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WWYD?- Feeding guests


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Okay, so about 3-4 times a year, we host a gathering that includes dh's stepmom and all the relatives from that side of the family. First, let me say that I love these people dearly and enjoy spending time with them.

 

This year's annual Chanukah get together at our house is on Friday. They come here every year after work on a Friday. We eat, exchange gifts, then go to the family service/magician show at temple. I will make latkes- some with onion for the normal people, and some without onion for the picky weirdos! :D

 

The thing is, I eat and cook very, very healthily. They do not. BIL's children eat almost nothing but chicken nuggets, sugar cereal and candy. Not kidding. They all eat the cheapest processed food available.

 

I've made what I considered healthy party food and they just don't eat it. Vegetables seem to be foreign objects to them. Beans/hummus/legumes of any sort are unmentionables. They won't eat fresh salsa or guacamole, or anything fresh, for that matter. Once when I was babysitting my niece, I made her try one bite of stew and she threw up all over her plate.

 

So, for the past couple years, I've gone against ever fiber of my being and bought processed cold cuts and white bread for them to make sandwiches to eat along with the latkes. They are the guests, after all, right? I feel like I'm condoning this food by purchasing it. Why am I so tormented by this? It kills me to see them putting this junk in their bodies. Do I need to see a psychiatrist about this? :tongue_smilie: :lol:

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You won't change their eating habits in 3-4 meals per year, so just continue to be a gracious hostess and get the cold cuts. It's meat and (kinda) bread. Could you switch out the white bread for good healthy crackers or tortillas? Maybe then you would feel better and they would still eat it. But really I would say not your kids, not your business. They are getting food, which is more than some kids get.

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Don't do that for them. Plan your spread and email everyone the time, saying if they want to bring any side item they enjoy and want to share to bring it.

 

They know how you eat/cook and if they have any brains they will bring a side item they like. Then no one starves. If they come with nothing that is their deal. They can order a pizza.

 

But no, I wouldn't expect a vegetarian to serve our meat family meat just b/c we came to dinner. But I might bring a side dish just in case my family really didn't like the veggie meal being served. It looks nice to bring a side to share and I am ensuring my family has something they like.

 

Stop making things people want and serve what you like. I would only change my menu for allergies.

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Well, I'm mixed.

 

On the one hand, I think it IS appropriate to consider your guests needs (and, even, wants). I think most carnivores would think it basic manners to serve several vegetarian dishes (including some sort of main dish), if they had vegetarians over for dinner. And, in fact, my dh's Grandma---who was vegetarian---always served a main meat dish, along with her vegetarian alternative and lots of veggies, when she cooked for dh's extended family.

 

On the OTHER hand,

I'm a big believer in potluck.:D

 

Serve your healthy dishes. Email a list. Invite each family to bring a dish to share. Honestly, my kids would not eat hummus or a cold veggie tray , except for carrot sticks. They do eat fruit, wheat bread, etc.... I would be happy to bring a finger food to be the bulk of their meal and let them graze from the rest of the alternatives.

 

ETA: I added the (Wants) above. As a hostess, I do think it's appropriate to consider their wants. You have to draw the line about doing something you believe is wrong, somewhere. However, I don't think pushing your eating habits on guests is the place to start. I think inviting them bring an alternative is a good compromise. I'm rambling. So, I'll stop. :)

Edited by snickelfritz
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I feel bad asking them to bring something for this annual event, because step-MIL, BIL, SIL, etc. are all running around quickly after work to pick kids up from after care, and get to my house in time to eat and exchange gifts before services start at 7:30. On other, more relaxed occasions, they do bring food.

 

Whenever we go to one of their houses for a party, they always tell me what they are serving ahead of time, and I always say, "Okay, I'll bring something for the kids and me." I've given up on dh. He eats junk when he's away from home, so I just don't care if he eats it at their houses.

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My sister and her family eat like crap - when they visit, I've stopped fighting city hall and just ask her for a list of *must haves* in the house and pick whatever up for when they're here. Otherwise, she'll go to the store herself and buy it, or worse, when they arrive and then complain she had to go shopping when she got here. She does extend the same courtesy to me when we visit - I'll send her a list and she'll go out and get whatever I need so I don't have to go out and grocery shop for us when we visit them...so it works. She rolls her eyes at what we eat, I roll my eyes at what they eat....neither of us is going to change the other, so it makes for less friction to just accommodate.

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As the hostess, I always try to make sure my guests likes/dislikes are accommodated. For example, I have one dear friend that doesn't like chocolate, so when he comes for dinner, I don't serve chocolate. Now, on the other hand, I have picky kids and I do not expect my friends to accommodate their pickiness. I will either feed them before we go someplace or make sure I bring along something they will eat. I have no problem with the potluck ideas but I would still make sure that there is something my guests enjoy on the table, whether I liked the food or not.

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Maybe compromise a bit. Cold cuts with wheat bread (don't buy a lot since you know they won't eat it). Veggies with a Velveeta dip for them and a hummus for your family.

 

Then start phasing out the crap over the course of the next couple of years. They will learn to eat a bit before coming so they aren't starving while being surrounded by food.

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:grouphug:I get what your thinking;), but I would continue to make everyone feel as welcome as possible.

