ChristusG Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 I'll try to make this short. Both of my sisters are engaged. To help save my parents some money, they were going to have a double wedding. However, both sisters have opposite ideas as to what they want/need. My 18 year old sister has LOTS of anxiety issues and doesn't want to walk down the aisle with a bunch of people watching. So she's pretty much decided to scrap the double wedding idea and go for something VERY small. My other sister (27 years old) wants their original double wedding idea. My two sisters, along with my mom, have already reserved a place for the wedding. This was before my youngest sister decided she would have too much anxiety to walk down the aisle in front of a large audience. So my 27 year old sister still wants the wedding at the prior determined venue, time, etc. Problem is.....the cost and timing. My parents cannot pay for two weddings and two receptions. Plus, not sure how people would attend two weddings that weekend. Well, only very immediate family will be at my youngest sister's wedding, so that issue wouldn't apply to most people. So they are thinking of having a shared reception after my 27 year old sister's wedding. And maybe my 18 year old sister having her tiny wedding the night before? I'm not sure how it would all work. I'm wondering if the Hive has any other/better/more creative ideas. My 18 year old sister dreams of having all the "bells and whistles" of a wedding, but she knows that if she goes that route, she will be so filled with anxiety that she very well may pass out or something. Not sure how we could work out a great, tiny wedding and have my other sisters wedding, and the reception too. And if the wedding has a wedding party (as my 27 year old sister wants) then when in the world would the rehearsal dinner be? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Probably the easiest thing for your folks would be to decide how much they could afford, and give that to each sister. That way, each sister has the choice in what to do and how to do it, including adding to the budget herself. I think 2 weddings in a wknd would be way too much for everyone involved, and possibly lead to one bride or the other feeling neglected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Could your younger sister not walk down the aisle? Possibly entering a different way, through a side or something? Would she be able to stand in front if she didn't have to walk up or face the crowd? She could face the minister and her husband only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamajo Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Why in this day and time do parents pay for the kids' entire wedding? I agree with the previous poster that the parents should decide what to contribute split it in half and that will be that. However..... I do like the day before wedding for one sister with the rehearsal dinner for the second sister combining as a reception for the first sister. Depending on the time table, the rehearsal could be first with everyone changing to go to the one wedding afterward and then the rehearsal/reception dinner. Rehearsals should be 1-2 hours max (with an efficient wedding planner) and a small ceremony less than 30 minutes then everyone can relax and eat afterward. Immediate family would be the only overlap in terms of guest. These daughters should definitely be contributing to the cost of these events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Anxiety is treatable. If your 18 year old sister wants the big wedding, but anxiety is getting in the way, cognitive behavioral therapy is very effective. Seems to me that that would meet the most needs. It gives your 18 year old sister what she really wants and doesn't force others to change plans. Plus, the techniques she will learn (it is a skills-based therapy, not a "talk about your wounds" therapy) can be applied in any future situations in which she experiences anxiety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Could your younger sister have a small wedding at home or in a small area at church Friday evening? It could be low key with close family members. The supper following that could be the rehersal dinner as well as a time for family to mingle and say congrats. Saturday could be your older sister's wedding followed by a joint reception. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Anxiety is treatable. If your 18 year old sister wants the big wedding, but anxiety is getting in the way, cognitive behavioral therapy is very effective. Seems to me that that would meet the most needs. It gives your 18 year old sister what she really wants and doesn't force others to change plans. Plus, the techniques she will learn (it is a skills-based therapy, not a "talk about your wounds" therapy) can be applied in any future situations in which she experiences anxiety. I changed my mind to agree with this. :) If younger sister really wants the big wedding but just can't handle the anxiety, treating the anxiety really would be best. If she actually wants a small wedding, that's a different story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Can they use the same venue for the wedding and have 2 ceremonies? I'm thinking your 18yo sis could get married with just family at 1pm. Then 27yo sis could get married a little later like an hour? Everyone at the first will be able to attend the second. Then they can share the reception. The only hitch would be that 27yo sis might not be able to see 18 yo sis get married unless she got ready a bit early. That's what I've got. LOL Or cognitive therapy/meds starting now and hopefully she will be much improved by the wedding date. I think that would be too much pressure for her though. Like, "I have to be all better by xxx." