Oak Knoll Mom Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) I don't want to invite my husband's brother to Christmas at my house? I can't stand him. He's loud, obnoxious, selfish, rude and I just don't like him. My husband doesn't care for him either. Grr. Edited December 18, 2011 by Oak Knoll Mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 No, I have a relative like that. Families are important, but I have thought for years that if someone is over the line AND is a family member, why is that an automatic pass? It means that we are stuck with someone who is awful and can ruin every occasion for the rest of our lives just because they are family. ICK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Nope. Not bad at all. I refuse to invite my sister's boyfirend/possible future fiancee to my house because the last time he was here he broke up with my sister, lied to everyone about every little thing, and (by far the most serious offense) kept drinking all my rum without my permission. Oh, and he tried to smoke the ditch weed growing wild on our property. For me, the whole meaning of Christmas is lost when I have to deal with idiots. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 No. Whether you do it or not completely depends on the family dynamic and what the goal for doing so might be. But not wanting to spend the day with someone you can't stand seems perfectly normal. Disclaimer: I fail to accept that I have to put up with toxic, obnoxious, abrasive, rude behavior from people because they're family. Evidently, that is not a popular position. (In such cases, I'm perfectly happy being unpopular, though) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 No. Whether you do it or not completely depends on the family dynamic and what the goal for doing so might be. But not wanting to spend the day with someone you can't stand seems perfectly normal. Disclaimer: I fail to accept that I have to put up with toxic, obnoxious, abrasive, rude behavior from people because they're family. Evidently, that is not a popular position. (In such cases, I'm perfectly happy being unpopular, though) :iagree:completely! This is why I am currently not on speaking terms with my mother and cancelled our Christmas plans to be near her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Not bad at all....we have the same problem except we found out on Thanksgiving that this "brother" was stealing from us. So now he is not allowed on our property :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 For 18 years, I've kept my mouth shut when I'm around him just to keep the peace. I lost it at Thanksgiving right as we were sitting down to eat and finally gave him a piece of my mind. Maybe it's because I recently turned 40, maybe it's because Thanksgiving was the one year anniversary of my dad's death, or maybe it's because he was being exceptionally rude, but I told him he needed to be quiet and stop being so selfish and rude to his mother. My husband has finally said he's done trying to have any semblance of a relationship with him and their dad has even said that he can barely stand to be around him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 For 18 years, I've kept my mouth shut when I'm around him just to keep the peace. I lost it at Thanksgiving right as we were sitting down to eat and finally gave him a piece of my mind. Maybe it's because I recently turned 40, maybe it's because Thanksgiving was the one year anniversary of my dad's death, or maybe it's because he was being exceptionally rude, but I told him he needed to be quiet and stop being so selfish and rude to his mother. My husband has finally said he's done trying to have any semblance of a relationship with him and their dad has even said that he can barely stand to be around him. :grouphug: Life is too short to deal with crazy people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 :iagree:completely! This is why I am currently not on speaking terms with my mother and cancelled our Christmas plans to be near her. That would be the exact situation that caused me to stipulate to my husband that I would not put up with behavior from a family member that I would absolutely not tolerate from any other person. OKM - it seems you would be protecting the rest of the family's holiday joy by allowing him to make his own celebration elsewhere. That, or you can arm everyone else with their own box of wine and holiday themed taser. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) :iagree: I had to learn this though. And it was me not giving in and driving 11 eleven hours (round trip on horrible roads) to the nut house. My goal is to have a peaceful Christmas filled with people we love. No. Whether you do it or not completely depends on the family dynamic and what the goal for doing so might be. But not wanting to spend the day with someone you can't stand seems perfectly normal. Disclaimer: I fail to accept that I have to put up with toxic, obnoxious, abrasive, rude behavior from people because they're family. Evidently, that is not a popular position. (In such cases, I'm perfectly happy being unpopular, though) Edited December 18, 2011 by Tammyla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Yes, turning 40 was freeing for me and I realized about that time that life is too short to put up with people like that. Maybe just nipping it in the bud the first time he says something obnoxious will give him a clue that it won't be tolerated? We are not going to Florida this year, and it will be the first time in years I feel like I will enjoy Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 No. Whether you do it or not completely depends on the family dynamic and what the goal for doing so might be. But not wanting to spend the day with someone you can't stand seems perfectly normal. Disclaimer: I fail to accept that I have to put up with toxic, obnoxious, abrasive, rude behavior from people because they're family. Evidently, that is not a popular position. (In such cases, I'm perfectly happy being unpopular, though) :iagree::iagree::iagree:to all the above. Dh and I made the choice years ago not to be with my sister and her family on holidays. It's been peaceful and joyful ever since. It saddened my parents so much (they had Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas Day with hers) but we never again had an argument on Christmas. In fact, once sister was cut out of my life entirely, my parents and I never really argued again. It was the best thing that could have happened to our relationship. Sad but true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 (they had Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas Day with hers) This is why I can even consider not inviting him to our house. He'll see his parents on Christmas Day at their house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Maybe it's because I recently turned 40, . :iagree: The more over 40 I get, the more direct I get. The less willing I am to put up with crap. And the less I worry what anyone thinks. Maybe it's because life is getting shorter. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 :iagree: The more over 40 I get, the more direct I get. The less willing I am to put up with crap. And the less I worry what anyone thinks. Maybe it's because life is getting shorter. ;) Maybe we're all just getting a little senile and our filters are slipping like you see in very elderly people. (I've often wondered if half the people called "senile" just simply don't give a rat's behind whether people like what they say, or care enough to remember extraneous information... Because I feel like that fairly often myself.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 :iagree: no and I wouldn't have a second thought about it ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 That, or you can arm everyone else with their own box of wine and holiday themed taser. :) :lol: :lol: :lol: Now that I know they come in holiday themes, I know what I'm putting on my Christmas list. Goodbye frappe maker.... hel-lo taser! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Dh's brother was difficult, he ranged between creepy and scary and he'd stay all night at my house at thanksgiving. if you are inviting the rest of your dh's family, you really should include him as part of the family. (and I know how unpleasant than can be.) your dh's family knows what this person is like - it's not like you are having to inflict him on your defenseless friends. if you are only inviting selected people, you have more leeway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 For 18 years, I've kept my mouth shut when I'm around him just to keep the peace. I lost it at Thanksgiving right as we were sitting down to eat and finally gave him a piece of my mind. Maybe it's because I recently turned 40, maybe it's because Thanksgiving was the one year anniversary of my dad's death, or maybe it's because he was being exceptionally rude, but I told him he needed to be quiet and stop being so selfish and rude to his mother. My husband has finally said he's done trying to have any semblance of a relationship with him and their dad has even said that he can barely stand to be around him. All I can say is "Good for you for speaking up!" While I usually support diffusing tense situations, keeping the peace and being a gracious host, it sounds like this man had it coming. If you do end up inviting him, let him know that he is only welcome if he can be on his best behavior. If not, he would be doing you all a favor if he found someplace else to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Sounds like everyone would understand not inviting him, so go for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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