I had / will have my last child at age ____ and here are my thoughts on that

[Singingmom]

We are definitely done! My husband had a vasectomy, because we didn't want to risk another AMA pregnancy. We have talked about adopting a little girl, though! I know, we're crazy! :tongue_smilie:

[choirfarm]

I married at almost 22. I had my first at 28, second at 30 and last one at 35. I'm 45 now. The downside was I was really used to being independent and having my own life. I had a hard time getting used to the 24/7 aspect of parenting. HOWEVER, dh was in med school and residency and we really wanted to wait until he was almost done and I'm really glad we did. I never resented dh's schedule until I had kids. I'm very independent and do things by myself all the time. To not be able to do things because I had 2 toddlers in tow made me resentful... But I'm afraid we would have been divorced if we had had them while he was in residency!!!!

[SweetMissMagnolia]

31--am now almost 41...not by choice but by health considerations...we wanted to have 2 kids (boy/girl) but drs told us after our son was born that we shouldn't try again....I had sooo many complications/issues too risky....

[LucyStoner]

I had my last child at 28. I have four and we likely would have had more if I didn't have issues with high blood pressure and pregnancy. To be honest, I am thankful to have had the kids at a younger age. I love being home with them right now, but I also think I'll enjoy the years that dh and I will have together after the kids are gone. I have lots of things I'd like to do with my life and I think it's neat that there will be a time when I can pursue those things more and still enjoy the company of my kids as adults. How fun is that?

 

This is us age wise. I was 28 and my husband 29 when our younger son was born. Because of a variety of reasons, including having had 2 c-sections, 5 miscarriages, being hospitalized twice during my last pregnancy and and because we want time in our late 40s and 50s that is not raising young kids, we are done. I had a 2nd trimester loss (unexpected pregnancy, baby was fine but heart stopped, genetic testing showed no issues) in the late summer. Had our baby not died, we would have a newborn next month. My husband and I both feel that we are done, though of course we loved the idea of a third child when I was pregnant.

[StartingOver]

I had my first at 19 and my last at 39. I must say that none of them were easy, I had issues every time. But it was much easier at 19 than 39. ;-) I do not regret it at all, and would do it all over again. My teen children were a bit shocked. My step daughters were more so, as I was pregnant with one of them twice, and the other once. I missed being pregnant at the same time with my daughter, and my last step daughter by just weeks. It was a wonderful bonding experience for us all though. I feel I am much closer to them, and all of them breastfed which I am very proud of. ( Two of them had children previously and never even considers breastfeeding! The kids are all so close now, and I bought a Yukon XL to haul most of them around. ;-)

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm curious to hear from you all on the issue of your thoughts on your age at last childbearing.

 

any regrets (about the timing)?

thoughts on its effects on you? your marriage? your children?

the goods? the bads? pros? cons? basically anything you want to share on the subject.

 

We're thinking about a fourth child in the future (i'm 34 now) thus the thread.

 

 

I was 26 when I had my last child.

No regrets whatsoever. I knew I didn't want to be having my kids into my 30s, but more importantly, I didn't want any of my kids more than 4 years apart. Had we not gotten pg in time to have a baby before DS6 turned 4, we would not have had another baby. That was the plan.

Personally, I like the idea of having my kids young. I got married at 18 and had my kids at 21, 23, and 26. It wasn't really always the 'plan' - I assumed, when I was in high school, that I'd get married around 21 or so and start having kids around 23. But then I met DH. :D

(DH is currently 31, I'm currently 29). We aren't having any more children biologically (I had my tubes tied with my last c/s), but adoption is never out of the question. I like the idea of being empty nesters in our forties and having lots of time together after, to travel and do all the things I would like to do. :) I think the prospect is actually kind of exciting!

I think everyone is different, and I have plenty of friends who had good pregnancies and good experiences in their 30s.

The only time I get mad is when people try to tout that 'their way is the best way' (I've had some, um, 'friends', say that they are SO glad they didn't have kids in their early 20s because it made them SO much more mature/emotionally ready/etc. When I'm sitting there it just kinda rubs me the wrong way. They could just have easily have said 'I'm glad we waited, there was just a lot going on and we weren't ready for kids.' That sounds a lot less judgmental toward those who didn't choose that route.) I don't tell people they should all have kids when they are young, and would appreciate the same in return.

Anyway, sorry for the vent. :D Carry on...

