Daughter advice?

[sweetsouthern]

for the last year or so, my 12 yr old daughter has been becoming more distant from me and i dont like it lol! we have always been so close, but since puberty, shes just becoming more and more irritable, annoyed and bothered every single day!.

 

any ideas for something to try or maybe a book for us to read that might help???

 

thanks! :grouphug:

[Amy in TX]

This is completely normal, I'm afraid! Both my girls, around puberty, became more irritable, high-strung, and distant with me than they had ever been. One to a much more marked degree than the other. The degree of change will vary from girl to girl (can't speak for boys yet), but it will happen. I don't like it either, it makes me sad, but it's a life stage and they have to go through it, I think. The good news is that it doesn't last forever.

 

Try to stay calm and loving (you will not always succeed!) and keep the big picture in mind. They don't like feeling this way either, and they really need you to be calm.

 

Hang in there. Hugs...

[mom2denj]

I have a 15 yr old dd, so I know where you are coming from. =) From my experience I would say spend some one on one time with her. Take her out to Starbucks, the movies, shopping (even window shopping) or lunch. Have fun and laugh with her. I would make it a regular thing. She will come back to you, girls need thier mama's! :)

[Sevilla]

This book might have some good ideas for how to reconnect with her: http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325459497&sr=8-1

[Alphabetika]

This is completely normal, I'm afraid! Both my girls, around puberty, became more irritable, high-strung, and distant with me than they had ever been. One to a much more marked degree than the other. The degree of change will vary from girl to girl (can't speak for boys yet), but it will happen. I don't like it either, it makes me sad, but it's a life stage and they have to go through it, I think. The good news is that it doesn't last forever.

 

Try to stay calm and loving (you will not always succeed!) and keep the big picture in mind. They don't like feeling this way either, and they really need you to be calm.

 

Hang in there. Hugs...

 

:iagree: Could not have said it better.

[duckens]

Just make sure that she knows that she can always come to you if she needs you; and you will always love her and try to help her. Keep repeating this, every day if you have to.

 

I had parents that did NOT say this to me when I was 12.

 

In the meantime, I dealt with former friends teasing me mercilessly to the point of tears every single lunch period at school in middle school, and I was unable to escape it because we had assigned tables (of 8 students) in lunch.

 

I also dealt with a year of being sexually harassed by the jerk who sat next to me in 7th grade math. I thought I deserved it, and this was before Anita Hill. In retrospect, I was a good Christian girl who had never worn a miniskirt, didn't listen to rock music of any sort (especially with suggestive lyrics), and buttoned her oxford and polo shirts to the top. But I thought I had to handle this on my own because my parents couldn't step up.

 

This was the time I grew apart from my parents. I am 41yo, and they still do not know of these things. We still cannot discuss them. We have never recovered.

[DianeW88]

It's pretty much inevitable during the teen years. The bad news....it gets worse before it gets better. They fall into a hole around 14 and don't crawl out until sometime around 16 or 17. The good news...by 18 they like you again. Hang in there!

[Ottakee]

I agree. Car time can be great as kids seem to talk more in there. For us, horseback riding is a great talking time. Another mom said that she would sit in the dark with her daughter in the hot tub and she would really start talking. Find low key, low pressure times to just be with her and let her talk, or not.