Public school is hard. DS1 has been in the system for 2 years and I see some big changes in him - not horrible, but not good either. He's more stressed, tired, and unable to explore interests like he wants to. In our district they just lengthened our school day and he's gone from 8-4:15. He's exhausted and we're all at our breaking point. This was our #1 factor in pulling him after this year. He's just not the same kid now as he was before he started full time in first grade. He's moody, overtired, show's no interest in anything really except what his classmates are interested in. Part of that is being 7 - I get that, but part of it is that I think emotionally he's exhausted with having to please his peers, and academically he's not working to his full potential... he's rushing to get work done because he's not being challenged enough. He's not gifted by any stretch of the imagination, but when you have 22 students in a class there's no way they are all going to be at the same academic levels. That's frustrasting for a kid.

 

Children spend the bulk of their awake hours during the school year in school. The teacher's are the ones essentially parenting during the day and there's influences left and right from their peers. Its a lot to take in and deal with for a child. I can't imagine how it is for those who have children with special needs.

 

And then people are constantly complaining what a generation of underachievers we have ... or how poorly behaved their generation is. Its really quite sad. I think in public school we're working kids harder then ever... and teacher's hands are tied more and more to how they run their classrooms. Its very difficult to discipline in a classroom anymore and teacher's are teaching just to past tests...

Edited January 13, 2012 by NotAVampireLvr

[Gingerbread Mama]

I have been told that the more we homeschool, the more our kids will be different from ps kids, socially and academically. Comments?

 

 

I am sincerely hoping this statement will prove true for my own kids. We brought them home at Christmas. Having worked IN a public school, let me tell you......you DO NOT want your kid modeling what a vast majority of those kids are doing. Even with only a month away from PS under our belt, I have seen my kids more calm and imaginative than before. I've also seen less of the "diva 'tude" from my 9 year old. I have always been told that my children were well behaved in school and in public, I'm hoping for even better form from them now that they aren't witnessing the insanity that was filling the hallways of public school (vomiting on cue, smearing poop on the walls in the FOURTH grade bathrooms, talking to adults like they are idiots.......)

[ClassicalTwins]

We were complimented during Christmas while out to eat that we (my husband & I) were so patient and respectful to our children. The gentlemen went on to say it was nice to see people talking with their kids rather than on our phone or what have you. Plus he had over heard us doing math problems and found it interesting that the boys wanted to do math (it was like 10 at night). My husband told them we home schooled. The gentleman replied that he thought more people should do it. One of the best compliments I've ever gotten.

 

When our boys attended K for one semester, they most certainly brought home behaviors that were not acceptable. Any time they spend a significant amount of time in "group" settings like day camps and such during the summer, they pick up some of the attitude and behaviors and we remind them if that's how they choose to act, then we can choose to not let them go back. But otherwise they seem "normal" to me...but they've always been social butterflies, I often joke that my husband & I are just their managers.

Edited January 13, 2012 by ClassicalTwins

[angela in ohio]

We are complimented often for our dc, but it has more to do with how we parent than homeschooling. I know many ill-behaved homeschoolers and some great public school kiddos. People ask me about homeschooling and try to chalk it up to that, because it's the most obvious way we are different, but I'm quick to correct them.

[Carrie12345]

I think personality plays a big part. My 3rd and 4th grade dds can be noticably different from their ps peers, but they do still succumb to herd mentality. I've seen them switch gears when playing with friends and relatives. While I do find it disappointing, and I am working on taming that a bit, I keep telling myself that maturity may help to develop that, um, "adaptability" into a useful skill one day. :001_huh:

[Homeschooling6]

My dh and I have been complimented many times about how well behaved the children are. They are amazed that my children don't run around the store, yell, scream and the big one is they listen.

 

One lady who owned an antique store complimented me on my parenting, she said kids just don't act like that today, meaning not touching things, running, being quiet etc.

 

Another time when we were leaving a restaurant a gentlement came up to tell us that in all his years working with families he has never seen children so well behaved. This was back when I still had toddlers. My oldest was 7yrs.

 

My opinion as a homeschooling mom I have more time to correct and train my children. My children are with me 24/7. Parents need to pour themselves into their kids, notice what they are doing, pay attention and stay alert. Parenting is hard work and takes time. When the children were toddler age every time they hit, said no etc. I would stop and take the time to correct them. I talked to them at an early age. Even if they didn't understand a word like 'share' I still told them because one day they would be old enough to understand and the word would already be a part of their life (just giving a little example).