Edited January 11, 2012 by PeacefulChaos

[zookeeper]

I had my first at 23 and my youngest at 38. While I'd really love to have another baby, I'm not so sure we will anymore. I've spent the last year getting my hormones balanced and am feeling SO GOOD that I'm not sure I want to throw all that away with another pg. I'm getting to be the "fun" mom that I've always wanted to be. I've got more energy than I've had in a decade and I'm just plain enjoying myself. I wouldn't be disappointed either way, but we're not actively seeking it anymore.

[welovetoread]

We just had number 6 in July. I am going to be 35 in Feb. and my DH will be 36 in Feb. Not sure if we will have more or not. Part of me feels done, other parts not so much

[mamakim]

Last child: 45

Last pregnancy: 48

We've had children in our 20s, 30s, 40s. Now we're 50 and 51 with a 5 year old. Our 5 year old (and the two sisters before him) have an immune disorder which means, among many other things, that they awaken and need help every 2/3 hours through the night like a newborn would. Which means that - you know how people ask about your baby, "Is he sleeping through the night yet?" - we'd still be answering "no" for the 5 1/2 year old. Funny nobody asks :D.

Anyway, just to say . . . we're both doing fine with this physically and emotionally. Tired like we would've been when the older ones were up in the night (I mean, I happen to be battling cancer right now, but other than that, because that's not age related). We speak frequently how grateful we are to have each of our children and would not have stopped at 35 when everyone around us told us to (not for any specific reason but that we were "so old").

When people have been ugly enough to ask us "how will _____dd feel when she's 20 and her mother is old enough to be her grandma?" (and they have) we wonder if she would rather have never been born, and also comment that we sure hope we'll never raise anyone with such shallow and self-centered values.

[PeacefulChaos]

Last child: 45

Last pregnancy: 48

We've had children in our 20s, 30s, 40s. Now we're 50 and 51 with a 5 year old. Our 5 year old (and the two sisters before him) have an immune disorder which means, among many other things, that they awaken and need help every 2/3 hours through the night like a newborn would. Which means that - you know how people ask about your baby, "Is he sleeping through the night yet?" - we'd still be answering "no" for the 5 1/2 year old. Funny nobody asks :D.

Anyway, just to say . . . we're both doing fine with this physically and emotionally. Tired like we would've been when the older ones were up in the night (I mean, I happen to be battling cancer right now, but other than that, because that's not age related). We speak frequently how grateful we are to have each of our children and would not have stopped at 35 when everyone around us told us to (not for any specific reason but that we were "so old").

When people have been ugly enough to ask us "how will _____dd feel when she's 20 and her mother is old enough to be her grandma?" (and they have) we wonder if she would rather have never been born, and also comment that we sure hope we'll never raise anyone with such shallow and self-centered values.

 

:svengo: Why would someone ask that? That's crazy.

(speaking as someone who WAS raised by my Grandma, and never thought twice about it)

[yellowperch]

I was fortunate enough to have healthy pregnancies and children, so the transition into motherhood was not terribly difficult. I'm sure I would have had more energy and stamina if I had had them a decade sooner. But, I don't think I'd have had the patience or self-control that I have with them now, so it's a trade off.

 

I could have written the above.

 

I was 33, 35, 37, 39 and 42 when my babies were born. Hoping against hope for one more, but between DH's travel and my last (45th) birthday, I fear it is just a dream.

 

My mom was 18 when her first child was born. I see the beauty in that, too. But DH was the right guy for me, and it took me a long time to find him.

[Joyofsixreboot]

My kids were born when I was between 30 and 44. I've had 2 losses since. I feel fine, energy's good, health is good. For us there hasn't been a down side. Dh and I often look at each other and wonder what we'd do if we only had a 19 and 17 yo.

[KnitWit]

I have 6 children. My last child was my 40th birthday present, a couple of days late. :) He is now 6. As I get closer to 50, I can honestly say that I can see that having younger children around still at this age keeps *me* young and active or I would sit on my butt in my chair with a cup of something warm and knit or read my life away! BUT I certainly don't have as much energy and I CERTAINLY don't feel the same as I did when I was 25!

[lynn]

I never planned or thought about it had first at25 and last at 38.

Edited January 11, 2012 by lynn

[BakersDozen]

Dh and I often look at each other and wonder what we'd do if we only had a 19 and 17 yo.

