cathmom Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I was recently talking to another homeschool mom and she asked if my dc were involved in any of the activities with our homeschool group. I said no and started explaining why. She then proceeded to spend at least 10-15 minutes making suggestions and coming up with possibilities, and I just really couldn't communicate to her to STOP! It was really aggravating, especially as the last thing I wanted to think about was MORE things I could do. I just had to vent. Back to your regularly scheduled threads about wedding dresses and taxation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Next time, don't explain. No is enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Next time, don't explain. No is enough. :iagree: As they say, "NO is a complete sentence." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 She sounds like a conversation dominator. (Google spell check suggests an interesting word for that by the way. Is there really no such word as dominator? :tongue_smilie:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 :iagree: As they say, "NO is a complete sentence." Doesn't sound like she even got to start explaining before being talked over about more activities she should look into though. I guess pointedly ignoring her might have worked. Look away, walk away, start reading a book... That might get the point across. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I get that all the time. I had one person go on and on about how I can outsource high school when I never said that I wanted to (and am fine with the part that I do outsource). I think these people see themselves as Resources even though we don't see them that way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Next time, don't explain. No is enough. :iagree: I find if I explain my decisions, it opens the door for some people to try to talk me out of them. So I don't explain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 It's kind of hard right now because I feel like I am straddling two worlds. No would have been good. :lol: I think what irritated me the most was her confident assurances without any facts to back them up. like - I could teach Spanish homeschool classes at my house instead of teaching at the charter school and of course people would drive to my house for them (no, they wouldn't) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 That's so tough. You hate to sound like a negative person who just shoots everything down, but sometimes suggestions are not necessary and just won't work for your situation. I hate finding myself constantly dismissing everything, so I usually just say I'll have to consider it. And then change the topic as quickly as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 People like that give us an opportunity to practice our feigned indifference look. :001_huh: Of course, it much easier to find solutions for other people. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 People like that give us an opportunity to practice our feigned indifference look. :001_huh: Of course, it much easier to find solutions for other people. :tongue_smilie: QFT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I was recently talking to another homeschool mom and she asked if my dc were involved in any of the activities with our homeschool group. I said no and started explaining why. She then proceeded to spend at least 10-15 minutes making suggestions and coming up with possibilities, and I just really couldn't communicate to her to STOP! It was really aggravating, especially as the last thing I wanted to think about was MORE things I could do. . To me, this appears as if she misunderstood your explanation as "I wish we could, but we can not for xyz reasons" instead of "I don't WANT to participate." She was probably trying to be helpful by offering suggestions how you could solve what she perceived as "problems". If you are not interested, I would not give an "explanation" but simply state that you have not desire to participate in the activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 :iagree: I find if I explain my decisions, it opens the door for some people to try to talk me out of them. So I don't explain. *blush* I don't want to talk anyone out of anything. BUT I am a "fixer" personality. To me, saying why you can't do something implies that you do want to do it. And I want you to do what you want to do so I want to brainstorm ways to help you do it. Thus I start sputtering possible scenarios for your consideration. My friends usually interrupt me and say something along the lines of, "You can't fix this, just nod with me.":D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 Yes, she was responding to my problem of several years ago. I rejoined the group solely in order to participate and then found out that everything was so expensive or so hard to fit to our situation (ie, a really cool course my girls could have done that would have required me to hang around town with 4 boys under 6/7 for 2 hours because we were not allowed to stay at the place it was). Now, things we may have wanted to do simply do not work with my teaching schedule. So then she is suggesting teaching first thing - uh, I do not schedule the courses at this school LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I'm reminded of the postcard HL Mencken used to send his readers: "Dear Sir or Madam; You may be right at that." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 People like that give us an opportunity to practice our feigned indifference look. :001_huh: Of course, it much easier to find solutions for other people. :tongue_smilie: My kids call this my "I'm not making a face at you face." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I have gotten really good at nodding and looking interested and then chucking it out the other ear. Keeps the peace and shuts them up faster. Besides you never know you might one day glean a nice morsel from someone. Maybe. But don't hold me to that. