Does anyone else feel "different" from the other homeschoolers in your area?

[Mynyel]

Oh I so feel that way here. It seems *EVERYTHING* revolves around one church here. Only one church. It is the biggest church in the area. The people involved in the hs sports are part of the church, a lot (but not all) of the people my daughter goes to karate with are part of the church, the church offers all sorts of hs classes and co-ops and the like.

 

We are Christian but not Baptist or any other denomination. We don't go to church. We don't like church at all. We have a very unorthodox way of believing in what the Bible says so it is very hard to relate with a lot of people around here.

 

Just like I have real from a lot of other posters, people are *NICE*, very nice! Just not buddy buddy, you could wear your underwear (not really but you get the picture) around people.

 

So... :grouphug::grouphug: to all others just like us! :)

[swellmomma]

Yup. It was easier in the city. Out here in the little support group I am odd man out so to speak. Mostly because I am a single mom, have to earn an income while schooling, and kids with issues which means they can not just be left to their own devices. Plus I have had 1 major negative fallout with 1 of the ladies (my daughter's girl guide leader, after the seat belt incident lets just say the poop his the fan between her and the provincial office). I don't fit in with them anyway. I try, the leader is great to talk to but her girls hate my kids so we do not get together outside of the support group meetings. A couple do not even say hello to me at meetings, let along outside of them (one of them is at scouts every week watching as her boy is in cubs with my 8 yr old. I have 2 boys in groups and run the beaver scouts and she won't even return my hello when I see her etc).

[MegP]

I think some of it, maybe a lot of it,depends on where you live. I keep thinking if we lived somewhere else, I might find a great homeschooling group and some friends.

[The Girls' Mom]

Here in DFW, I feel like I fit in. But back home in TN, I did not fit in at all. We are moving back there next month, and I worry about that. I just don't click with the type of homeschoolers I ran into the most there.

[cdrumm4448]

I have been asked in the past to go out for coffee (I don't drink it), go out to lunch, the mall, etc. Honestly, not only do I not have the time, I don't have the motivation. DH works constantly. Childcare is a problem. I'm not interested in paying someone to watch my children while I go out to lunch. It's nothing personal; I'm just happy to be at home.

 

When my kids are gone I'll probably stay home for weeks at a time. By myself. In total silence.

[sheryl]

OK, I "had" to chime in. Most here probably know I'm a Christian. My order of priorities are GOD, dh, dd and so on. I love my dd. She is an only child, not by choice (original plan was 3 children), but we are blessed to have one..our dd.

 

I would LOVE to go for coffee, movie, etc. every now and then as time permits. My schedule is full: homeschooling, Bible Study, exercising, lessons away from home, errands and making a decent dinner (most of the time). :tongue_smilie: I'm very home and hearth. Happy to be home doing my wifely/mothering and household responsibilites. BUT.................

 

my identity is not in homeschooling.....and, I'm VERY PRO-HOMESCHOOLING! When my dd grows up then will I have socialized (some) with friends?

 

I'd like to think that homeschoolers (Christian or not) can homeschool and still carry on some kind of social relationship. Should it be one OR the other? IMO, no. I'm social and would LOVE to socialize more than I do, but I'm afraid too many others feel it's an either/or. :confused:

 

Homeschooling is one aspect of me.

[Mommy22alyns]

:grouphug: well, I think you are really sweet and intelligent from your posts. I would love to be your friend.

Faithe

 

 

Aww, Faithe!! That means a lot to me. :grouphug:

[itsheresomewhere]

In my town, we are the odd balls. Most of the few that homeschool here are looking for new members for God's army or are harping on the evils of the world type. I tend to focus on the academics more. Also, as a mom of a special needs child it is difficult for me to relate to having to choose which party my child is going to as they were invited to multiplies on the same day type thing.

[Mommy22alyns]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

Thank you, Cat. :)

[zaichiki]

I have thought about trying out a different co-op for dd now that she is the only one left at home but memories of the "waste of good schooling time" thoughts keep me from jumping in.

 

We tried a couple of co-ops here in our new state... I'd had REALLY good experiences with co-op type activities in our last state. Really. Awesome. So I was hopeful.

 

Weeeeellllll... let's just say it wasn't the same.

 

I thought I had opened my mind up to "everything" being educational. Unfortunately I came to the same conclusion that you, Donna, thought about: "waste of good schooling time." I have to say I was surprised. I was very surprised. But, whatever. Different strokes for different folks and as long as you know what works for you, just go with it. :D

 

And PS

We're trying to figure out a way to get to that concert.

We're going in that direction for Sunday anyway... maybe we could head out a bit early...

[misidawnrn]

You can come to my house, drink coffee AND watch me feed my chickens...then we can go to lunch!