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Is your younger sister's anxiety over specifically -and only- walking down the aisle in front of all the people? Or is her anxiety related to being the center of attention, of which walking down the aisle signifies the beginning ...? If it's the former, there are a few different ways to handle it creatively; if it's the latter, I think a small separate ceremony is the best bet. FWIW I don't have bona fide anxiety problems, but I'm not comfortable being the center of attention. My wedding reflected that :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Have younger sister married the night before, at the rehearsal dinner. That way only the wedding party will be there, very small. Then joint rehearsal the next day, after the older sister's wedding. OR: Friday night, younger sister has wedding. Followed by rehearsal dinner for older sister. Saturday day: ceremony for older sister Sunday morning: reception for both Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Anxiety is treatable. If your 18 year old sister wants the big wedding, but anxiety is getting in the way, cognitive behavioral therapy is very effective. Seems to me that that would meet the most needs. It gives your 18 year old sister what she really wants and doesn't force others to change plans. Plus, the techniques she will learn (it is a skills-based therapy, not a "talk about your wounds" therapy) can be applied in any future situations in which she experiences anxiety. That level of anxiety does not sound healthy for a woman going into a marriage. A small wedding is FINE, but to want a "real" wedding but not have it due to anxiety is sad and unnecessary. And I think she should work on that whether or not she ends up with a big wedding. If I were your parents, I'd figure out how much they can afford (or not afford) to budget, divide that number in 2, and tell each sister that is what they have to work with and they can do a double wedding or not. Could your younger sister have a small wedding at home or in a small area at church Friday evening? It could be low key with close family members. The supper following that could be the rehersal dinner as well as a time for family to mingle and say congrats. Saturday could be your older sister's wedding followed by a joint reception. I think this is one way to work it to get it all done in a weekend without overwhelming everyone. Younger sister would need to be ok with very low key and numbers though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Is younger sister an anxious person in general, or is she anxious about getting married, as in, not sure she wants to get married? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Can they use the same venue for the wedding and have 2 ceremonies?I'm thinking your 18yo sis could get married with just family at 1pm. Then 27yo sis could get married a little later like an hour? Everyone at the first will be able to attend the second. Then they can share the reception. The only hitch would be that 27yo sis might not be able to see 18 yo sis get married unless she got ready a bit early. That's what I've got. LOL Or cognitive therapy/meds starting now and hopefully she will be much improved by the wedding date. I think that would be too much pressure for her though. Like, "I have to be all better by xxx." :iagree: Small wedding first followed by some time to unwind/snack at the church. Then the other sister gets ready for the bigger ceremony. Share the reception. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Can they use the same venue for the wedding and have 2 ceremonies?I'm thinking your 18yo sis could get married with just family at 1pm. Then 27yo sis could get married a little later like an hour? Everyone at the first will be able to attend the second. Then they can share the reception. The only hitch would be that 27yo sis might not be able to see 18 yo sis get married unless she got ready a bit early. That's what I've got. LOL Or cognitive therapy/meds starting now and hopefully she will be much improved by the wedding date. I think that would be too much pressure for her though. Like, "I have to be all better by xxx." I was going to suggest younger sis get married at the reception, but I like Kalah's idea better! Have younger's wedding a few hours earlier w/ just family, and a joint reception. I do think she needs help for her anxiety though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 It seems to me we're missing what the groom and his side would want. Do they want to share their wedding day with either the sister's wedding or all that is involved with a wedding rehearsal for the other sister? If all 4 parties involved are ok with sharing a big wedding, I think the younger sister should investigate how to handle her anxiety. Everyone wouldn't be just looking at her - she would share the attention with her sister. Let her know that she can use the wedding veil to hide behind! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Why in this day and time do parents pay for the kids' entire wedding?I agree with the previous poster that the parents should decide what to contribute split it in half and that will be that. . These daughters should definitely be contributing to the cost of these events. