Question for those who have older kids in college far from home

[Home'scool]

My daughter has been accepted to a bunch of colleges (thank goodness!) but some of them are far away. She is still considering her options, but I would like to hear if it is a huge logistical problem to have a child in college far away.

 

I am thinking that coming home for holidays will be hard because of holiday travel isssues, and not being able to come home for quick visits will be hard too.

 

She is very excited about the concept of experiencing a whole other area of the country, and I do think it is a great opportunity to do so, I just don't want to miss some aspect of that situation that might be a deal breaker.

 

Any pros and cons would be appreciated!

[gardenmom5]

My daughter has been accepted to a bunch of colleges (thank goodness!) but some of them are far away. She is still considering her options' date=' but I would like to hear if it is a huge logistical problem to have a child in college far away.

 

I am thinking that coming home for holidays will be hard because of holiday travel isssues, and not being able to come home for quick visits will be hard too.

 

She is very excited about the concept of experiencing a whole other area of the country, and I do think it is a great opportunity to do so, I just don't want to miss some aspect of that situation that might be a deal breaker.

 

Any pros and cons would be appreciated![/quote']

 

I live in WA. My girls both attended college in upstate NY. they wanted snow. :) (1dd's first winter home, we got snow. she ran outside yelliing how it "wasn't supposed to snow here". :lol: think she got her fill of snow? ;))

 

all flights required minimum one transfer and another one hour drive to the town they were in (at least they had connections who were willing to pick them up instead of paying $100+ PER PERSON (even if shared) for a "taxi" or spending the entire day at the airport if they took the school's airport shuttle that was run at the holidays) - so travel was an all day thing. 2dd didn't want to come home for thanksgiving her sr year because, as she said, she didn't want to spend two entire days traveling to spent two days at home. They did have the advantage of an entire month off at christmas.

 

It was a great opportunity for them, and they both loved it. do consider the "fit" to your student, and advantages of each school she is considering.

 

eta: 1dd is working at a major corporation here, and 2dd is in grad school here.

Edited December 20, 2011 by gardenmom5

[mamakim]

- airfare is expensive. There were times in the first year that we had to fly him home for short breaks simply because his dorm closed down and he had nowhere to go. After the first year, he had close enough friends that took him in. Even so, I don't know that we sat down and thought that out, that we'd be paying $400 repeatedly each year.

 

- he met someone there and got engaged, so he's staying there for forever. Yeah, I know that's real life and I should get a grip . . . but he's graduated now, and has a job and all, and well, we haven't seen him for two years :crying: because he can't get the time off . . .

 

- this depends on your financial situation, but for us, we couldn't afford to all go out there for anything, including his graduation. His dad went out and the rest of us watched it livestreaming, but that hurt. We're saving up to attend the wedding. But how many other things will there be like this? Grandchildren?

 

If you have a financially comfortable situation, then the impact would be far less. We have a tight budget that has had trouble absorbing the above hits.

[butterflymommy]

I would definitely encourage her to stay close to home-- travel is expensive and difficult.

[Remudamom]

It's terrible. You love them and miss them and never get to see them and then they move there after college. Any other questions?

[Murphy101]

- airfare is expensive. There were times in the first year that we had to fly him home for short breaks simply because his dorm closed down and he had nowhere to go. After the first year, he had close enough friends that took him in. Even so, I don't know that we sat down and thought that out, that we'd be paying $400 repeatedly each year.

 

- he met someone there and got engaged, so he's staying there for forever. Yeah, I know that's real life and I should get a grip . . . but he's graduated now, and has a job and all, and well, we haven't seen him for two years :crying: because he can't get the time off . . .

 

- this depends on your financial situation, but for us, we couldn't afford to all go out there for anything, including his graduation. His dad went out and the rest of us watched it livestreaming, but that hurt. We're saving up to attend the wedding. But how many other things will there be like this? Grandchildren?

 

If you have a financially comfortable situation, then the impact would be far less. We have a tight budget that has had trouble absorbing the above hits.