I feel like you. I don't have any friends who homeschool. Most of the people at my church send their kids to the school at the church so I don't really fit in there either. DD had swim lessons a few months ago that was organized just for homeschool kids and I took her to them, mingled with some moms but that was it. I don't feel the need to go to any of the local hs functions. I just want to be home with my kids and teach them at home. I would love to have friends to visit with about hs but I don't and that is OK. I am the ONLY one at my work that hs and most of them think I am crazy for wanting to do it. My one sister is supportive but the other sister thinks I am crazy for wanting to be home with my kids all of the time. She likes "having a break". I have a break, too. It's called a part time job. I work 24 hours a week and that is perfect.

[desertmum]

I haven't been able to make any friends in my local hs group. When I go to the meetings I always have to make the first move and talk to people. If I didn't I would just 'sit' there in complete silence for hours. Last time I asked them about where to get a decent microscope for ds. They gave me the address to this website in the US where they only ship overseas if you are an American citizen homeschooling abroad (no, really, I'm not making this up). Everybody in the hs knows I am not American (in fact we are the only Brit family in the group) so I've got no idea why they directed me to this website in the first place...:001_huh:

 

Nowadays I go so ds can have his field trips and socialization. Not so good for me...:thumbdown:

[Mrs Mungo]

I have been asked in the past to go out for coffee (I don't drink it), go out to lunch, the mall, etc. Honestly, not only do I not have the time, I don't have the motivation. DH works constantly. Childcare is a problem. I'm not interested in paying someone to watch my children while I go out to lunch. It's nothing personal; I'm just happy to be at home.

 

When my kids are gone I'll probably stay home for weeks at a time. By myself. In total silence.

 

This doesn't bother you? You don't think it is a problem? You have mentioned your issues with your dh before. You might find that not everyone treats you that way. You might find that some interpersonal relationships can be rewarding and fulfilling. But, you won't know unless you give people a chance.

 

:grouphug:

[Aelwydd]

I struggle with the notion that if other families went to church less often they would be nicer people, better neighbors and more friendly. This doesn't fit reality as I would observe. (Or maybe people aren't really saying this, I don't know.)

 

 

It's not church attendance in general that's the problem. IME, it's the type of church that some affiliate with that is a clear warning flag to me to steer clear. Basically, hard-line fundamentalists or hyper-conservatives of any denomination or faith tend to harbor the kind prejudices and lack of compassion that precludes my befriending them. I don't care if they're Christian, Muslim, Jewish or other--if they are the types to rant about gay marriage, evils of humanism, working women, etc, etc, then they fall into the cautionary category.

 

It's not that I prefer avoiding them, but the thing is, I was raised in a church with this mindset. So, I already get the disdain and disgust most of them would feel towards my social/political/religious world views. And I don't want those hurtful attitudes directed towards or influencing my ds.

Edited January 7, 2012 by Aelwydd

[Mommamia]

I miss home where I have friends I can talk to and just be me.

 

:iagree:

 

Just found this thread. Nice to know that I'm not alone in these thoughts.

Edited January 11, 2012 by mom2littleboys

[Mommamia]

I understand. I'd love to have a homeschooling friend who loves Sephora. We could get a coffee and talk curriculum while saying "Is this gold shadow too metallic?"

:D

 

:D Would love this, too!!

[Catwoman]

:iagree:

 

Just found this thread. Nice to know that I'm not alone in these thoughts.

 

Right after I posted the thread, I nearly went back and deleted it because I thought I might be the only one who felt this way, and I figured everyone would think I was just being whiny.

 

I was so relieved when others started posting about their own experiences! :001_smile:

[jhschool]

Where I live it's either the pot smoking hippies or the hardline conservative Christians. Not much in between (except us :001_smile:). It's been difficult, and can get lonely. I have more in common with the Christians than the hippies but not enough to really meld with them and their families. It doesn't help that I'm a shy person to begin with.

 

I have the same exact experience as the poster above. And the Unschoolers

look down on me for making my kid memorize what they

call "useless, senseless facts."

 

My Really Good Friends are all parents of Schooled Kids.

Go figure.

Edited January 12, 2012 by jhschool

[Joyofsixreboot]

I, too, don't fit in. I have lots of kids and am Christian but not the evangelical or Catholic variety. I've been known to swear and drink! But, I'm not crunchy, unschooling either. I'm older. I like big ideas but don't think fashion shrinks my brain......I need a bigger pool to swim in I guess. My small, rural county doesn't have much variety.

[Osmosis Mom]

I agree with most who said they don't want to leave the kids at home to go have some girl fun. This has been my experience too, on both sides actually. Being the one who asked a fellow homeschool friend to come hang out with me and her not doing that and having a homeschool pal want to meet up with me without her kids. To my defense then I had younger kids in the latter case that I didn't feel good about leaving. And in the former case, then that friend was an introvert. We stopped seeing eachother anyways, so I guess her family did not jibe with mine (never figured that one out though).

 

Anyways, I now have a few fun homeschool friends that I meet up with, but we very rarely if ever talk shop, eh, school. I am just all set with that topic. It helps that we have the same ideas about schooling our children and sort of are on the same wave-length about how to raise our kids, so when we meet up then it is all for fun, relaxing talks and food.