 

:iagree:You wont change them with one dinner and not eating or worse...vomiting is just not a happy family get together (kwim?). Now...I might sneak and tweak the bread or cold cuts, but I'd want everyone to leave happy and not hungry.

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It sounds like you are a wonderful, gracious hostess. In my part of the world when you invite people and host a meal, unless it is well published to be a potluck, you serve food people like and the point of the gathering is to spend time together.

 

If a lot of kids will be present, kid food is included. That's not only good manners but it keeps kids from being hungry and cranky and homesick- which sort of spoils the point:tongue_smilie:

 

Also- how many people who think you should only serve what you deem healthy, would find it rude and outrageuos if a guest brought pb&j on white bread plus cheese-its to put on the buffet for their kids? I can see the snotty thread now.

 

Now if you want less guests....

 

That said- I am a whole foods sort of gal. It does silently kill me to buy a bunch of 2 liters of cokes. But, I do it for get togethers all the time.

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I feel bad asking them to bring something for this annual event, because step-MIL, BIL, SIL, etc. are all running around quickly after work to pick kids up from after care, and get to my house in time to eat and exchange gifts before services start at 7:30. On other, more relaxed occasions, they do bring food.

 

ok...

 

Then I do think it's appropriate to serve "something" they will eat. I think the cold cut tray is an appropriate choice. I just don't see the point to inviting people over a few times a year, if you KNOW they will not eat any of the food. That's not enough times to change their tastebuds.

 

We had a birthday party for my youngest dd. Lots of choices for her seafood theme she wanted. I did a quick batch of chicken nuggets for the young kids of the group (of which, I had none who wouldn't eat the seafood) The parents appreciated it and most picked that for their kids. It was a minor thing on my part and they and their kids enjoyed the party.

Edited by snickelfritz
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I fix what I want for the adults and kids who will eat it. Than have made mac and cheese and hot dogs for those kids who won't eat anything else. I would just have something else for them. Since you are concerned about healthy eating, pick something of their list that you consider the healthiest and serve them that.

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Well, my niece and nephew eat the same way you're describing. They don't know what meatballs are unless they come in a can of Spaghetti-Os.

 

I buy the healthiest food I can for them. They eat popcorn, so I'll make popcorn with real butter (which they think is hilarious since I could just microwave a bag). They eat hot dogs, so I'll buy white wheat buns and the best hot dogs I can find. They eat pizza, so I'll make homemade pizza (again, they think that's funny). They eat spaghetti and french fries, which I can make instead of buying frozen and microwaving.

 

If white bread and cold cuts are the best you can do, I think that's fine. If they truly don't eat anything that might be the case. I'd think to myself, "Well, it's better than a meal of Honey Buns," which it is and which my DN have eaten many times.

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We had brunch for one family gathering this year and it was wonderful. Will they eat pancakes? Scrambles eggs? We ate lots of bacon, but I would guess that's probably not a good idea for you!

 

Pancakes are pretty easy, scrambled eggs are quick. Breakfast seems to be a universally more acceptable meal, so why not try that?

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We had brunch for one family gathering this year and it was wonderful. Will they eat pancakes? Scrambles eggs? We ate lots of bacon, but I would guess that's probably not a good idea for you!

 

Pancakes are pretty easy, scrambled eggs are quick. Breakfast seems to be a universally more acceptable meal, so why not try that?

 

I don't know if they eat pancakes or scrambled eggs. Maybe some of them do. I doubt BIL and his family do, since no one cooks at their house. If it doesn't come ready made in a package, they don't eat it. But, maybe they would eat that if I cooked it. I make whole wheat pancakes for the kids, but I don't eat wheat anymore. I guess I could try mixing a little whole wheat in some regular flour. That's a pretty good idea. I don't know if my local free range organic eggs would send their systems into shock, though! :lol:

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I think if you are inviting people over for a meal, you need to provide something they will eat. I would get white whole wheat bread and nitrate free cold cuts and set that out with some hummus, a big tray of sandwich veggies (lettuce, onion, tomatoes, cucumbers, pickles, sprouts, etc.) and a fruit tray and then absolve yourself of any guilt. You are offering healthy options and if they only eat the cold cuts on bread, then at least you provided the healthiest version of that possible while remaining a good hostess.

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I'm in the same situation you are---and I just bought the cold cuts yesterday. :001_smile:

 

Family peace is so much more important than teaching these kids healthy eating habits. I would rather they remember the fun time they had at A & U's house with their cousins than have issues over foods--even if I'm right.;) So we're having a healthy veggie soup, pickled veggies, salad, and lunch meat and rolls. The rolls will be white, but from a good bakery in town. I picked up sparkling juice hoping it will be enough like soda for them. And we will have cookies. If all they eat is cookies, that's okay also.

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Buy the cold cuts and white bread and don't stress over it. You are not "condoning" it, you are being a gracious hostess and valuing their company over their food choices.

 

:iagree:

 

My husband's family does not eat real food. I serve them what they enjoy. They are my guests and it is my job as hostess for my guests to feel welcome in my home. Getting on my food soapbox would not make them feel welcome.

 

For Chanukkah, we get popeye's fried chicken and call it a day. Plus, I make latkes and a few sides.

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