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nash_mom Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 What if your younger sister got married right after the older one. When my sister got married in October, they took most of the pictures before and just a few after. What if they had the younger sister's wedding when you normally have a million and one pictures right after the first wedding.Everyone else would just already go to the reception. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Are people coming from out of town? Otherwise, another idea is to have the two weddings on different weekends. Maybe the older one with the bigger wedding (and the groom?) could contribute some toward the reception. Then the younger sister could have a very small, private (as in immediate family only) wedding, with just a gathering in the back room of a restaurant afterward. Even the small gathering can be made very special, I think! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdreeves Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 If the 18 yo sister wants to do this, and wants help, my first questions would be: a. what is your definition of tiny? b. who do you want at your ceremony? If these are compatible with the Friday ceremony, rehearsal then large wedding and joint reception idea, go for it. I would be cautious until everyone has defined their expectations....much easier now to agree it won't work, than to be half way there and discover that you aren't on the same page!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 I think it's fine to do the tiny wedding the night before. If your family pushes forward with confidence and smiles your guests will follow your lead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 How about having the younger sister's wedding on the friday and turning the rehearsal dinner into a low key simple wedding breakfast type thing. Then they older sister can have her big wedding and reception as planned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Another idea. Younger sister gets married away, like an elopement, just her and her hubby to be, the weekend before. Something small but wonderful. They honeymoon that week, then return and attend big sister's wedding and you have a double reception for both couples. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 I'd keep to one wedding since it's expensive and the guest list is the same, but have the younger sister get married DURING rehearsal. (The key players, including the minister are THERE.) OR have her get married just before the older one on the wedding day before ALL of the guests arrive. If she relaxes and changes her mind she can still opt to walk down the aisle at the ceremony. She could opt for an elopment, or small destination wedding a few weeks before, then share the reception. I AM wondering how she can handle marriage at 18 if she can't handle walking down the aisle. That first year of living with someone can produce some unforeseen stress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Another idea. Younger sister gets married away, like an elopement, just her and her hubby to be, the weekend before. Something small but wonderful. They honeymoon that week, then return and attend big sister's wedding and you have a double reception for both couples. That's what I would recommend assuming the rest of the family is okay with not being there for the ceremony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amey311 Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 I agree with a previous poster and wondered if the pastor would be willing to do a small ceremony/exchange of vows in his office or similar on the morning of the wedding that's already scheduled? Then nervous bride could get married with her groom and his parents and siblings, plus bride's parents and siblings with her. FWIW, someone should probably also mention the idea of being "announced" at the reception - I think nearly every wedding/reception combo we've been to has done this. The guests are all at the reception hall having nibbles and mingling and at some point the wedding party shows up (usually having been delayed by photography) and are announced by the MC/DJ. Also, I know it happens all the time, but 18 seems young! Is she certain she wants to get married if she's that worried about walking down the aisle? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 (edited) One thing that I thought of that no one is addressing is that there will be only set of "Bride" parents, but I assuming the sisters are not marrying brothers, there will be two sets of "groom" families. You might want to check with both families before you go ahead and make some plans. Rehearsals tend to be dictated by the facility/church you are using. Sometimes they are not available until the day of the wedding and sometimes they are available on Thursday. So let say you have access to the church/facility on Thursday, you could then have the older sisters rehearsal and dinner on Thursday and younger sisters smaller wedding could be Friday night (Or switch that around) and then combine receptions on Saturday after the older sisters wedding. Remembering you will need two head tables, two cakes, two sets of groom's parents, maybe even two photographers, etc. I also think having the younger sister get married in private ceremony with maybe just her and his families present, would be a good solution. It could even be some time (several weeks ) before the older sister's wedding. The reception could be combined. The younger sister then has some time to relax and be married and just enjoy the reception. Edited January 8, 2012 by KatieinMich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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