 

All you need is just one person. Doesn't need to be a homeschooler, even. Just someone with mutual respect, a kid that yours likes, and some vibes and you should be good to go.

 

I used to be on the look out for a mirror image of myself to be my bff, but, hey, she doesn't exist herein my neighbourhood!! So keep your options open.

[Elinor Everywhere]

I feel the same way, and after several years of worrying about it and feeling quite sad, I gave up. The homeschoolers I've met are all quite nice, but we don't have common interests, and small talk can only go so far. Besides, I suck at it. :lol:

 

Now, my friends are not homeschoolers. They all work, which makes getting together sometimes a little trickier, but we figure it out. Yesterday I had lunch with my best wine-and-lunch pal, and Sunday I'm having lunch and seeing a movie with another friend. My two best friends (from years ago) live in another city, but we spend our summers in their town so I see them for months at a time.

 

While I sometimes feel sort of sorry for myself, I do realize it's been my choice to extract myself from the hs community. My daughter has homeschool friends from the National Homeschool Honor Society and a homeschool book club, but her best friends are mostly not homeschooled, either. In the end, we are who we are!

[Ibbygirl]

I always feel different than the other HUMAN BEINGS in my area! lol :)

[kalanamak]

Aside from the WTMers I've met, the hsers I meet (in the park) are, without exception, fundamentalist Christian, and that is the motivation for homeschooling. (Which is certainly different than me.) I don't know about the lady down the street. I've given her a could of subtle opportunities to let me know if she is YE or OE (offered books) but I don't know. If she is a religious hser, she hasn't let on, nor asked me what my take is. This is rare. This usually happens in the first or second conversation.

[tiredbuthappy]

Add me to the list!

 

Let's see, most here homeschool for religious reasons. Most co-ops have statements of faith that I don't agree with or teach science/history from a Protestant perspective. I am Catholic so that doesn't work for me. Plus, I don't homeschool for religous reasons. I homeschool for academic reasons mostly. So, I tried the Secular group, but the thing is, I DO teach religion and we DO incorporate our Catholic faith into some of our lessons. So that didn't work either. So, next we tried the Catholic homeschoolers...makes sense, right? Nope...too fundamentalist for me, which was made perfectly clear to me when I received an email from someone I barely knew about the evils of tubal ligations after I casually mentioned 4 kids were enough and the doc would make sure of that. Apparently I am a cafeteria Catholic after all. lol Wow! do I feel out of inadequate with my fellow local Catholic homeschoolers. No saints pics on the walls, my kids could NEVER sit through adoration, and we DO dress up for halloween as ghosts and monsters.:angelsad2: I aspire to be the stewarts of our Faith that they are to their kids.

 

Add to all this, the fact that my husband is a pilot who is out of town half of every week, mostly on weekends. We try to school while he is gone, so that we can do family things while he is home....so we are out and about during the week and have our noses to the school grindstone on the weekends. oh, plus no family to help out....seems like most people here are from here. Not me. :glare:

 

All this equals no homeschool friends and barely even any non-hs friends. My closest friends are all people I met while we were in the Navy and they live all over the globe. Never get to talk to them anymore (did I mention 4 kids?) but they still are my closest friends. We just moved to a new neighborhood though, and the kids are making friends. I even get to talk to the neighbors sometimes (on those few weekend evenings we are already finished with school and outside). Although, I usually hear the proverbial " I don't know how you do it" at least once in every conversation. I just do. I can't explain it, so let's not feel pity/awe for me, ok? :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm just a normal, not-overly-religious-Catholic-who-still-thinks-my-faith-is-important, a-little-bit-traditional-schoolish-and-little-bit-classical, single-mom-half-the-time-with-a-super-supportive-hubby, strict-with-my-kids-but-need-a-lot-of-work-on-myself-as-an-example, introvert-but-in-need-of-close-friends, sarcastic-but-sensitive, and crazily-overwhelmed-how-do-those-other-perfect-homeschoolers-do-it, kind of mom. Should it really be this hard to fit in??????? :lol::lol::lol::lol:

[desertmum]

My Really Good Friends are all parents of Schooled Kids.

Go figure.

 

:iagree:

 

Most of the hs in my area have: 1) children older than my own and none of these seem interested in interacting with my 5yo and 2)Babies who are far too young (not walking yet, IYKWIM).

 

I haven't got a single invitation to go out for coffee from anyone in my hs group. :glare:

[Annabel Lee]

I understand. I'd love to have a homeschooling friend who loves Sephora. We could get a coffee and talk curriculum while saying "Is this gold shadow too metallic?"

:D

 

Another Sephora-loving hs mom? :svengo: Take me with you!

[I.Dup.]

I would love to go out to lunch and stroll around a mall with someone! I totally know what you mean. It's all work, work, work to some people.