kwickimom Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 Recently 2 of my siblings split up with significant others and I just got word that my uncle up and left my aunt. In my family, we love hard and fast. Boyfriends/girlfriends etc simply become family and we are all together a lot and my kids love all these people like they love me. Any advice on explaining why we will never see these people again? It breaks my heart and I am having a hard time telling the kids. To them its as if these people died and they will never see them again. I want them to know its ok to love people still like we do and I don't want them to be scared to get close to people because they may leave. Any advice? (hugs to anyone here whose divorced...I cannot for the life of me imagine have to tell my kids that was happening) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 1, 2012 Share Posted January 1, 2012 Are you going to be able to maintain friendships with these in-laws? That would color our answers, I'm sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted January 1, 2012 Author Share Posted January 1, 2012 Are you going to be able to maintain friendships with these in-laws? That would color our answers, I'm sure. No. We wont be able to. They are forever gone. :-( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: The boyfriends/girlfriends are easier to explain. You want to marry the best person for you and they decided they weren't a good fit and someday they will find the perfect person for them to marry and they will be even better than the last one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted January 2, 2012 Author Share Posted January 2, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: The boyfriends/girlfriends are easier to explain. You want to marry the best person for you and they decided they weren't a good fit and someday they will find the perfect person for them to marry and they will be even better than the last one. I wish it was that easy. My kids are 9, 5 and 3 and they think these people are family. They get attached. My siblings are young and so they see the SO as an aunt or uncle. My siblings dont just casually date either. These are guys they thought they would marry. And to lose 3 men they looked up to so close together......ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 Some people stand back from life to avoid being hurt. Some people embrace life, and although they get hurt, they also have much more joy. For instance, some people refuse to ever have a pet or even a close friendship or relationship, for fear that if it fails or dies, they will be hurt. They miss so much that way! But in our family, we are not like that. Even though it hurts when we lose people we love, we love people anyway. We know, in our family, that it is always worth it. We know that the good outweighs the bad by so much that it's not even worth talking about. We are grateful for the good people that we love now, and for the other good people that we have loved and lost. (I come at this from a Christian perspective, and would add that in, but I'm not sure whether you would welcome that or not. The above was the secular portion of what I would say and the attitude I would take, but it is strongly rooted in the Christian portion that I'm leaving out.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted January 2, 2012 Author Share Posted January 2, 2012 Some people stand back from life to avoid being hurt. Some people embrace life, and although they get hurt, they also have much more joy. For instance, some people refuse to ever have a pet or even a close friendship or relationship, for fear that if it fails or dies, they will be hurt. They miss so much that way! But in our family, we are not like that. Even though it hurts when we lose people we love, we love people anyway. We know, in our family, that it is always worth it. We know that the good outweighs the bad by so much that it's not even worth talking about. We are grateful for the good people that we love now, and for the other good people that we have loved and lost. (I come at this from a Christian perspective, and would add that in, but I'm not sure whether you would welcome that or not. The above was the secular portion of what I would say and the attitude I would take, but it is strongly rooted in the Christian portion that I'm leaving out.) We are Christian...we take in a lot of people too and treat them like family. I know that it is good, but it is so hard on the kids. I told them God wants us to love everyone like we do and that even though we wont see some of our loved ones again God is taking care of them. they just cant grasp that these people drop off without so much as a goodbye. I cannot figure out how to explain it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 We're currently dealing with my MIL leaving her husband. It's been a long time coming, but it's the kids' first experience with separation or divorce first-hand. It's been one of those things where we told the kids the basics and then sat back and waited on the questions before getting into the nitty-gritty. Thankfully my MIL has been good about answering questions as well, so I've been letting the kids call her whenever they want. The hardest part for my kids has been the same as yours; not being able to see the man that they considered their grandfather. I know he would still like to see the kids, but there are several reasons that it won't happen. I've made sure to tell the kids that they're definitely still allowed to love him but sometimes we still lose the people we love, and we just have to enjoy the memories. It's still hard. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 Some people stand back from life to avoid being hurt. Some people embrace life, and although they get hurt, they also have much more joy. For instance, some people refuse to ever have a pet or even a close friendship or relationship, for fear that if it fails or dies, they will be hurt. They miss so much that way! God never does that. He loves people so much that He became one, one of us, and put up with all the difficulties of life and death on earth for us, to care for us in the best possible way. He would not stand back if someone needed love--He has proved that, in spades, for all time, for us. So in our family, we are not like that either. Even though it hurts when we lose people we love, we love people anyway. We know, in our family, that it is always worth it. We know that the good outweighs the bad by so much that it's not even worth talking about. We are grateful for the good people that we love now, and for the other good people that we have loved and lost. We know that losing people is to due to sin in the world, and that it's not what God wants. But sometimes it happens anyway. We have to accept that, but we also have to still love people, with our whole hearts, because that is what God does for us. So that is what we will do! OK, here it is with the Christian content included. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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