mo2 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Right now my 9yo and I are battling over her having to clean her room. I can hardly walk through her room, but to her, everything is in its designated place. Half the floor is covered with stuffed animals, but they're in a very careful "arrangement" that she likes. However, I can't go in there without stepping on them. She also is a packrat and has tends to hoard things in her room that I don't think she needs to keep. The kid will keep a cheesy toy that she got in a Happy Meal 6 years ago and hasn't played with since. The clutter is overwhelming (to me). So my question is...how much control do you take over the state of your child's room? I want it to be HER room, where she can go and have time to herself when she needs to, but on the other hand, the clutter is driving me nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 My 9 yo shares with 2 brothers. We do try to help them keep it clean, we have dogs who have issues with housetraining to so it is a health/sanitary issue. I need to make sure I can see if there are accidents. He does have free reign of his desk and dresser and window sill they are covered in fossils. I am thinking I need to get him some shelves for them. Perhaps you could help her rearrange things, get some shelves or a hanging net for her stuffed animals. Maybe a big expedit unit or something. It really is a safety issue to have to floor unwalkable. If there was a fire think of the firemen. I know I love it when they point out to my boys they need to keep legos off the floor. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 My only rules for their rooms is that there is a walkable path, no food, and clothes are in right spots (dirty in hamper, clean put up). Their clutter doesn't bug me as long as it stays in the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I go back and forth about how much I care (which is no good, obviously). As a child, I had a very messy room but I'm pretty neat now. It didn't have anything at all to do with how much my mom nagged me to clean (and, boy did she ever nag me :glare:). I just got neater. Living with my best friend in a college dorm helped. It's embarrassing to be messy. I think some people make it a moral issue and I realized I was kind of doing that to my DD one day when I sent her to work on her room, giving her one task to start with. She immediately crumbled and said to me, "You only care about cleaning. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!" And I was all :001_huh:, because nuh-uh. :lol: It gave me a flashback to childhood though. Gosh, could my mom ever have stopped harping on cleaning for a second? :tongue_smilie: DD is completely overwhelmed by cleaning up, even though I have drastically reduced the contents of her room. She doesn't know where to start and I distinctly remember feeling the same way. The difference is that I have taught her how to clean up step-by-step. My mother never did. It doesn't matter to DD though. She immediately crumbles, saying she needs help. I am just venting. I have no answers. Sorry. :lol: I did purchase a copy of Tumble Tower for DD. It was a big hit. It did not solve all problems but she has been trying a bit more and I've been forgiving a bit more. My DS almost 9 is naturally tidy and a perfectionist, so he'll let it slide a little and then will clean it next to (my) perfect when told to clean it, so it's easy to give him an inch. I think it's a personality thing more than age though. I'm :bigear: for magical solutions, although I'm pretty sure it's going in there with them to direct and teach and handing it over slowly...or giving up altogether. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 We dealt with the pack-rat thing by buying a trunk for each of the older kids. What can fit in the trunk was their business. If they ran out of room in the trunk, they had to start to pick and choose. The trunk was big enough that they could choose quite a bit of stuff to keep The closed-container approach had the benefit of keeping things neat enough for me as well as keeping little sister out of their stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 My 7yo ds is very particular about his room; however, if just anyone looked at it, they would definitely think it was messy! Like your dd, my ds has all of his toys arranged "just so" and he also keeps things which I would deem as "junk". I have decided that his room isn't a hill that I'm prepared to die on and, as another pp suggested, as long as there is a path and he keeps his clothes picked up and in the right spots, he can keep his room as he likes. (I should add that I'm a messy person so it is difficult for me to get onto my kids about tidiness, since I can't seem to keep *my* things tidy!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 My 9 year old must pick up his room every day. I fold the laundry but he must put it away neatly and hang up shirts and sweatshirts. Floor must be FREE of toys each day so I can vacuum. He learned his lesson when we were heading to tennis and he couldn't find his favorite hat, which he is supposed to put on a hook when he is not wearing it. He was late to tennis and got a talking to by the coach. I have always emphasized that putting things back where they belong, be they school books, toys or sports items, will make life easier and that was the first time he saw the benefit of keeping his stuff organized. Anyway, I've always made them clean up their room every day. That said, he has freedom in terms of how he decorates it, where he keeps stuff, etc--he just knows everything has to have a spot. ETA: oh, and re the clutter. We go through their toys and purge every so often. We give toys to Goodwill. If they're having trouble