Funny, I was just telling my dh this same thing last night, only I was never going to have more than one! Now I cannot imagine only have a 15yo.

 

My dh laughs at me as he reminds me of how important it was to me to be done raising kids while still young, how I looked forward to having an 18yo when I was only 40, etc. Now he points out to me how old I will be when the current baby is 18 and I honestly don't care. I never thought I would be over 30 and still having babies (30 to me was basically the age to start researching nursing home, lol).

 

My only hesitation in potentially having more is the miscarriage rate. I've lost 9 and my heart hurts just thinking about having more losses. Yet had I stopped after any of those 9 losses I wouldn't have what I do sitting around my dining room table each night. :001_wub:

[cin]

Our last was born when I was 39. We had a miscarriage when I was 25. If we hadn't had problems we would have more children. But they would be older. At 46 (almost 47) I am WAY to old for babies. Plus my older one has some special needs.

 

Would have loved to have had a houseful. Original plan was for 4, at least. But starting at 25, I could have had 4 kids and still be well under 35. I just have to recognize that it wasn't meant to be and be satisfied with that.

[Laura in MI]

I had my first at 19 and my last at 35. Dh wants another one, but I really don't. By the time my last is 18 I'll have been raising kids for 33 years!

 

I've been raising kids my whole adult life, I kind of wonder what it'll be like. But by the time I'm done I'm pretty sure I'll have grandkids :001_smile:

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

We will never say never. We're due to have our fifth next month, shortly before my 28th birthday.

[silliness7]

I had my youngest at 37. Age alone wouldn't preclude me from having another. I find having young ones keeps me feeling like a young mom.

[Tigger]

I had my last child at age 44 (a couple of months shy of 45); my first was born when I was 38, so to me there isn't much difference even though there is six years between the two of them.

 

any regrets (about the timing)?

I sometimes wish DH and I had met earlier, but we were both previously married and I didn't have any children with my first husband (blessing in disguise) and if I'd met DH sooner, he would have been married too, so it wouldn't have worked out for timing differently.

 

thoughts on its effects on you?

I don't have a younger me with kids to compare to since I had my first as an already "older" mom.

 

your marriage?

I think DH and I are actually well suited to parenthood at our ages - DH doesn't know me "working" since when we met I was on a scheduled break from the work I did (I was an independent contractor and usually took 4-6 months off after every 12-18 months to travel and met him when I was just starting a break) and we decided before we got married that I wouldn't go back to work since we were hoping to get pregnant shortly after we married and we did, six months later! DH has also said that at our age, he was ready to have kids - when he was younger, he didn't want to have kids....DH actually would like to try to have one more, but at 45 I'm not sure it'll happen, but who knows? I would be open to one more if my health isn't negatively harmed and the baby isn't at risk.

your children?

I don't think DS7 even notices I'm older than most of his friends parents - but I'm not that much older than some, maybe 1-5 years older.

 

the goods?

Financially we're comfortable to have two kids now and I think we both have a lot of patience too. DH and I are both physically active, so I'm not sure our age really matters when it comes to doing things with the kids.

 

the bads?

Retirement versus college savings

[mcconnellboys]

I had my last child at age 38 because that's how long it took to get pregnant after the first time (severe endometriosis)....

 

We would have liked to have had 3 children, but that was not possible....

 

Its effect? Well, it was stressful, but that was as much due to the death of my MIL, a move halfway across the country, new job for my husband, continued problems with schools for my oldest that led to us homeschooling, etc., etc. The birth was not problematic for my marriage or our oldest son.

 

As most here know, it's hard to homeschool with a 2 year old in tow (at least a 2 year old boy). We opted for outside pre-school, good for all of us. There are certainly other ways this could be handled.... But we wanted another child and so of course we felt it was well worth it....

[cindergretta]

I am pregnant with my last and I will be 39 next month. I am due in September.

 

This was a carefully planned pregnancy that we both wanted. I am scared (now!) half out of my wits after wanting and yearning for this pregnancy. Now I am freaking out about my history (pre-eclampsia twice, PIH, Class I HELLP Syndrome) and wondering what on earth was I thinking?!?!

