ChristusG Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 MIL is visiting for two weeks. That's fine, a-okay, I actually like MIL. What I DON'T like is her smoking. When she's here, she switches to an electronic cigarette and smokes that. Great...fine and dandy. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke and it definitely helps. HOWEVER.....her clothing and suitcases REEK of cigarette smoke because she smokes inside her own home. Today, MIL was gone so I went into the guest room (AKA my newborn's nursery) to get something. I could barely breathe in there. Her belongings literally polluted the entire room. I ended up removing all of my baby's clothing from drawers, hangers, and bins. I also removed all burp clothes, diapers, and stuffed toys. I just knew that stuff would end up reeking with cigarette smoke. I didn't want to have to wash every single article of clothing in the nursery. This is nuts. Ugh, I despise cigarette smoke. Love MIL, hate the smoke that follows her. I definitely didn't intend on clearing everything out of the nursery today. Won't MIL be surprised when she returns tomorrow (she went to visit a friend for the night but left most of her stuff here). Rant over. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 You have my complete sympathies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Do you have an air purifier you could put in her room? It would be for the baby, of course, ;) then run it while she is gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Ugh. I hate the smell. Can you use a plug in or automatic dispersing type air freshener? Perhaps get one that claims to deodorize? I would probably also grab all of her clothes and wash them - I know it's more work, but the smell would make me crazy. Sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Ugh. I hate the smell. Can you use a plug in or automatic dispersing type air freshener? Perhaps get one that claims to deodorize? I would probably also grab all of her clothes and wash them - I know it's more work, but the smell would make me crazy. Sorry! Hmmm...wonder if I could unload her suitcase and wash everything and return it all before she comes back tomorrow evening? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I have the same issue with my mother. She is a 2 pack a day smoker. When we visit her, I leave Everything in my car and I don't take anything in her house that I can't wash. When she visits, I leave a window open and at least one exhaust fan going at all times. I am to the point now, that I don't even invite her to stay at my home, I just rent her a room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvnlattes Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 How upsetting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hmmm...wonder if I could unload her suitcase and wash everything and return it all before she comes back tomorrow evening? :tongue_smilie: I almost suggested that but thought it would sound crazy. In your shoes I would consider it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hmmm...wonder if I could unload her suitcase and wash everything and return it all before she comes back tomorrow evening? :tongue_smilie: I had a smoker friend give me some stuff once, and :ack2:. I ended up throwing most of it away, because even with repeated washings it still smelled bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hmmm...wonder if I could unload her suitcase and wash everything and return it all before she comes back tomorrow evening? :tongue_smilie: I can't tell if you are joking or serious. For me, if someone did that, even if they had a good reason, it would cross a boundary line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Ugh--that smoke smell would really bother me, too. Actually, it burns my sinuses and I can't sleep. Thankfully we don't have that situation. My mom's a smoker but she doesn't smoke inside her house. And definitely not in ours. You can still smell smoke on her after she's had a cig, of course, but her stuff doesn't reek. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Honestly, I don't think I could. She'd have to stay somewhere else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I think you did right in removing everything, and I think you should be honest if she asks about it when she returns. I used to be a smoker and it never crossed my mind that I reeked wherever I went. I even smoked in my bedroom with windows that didn't open. AND I had my child in there! I just wasn't thinking. No one ever said anything. I lived with my mom and she had quit smoking years before so I know she smelled it but she didn't say anything. If there is anything else in that room that you value, go remove it. Seriously, trying to get cigarette smoke out of belongings is really tough. And you should start researching the best way to get the smell out of that room after she leaves. That is your baby's room! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 I can't tell if you are joking or serious. For me, if someone did that, even if they had a good reason, it would cross a boundary line. I'm not sure if I'm joking or not either LOL. Ugh--that smoke smell would really bother me, too. Actually, it burns my sinuses and I can't sleep. Thankfully we don't have that situation. My mom's a smoker but she doesn't smoke inside her house. And definitely not in ours. You can still smell smoke on her after she's had a cig, of course, but her stuff doesn't reek. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Honestly, I don't think I could. She'd have to stay somewhere else. I think that DH is going to talk to her about future visits. Honestly, we couldn't put her up in a hotel for 2 weeks and she lives on disability so she doesn't have any money. We already pay to fly her here and back, pay for all her meals, any movies or events we may go to, etc. But this just will not work again....I cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke. I think you did right in removing everything, and I think you should be honest if she asks about it when she returns. I used to be a smoker and it never crossed my mind that I reeked wherever I went. I even smoked in my bedroom with windows that didn't open. AND I had my child in there! I just wasn't thinking. No one ever said anything. I lived with my mom and she had quit smoking years before so I know she smelled it but she didn't say anything. If there is anything else in that room that you value, go remove it. Seriously, trying to get cigarette smoke out of belongings is really tough. And you should start researching the best way to get the smell out of that room after she leaves. That is your baby's room! Thankfully, baby does not sleep in there....we have a family bedroom. But we keep all of her belongings in there. Plus, we have a guest bed in there. Sometimes the baby and I will sleep on that if she's having a fussy evening. Now that bed will reek, I'm sure. As soon as she's gone, I'm going to have to open the window and air it out for a few days. We do have some baby clothing (hand me downs from our older kids that don't fit baby yet) in Rubbermaid bins in the closet. I wonder if those will be okay. I didn't remove them since they were in plastic bins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I am highly allergic to cats, and my DMIL has five. I can totally sympathize. