Mentors for highschool age...how to find them?

[Cheryl in NM]

So I've paid the $75 application fee for a $7000/year Christian school for Ds. He has an appointment to shadow a student after Christmas break. I would have to get an almost full-time to pay the tuition and everything I earned would go to that tuition.

 

I knew it didn't feel right. I knew Ds wouldn't do good with the required schedule. I knew things weren't working now. He refuses to let me teach him anything which is why I went with Lifepacs this year. But he's not feeling challenged academically.

 

For the last year he's been flip-flopping about going to B&M school. When I told him tonight that it seems like he doesn't know what he wants he told me that he knows exactly what he wants just not how to get it.

 

Here's what he wants in his own words:

 

"Mentors, instructors, teachers, in depth learning in

1. Music

2. climatology

3. core subjects

4. history

Prepare for college

College Course in music

Flexible, homeschool-like schedule"

 

He'll be able to drive by himself in 6 months. He can get a job now if he wants and I'll drive him. He has 1 co-op class and will begin a research class in January. He takes a Geometry class outside of home. He attends martial arts 3 times a week. He play in the worship band at church. History, Bible, Geology, Health, Biology are Lifepacs. He can take a college course at 16 (next October).

 

What can I change this year? Should I just scrap next semester and try to round up mentors to learn the things he wants? How would I find mentors? Should I just get the job and send him off to the private school? Should I continue to research charter and public schools to send him to? New Mexico is still 49th in the nation for education I believe. I bet he could pass every part of the GED except the math right now. He feels like he's wasting his time.

 

Any advice would be helpful. We're really kind of stuck. I feel like he's on the cusp of really taking off, but he thinks the answers to his problem are in B&M school, but I think he knows that isn't right for him either.

 

TIA!:)

[Teachin'Mine]

Sounds like he's ready for some cc classes. :) You can start with one or two this coming semester and then add in more next year. I'd prefer this option to a full time private high school - especially with that cost.

 

ETA: I was curious what's available to homeschooled students in NM, so I did a quick google and found this site for Santa Fe Community College:

 

http://www.sfcollege.edu/dualenrollment/index.php?section=application_process

 

It has the information on there about who to contact for dual enrollment for homeschoolers. I have no idea where you are in the state, but I would think that the other community colleges would have a similar policy. It's actually a really good one! DE is free to homeschoolers in 11th and 12th grades. If you register with a local public high school "in name only" then you can get the textbooks loaned to you for free as well. I'd have him take the CPT test now, so he can see how he does and work on any areas, if need be, before taking it again, if needed. Registration should be going on for the spring semester. All of this may give him exactly what he's looking for without all the negative influences and rigid scheduling of a high school, public or private. Even though your son is 15 and in 10th, I'd call the cc if he's interested as many of them do make exceptions and allow younger students to enroll.

Edited December 15, 2011 by Teachin'Mine

[Sebastian (a lady)]

So I've paid the $75 application fee for a $7000/year Christian school for Ds. He has an appointment to shadow a student after Christmas break. I would have to get an almost full-time to pay the tuition and everything I earned would go to that tuition.

 

I knew it didn't feel right. I knew Ds wouldn't do good with the required schedule. I knew things weren't working now. He refuses to let me teach him anything which is why I went with Lifepacs this year. But he's not feeling challenged academically.

 

For the last year he's been flip-flopping about going to B&M school. When I told him tonight that it seems like he doesn't know what he wants he told me that he knows exactly what he wants just not how to get it.

 

Here's what he wants in his own words:

 

"Mentors, instructors, teachers, in depth learning in

1. Music

2. climatology

3. core subjects

4. history

Prepare for college

College Course in music

Flexible, homeschool-like schedule"

 

He'll be able to drive by himself in 6 months. He can get a job now if he wants and I'll drive him. He has 1 co-op class and will begin a research class in January. He takes a Geometry class outside of home. He attends martial arts 3 times a week. He play in the worship band at church. History, Bible, Geology, Health, Biology are Lifepacs. He can take a college course at 16 (next October).