 

For *us,* we really love and enjoy each stage of childhood and love parenting. We can't see ever not wanting to do what we are doing now. That said, I wonder if we are just going to be tired. :001_huh: Maybe grandparenting can take the place of parenting... :tongue_smilie:

[ereks mom]

Dh & I were married for 10 years when our first was born; that allowed us time to get to know each other and to get established before we had children. I always wanted only 2 children, one boy & one girl, in that order, which is exactly what we have. I had my son when I was 29 (3 months before my 30th birthday), and I had my daughter when I was 33 (13 days before my 34th birthday). I had wanted to be finished having children by the time I was 35.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I have always planned on having my last child by the age of 30. Wanting to have enough energy for my kids being the main reason (not that I have enough energy now.)

 

I did not plan on having my last child at 22 :blink: But after having HELLPs with the first and the second being born pre-mature, we're praying and thinking hard about having another one. (I REALLY want a girl :001_wub:)

[Jenny in GA]

I had my last child at age 36 (well, a couple weeks before I turned 37) and then went through menopause about 15 months after he was born. My husband turned 40 the week our last child was born.

 

I think our biggest disappointment is that I often feel like I might not live to see my grandchildren, or at least won't have the ability or energy to do much with them, and won't get to see them grow up.

 

Along the same lines, my SIL had her first child at age 20. My in-laws used to take the grandkids on vacation, have them stay at their house for the weekend, etc. They are too old now and are unable to do things like that with our kids.

 

Our friends/acquaintances our age all have kids that are much older, and so they often have different challenges and different things to talk about. But I guess that's not a big deal. Still, we definitely do feel like old parents. We would have preferred having our kids younger, but it took us a long time to get out act together with careers, etc, which is why things panned out as they did.

Edited January 11, 2012 by Jenny in GA
Giving more info

[Kebo]

I had my last child at 43. I am more tired than I was with my first, but my older kids really help out with her, and she is super bonded to my dh.

 

The good is that we have more money and other resources than we had when we were younger, and the bad is that I have less energy.

 

This is me, too, except that I was 44. I worry about finances more as an older parent. I worry about being an embarrassment because of looking older (when we get to the teenage years! Not yet, thankfully). I wish I had the energy I used to have, to play more.

 

Overall, though, it has been a very large blessing :001_smile:

[elinnea]

I had my youngest when I was 37. No more for us, I just don't have the energy for it. Dh has a very demanding job and has to travel constantly so the kids are basically 100% my responsibility. If the circumstances were different I would have liked to have one more- preferably between my dd and younger ds as there is quite a gap (7 years).

[MeaganS]

We're thinking this will likely be our last (although we might have one more). I am currently 26. If we have one more, it will likely be in 2 years, so at max I'll be 28.

 

I'm very excited to be done having kids before I'm 30! My dh is only a year older than I am, so we will both be in our mid-forties when all our kids are college-aged. I look forward to all of the service activities and traveling we'll be able to do then (assuming all goes as planned).

[FairProspects]

Currently, the last was at 28, but the jury is still out, so...:bigear:

[kalanamak]

 

The good is that we have more money and other resources than we had when we were younger, and the bad is that I have less energy.

 

I'll add to the good that I have more time ("those that strive, arise at five; those that have striven may arise at seven") and also wisdom/patience.

[jar7709]

I was 27 when my first was born and 29 when my second and last was born. This was according to my plan, I wanted to be done with pgs by the time I was in my 30s. This gave DH and I 5 years to be married and enjoy most of our 20s together before kids, and will hopefully still give us lots of time together when they've flown the coop. :001_smile:

[Amy in NH]

I'm curious to hear from you all on the issue of your thoughts on your age at last childbearing.

 

I was 35 when I had my last child. It had been my plan all along to be finished by/at 35.

 

any regrets (about the timing)?

no regrets

 

thoughts on its effects on you? your marriage? your children?

I had my four children over a 10 year period. The pregnancies became more difficult as I aged. The last pregnancy was the most difficult. As a counter-culture birther, I didn't want to have to deal with the testing stuff that goes along with an advanced maternal age.

 

My husband is a couple of years older than me. He didn't want to be too old to enjoy the kids, or to save for retirement in earnest when they are grown and I go back to work. He felt strongly that four were enough (and that was the number I had wanted to begin with). I was afraid I wouldn't feel "done" after having #4, but I really do feel ready to move on with the next phase of our lives.

 

I think the children are happy with the siblings they have. With their wide range of ages, I'm glad they homeschool so they can develop and maintain close relationships with each other.

 

the goods? the bads? pros? cons? basically anything you want to share on the subject.

