TechWife Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 This is the assignment for Lesson 5, Observing a Food. The student is in the 9th grade. Title: The Pretzel Observed At a once in a lifetime opportunity to observe Pretzulus Annie in its natural habitat, we move in closer. You order a pretzel with cheese sauce. Buttery and yeasty, it's distinct aroma fills your nostrils. The golden brown coloring is a sing of good pretzel construction. You bit into it. It has just the right amount of salt, enough to counterbalance the sweetness and give a nice crunch to it. Mmm, something is off, though. Needs more cheese sauce, though you bite into it again, being careful to remember to dip it into cheese sauce beforehand. Mmm. The velvety texture of the cheese sauce coats the tongue. Then, before you notice, you have eaten it all! My feedback: Need to decide first or second person. I will suggest first. Word choice - overuse of "Mmm" & "though" Sentence beginning "Needs more..." is an incomplete sentence. Any other suggestions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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