 

What can I change this year? Should I just scrap next semester and try to round up mentors to learn the things he wants? How would I find mentors? Should I just get the job and send him off to the private school? Should I continue to research charter and public schools to send him to? New Mexico is still 49th in the nation for education I believe. I bet he could pass every part of the GED except the math right now. He feels like he's wasting his time.

 

Any advice would be helpful. We're really kind of stuck. I feel like he's on the cusp of really taking off, but he thinks the answers to his problem are in B&M school, but I think he knows that isn't right for him either.

 

TIA!:)

 

You mentioned church. That would probably be where I'd start. I'd try to get an appointment with an older adult involved with ministry (pastor, worship leader, deacon, elder, maybe the youth ministry staff). Both of you go to the meeting. Explain to them what your son is looking for and ask if they can help hook you up with people in the church who will either be mentors or help identify mentors.

 

Then I'd take the same list and repeat with other groups that would hold networked adults. Scout troop, college alumni network, maybe even Facebook.

[Candid]

Whenever I read about teens who have true mentors, I almost always see that the teen found the mentor and approached them and set things up. I think this is how I would lean with your son as well as Teachin' Mine's idea of cc.

[Cheryl in NM]

Thanks everyone!

 

Teachin' Mine - I never thought of SFCC. CNM doesn't offer dual enrollment to homeschoolers. But we live between Albuquerque and Santa Fe so SFCC might be convenient. I'm not sure you can register "in name only" in a NM public school or at least in the districts around us (we have 4 to chose from because we are so rural). By CPT do you mean College Prep Test? I got him the study guide for the GED, PSAT and ASVAB.

 

Part of me thinks I should just scrap this year's curriculum and focus on the study guides above. But then, if he's done in a few hours a day and bored, adding the study guides would be a good thing. We've changed curriculum every year mid-year, because I just got sick of fighting over it or he seemed lost or bored. So I know I'm part of the problem here.

 

Sebastin - Our church is extremely small and not oriented on youth at all (there are exactly 4 kids that attend regularly and another 3 that attend a few times a year). We are thinking about changing to a church that has more youth and has mission opportunities. My mom is having a heart attack at the thought of us leaving the Lutheran church. We are home bodies and aren't part of any other groups, except a homeschool co-op that we attend marginally. I guess I have to step out of my comfort zone here to help him find these people.

 

Candid - I agree and that's what I told him last night. I told him that he needs to take the initiative. He said he's bored because he's done with his school work by noon but can't have his computer until 3. We have a set of encyclopedia and tons of books, plus he can practice guitar or piano (with he is teaching himself and doing wonderfully!). So I hope I got some of that through to him.

 

I'm going to let him shadow at the Christian school so he can see what a school room is like. He's never been to school so he has no idea about the wasted time and inefficiency. If it's more efficiency he wants; he can provide that himself.

 

He works completely independently because he doesn't like the way I talk and gesture. He doesn't like that I laugh in his ear and breath in his face. So after I took the knife out of my heart I realized that I have to respect this. While I have an Assoc. degree, I would be learning alongside him and he says he wants an instructor that can just answer his questions; not learn along side him. Hmmmm, this is sounding like laziness to me. Does anyone else think so too?

 

Thanks so much for you input!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Thanks everyone!

 

Teachin' Mine - I never thought of SFCC. CNM doesn't offer dual enrollment to homeschoolers. But we live between Albuquerque and Santa Fe so SFCC might be convenient. I'm not sure you can register "in name only" in a NM public school or at least in the districts around us (we have 4 to chose from because we are so rural). By CPT do you mean College Prep Test? I got him the study guide for the GED, PSAT and ASVAB.

 

Part of me thinks I should just scrap this year's curriculum and focus on the study guides above. But then, if he's done in a few hours a day and bored, adding the study guides would be a good thing. We've changed curriculum every year mid-year, because I just got sick of fighting over it or he seemed lost or bored. So I know I'm part of the problem here.

 

Sebastin - Our church is extremely small and not oriented on youth at all (there are exactly 4 kids that attend regularly and another 3 that attend a few times a year). We are thinking about changing to a church that has more youth and has mission opportunities. My mom is having a heart attack at the thought of us leaving the Lutheran church. We are home bodies and aren't part of any other groups, except a homeschool co-op that we attend marginally. I guess I have to step out of my comfort zone here to help him find these people.