 

I had more energy to play with the older kids when they were little. But as a mature mother I have more patience for the younger kids than I did when the older ones were little.

 

For a variety of reasons, my third child was the most enjoyable infancy for me. I was experienced enough to know how to care for my pregnancy and what I wanted from my birth experience (and to make it happen), and comfortable with my role as a mother. The older boys were independent enough not to be a drain, and to be helpful. My third son's temperament was very easy going, but that might have been partially a reflection of my level of relaxation and satisfaction during his gestation and infancy.

[TeachingTwins]

I laugh to myself when I see someone talking about being an "older" or "mature" mother when giving birth at around 35. I was 45 (almost 46) when I had my first and last child (twins two minutes apart).

 

I would have definitely chosen to have kids at a younger age, but I just didn't meet my dh until I was 42. Neither one of us had ever married before or had children, so we spent three years on infertility treatments, and it worked!

 

I can't compare to being a younger mom, but I believe they are keeping us young. Maybe I don't have as much energy as a younger mom, but the pros are that we are financially stable and I had taken my career to the highest corporate level that I wanted to go. So I didn't really mind retiring from the corporate workforce. My dh and I also have a lot of incentive to work out and take care of ourselves so we can be as healthy as possible as we get older.

 

Other cons are I have been asked about my "grandchildren" more times than I can count. I still haven't come up with a great line to reply with!

[Runningmom80]

I had my twins at 30. I always wanted to be done by 30, and it worked out pretty well. It just felt that was right for me. I had my older son at 26, which was old enough that I was in a good place mentally and financially. I'm glad we are fairly young to chase after twins. LOL

 

Plus we keep saying we are going to live it up and travel when they go off to college. I'll be 48, DH will be 50. That's still a whole lot of living to do. (Hopefully!)

Edited January 12, 2012 by Runningmom80

[JFSinIL]

Last kiddo came a month before I turned 37. Twins came when I was 32 - another singleton at age 34.

 

My dad was born when Grandma was 40.

 

I would have more... but am in 50s, now, so waiting for (eventual) grandbabies.

[amy g.]

I forgot about the grandchildren comments.

 

Miss Good and my last two girls are blonds. They look much more like her than me. People always tell me how special it must be to spend so much time with my grandchildren.

[littlebug42]

I was 32 when I had my last child and I am good with that. Pregnancy was the worst kind of misery for me both times. The thought of doing it again now that I am 40 brings me to tears and not in a good way. I feel that to have another child at this point would take me away too much from my girls and I don't think I would be able to continue homeschooling. It is not worth the trade off for me.

[EKS]

I had my last child at age 34 and after that experience (the pregnancy part) there is no way I would want to have another. I consider 34 young, but it was much more difficult for me than the first time around when I was 28. Now that I'm 44, I can't even imagine having another, though with my cycle running at 21 days, it seems that my body is trying to give me lots of chances.

[Jennifer in MI]

I haven't read the entire thread. I'm 41. I had my kids at 25, 26, 29, and 35. If I had it my way, I'd have had a TON more between number 2 and 3. But, as it was, we lost three in there.

 

Now. I just don't want any more. I don't think I could handle the loss. The stress of the loss. The what-ifs. I'm happy with my family of six. I do wish my dd had a little sister though . . .

 

And, a friend just had a baby at 41. Her baby is VERY cute. . .

[forty-two]

Barring an accidental surprise, I had my last one at 30. I'm still processing it, tbh. Not the age so much as only having three. But we had medical issues with ds0 - rH incompatibility - that will only get worse with each subsequent pg. Dh and I have decided to not risk another. But I really wanted four :(. Just not enough to risk the complications - both rH and potential preemie issues.

 

On the bright side, it will be easier to hs the way I want to without more babies/toddlers underfoot. And we can travel easier.

 

But it still burns me to have everyone assume we are stopping b/c we finally got our boy. I want to scream that we might not be having any more, but it's *not* b/c we've completed our set or something. But I don't really want to go into everything with acquaintances and random strangers.

[Serenade]

I had my last child at age 39. Regrets? Yep. I worry a lot about my health, and that I'll live long enough to see my kids turn 18. I am also sad that I just don't have the energy that younger moms seem to have. Would I do it again? Probably, but I'm not sure one should really delay child bearing so long if one has a choice. For me, I didn't even get married until I was 32, and then we didn't "get to work" right away, and I wish we had started earlier.

