kathy_overman Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Wow, we are having one of our worst days ever, and I am looking for support. Our DS, 9, is a handful and likes to continually test me. He knows this, and will even say, he feels best after he tests me and I remain calm. Well I have been calm, since about 9am this morning, and I am now in tears. He is yelling, threatening, screaming, throwing, spitting and I am worn out. I have tried all the usuals: time-out, removing me, removing him, taking away privileges, and now I am just ignoring him. I have told him he will have to take his work to his beloved gymnastics in 1 hour. This will be hard for me, but I know I have to follow through. I have been working to change my behavior, as I used to 'lose it' with him. It has been about a month since I last lost it with him. Overall, things have been much better, until today. Wow, this is a great character builder in me, as I really want to scream at him, but am working hard to remain calm and centered!!!! Please tell me I am not alone.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 You are not alone.:grouphug: A suggestion--If I were treated like that by my 9yo, there'd be NO gymnastics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJ. Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I have similar problems with my 7yo. :grouphug: I keep hoping he will mature and stop being so explosive but that hasn't happened yet. Now I believe I need to do something differently because I'm afraid I am going to have an explosive teenage boy on my hands if I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 There is a good book I've seen recommended many times here, called The Explosive Child. Maybe worth a look? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 You are not alone.:grouphug: A suggestion--If I were treated like that by my 9yo, there'd be NO gymnastics. :iagree:With all of this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathy_overman Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 You are not alone.:grouphug: A suggestion--If I were treated like that by my 9yo, there'd be NO gymnastics. I have learned to not threaten this, because I need him to go to gymnastics. I need the break, and he is much better after he exercises. Unfortunately, it is about 10 degrees here, so I can't get him to go outside, and of course, all attempts to wear him out inside turned into a battle. I just really needed to vent, 'cause there is not fix for today, just to get through it. I will go get my copy of The Explosive Child from the book shelf, as I need support. I just reminded myself, my other favorite book, I need to go review: The Screamfree Parent. I know what I am doing now, not 'reacting' to his explosions is the right path, it is just really tough on days like today - when I want to run away from home. :) Or put them or myself, back in school.:glare: Thanks for listening and understanding. I am trying hard to change my behavior, and today I just want to throw in the towel and act as immature as he is acting!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 ((hugs)) Isn't it ironic that THEY feel better when you hold your ground, but YOU feel like a pile of dog doo? I agree with your judgment that the exercise is part of the solution, not the problem, so go ahead and drop the whole issue at gymnastics. Let him blow off steam. Then, when you get him home again, just begin again. 9 is plenty old enough to understand delayed consequences, so feel free to take away dessert, send to bed early, whatever, tonight in consequence for earlier bad behavior. I think early bedtime is always a good choice, since it gives you needed space, and since it is logical that, "You must be overtired to behave so horribly. You need sleep." Likewise, "You must be reacting badly to sugar, so no sweets today." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathy_overman Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 Of course, now, after hours of arguing, he is sitting down doing his work. Why, oh why, can't he do this at the start of the day!! Too funny, I went to get my parenting books, and The Explosive Child, and ScreamFree Parenting were right next too each other. Guess I have been here before, and I have good reading while I get to sit peacefully at the gym. BTW, he will be taking any unfinished work to the gym to finish before he joins the team to practice. Knowing him, he will finish just in time before we leave for the gym, but he better hurry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 :grouphug: Hang in there! They will test you every few months, even after going scream free for a year or more. You are right about the excercise, it is a must. I agree w/ Stephanie, send him to bed earlier, or remove dessert. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 ((hugs)) Isn't it ironic that THEY feel better when you hold your ground, but YOU feel like a pile of dog doo? I agree with your judgment that the exercise is part of the solution, not the problem, so go ahead and drop the whole issue at gymnastics. Let him blow off steam. Then, when you get him home again, just begin again. 9 is plenty old enough to understand delayed consequences, so feel free to take away dessert, send to bed early, whatever, tonight in consequence for earlier bad behavior. I think early bedtime is always a good choice, since it gives you needed space, and since it is logical that, "You must be overtired to behave so horribly. You need sleep." Likewise, "You must be reacting badly to sugar, so no sweets today." :iagree: My 7 year old was in bed by 6 a few times last month as she tested out the new rules but she has very quickly gotten with the program. Early bedtime has been the only consequence that consistently works around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I totally hear you re needing the break and him needing the exercise. :grouphug: I've always thought it was stupid for ps kids who misbehave to have to lose recess! Same idea. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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