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 We do have some baby clothing (hand me downs from our older kids that don't fit baby yet) in Rubbermaid bins in the closet. I wonder if those will be okay. I didn't remove them since they were in plastic bins. Hm.. I would guess they should be fine if they are closed up tight. But what a mess it all is anyway. Sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Well, I know you said she is on disability and can't afford hotels, but she has the money to buy all of those cigs. Just sayin'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I can't have smokers around. I get asthma from cigarette smoke even if that person isn't smoking. The fumes they give off can be bad enough. I know last year at a Social Security office, I had to move because I was starting to wheeze. You have my complete sympathy. My MIL smoked and sent gifts. We had to air them out or launder them repeatedly before they were usable. She did visit us but only before I got asthma. After I developed asthma, I was living over 3000 miles away and she never came and then shortly after that, she died. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 there's no reason you can't zip up her suitcase(s) and take it outside or in the garage or something. That wouldn't cross a boundary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 It it were my parent, I would call and tell them that I want to wash their clothes and why. If it were dh parent, I would tell him to call and ask. We have pretty cool parents, so this wouldn't be a problem. They don't smoke, but they are very easy going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I have no advice, but I wanted to say that I understand. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 (edited) I can't tell if you are joking or serious. For me, if someone did that, even if they had a good reason, it would cross a boundary line. I'm really hoping you're joking about that, too! :001_smile: If you don't have an air purifier, why not just open the windows the entire time she's gone to air the room out as well as you can ? She is already being gracious enough not to smoke (or to stand on the porch and smoke,) so I think anything beyond opening the window or using an air purifier might cross the line into being offensive to her. As for the residual odor after she's gone -- I think you may be making this into a bigger problem than it is. Wash the bedspread and linens (which you would have done anyway,) air out the room, and you should be fine. If the fresh air doesn't remove the smell from the window treatments within a day or two, wash them. If you have carpeting, there are many deodorizing powders (or plain old baking soda) that you can sprinkle on and vacuum up later. Honestly, this is only a few weeks -- not years of built-up smoke that would permeate into everything. I hate cigarette smoke, too, and I also have allergies, so I can sympathize with your annoyance, but I think you're being a bit dramatic about this. If you make a big deal out of it, you'll hurt your MIL's feelings and possibly damage your good relationship. And I know someone suggested putting her luggage out in the garage -- if you did that to me, I would be very uncomfortable with that. Edited December 21, 2011 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I'm really hoping you're joking about that, too! :001_smile: If you don't have an air purifier, why not just open the windows the entire time she's gone to air the room out as well as you can ? She is already being gracious enough not to smoke (or to stand on the porch and smoke,) so I think anything beyond opening the window or using an air purifier might cross the line into being offensive to her. As for the residual odor after she's gone -- I think you may be making this into a bigger problem than it is. Wash the bedspread and linens (which you would have done anyway,) air out the room, and you should be fine. If the fresh air doesn't remove the smell from the window treatments within a day or two, wash them. If you have carpeting, there are many deodorizing powders (or plain old baking soda) that you can sprinkle on and vacuum up later. Honestly, this is only a few weeks -- not years of built-up smoke that would permeate into everything. I hate cigarette smoke, too, and I also have allergies, so I can sympathize with your annoyance, but I think you're being a bit dramatic about this. If you make a big deal out of it, you'll hurt your MIL's feelings and possibly damage your good relationship. And I know someone suggested putting her luggage out in the garage -- if you did that to me, I would be very uncomfortable with that. Sorry OP, but I agree with Cat. And, I do know EXACTLY what you're going through. My fil and stepMIL smoke. If we go to visit them, even for an hour, and even if they don't smoke inside when we're there, we still come home with the odor in our clothes and hair. And dss is asthmatic, so, you know, that's fun. :glare: Just be gentle and thoughtful in walking the line between 'I can't stand the smell' and your MIL's feelings. Best of luck with that. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I don't think you are being dramatic about it. Cigarette smoke can cause a lot of health problems for babies, including SIDS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Sometimes people just aren't compatable as house guests even if we love them. I put heavy smokers and non smokers in that category, for me. I think smokers really don' t get how strong their items can smell to nonsmokers. It is what it is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 :grouphug: the scent definitely gets everywhere. I've noticed some heavy smokers excrete it through their skin. Our neighbors had to replace all the sheetrock on the mainlevel to get rid of it after they moved in. on the other level, they used four coats of Kilz. they ripped all the carpet out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 ugh can relate--she's since quit smoking thank goodness but my sister and her friends smoke and every christmas even the christmas presents would REEK of cigarette smoke...this is the first year that I haven't smelled it on them LOL.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 You need a high-quality air purifier, dear. And even a cracked window, even when it's cold, can move a lot of smells out. Just handle things one at a time. Don't get overwhelmed. Do some extra laundry. And enjoy your mom while she's with you. She won't be here forever. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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