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 People like that give us an opportunity to practice our feigned indifference look. :001_huh: Of course, it much easier to find solutions for other people. :tongue_smilie: Who says that look is feigned??:001_huh: :lol::lol::lol: Faithe:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Back to your regularly scheduled threads about wedding dresses and taxation. Bummer. Poor lady might be a bit manic and thought she was being helpful. Oh well, lesson learned about steering clear of her. Sometimes you can stop such trains with an interruption like, "that reminds me, did I tell you about my gall stones?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in WA Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I get that all the time. I had one person go on and on about how I can outsource high school when I never said that I wanted to (and am fine with the part that I do outsource). I think these people see themselves as Resources even though we don't see them that way! Although I have started aggressive outsourcing for January, this has always puzzled me as well. I tend to (or at least try to) assume that unless people ask, they are aware of the outsourcing possibilities and will do so if they want to. Do people really think homeschoolers aren't aware of the options to outsource? I am guilty of regularly suggesting to a friend that she drop co-op but this is because she is always complaining about being short academic time and admits that co-op is purely social for her high school-aged children. As my main concern during the schoolday is my teen-aged children's academics, if I am going to give up time homeschooling for outsourcing, I expect to be getting something substantial in return - generally a subject matter expert teaching (or at least structuring and grading) something I find difficult to teach for some reason. All the same, she probably knows perfectly well she could drop co-op and really isn't looking for that suggestion every time she comments on time contraints. :blushing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starwarsmomma Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 My friend also wants me to do a co-op with her boys. She doesn't get that I consider them TORTURE. LOL She loves them. I dread them. :D I just tell her that I can't because I hate people. LOL She knows that's true about me-- and how can she argue against that? HAHA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inmyopinion Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 *blush* I don't want to talk anyone out of anything. BUT I am a "fixer" personality. To me, saying why you can't do something implies that you do want to do it. And I want you to do what you want to do so I want to brainstorm ways to help you do it. Thus I start sputtering possible scenarios for your consideration. My friends usually interrupt me and say something along the lines of, "You can't fix this, just nod with me.":D That is what I am like. I like to share information, which I understand is not always needed. Then again, I tell people who are not even homeschooling all of the activities our group has because I am excited about them. I also am the type that assumes if you are talking to me you want my opinion. It is probably a character flaw, but I am so cute I hope people overlook it!:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nelewaf Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 She sounds like a conversation dominator. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 *blush* I don't want to talk anyone out of anything. BUT I am a "fixer" personality. To me, saying why you can't do something implies that you do want to do it. And I want you to do what you want to do so I want to brainstorm ways to help you do it. Thus I start sputtering possible scenarios for your consideration. My friends usually interrupt me and say something along the lines of, "You can't fix this, just nod with me.":D :iagree: Not only that, but I am cathmom's friend IRL (poor thing.) However, this time it was not *me* trying to fix it!:tongue_smilie: I know she doesn't need anymore things to do!:001_huh: I am more likely going to try to talk her out of doing them.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I am a "fixer" personality. To me, saying why you can't do something implies that you do want to do it. And I want you to do what you want to do so I want to brainstorm ways to help you do it. Thus I start sputtering possible scenarios for your consideration. Me too. Please understand that we only want the best for people and hope something said will help or spark an idea that will help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 No offense, OP, but you are sort of a Yes, But type. Lots of complaining and nothing offerred is ever a solution so Im sure your RL friends want to help and are equally frustrated with your inertia as you are with ther attempts to help you make your situation better. None taken, but this wasn't my friend. This was a person I had never talked to before. Where I live, my situation is very different from that of a lot of people. I have a wide range of ages, I'm working around therapy schedules and my teaching schedule, and my money is very limited. Here's a suggestion for fix-it kind of people: When someone hasn't responded enthusiastically to your first couple of suggestions, maybe you could just say, "Well, I'm sure you don't need my help figuring this out. Good luck!" :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 :iagree: Not only that, but I am cathmom's friend IRL (poor thing.) I know she doesn't need anymore things to do!:001_huh: I am more likely going to try to talk her out of doing them.:D I'm very blessed to have you as a friend! And thanks for talking me out of doing more. I need less to do, not more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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