 

 

:grouphug: I know it's life too, but still ...*sniff sniff* :(

[ChristyB in TN]

My son is only 3 hours away and it is hard. He has a job and wrecked his car which means...he's riding the bus until it is fixed. If he were closer he could utilize having a family with other drivers with cars. It is Christmas break so the dorms lock up until January which means...he has no place to stay and because of that job he needs to stay somewhere there! He found a classmate who also works with him who is letting him sleep on his couch. It is not the ideal situation with lots of room mates and such. He is home for a couple of days and is obviously getting sick. NOW what do we do? He will go back and get to work come hell or highwater, I'm sure. (You're welcome for the little saying from my grandad) I certainly do wish he could live a little closer for times like this. However, I am so proud of him!

[*Lulu*]

While I have not sent a child away to school yet, I was a child who attended university far away from family.

 

Travel was expensive, so I came home 2x a year. (One year I was feeling homesick and came home 4x; my Dad is still griping about the airfare that year!) staying with friends during Thanksgiving and small breaks was a little sad the first year, but ended up being a terrific experience for me.

 

The things that allowed my Mom to make peace with me being so far away, (I was 17 when I started my 1st semester), were the smaller size of the university, (more people actually knew who you were and what you were up to), the curfew and class attendance restrictions on the Freshman, and my intense desire to attend. (Plus I had lined up enough scholarship money that the parents were paying what they would have if I'd stayed in state).

 

Yes, I met DH while in attendance, but he was from way across the country too. Yes, when I was hospitalized it was scary for both myself and my parents, but I learned to take charge of my health and what kind of friends you can really count on in a serious crisis. Overall it was an experience that has defined who I have become as an adult, and I am extremely grateful for my parents' willingness to let me go.

[Danestress]

are you making everyone else homeschool college?

 

I know you miss him. I hope you can take a trip to see him this year. It must be really hard.

[OLG]

My ds is clear across the country and is thriving. He absolutely loves the freedom and independence and has handles it all sensibly. We had no 'close to home' options so maybe the mindset was there from the start. Yes, a short break means adjustment. Ours opted to stay i the dorm for Thanksgiving given the holiday travel issues and expense. He survived! I do think kids are much more likely to not retunr 'home' after graduation. I also think that might just be inevitable in the future given jobs. I was already living with this in my head when he went off to college in August.....

 

College is a time of adjustment however you look at it. Adjustment for students and parents:D

[justasque]

If the school is an airplane flight away, it can be a pain to get their stuff to college. I've seen parents show up on move-in day with basically just the kid's clothes, then go (in their rental car or public trans if any) to the local bed-bath-etc for bedding and Staples for school supplies and Target for toiletries etc. That limits your opportunity to get that stuff on sale or at thrifts, over time the summer before hand.

 

Mine aren't that far; it takes me a day to drive there and a day to drive back; dh can do it in one day. If we stay over, we need a hotel. Coming home for T'giving, Christmas, Easter, Summer break means 8 trips a year. We do try to coordinate with others and fill our van with as many kids as possible.

 

Pros:

--It's an excuse to visit friends who live nearby the school.

--You can sometimes turn it into a mini-vaca, though often the break is too short for that to be practical.

--The "right fit" school means a happy, successful college experience.

--Kids get experience being independent.

--Time in the car is great bonding time.

[Rivka]

I think it's a very different experience depending on whether the college mostly enrolls students who live nearby, or if it draws from a national student base. A college with lots of out-of-state students will usually keep the dorms and food service open over shorter breaks, and the student services staff are more ready to help out when there are difficulties. There also tends to be cameraderie among students who are staying behind together over a break.

 

I went to college 3000 miles away from home (at 16! My parents were brave!), and I loved it. I went home twice a year, at Christmas and in the summer. My parents visited me once and then came for graduation. I never went home for fall break, Thanksgiving, or spring break.

 

It does promote independence. I didn't have my parents when I broke my finger in an accident or when I was sick enough to have to spend the night in the college infirmary. I didn't even have them to move me into my dorm room - they mailed my boxes in advance and then put me on a plane. I felt like an adult earlier than many college students do.

