How often does your 11 YO boy cry?

[Moxie]

My son will be 11 in March. He still cries almost daily and ALWAYS about the dumbest thing. He is crying right now because I told him to put hole punches in his Latin tests and put them in the binder NOT hanging out of the front pocket. He says that will ruin his tests. I put hole punches in them anyway (I'm really tired of papers on the floor). He has always been a crier and we just keep waiting for him to outgrow it. I'm tired of it.

[DianeW88]

Only when he's physically injured. He's really not a crier.

[Cassy]

DS10 will be 11 at the end of February. He never cries. He did go through a phase of snivelling a bit, when we first started homeschooling just over two years ago; I think it was the horrible realisation that he was expected to work, and not just play at home all day. He never got much of a reaction, just told to pull himself together.

 

Best wishes

 

Cassy

[jolley]

Mine does daily, unfortunately. The younger ds' only cry when they are injured.

[KathyBC]

I have a crier who will be 12 in March. Especially when he's tired, he can get upset at his siblings in a heartbeat. I would say he still cries over something silly maybe once a day.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I've had one that cried more than average. I had a hard time being patient with the whole thing. I am not a crier. I finally took him aside when he was NOT upset and said, "Look, kid. You cry about silly stuff sometimes and if other kids find that out, they are NOT going to be nice about it. They are going to see you as a victim. You need to quit it." Then I would send him out of the room to calm down every single time he would get worked up. I would tell him that he wasn't allowed to cry over paper, or other silly things. And if it was truly over something dumb, I told him to "man-up."

 

I am all for people being able to cry over grief, sorrow, etc... but not over silly stuff. I ended up having to verbally list things that WERE socially ok to cry about and things that were NOT.

[kewb]

When ds was 11 he cried over everything and anything. It is the hormones. This too shall pass.

[myfunnybunch]

Mine cries sometimes, usually out of frustration. It's been happening a little more often lately, so I expect we'll be seeing signs of puberty in the next year or so. Eleven is a difficult and wonderful age to be...I see mine teetering on the edge between growing up and still being a child.

 

I try to balance between being kind and matter-of-fact, not giving a *whole* lot of attention. LOL, though, I do have my moments when I think "Really? STILL, you're crying? Over that????" Sigh....They will get a handle on it eventually. I was the same way at that age, and as an adult I so rarely cry that the last time I did, my dh was shocked.

 

Cat

[eternalknot]

I live with boys that are 10, 11, and 12.

 

The 10 year old has never been a cryer. Even as a baby, nothing phased him.

 

The 11 year old is a perfectionist, and fusses an average of 3-4 times per week. He's the only one of the three doing home school. He only does so in relation to school things: eraser marks muddying up his papers, being assigned and overwhelmed by extra math problems, etc. He's a perfectionist outside of school, but somehow manages to hold it together for that stuff when things go awry. He'd fuss at the situation described in the OP.

 

The 12 year old has always been a bit of baby. He cried about every last little injustice or unfairness up until about 10/11 - it was his default setting if something didn't go right or his way. Moving up to middle school seemed to be the turning point for him. He's still a bit of a whiner, but he doesn't really fuss any more.

 

Hang in there!

[Desert Rat]

My crier will be 12 in May. He spent half an hour crying this morning. I've seen a lot of improvement over the last 2 years. He no longer cries in public (he does tear up, but gets it under control). And he doesn't cry for as long at home. We even have tear-free days!

I took a few steps to make this happen.

For crying in public, when he reached 9, I said he was too old to carry on. I would make every effort to get him to the car or somewhere private and let him get himself together. This really worked!

At home, we send him to his room (unless, of course, he is hurt). He is not being punished. He can come out as soon as he gets himself together. I also ignore him when I start to see him tear up. If I mention it or ask about what's wrong, he will definitely cry. If I ignore him, he is able to get himself together pretty quickly.

Some of it might be age. I remember my brother stopped crying so much at around 12. My dh said he did as well.

Man, it drives me crazy though!

[Shellers]

My DS will be 12 in April and he rarely cries. The last time I can remember him crying was one year ago. One of our dogs died.

 

My DD 13 is a perfectionist and her eyes well up a few times a day. She's very sensitive, it's just who she is. She's also a red head so when she cries her face is stained red for a few hours.

[mom2jjka]

My DS will well up with tears quite often, but they rarely spill over....unless I'm asking him to do something involving writing. :glare:

[Joanne]

If it's less than an average of 1.765 times a quarter or more than an average of 2.87 times a week, it's recommended you get therapy. :glare::lol:

 

 

Ok, seriously, my 12 (almost 13 year old) is fairly sensitive and expressive. He cries about 2 - 3 times a month, often over animals, unkindness, family misunderstanding.

 

 

I am not a crier. I tend towards stoic and have to admit I place value on stoic. It would be a parenting challenge for me to have a sensitive soul, especially a boy.

 

Sometimes it IS helpful to know that OCD, sensory issues, perfectionism, allergies, or some other organic origin can exacerbate the crying propensity. Those symptoms can be assisted professionally, if you don't believe that help is from the devil.

[abbeyej]

If you're only at "kind of tired of it", you are a far kinder, gentler, more patient parent than I would be. Crying over non-issues (not truly injured, not really a heart-break type issue) in children past toddlerhood equals a trip to one's room, alone, to regain composure in our house. I would simply not be able to maintain a patient and charitable attitude toward a child who was consistently subjecting me to tears over non-issues. I wouldn't be *mean* about it, but I would encourage the child to excuse him or herself to his/her own room until they could regain composure.

