PhotoGal Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 He just turned 8 yesterday. This morning was his first day of basketball at the rec center (super relaxed, just for fun style class). Dh called to say that he is crying and refuses to join in. :sad: He used to be like this in preschool - he wanted to take soccer, but wouldn't join in with the other kids. I think he was intimidated by the large group. We watched the first lesson and he ended up joining in during the second lesson. A few weeks later they changed what field the lessons were on and he again didn't want to play. (This was back when he was 4 or so). In the last few years, he has gotten a lot more comfortable joining in on new things. He was in school for PreK, Kinder and 1st grade. But now that we have been homeschooling for half of a year, it seems like he's gotten used to him comfort zone and again is having trouble with new places/people - at least when he has to go out and do it without us doing it with him. Just wondering if anyone has any advice? I thought he had grown out of this and now I'm worried that homeschooling him is making him less able to go out and try new things. :( (He has been taking classes and so on this year, so it isn't like he has been home the whole time. But he is used to those things and he is used to doing things with his sister all the time). Anyone else go through this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbmom Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 ODS is a lot like that-we actually start basketball tomorrow and I was SO relieved when we got the roster and I saw he had a friend on the team. Just having one person he knows on the team or in the class really helps him. Another thing we have done is to reward him for trying, so if the first class doesn't go well, I will let him watch and then afterwards talk about how I know it's hard to try new things but I think he will really like the activity and will offer him a special treat if he does participate in the second or third class (he is usually up to try once he has watched once or twice but needs that incentive to get out there-stopping for ice cream afterwards is usually enough incentive for him.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 They just got back and apparently he just stood and watched for the whole 1 hour and 15 minutes class. I can't believe it. Unfortunately this is a 4 week class, so even if he does get used to it next time or the week after it will almost be done. I thought the short amount of classes would be good so he could try it and see if he liked it before making a big committment. At least we aren't out as much money, but I'm so sad that he can't have fun in a new situation anymore. I can't believe we are back where we were almost 4 years ago. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Not everyone has to be a joiner at 8. He does some things. Sports can be intimidating and they ramp up, even for fun, from this age up. In my childhood, the olden days, little kids weren't expected to do activities outside of home except for school and sunday morning church. Give him some time. He'll be fine. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Has he ever done basketball before? It can be especially overwhelming to have to do a new skill in front of a large number of people you don't know (this coming from years of personal experience). It might be the combination of the two things that makes him want to hang back. If he is doing other classes and has been doing fine, I wouldn't worry too much about this one incident. Sometimes even when you are making strides to overcome in a certain area, you can run into a situation where it's just a little too much, kwim? Not participating this one time doesn't negate all the progress your ds has made, it just means he wasn't ready for this particular situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 I ran the Aussie hoops ( beginner basketball ) in my local town for 7 weeks Oct- Nov last year. The whole lessons were drills and games. There were 14 kids in the class, at least 4 of them cried every lesson. They cried because when the bounced the ball they lost control, cried because they couldn't shoot, one of them cried because he was the second last out in a game. I would think it is just an age thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Thanks, all. He hasn't taken basketball before. That may have been part of it. I talked to him about it and it sounded like he was overwhelmed by the large number of kids - there were a lot of kids there and then broken into classes by age, so there were about 10 in his group (had he participated). I talked to him about how I know it feels intimidating at first, but if he joins in and starts playing that feeling will fade. We will try again next week. I also realized that tomorrow is the kids' first day of ice skating. However, his sister will be in the same class - so hopefully that will be enough to help him feel comfortable. Sigh. It just really makes me worried. I hope we are making the right decisions with him for the long term. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in TX Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Thanks, all. He hasn't taken basketball before. That may have been part of it. I talked to him about it and it sounded like he was overwhelmed by the large number of kids - there were a lot of kids there and then broken into classes by age, so there were about 10 in his group (had he participated). I talked to him about how I know it feels intimidating at first, but if he joins in and starts playing that feeling will fade. We will try again next week. I also realized that tomorrow is the kids' first day of ice skating. However, his sister will be in the same class - so hopefully that will be enough to help him feel comfortable. Sigh. It just really makes me worried. I hope we are making the right decisions with him for the long term. :sad: You're doing all the right stuff :). I have one like this too (he's almost 8). He gets nervous in any unfamiliar situation; even in familiar situations after there has been a break, like Xmas vacation. Homeschooling won't make it worse, as long as periodically there are opportunities for him to get out into these new situations. Like you, I remind him that anything unfamiliar may seem scary at first, but soon it will not seem so. Like a pp suggested above, when we start anything new, say the first day of swim lessons, he gets a special treat for going the first time. The good news is that it gradually gets better. He's still nervous, but much less so than he used to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in LV Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 My son, although a little younger than yours, has the same issue. I've found that if I can get to a new activity early & get him introduced to another child in the activity in advance who he can "hang" with, he does a lot better (although still not always perfect). Also, I'm learning that if he is one of the older children in the activity, he has a lot more self confidence and participates more. Even if he isn't being pushed or challenged too much, I would rather that he enjoy himself & feel comfortable. (And, on a side note, it drives me batty when there are children in an activity younger than the minimum age who disrupt the class because they aren't mature enough to participate, just because some parent wants their child to be "advanced".) It's so frustrating when they're the only one who doesn't want to participate. But I question the value of forcing them to do something that is supposed to be fun. I think you have to try different strategies & see what works best for your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 A happy update: He played basketball today!!!! :party: I don't know if it was because he was more familiar with the gym/kids, or because I took him instead of dh, or something else. When we parked in the parking lot he said he was nervous. I suggested that it might be easier to join in at the beginning when all the other kids start, rather than trying to join in later. We were there a little early so he had time to take some shots for fun. When it was time for everyone to get together - he did it! He had a lot of fun and was so proud of himself. I'm so excited for him! Thank you to everyone who gave advice and encouraging words. I know this will come up again, but I have to remind myself to be patient and give him time. :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenC Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 I had a few kids like this. I would let them sit and watch until they felt comfortable enough to join in. Usally they would join in by the second or third time. A fun game for warm-ups helps too. Tell him you don't care how many mistakes that he makes, you just want to try his best. Make it clear that everyone makes mistakes, especially when they are learning something new. With practice, everyone gets better. Good luck, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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