 

I still have fond memories of the huge potluck Thanksgivings my friends and I used to host. Two dozen people crowded around rickety borrowed tables, with Indian-print bedspreads for tablecloths, and such interesting Thanksgiving offerings as guacamole, sushi rolls, and pistachio-pudding-cool-whip-crushed-pineapple glop. :D My friends became family for each other, because none of us had relatives nearby.

 

I can't tell you what it was like for my parents, or whether I'd let my own daughter go 3000 miles away from our house to my old college. But it was a great experience for me.

[Karen in CO]

It's terrible. You love them and miss them and never get to see them and then they move there after college. Any other questions?

Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

My ds is 16 hours away by plane and on the other side of the international date line.

 

It is terrible. Airfare is expensive so vacations and holiday expectations need to be discussed before your student makes the final decision. My ds is VERY far away, but he loves it. It has been terrible and hard for me especially when he is sick or when BIG things happen, but it has been terrific for him. I wouldn't change a thing. It is his future, and it was his decision to make not mine. He made the best one for him.

[pageta]

I grew up in FL but went to college in Washington State. I only came home for Christmas and summer break. Thanksgiving and spring break, I either stayed at school or found someone to go home with. I really liked the school I went to so for me it was definitely worth it. When I graduated, I moved to Maryland, then to Nebraska where I am now. My parents just retired and moved to Kentucky so they are now within driving distance.

 

When I grew up, our family was in SD and OK so we always had to fly to see them. Our grandparents came to see us once a year and we went to see them once a year. Both visits were generally NOT around the holidays. That's just how things were.

 

So to me it wasn't a big deal, but I can understand to some it might be.

 

I should add, because of the added expense of travel and such, I didn't have a vehicle until my senior year of college. My sister went to a college that was closer (8 hour drive) and had a vehicle her freshman year so she could travel back and forth.

[MinivanMom]

I went to college 1000 miles away. I only flew out to visit my family at Christmas and during the summer break, though I did spend a lot of time talking to my sister on the phone (back before email was common). I thought it was wonderful. The whole point of college is to get away, live independently, and try new things. It's hard to do that when you attend a local university where the high school groups are still intact. Honestly, I always felt sorry for the kids who lived within a couple hours drive of home and whose parents were expecting them to constantly come "home" for weekends and every holiday or break. I just felt like being away and being independent was such an important step into adulthood for me. I will probably encourage my kids to attend a school out-of-state, but I'm one of those weird parents who expects my kids to move out and learn independence when it's time for college, regardless of whether or not it's a local school.

[Photo Ninja]

I have two dc going to school in a different state. Neither can come home for Thanksgiving because it is too far and too expensive for airfare. It was very hard for me to deal with this, and I admit I spent some time crying because I missed them during that holiday weekend. One can only be home a total of 4 weeks during the year because of needing to get residency for tuition purposes (means paying their in-state tuition instead of out of state tuition). That means two weeks at Christmas and two weeks during the summer.

 

It is a bit difficult for them to eat during school breaks (Thanksgiving, time between school getting out and when they can come home, time between them returning to school and school starting, spring break) because while they can stay in the dorms, there are not many students there (so a bit lonely), and the cafeterias on campus are closed. This means they have to rely on their microwave and grocery store, when they can get rides (no cars yet), for their meals.

 

Both my dc are in a state with lots of snow and very low temperatures. They both love it because the weather is so different there than at home. One is taking full advantage of excellent snowboarding only half an hour from school (I would say he may be taking too much advantage of the excellent snowboarding, but that is a different topic...)

 

They have not been homesick, and are both independent and able to take care of situations that have arisen. They are ready for this step. I am still adjusting to their step, but as a mother, I probably never will totally be comfortable with them being away. I do know it is right for them to go and I have been preparing them for this since they were born. They have made friends and gotten involved in activities. It has been good for them. It is that next step in their process of maturing. They are very happy when they are home, but also miss being at school. I think that is positive that they feel so at home there, too.

 

I have a ds who is away at school in state, but still about 7-8 hours away, so too far to come home for weekends. He also works, so he can't come home very long on breaks, either. He is home for only one week this Christmas, and couldn't come home for Thanksgiving because of work. But he needs the job, so we adjust. So your dc don't need to be across the country to be unable to come home for many visits during the year.