[ThelmaLou]

I had my last one at age 34 (knock on wood...I intend for him to be my last.) My first 4 boys were about 2 years apart, then we had a big gap between #4 and #5. Almost 6 years, to be exact. He was definitely a sweet surprise. Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way.....BUT....the reason I had planned to *stop* having kids after #4 was that I wanted my "baby" years and my "school" years to be as separate as possible...as in "never the twain shall meet." I wanted to be able to fully focus on my older school-age kids without the distractions of a baby, and especially a toddler.

 

God had other plans, which again...I don't second guess at all. I am thrilled with our precious ds #5. Period. But my fears that the arrival of a baby would severely crimp my style in the homeschool arena were well founded. He's wonderful and a complete blessing....AND the biggest source of distraction in every way.

 

ETA: I also had 4 miscarriages sprinkled in between the first four live births. Another reason that I'm ready to be done with childbearing is that I'm in no way one of those "glowing" pregnant ladies. I have friends who never feel so great as when they're pregnant. Um...that's not me. The possibility of never being pregnant again thrills me.

Edited January 12, 2012 by ThelmaLou

[prairiebird]

I'm 35 and expecting right now, but it's a bit shaky. If we lost him/her, I'd probably still want to try again. I don't think I'd want a biological child after 38 though, but I'd be open to adoption until my early 40's barring any health scares.

[nukeswife]

I had my last child 22 days after my 31st birthday.

 

The timing and spacing of my kids was perfect for us. Although with homeschooling it can be difficult to have the almost 4 year gap between my middle and youngest, but we make it work.

 

There are times I wish dh had not gone in for the big snip, because I would have loved another or 2 or 3, but he was content with 3 and we had talked about having kid before and I had said 3 would be perfect. I guess before I had them I didn't realize just how much I would love being a mom.

Even though there are days I wish we would have had more, there are more days that I am happy our kids are the ages they are. Dh and I can leave them home alone and oldest is so responsible about being in charge. It's nice to have date night, or when dh is on deployment I can go grocery shopping and not have to cart them all along when they really don't want to be there.

 

I think me wanting more from time to time is really just because I see my SILs having babies or my dh's cousins and just get that bug. If we lived closer and I could spoil their babies I think I wouldn't get that feeling about wanting more.

[Amy in NH]

I laugh to myself when I see someone talking about being an "older" or "mature" mother when giving birth at around 35. I was 45 (almost 46) when I had my first and last child (twins two minutes apart).

 

You can laugh to yourself, but I don't believe a first time mother is a mature mother at any age.

 

And someone having their last child at 35 is older than they were when they had their first child at 25.

[PentecostalMom]

First at 20 (lost one a year before), most recent one at 40 (lost one between the two dd's in my signature) and not "done". We are on God's plan and this is our family so far. Actually hoping for more and twins would be awesome! I know they are tiring and all that jazz, my SIL has twin 4yo boys and a 2yo. Still would love some! Thinking of adopting, too. In short, our family does not have to expand biologically, but it can. We would love more kids either way!

[Mommyfaithe]

I was 39....and totally done. No regrets. My dd was getting married, and I wanted to be able to be a good grandma someday....I also have some health issues that made having more children somewhat more dangerous....no regrets. I am finally getting some energy back....and I am enjoying my kids more and more every day. I know how fast they grow up...I am savoring each moment.

 

Faithe

[Rjmakmom]

I had my first baby 2 days before my 20th b'day, and also at 23, 24, 29 and my last at 30. I would have loved 1 more, but we are done now.

[Sahamamama]

Oldest child at just turned 38, C-section (breech).

 

Twins at nearly 40, C-section (also breech). Tubes tied.

 

Happy about that.

[meggie]

Had my first at 21. Had my second at 25. Had my third at 26. I'm done. DONE. I know I'm young to make that kind of decision, so we haven't done anything permanent. There was a big grieving period after my second, because things got so bad after he was born that I couldn't in good conscious put the two I already had or any future ones through such h*ll. Then we got a sweet little surprise. Things were not as bad, but still bad enough that I didn't want to put anyone through it again. Less grieving, but still feeling very heartsick and guilty over the fact that I feel like a failure. DH is very supportive of me and has mostly left the decision up to me since the majority of the work falls to me. He thinks it would probably be best to stop now too.