 

I agree with it's more on how one parents then homeschooling but I also think as a homeschooling parent and spending more time with the children is a big plus.

 

I'm thankful that my dh is there and backing me up with the children. I think that comes into play as well.

Edited January 13, 2012 by Homeschooling6

[momma aimee]

Lately, many people have commented on my children's behavior; that they are content, happy, good listeners, and polite which others contribute to our homeschooling. I have noticed more of these comments this year (we have always homeschooled) as opposed to previous years. My girls are in 3rd and 4th grade. I am wondering if these years are especially difficult for ps kids so as to make my children appear more behaved? Maybe kids in these years (3rd-5th) are especially prone to emulated poor peer behaviors? I have been told that the more we homeschool, the more our kids will be different from ps kids, socially and academically. Comments?

 

i personally think it is your PARENTING and not the fact they are homeschooled -- homeschooling is a GREAT thing, of course, but it is an extention of PARENTING and not a cause by itself --

 

IMO

[kandty]

i personally think it is your PARENTING and not the fact they are homeschooled -- homeschooling is a GREAT thing, of course, but it is an extention of PARENTING and not a cause by itself --

 

IMO

 

:iagree: We have ps friends that are well behaved, but their parents work hard at that! I know homeschool kids that are horrible! Over all homeschool kids are usually more well behaved since we spend so much time with our kids and we work very hard on building their character.

[woolybear]

In all my years of hsing (we've been at this 6 years now) I would have to say I've seen hsers run the same spectrum behavior wise as non hsers. We've been with unschoolers, waldorf hsers, classical, and everything else. We've been around all ages as well, up to high school. I have been to conferences, park days, plays, coops, indoor gyms, art classes, and more. And I would pretty much say some hsers behave well, others do not. Imho, we're just regular people.:)

[5LittleMonkeys]

We are complimented often for our dc, but it has more to do with how we parent than homeschooling. I know many ill-behaved homeschoolers and some great public school kiddos. People ask me about homeschooling and try to chalk it up to that, because it's the most obvious way we are different, but I'm quick to correct them.

 

 

I agree with this completely. My dc have always been extremely well behaved in public and even at home for the most part because I work really hard to instill that in them. I've had several ps parents tell me that my dc are well behaved because I am home with them all day long; that if they were in ps it wouldn't be that way... I always hate to disappoint them by telling them that my dc behaved when they were in ps too because I have always had the same high standards for behavior ESPECIALLY out in public.

 

I agree with others who say it has little to do with homeschool vs. ps and a lot to do with the parents.

[acurtis75]

I agree that it's more about parenting than the homeschooling. As a homeschooler I have more time with my dd to parent her and correct wrong behaviors while teaching right ones than if she were in school. With that being said, I will say that my experience teaching children at church in Sunday school and Bible study tells me that there is a shift that happens in a lot of children somewhere between 3rd and 6th grade that is not positive. Attitudes of formerly cheerful learners seem to go down the drain quickly. I don't know exactly why but I just know that over the last 15 years I've watched children go from pleasant to teach to unpleasant to be in the room with in a few short years more times than I would like to count. It's not every child but it does seem that a lot of behaviors previously associated with rebellious and difficult teenagers shift to the pre-teen set and now to the late elementary group.

[Homemama2]

I think it is a combination of homeschooling and parenting. You can have obnoxious homeschooled kids the same as ps kids from poor parenting. You can have extremely well-behaved ps kids...but I think this is going to be harder since they are away from their parents all day and have more negative peer influences. A ps teacher simply cannot be expected to 'parent' all the kids in his/her class, let alone all the things happening in the halls, lunchrooms and bathrooms that a teacher doesn't even hear. And most kids want to be accepted, so they act how all of their friends act. Homeschooling allows the parent to stop the rude, obnoxious behavior immediately, talk about it, discipline etc. I honestly feel bad for ps teachers, bus drivers etc. because it seems like their hands are tied about issuing any discipline lately.

[MinivanMom]

i personally think it is your PARENTING and not the fact they are homeschooled -- homeschooling is a GREAT thing, of course, but it is an extention of PARENTING and not a cause by itself --

 

IMO

 

:iagree:

 

I think parenting matters most. I know some very polite, well-behaved public school kids and some out-of-control homeschoolers. There is something about 3rd-4th grade girls, though. I taught public school in my previous life before kids and it was something the teachers always noticed and commented on. Girl cliques and relational aggression seem to start up around 3rd grade and kick into overdrive in 4th. That can be a really hard age for girls who attend b&m schools.