letting go of somethign that i KNOW they don't play with, it goes in the "toy library" in the garage. If nobody mentions it for 2-3 months, I take it to GoodWill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 my kiddo's like that with some toys....it can be broken,missing parts,etc and he'll want to keep it...usually I will decide unless it's a special toy....My kiddo just turned 9--I'll remind him a couple of days to clean up his room/pick up clothes/etc and then if it doesn't get done I'll make him get it done before any fun activities (computer-video games etc) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Pretty much total control. I did and still do draw the line at dirty dishes left in a bedroom! Ewww. I don't have reasons to go into the kids bedrooms except to encourage occasional tidying up so if they want their belongings all over the floor, then so be it. But they have never been allowed to drag their stuff out and into the rest of the house. I only had toys out in the living room when they were toddlers and didn't spend any time in their own rooms except to sleep. Personally, I don't think it's a good idea to decide what she can and cannot keep. If you want to keep the clutter down, you could talk to her about donating some things that other children might really enjoy so the toys are being played with, or you could discourage adding new things into the room. My mom would throw out toys occasionally. I hated that. I have never done that to my kids. Instead, I have provided ways to keep things as organized as possible. We used things like tall dressers, boxes in the closets, hanging organizers in the corners of the bedroom, under the bed storage and the furniture piece that holds colorful bins. It wasn't perfect but it was nice that they had options of where to store stuff. FWIW, my kids still own things they had when they were much younger. So do I actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillieBoy Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 My 10 Y.O. DD has her room just the way she wants it, however I have the last say in the neatness factor and that’s only because I want her to treat her possessions with respect. We also head butted for many years regarding her pack rat tendencies. And admittedly some things I thought were junk she assigned sentimental value to, I needed to relinquish a bit of control there. Our compromise was that once she had all her things neatly on shelves (She has over sixty Breyer horses on shelves that she has to keep dust free) or in baskets, all of her “extra stuff” went in a big bin. Occasionally she’ll pull things out of the bin, but if she hasn’t played with something in a year then it gets gone, unless it’s heirloom worthy (which it shouldn’t have been in there in the first place) then that goes in her hope chest. She must change her own sheets once a week. We do a supervised room clean once a month, but other than that, I ask her to keep it neat. If not, then I follow through with consequences i.e. she can’t ride her horse for five days (that’s almost death to her). That was the ticket for us. But if I threaten then I must follow through or else it doesn’t work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Rooms and play room have to be totally cleaned on Sunday if they want to join us for family movie night. My 9 year old has a tendency toward being a pack rat. So totally cleaned is that everything must have a space and be in it. The floor does not count as a space. He has a big bucket that is misc stuff (happy meal toys) and one for art projects. The rule is that it has to fit. If he wants to keep something new he has to get rid of something to make space. Then, it's actions and consequences. If I go in his room to kiss him good night and step on a toy and break it, oh well, he left it there. If I get really crabby because my foot hurts again, he should have left a path. Other than that, it is his room. I am OCD and love everything really put together. He has stuff taped all over the walls, his books are not in order etc... but it is his room. As long as I am able to shut the door and not look at it, we are good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Twice a year, my son and I work together to organize the room and throw out junk. At least once a week, I work with him to clean his room. It usually only takes 10-20 minutes, much faster than if he were working alone and getting distracted. At the end of the cleaning session, nothing is allowed on his floor. This is a very personal preference as I cannot see without my glasses so if I need to rush in at night, I don't want to trip over anything. Plus, vacuuming once a week is possible if the floor is clear. If she needs a place to arrange toys, create a space for her. Small bookshelves at Target are $20. If that's too much, use the space at the foot of her bed and let her rotate the toys. She has control over which toys are out, but you're not stumbling over the mess. In my experience, I've found my kids are more willing to listen to me if I explain my reasoning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) We have them keep it pretty clean (vacuumable once a week.). Between that, it gets cluttered. As long as they have a space, I let them keep things. Dd (8) started a coke tab collection:glare: (the tabs off coke cans.). She found a little container, so whatever. My younger dd is my collector. For her stuffies, this was my inspiration: http://www.littlezookeepers.com/ I used a sports bin (may still order the zoo) but the idea is to go vertical. I don't count how many are left out, but her bed must be sleepable and her floor must be clear. I designated one closet shelf for her precious collectibles. That keeps her desk surface clear. I bought various sizes of bins w/ lids to keep sets together (generally--I don't constantly sort them. But Mr. Potato head is generally separate from polly pockets.) Some of the bins are on shelves and some are stacked along a wall. I bought a huge cardboard expandable art portfolio for papers that fits behind her dresser and is easily accessible. Then I bought one open tub for all the miscellaneous "stuff" that she collects and that are the "dread factor" in cleaning any room. I don't care what's in it, as long as it fits. ETA--decorating--pretty much up to her, as long as it doesn't damage walls. 