 

Solutions: video chat. It is free, and dd and I can chat for hours, and I get to see her smiling face. My sons don't enjoy the video chatting as much, but I take what I can get with them :D We do text, email and talk on the phone. We stay in touch regularly.

 

Roommates - I can tell you I am fully blessed that my dc have/have had roommates who are willing to take my dc home for a weekend or Thanksgiving break. It blesses my dc, which in turn blesses me because I know my dc are having a fun break and a good holiday. It is harder for me than it is for them. One ds was at a family's home for an early Thanksgiving lunch, then went back to his apartment and he and a roommate prepared a Thanksgiving feast for themselves, another friend, and a roommate's father who was visiting for the long weekend. He had a wonderful time cooking and was quite proud of his Thanksgiving meal. I would prefer he be home, but it was good to know he is capable and willing to cook that large meal.

[Home'scool]

Wow, thank you for all the responses!

 

When we first started this process she was pretty adamant that she wanted to be within driving distance. She is independent in a lot of ways and loves to travel, but I know she wanted the safety net there, too.

 

But then she got into Tulane in LA. We are in Massachusetts. And all of a sudden the concept of living in New Orleans, and experiencing a whole new area, is appealing to her.

 

When I went to college I was only an hour car drive away, and being able to come home was very helpful and comforting. But now I look back and wish I was a bit more adventurous.

 

I could probably fly out to visit her a few times (depending on how the financial aid package shakes out!) but it would seriously only be a few times.

 

GAAAH! I hate this. I want her to do what is best for her, and I will deal with the heartbreak, but I just don't know what situation will be the best for her.

[*********]

- airfare is expensive. There were times in the first year that we had to fly him home for short breaks simply because his dorm closed down and he had nowhere to go. After the first year, he had close enough friends that took him in. Even so, I don't know that we sat down and thought that out, that we'd be paying $400 repeatedly each year.

 

- he met someone there and got engaged, so he's staying there for forever. Yeah, I know that's real life and I should get a grip . . . but he's graduated now, and has a job and all, and well, we haven't seen him for two years :crying: because he can't get the time off . . .

 

- this depends on your financial situation, but for us, we couldn't afford to all go out there for anything, including his graduation. His dad went out and the rest of us watched it livestreaming, but that hurt. We're saving up to attend the wedding. But how many other things will there be like this? Grandchildren?

 

If you have a financially comfortable situation, then the impact would be far less. We have a tight budget that has had trouble absorbing the above hits.

 

It's terrible. You love them and miss them and never get to see them and then they move there after college. Any other questions?

 

 

Aaaaand no college away from home for my boys. I realize they're 6 and 8, but it's nice to have that decided already. :D

 

(Sorry for you, ladies. I can't imagine. :grouphug:)

[Laura Corin]

I went to college an eight hour train journey away. I came home at Christmas, sometimes Easter and the summer - shorter trips didn't make sense.

 

Laura

[littlebug42]

I also don't have any kids in college yet but I went from Kentucky to Texas for college. I went to a small private college and it was an excellent experience for me. I was only able to go home at Christmas and in the summer, and most of the time after the first year, I drove home at those times as it was just cheaper than plane fare.

 

It was hard for me being away from my family especially when in my last year there, my Dad got critically ill and almost died. I moved home after graduation because I didn't want to remain that far from my family.

 

Living in Austin was an excellent experience for me. I got to experience so many new things and meet so many wonderful people, also from all over the country, that continue to enrich my life 20 years later. I don't regret it at all.

[laughing lioness]

It's terrible. You love them and miss them and never get to see them and then they move there after college. Any other questions?

 

:iagree:This.

[TravelingChris]

My son went to college in the states when we lived in Europe. He came home for Christmas and summer. I lived a very long day's drive from my college. I think I went home for one Thanksgiving but normally stayed at the college. I did make it home for Christmas and summer- at least a few years for the summer.

 

My d is currently at a college 3 hours away. She came home more frequently than I expected though she did have a period of about 5 or 6 weeks when she didn't travel home.My last one is enamored of a school that would be a two day drive. She is only 15 so she still has a while. But if she does go to that school, I know I like the area and will come and visit her.