[Halcyon]

My opinion as a homeschooling mom I have more time to correct and train my children. My children are with me 24/7.

 

:iagree::iagree: except my kids go to afterschool a couple of afternoons a week. But the ability to 'correct' their behavior immediately is huge.

[Trez]

I agree that it is the parenting and not the homeschooling. I have always received compliments with regard to the behaviour of my children. Two of them (ds13,ds11) attended ps up until 2 years ago and one (dd16) has always been in ps (now in grade 10).

 

When I started homeschooling, I decided to enroll my kids in a homeschool band and this year they have been attending some homeschool classes at a local museum. I have noticed the some of the kids are not polite (in my opinion) and there is at least one child who shouts out answers/extra information before any other child gets a chance and sometimes before the instructor is able to get his/her sentence out. I realize that he may not think about raising his hand but you would think that after being asked to do that for three or four times, he would follow the rules. (This is an 11 year old boy). The major difference that I have noticed with many of the homeschoolers is that they are much more comfortable speaking to adults.

 

Of course I have been on field trips with my kids in public school and there were kids with the exact same behavioural issues. Usually the teacher was able to keep the child in check or remove him from the room.

 

It has been interesting to compare the different groups of children. Kids are kids and I think that parents, homeschooling or not, have the most influence with regard to their behaviour.

[RootAnn]

We are complimented often for our dc, but it has more to do with how we parent than homeschooling. I know many ill-behaved homeschoolers and some great public school kiddos.

 

:iagree:

 

I think personality plays a big part. My 3rd and 4th grade dds can be noticably different from their ps peers, but they do still succumb to herd mentality. I've seen them switch gears when playing with friends and relatives. While I do find it disappointing, and I am working on taming that a bit, I keep telling myself that maturity may help to develop that, um, "adaptability" into a useful skill one day. :001_huh:

 

:iagree:

 

My dh and I have been complimented many times about how well behaved the children are. They are amazed that my children don't run around the store, yell, scream and the big one is they listen.

 

:iagree:

 

... this year they have been attending some homeschool classes at a local museum. I have noticed the some of the kids are not polite (in my opinion) and there is at least one child who shouts out answers/extra information before any other child gets a chance and sometimes before the instructor is able to get his/her sentence out.

 

Do your kids go to the same class as mine? :tongue_smilie: Dd#2 comes home with stories like this every week.

 

** My Opinion **

 

My kids behave in public (in general) because of dh & my making it a priority to emphasize with them. They are kids, however, and don't behave as well as we would like all the time.

 

My kids are normal kids. We, the parents, constantly work to instill in them the values and behaviors we would like them to emulate. We would do this regardless of where they receive their education. The only family with higher expectations in the area might just be the PS family across the street. I think they might be just a tad more strict than we are. :D

[Mommy22alyns]

I think people just hear the tired old cliche about how homeschooled kids are unsocialized (although no one really seems to know what that means anyway) and are surprised when they meet normal homeschool kids.

 

Used to be that the perception was that homeschool kids were not being properly educated and folks were surprised to run into homeschooled kids who could do things like multiply and divide. Now they expect homeschooled kids to know academic subjects but to not know how to conduct themselves in public.

 

I think that well-behaved children are a credit to the parents who put the time in to make them so, and who better to have the time to teach children how to behave than a homeschool parent? Makes sense, right?

 

And, of course, the public school kids have more practice acting just like all the other kids around them who were not taught how to behave. But hey, they're socialized (socialized to behave poorly, from what I can tell) and that is supposed to be some kind of advantage. At least that's the latest and greatest from the NEA.

 

 

:iagree: I recently got a comment from a prospective homeschooling mom who wanted to know what I did to have such social kids. No more than any good parent, I presume, KWIM?:)

[momma aimee]

:iagree: I recently got a comment from a prospective homeschooling mom who wanted to know what I did to have such social kids. No more than any good parent, I presume, KWIM?:)

 

AND I mine are better in pubic than at home too -- they are GREAT in classes they take -- but nuts most of the time at home. Teachers / group leaders talk about how helpful and fun they are and i stare LOL

[carlamom2ansnm]

I will add that 3rd grade was what inspired me to homeschool. Several of my friends who also said they would never homeschool suddenly found the inspiration after the 3rd grade year. So I would say that, yes, there is a shift around that time that is very noticeable in psed kids.

 

Interesting! 3rd grade is what did it to me too! I could see the changes that were happening and learned that it really wasn't something that I was liking.