8 year old has a fake ficus she wanted for her birthday last year. She picked where to hang decorations and I taught her to use a stud finder and a drill to hang them right. Edited January 5, 2012 by snickelfritz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 We make our kids pick up their rooms at least a couple of times a week (to the point where we could vacuum in there). I hate clutter and I am shameless about slipping Happy Meal (or similar) toys into the trash when I know nobody is looking and I know for sure they won't be missed. I keep a big laundry sorter in the hallway by the kids' bathroom and laundry is supposed to be deposited there, though sometimes a reminder or two is needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) If my 9yo has control over bedroom, it quickly turns into a pack-rat's disaster zone. Then she panics and cries when friends come over because it's too overwhelming to clean and she's embarrassed. We have reached a wonderful compromise, and she now keeps her room reasonably clean on a daily basis. In fact, she picks up her room every night before bedtime. I help her clean it at least once/month which means that I mercilessly help her toss things. She just can't bring herself to toss things on her own so she asks me to help. She knows that she feels a little sad at tossing things, but she feels very relieved to not have to clean and take care of so much stuff. We spent many years of training picking up and tossing before she reached this magical moment. I know some parents don't toss their kids' things. I do. I see it as a training opportunity. When our house gets too cluttered and they can't keep things picked up, we all suffer. They need to know that decluttering and getting rid of things that no longer add joy to our lives is good and necessary. Edited January 5, 2012 by 2squared Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 No food allowed, no trash and you must be able to quickly and easily enter and exit the room. Making pack rats get rid of their tresures can increase their need to hoard. I wouldn't recommend that. I have a pack rat as well and I buy her plastic containers and as long as she can contain her things, she can keep them. When she gets too many she has to go through and discard some on her own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 At that age... I went in about once a month or so and cleaned up the closet... (that was the "shove it in here where it cannot be seen" place). The boys (and girls, too!) at that age could reasonable tidy their rooms and vacuum themselves. I mostly cleaned in the closet because we had so many people living together, that I handed down clothes, recycled, and needed to sort through "stuff". My general rule used to be (only changed this last year) that the room needed to be cleaned up several days a week (no clothes on floor, no toys and "stuff" piling up everywhere). Nowadays, dh gets on the boys about once a month to get everything cleaned up... I just don't engage unless we are having special company (as in, dh's parents for a meal, which happens maybe twice a year). If their rooms are a mess, I shut their door and move on to other "things" that I want to focus on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Not too much control. They have to keep it clean. I have a 7yo and 11yo sharing a room but I have been through the 9yo age and it was the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mo2 Posted January 5, 2012 Author Share Posted January 5, 2012 We have them keep it pretty clean (vacuumable once a week.). Between that, it gets cluttered. As long as they have a space, I let them keep things. Dd (8) started a coke tab collection:glare: (the tabs off coke cans.). She found a little container, so whatever. My younger dd is my collector. For her stuffies, this was my inspiration: http://www.littlezookeepers.com/ I used a sports bin (may still order the zoo) but the idea is to go vertical. I don't count how many are left out, but her bed must be sleepable and her floor must be clear. I designated one closet shelf for her precious collectibles. That keeps her desk surface clear. I bought various sizes of bins w/ lids to keep sets together (generally--I don't constantly sort them. But Mr. Potato head is generally separate from polly pockets.) Some of the bins are on shelves and some are stacked along a wall. I bought a huge cardboard expandable art portfolio for papers that fits behind her dresser and is easily accessible. Then I bought one open tub for all the miscellaneous "stuff" that she collects and that are the "dread factor" in cleaning any room. I don't care what's in it, as long as it fits. ETA--decorating--pretty much up to her, as long as it doesn't damage walls. 8 year old has a fake ficus she wanted for her birthday last year. She picked where to hang decorations and I taught her to use a stud finder and a drill to hang them right. Thank you for the practical advice! I LOVE the zookeepers thing. Can't swing the price but I'll see if hubby can come up with something similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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