Edited January 9, 2012 by abbeyej

[teachermom2834]

I consider my 11.5 yo boy my most high strung kid but I have to admit neither of us can remember the last time he cried even though he has had some recent injuries.

[katilac]

I don't have a boy, but I've seen plenty of them cry, and personally I aim to be gender-neutral where emotion and crying is concerned. 11 seems to be a rough age, even in public, and then it slowly improves as the hormones level out.

 

My strategy is to try and be solutions-oriented, rather than get into the discussion or declaration of what is silly or not. In your example, I would say, "You don't want holes in your paper. I don't want your papers falling out. What solutions are there?" and we would quickly realize that slash jackets or page protectors would solve the problem.

 

My 11-yr-old girl would possibly cry over that, especially if it was one of her favorite binders that she wanted to look a certain way. She sleeps on top of her made bed with a throw to keep warm, because she like the bed to look just so, and it takes too long to do from scratch every morning. Lots of people have these OCD tendencies, it's just easier for adults to cater to them. When I was in the working world, I would buy supplies and planners not on the approved list, b/c I would rather spend my own money and have things the way I want them :001_smile:

 

Our agreement is that they will work as hard as they can to talk rather than get upset or cry right away, and I will work as hard as I can to accommodate reasonable requests (and I think using page protectors for kids who hate punched paper is reasonable, b/c it's easy enough and cheap enough). They know that other teachers and classes may not be as flexible.

 

When we do have meltdowns, we eventually talk about what they could have done differently. If it's just making faces or sniffing, it's ignored if they are able to proceed. Sometimes it has to be done a certain way, sometimes they melt down about it, and all they can do at that point is work harder the next time.

[cassiemc]

My newly turned 12 year old rarely cries, but he did just say that it was fine to cry everyday, if you need too, as it lets go of strong emotion :)

[Catherine]

My 10 yo ds is a stoic, it's really ONLY school frustrations (math and writing esp) that bring the tears. He can get pretty banged up and not cry. But long division? Major waterworks. Sigh.

[KungFuPanda]

All. The. Time. He's 11.5 with no end in site. My oldest used to balance him out by being fairly laid back, but she's almost 15 now, so I seem to make someone cry over something every day.

[TheApprentice]

My ds11 can get emotional fairly quick, but no tears regularly.

[Laura Corin]

Not often. Maybe once every few months.

 

Laura

[msjones]

My older son was the King of All Crybabies. We thought it would never ever end. (I'm sure our friends and family thought so too!)

 

It did end. It ended when he was about 10.

 

Now he rarely cries -- less than once a month, I'd say. He's still really sensitive, but the crying has mostly ended.

[Caitilin]

My ds 11-next-month cries about once a week. The last time was because he felt bad for having accidentally hurt me.:tongue_smilie: For us, last year was a much harder one, and ds cried more often, over stupider stuff. This too shall pass. :grouphug:

[StephanieZ]

Each person is different in how they process emotions. I wouldn't get worked up about it. If you don't react strongly, he'll probably learn to handle his feelings better sooner. Don't be mean, but don't encourage it either. Just acknowledge that, "Yeah, I see you are really upset about that. It's OK. Just do it anyway. By the way, what movie do you want to watch after dinner?" and then go on with your day.

 

ETA: I realize I forgot to answer. My 12 yo cried about once a month when he was 11. Only out of extreme upset about being in trouble and/or being angry with a parent, or a pet dying, or from serious physical pain from injury.

[TheAutumnOak]

Each person is different in how they process emotions. I wouldn't get worked up about it. If you don't react strongly, he'll probably learn to handle his feelings better sooner. Don't be mean, but don't encourage it either. Just acknowledge that, "Yeah, I see you are really upset about that. It's OK. Just do it anyway. By the way, what movie do you want to watch after dinner?" and then go on with your day.

 

:iagree:

 

My 12 yo cried about once a month when he was 11. Only out of extreme upset about being in trouble and/or being angry with a parent, or a pet dying, or from serious physical pain from injury.

 

:iagree: with this as well...My son is 11 and the above is what he cries for...Maybe a few times in a month though...

[walkermamaof4]

I called this center called Brain Balance just last week to ask this question about my ds9. The lady said to read the book Disconnected Kids and that my ds is probably left brain weak. Then she went on to describe other traits of his to a tee. It was remarkable. I got off the phone and called my sister and we just couldn't believe what she was able to say about him with that little bit of info! So, maybe check if you have a Brain Balance center near you and read the book. We haven't done much yet, but did begin reading it. It tells things you can do to strengthen their brain's functioning on its weak side and help both sides work well together.

[EKS]

I've dealt with crying that is about nothing by putting my boys in their rooms. Every single time it happens. After a week or two, it diminishes considerably.

[mama2cntrykids]

My 11 y/o ds would have to be hurting pretty badly physically to cry. When he was 4-8 years old, he cried a lot. I haven't seen him actually cry tears for probably at least two years.

[Splinter]

My oldest is 9.5, but he hasn't cried since the summer, and then it was when he broke his thumb.

 

But, my kids know that I don't take crying over silly things. If they do, they're clearly overtired and are sent to bed on the spot. That goes for whining too, actually.

[Daisy]

My nearly 10yo has just started this. It isn't a full-on wail or anything like that. He actually tends to be embarrassed about it and goes off by himself to avoid having it mentioned. It tends to just be when he is overly emotional. Not hurt but more upset. He just seems to have his emotions closer to the surface here in the last 6 months. It is must easier to either tick him off or make him cry lately. I'm thinking hormones or something.