Guest AbbeyJane Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I've read some older threads here from moms of RAD kids. I'd like to open up the discussion again. I have 4 adopted kids - all adopted older. My oldest is a RAD kid but I don't think it became really apparent until age 16. Then it started to occur to us that it wasn't just teen rebellion. Anyone here want to talk? I just am worn out and tired of being called a horrible mother and hearing lies about myself. AJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I don't have any advice as my experience with this is much more limited than yours. I just wanted to keep the thread up and give you this:grouphug:. I will be watching this thread very closely!:lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: and a thousand more..... its not you. its her. and you can only fix you, not her. :grouphug::grouphug: calm voice, constant consistency, clear and reasonable consequences, no exceptions....ever.... :grouphug: tea, chocolate.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AbbeyJane Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) thx Edited January 9, 2012 by AbbeyJane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 She can be so very charming to others, but here she is a bully. She is currently trashing me all over the place - the things she accuses me of are outrageous. She seeks out acquaintances that are not my friends so she can have company in her bashing campaign, or people important to hubby's career. I search friends' faces and wonder what they have heard. My stepdaughter did this to me, though not to this extreme. I found out much later that she was telling her teachers that I was abusive toward her, and I still hear some of the things she tells my MIL, though that's died down since MIL knows that we don't have much contact. I welcome her warmly into our home, and let her know she is loved and missed, but I also limit my interactions with her and avoid being alone with her. It was/is awful. She is not RAD, but I do know how it feels to constantly be wondering, "What do these people believe about me? What have they been told?" :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I am sorry. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celia Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I have no advice (my adopted dd has no symptoms of RAD, though she's only 5), but when we were looking into adoption I did find a very active yahoo group, so that might be an avenue to look into for a nice support network for you. Just a thought. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 calm voice, constant consistency, clear and reasonable consequences, no exceptions....ever.... I'm in deep, deep trouble. Consistency is a strong suit. Consequences not so much. Calm? Not at all. <sigh> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 AbbeyJane, Have you looked into Heather Forbes stuff? It might give you some insight. I wish I had found it when my son was little and so thankful I have it now that I have my littles. It may also help you when you *are* in a situation with your daughter so you can act, not react, responding appropriately, not feeding into her inadvertently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I read this earlier in the day, but had to go. I came back to post because you have all my sympathy. I have had many things that are not true said about my by my step dd who is similar to RAD, or maybe even a light case. I saw how her mother parented her younger 1/2 siblings, never holding them, propping up bottles for them, almost never changing them, and so if this is how she parented dd I can see how she might be RAD. Although her dad took good care of her her whole life. She always had more attention than her younger 1/2 siblings. Anyway, I am the person that she vents on, treats poorly, lies about. And she is the perfect picture of humble sweetness, so if it is a question of anyone believing her or me, no contest. I am feisty, lol. I have many people at church who basically treat me terribly because of untrue things she has said about me. Things like she had asthma and I took away her inhaler and wouldn't let her get a new one. So I do see why people are mean to me when they believe this stuff. But hey, I have belonged to church for 10 years and people should get a clue about who I am. A few years ago at work someone tried to spread some untrue things about me and my coworkers put a swift stop to it. I do think if my coworkers know who I am and they aren't practicing Christians, why don't people who say they are filled with the Holy Spirit know better??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockstarMom Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 RAD sucks. Plain and simple. :( I have 3 kids who were adopted from foster care and deal/t with RAD in our oldest who was a toddler when he came to us. Thankfully, he has been regulated for almost 4 years now (knock wood) and we're starting to deal with his ADHD (inattentive). Just big hugs. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 We're in the thick of it right now and I'm with you . . . tired and worn out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Can y'all talk about the pattern kids go through a little. There ARE good time when they aren't superficial and self-serving? My six year old was pushed a bit by her therapist Tuesday and there was a huge shift in her general behavior but especially her behavior towards me. It has been a very pleasant few days! There were some hints of her back last night though. But it sounded like y'all were talking months of some level of normal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I've read some older threads here from moms of RAD kids. I'd like to open up the discussion again. I have 4 adopted kids - all adopted older. My oldest is a RAD kid but I don't think it became really apparent until age 16. Then it started to occur to us that it wasn't just teen rebellion. Anyone here want to talk? I just am worn out and tired of being called a horrible mother and hearing lies about myself. AJ Hm. RAD is so pervasive and foundational that either you are not dealing with RAD or you missed RAD signs from when you adopted her. I'm not a specialist in RAD, but a RAD child would not have been without symptoms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Hm. RAD is so pervasive and foundational that either you are not dealing with RAD or you missed RAD signs from when you adopted her. I'm not a specialist in RAD, but a RAD child would not have been without symptoms. I agree with Joanne. We had symptoms from the start (although we didn't know it was RAD) but it has been extremely difficult to deal with as a teen because, well he's bigger (we've had some physical altercations) and he knows more words (when he's spitting out his venomous words). We are at a huge cross roads at our house because he has crossed some lines this past week that we haven't yet experienced. It is very draining, very emotional, very sad, very hopeless feeling sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 I agree with Joanne. We had symptoms from the start (although we didn't know it was RAD) but it has been extremely difficult to deal with as a teen because, well he's bigger (we've had some physical altercations) and he knows more words (when he's spitting out his venomous words). We are at a huge cross roads at our house because he has crossed some lines this past week that we haven't yet experienced. It is very draining, very emotional, very sad, very hopeless feeling sometimes. :iagree:I would look into the possibility of another issue, such as bipolar, or a hormone imbalance, drug usage and such if you have not had any signs before. RAD is pervasive. It doesn't just suddenly begin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 My oldest is a RAD kid but I don't think it became really apparent until age 16. Kids with RAD aren't symptom-free and then suddenly behaving like a RAD kid. Kids with RAD act like kids with RAD pretty much from the get-go (minus a brief honeymoon period). Unless you adopted your child at 15 1/2 and the symptoms didn't become apparent until 16, I'd say you are dealing with something else. I would find a good psychiatrist and have her evaluated. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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