BigMamaBird Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Hi all, I was wondering if this e-mail sounded gentle enough to send to a very young Mom who's been dealing with constant health garbage between her and her 9 month old daughter. Her status update this morning was musing that "Ugh. I should have let Doc do the strep culture, but I hate that test!" I'm hosting Christmas Eve and am 9 months pregnant. I want to protect my family, but her heart too. She's had a brutal few months. **************** Hi ___________ , I'm sorry to hear about all the sick crap you've been dealing with! I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to see you and ________ on Christmas Eve. But please make sure that if you do have Strep that you've been on anti-biotics for at least 24 hours. At 9 months pregnant with two little ones I have to be very careful of our health right now, being so close to my due date. I love you dearly and want to see you and want you to have a great Christmas! And I REALLY don't want to be hurtful. I know it is hurtful no matter how I WANT it to feel. I'm sorry. I hope you are feeling better and I hope you can come. I DO want to see you all! I love you and __________ a whole bunch, Becky ******************** Her Grandma is my Aunt and is very techy. I am agonizingly anticipating this causing Armageddon, but I just can't get sick right now and my cousin is oblivious enough to come while sick. Does it sound kind enough? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Not rude at all! Honestly, I would have just told her not to come at all, because I wouldn't want the health risk for you or your dc. Even if she has been on meds for a few days, her 9 month-old may very well be the next one to get sick, and you'd receive the gift of fresh new strep germs in your house for Christmas Eve. :ack2: And "hates the strep test?" Please. :glare: (The antibiotics should take care of it anyway, but I thought her comment about the test was ridiculous.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 It sounds very gentle, and you're not telling her not to come. You are just asking to start antibiotics if it is strep. This is the right thing for her to do regardless. :001_smile: I hope she sees your heart behind the request. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I try not to send these types of email messages, because it's difficult to interpret tone. I think you did a good job of saying that you care for her and look forward to seeing her, but the rest might be taken the wrong way. Perhaps it would be better to call her directly or have your aunt let her know that you can't risk getting sick at this stage of pregnancy. I still think I'd be the one to call and ask how they're feeling, if she's gone back to the Dr., etc. And then let her know about your own health issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I think it's obvious by your email that you WANT her there, you just can't risk you, the baby, your kids getting sick. You are being wise, and she really needs to keep her germs at home and consider your predicament. There's no reason that there should be fall out from this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I think the email sounds fine. It came across clearly that you want her to be there but not at the expense of the health of you and your children. Instead of an email, could you express that too her on the phone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 The email isn't rude, but I think a phone call to her or your aunt would be better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 The email isn't rude, but I think a phone call to her or your aunt would be better. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Hi all, I was wondering if this e-mail sounded gentle enough to send to a very young Mom who's been dealing with constant health garbage between her and her 9 month old daughter. Her status update this morning was musing that "Ugh. I should have let Doc do the strep culture, but I hate that test!" I'm hosting Christmas Eve and am 9 months pregnant. I want to protect my family, but her heart too. She's had a brutal few months. **************** Hi ___________ , I'm sorry to hear about all the sick crap you've been dealing with! I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to see you and ________ on Christmas Eve. But please make sure that if you do have Strep that you've been on anti-biotics for at least 24 hours.This is the line likely to cause offense because you're telling her what to do. At 9 months pregnant with two little ones I have to be very careful of our health right now, being so close to my due date. I love you dearly and want to see you and want you to have a great Christmas! And I REALLY don't want to be hurtful. I know it is hurtful no matter how I WANT it to feel. I'm sorry. I hope you are feeling better and I hope you can come. I DO want to see you all! I love you and __________ a whole bunch, Becky ******************** Her Grandma is my Aunt and is very techy. I am agonizingly anticipating this causing Armageddon, but I just can't get sick right now and my cousin is oblivious enough to come while sick. Does it sound kind enough? It sounds like someone trying very hard to be nice....but I don't think you should tell an adult what to do--as in "Please be sure that...." It's kind of condescending because it implies she isn't savvy enough to do what she should. I think I would write and say, "I saw on FB that you might have strep and wanted to check on the status of that because of the danger of strep given this point in my pregnancy." (And strep really could be very dangerous should you give birth and the newborn contract it. Since you're 9 months, you can't be sure when you will give birth.) That conveys to her info that you are worried about the danger, but you're treating her like an adult who can give you information in return. I would also call your OB so that you can have a doctor's opinion to be what is really at issue so it's not left open that this could just be your "paranoid opinion." Being able to say, "I checked with my dr. and she said, "Blah blah blah because blah blah blah" helps keep it impersonal but adds authority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I think the email sounds fine. It came across clearly that you want her to be there but not at the expense of the health of you and your children. Instead of an email, could you express that too her on the phone? :iagree: A phone call involves give and take and leaves little to misinterpretation, unlike e-mail. I am NOT a phone person, but for matters such as this, I force myself to make the call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 (And strep really could be very dangerous should you give birth and the newborn contract it. Since you're 9 months, you can't be sure when you will give birth.) Just to reassure the OP, the kind of strep that is really dangerous to newborns is Group B strep, which is different than the Group A strep that causes sore throats. Strep throat is no fun during pregnancy and I wouldn't want to be around her, but it doesn't really endanger your baby. I think the email is fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 :grouphug: Stress like this is not fun. I'd go with a phone call, too. Less room for misinterpretation, less chance of hurt feelings. We had a similar scenario recently, and I *wish* I'd gone with a phone call. My niece is on the sensitive side, and I fear I may have hurt her feelings. A phone call would have been smart, on my end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 Thanks all for the reassurance! I'd love to call her, but part of her troubles are that her phones are constantly getting shut off, stolen, lost, etc. At this stage, I don't know how to get a hold of her personally. She's on FB almost hourly, so I thought that would be the most direct way. Hopefully I can catch her while she's on and IM a conversation with her. I was concerned about coming across as the bossy older cousin with the "Take your meds for 24 hours" bit. I hope she doesn't focus on that message as opposed to the "I love you" message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trresh Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 :iagree: A phone call involves give and take and leaves little to misinterpretation, unlike e-mail. I am NOT a phone person, but for matters such as this, I force myself to make the call. +1 ETA: I didn't see your second post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 It's not rude. What are you going to do if she doesn't see the email or says she didn't see it and hasn't taken her meds? I would call and speak with her and just say something such as, "I'm so sorry y'all aren't feeling well. I'll make sure to send leftovers and your presents with so and so. We will miss you!" Our situation is probably different than most, though--we spend time with loved ones year-round and just relax with our immediate family on holidays. One meal apart would not be a big deal here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Are you sure the doctor didn't give her antibiotics? The quote only says she didn't get the strep test. It's possible the doctor may have given her antibiotics anyway if he thought strep was likely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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