X-post: Homeschooling High School against student's wishes?

[*anj*]

Hi All,

I'm posting this question on behalf of a friend. (No, really!)

She homeschools her K and 4th grade kids, but her 8th grader attends to a Christian school that only goes through 8th grade. They are now in trying to plan for next year.

Her son is truly an advanced student, and definitely needs to be challenged academically. He is in the process of applying to a few area private high schools, but will need a pretty significant scholarship to be able to attend. They haven't totally ruled out the public high school, but among other issues, it really isn't a great school.

 

My friend would like to homeschool him, offering opportunities for advanced online courses and eventually he would be able to take college-level classes. He is not at all interested in being homeschooled.

 

So now (in the event that the scholarship doesn't pan out) his parents are trying to decide whether they should just say "Look, we've considered all of the options, we think that this one is best." and let him deal with it, or if they should let him go to the public high school and deal with the accompanying issues.

 

Do you know of anyone who has brought an unwilling teen home for high school? How did it work out?

 

Thanks! :001_smile:

__________________

[FloridaLisa]

Anj,

 

This really falls within your friends' general parenting paradigm. In many respects, the decision whether to homeschool a child through high school is no different from decisions on dating or whether to participate on a travel teaml

 

For our family, if we had researched all of the possibilities and determined that homeschooling was best, we would ask our child to trust that decision. I would approach it as follows:

 

1) talk to the child about the reasons for the decisions -- why the other alternatives won't work

 

2) talk about what advantages and opportunities are available through homeschooling

 

3) ask my child to think about the decision and trust it. Perhaps ask the child to give it a year and then evaluate again in a year.

 

I realize this doesn't directly address your question. I can't think of anyone right now who brought a resistant-to-homeschool child home for high school. But again, for us, it wouldn't mean a hill of beans whether anyone had done it or not if we felt it was the best choice for our kids given the alternatives.

 

HTH,

Lisa

[Rebecca VA]

Is this a social issue or a needing-to-be-challenged issue?

 

What I've found is that the offerings available to a motivated homeschooler equal or exceed the amount of challenge *any* brick-and-mortar school can offer. There are so many courses available over the internet, and so many great extracurricular opportunities (like speech and debate) that no homeschooled student has to go unchallenged.

 

However, I think many teens get lonely at home. They need the stimulation of being in a classroom environment every day with their peers. They like structure. And there's nothing wrong with that! Not all teenagers are rebellious and wicked -- despite what homeschool conference speakers may tell you -- some actually are inspired by their classmates to reach higher and dream wider. They may see things out in the world that make them appreciate their home life more fully.

 

I'd encourage your friend to make every effort to find some scholarships for her son if he really needs to be in a "community of learners." Have her beg the school if necessary -- a motivated, advanced student is cherished by schools, and most schools can come up with some sort of plan.

[jhschool]

This is a very hard question.

 

Ultimately, you should make the decision because you

are the parent. You should take your teen's opinion into

account, but you have to make the decision.

 

I guess the biggie is whether they don't want to homeschool

because of academic reasons or because of social reasons.

 

If your concern is academic, you can do a much better

job homeschooling if you put your mind to it than even

the best prep schools. (One of my friends just had her

homeschooler accepted into Harvard--she decided to go

to a smaller school instead; some people on these forums

had their homeschool graduates attend MIT).

 

If your concern is social, that is hard. You could do

a co-op or join social groups.

 

You could get into a cool co-op with lots of activities and classes all day a

couple days a week (there are some; in my community there

are several co-ops that meet once a week, but one of the co-ops

meets twice a week 8 AM to about 3 PM and has social activities;

you could conceivably take all the classes; they also have a

lunch period and study hall, so there is plenty of social time).

In a neighboring community there is an academy for homeschoolers

that meets 2-3 times a week. They offer classes that seem

to be quite good academically.

 

If you don't live in a neighborhood

that has offerings like this, you could join homeschooling

groups.

 

But these groups will *not* have the day-to-day

socializing that a school offers, unfortunately.

 

I don't have

any answers if your concern is for social interaction.

[Julie in MN]

Do you know of anyone who has brought an unwilling teen home for high school? How did it work out?

 

I did. But it was a little easier decision, since my dd had failed 9th grade (after being an A/B student). However, she never wanted to homeschool, not on day one and not on the last day. She cried and cried. We had her stay home completely the first year, then let her take one class at the high school the next year (French 3), etc. I regret letting her go back at all, and I regret not starting her at home earlier. She did more and better at home. But it's what we did.

 

We brought our youngest home to school in 3rd and he was okay with it. But gradually he really did NOT want to homeschool, especially during the "keeping up with the Joneses" middle school years. He's a little better about it now in 10th.

 

Like the others have said, I tell my kids that it's my job to do the very best thing I know for them. They will have to do the same for their children one day. But for now, it's my job.

 

And interestingly, when my dd first had her child, I heard her tell someone that she was considering homeschooling him :) Now that he's 5 and in preschool, she is not homeschooling him, but when I asked her if she'd considered it, she just said that it wasn't realistic for her as a single mother. In other words, she did not say, "No, what a horrible thing to do to a child!"

 

HTH,

Julie

[Candid]

I agree with Lisa that this is a parenting problem more than a schooling problem.

 

One thing that might help is to let him read a copy of The Teenage Liberation Handbook which was written to teens to encourage them to school themselves. The author sets a pretty high bar so for an advanced student it might be intriguing.

 

I'd also talk to him and find course work on line that looks interesting and challenging so he knows he'll get what he needs.