 

Candid - I agree and that's what I told him last night. I told him that he needs to take the initiative. He said he's bored because he's done with his school work by noon but can't have his computer until 3. We have a set of encyclopedia and tons of books, plus he can practice guitar or piano (with he is teaching himself and doing wonderfully!). So I hope I got some of that through to him.

 

I'm going to let him shadow at the Christian school so he can see what a school room is like. He's never been to school so he has no idea about the wasted time and inefficiency. If it's more efficiency he wants; he can provide that himself.

 

He works completely independently because he doesn't like the way I talk and gesture. He doesn't like that I laugh in his ear and breath in his face. So after I took the knife out of my heart I realized that I have to respect this. While I have an Assoc. degree, I would be learning alongside him and he says he wants an instructor that can just answer his questions; not learn along side him. Hmmmm, this is sounding like laziness to me. Does anyone else think so too?

 

Thanks so much for you input!

 

Does your church have elders or deacons? Because you're not really looking for more teens or a teen group. You're looking for some older people, perhaps even retirees who can be helpful as your son bridges to adulthood. Even a small church (perhaps especially a small church) can help with that.

[Cheryl in NM]

Does your church have elders or deacons? Because you're not really looking for more teens or a teen group. You're looking for some older people, perhaps even retirees who can be helpful as your son bridges to adulthood. Even a small church (perhaps especially a small church) can help with that.

 

That's true. We do have elders. But we've been struggling in this church. One of the elders has been deceptive and abusive of his power. No one else is stopping him. That's a big reason we are thinking of leaving the church. Our church is full of "Sunday Christians", ds has asked to attend a church that has "everyday Christians". I must say I've been horribly disappointed in the leadership in our church. Once Ds noticed it, it became a deal breaker for me. My service is up at the end of the year and that's when we plan to leave.

[Teachin'Mine]

Cheryl I understand! My dd hasn't wanted me to teach her for years, so she's been learning independently too. She's loving cc!!!

 

Yes the CPT is the College Placement Test. If it's like the one my dd took, it's multiple choice and given online at the college. I don't know if there's a test prep book for it, or not. After she took the test, we saw on the college's site that they had a mini practice test - just to familiarize the students with the test. I believe it can be taken more than once without penalty. If you go to the link in my post above, you can call and speak with the person who works with homeschoolers for more detailed information. The part about registering at a ps "in name only" came from that site, so it must be doable. :) How amazing it would be to have the classes and texts for free! Not sure if there are any cons to going that route, so you might want to check with others from NM.

 

I would definitely talk with them soon and see if they'd allow him to take a class or two this spring. It's good for them to get used to everything without having a very full schedule. Then he'd be good to go in the fall. :)

[Cheryl in NM]

Aw, man! I need to read more carefully! The link you provided is for Santa Fe College in Florida! I'm still going to check with SFCC here in NM. The research I did at CNM was that homeschooled students are not eligible for dual enrollment but may begin taking classes at the age of 16 and pay full price for those classes. Now, full-time tuition is only $3200 a semester. So we were going to have Ds take 1 class the first semester after he turns 16. Historically, NM school districts do not work with homeschoolers. Homeschoolers are shunned by students and many adults. Ds was horribly bullied when he was in Little League. If I had known the extent of it I would have pulled him out; he knew that so he didn't tell me. He has a few public/private school friends now that he's met at other churches and his martial arts classes.

 

Anyway, I think I may need to just get on the phone. I'd like offer him something in January. Although, I think his unfilled feelings are not totally academic. We just found out that his "girlfriend" (we don't allow dating, but he exclusively talks to her online & the phone) is mentally ill. I wish he would not get tied into this relationship at this age, but he's pretty stuck on her. Apparently the abuse stories we were getting from her were because she's schizophrenic with atypical depression and has hallucinations. We finally confronted her mom about the abuse stories she was telling Ds and her mom told us all of this. Anyway, I think Ds is seeing that he doesn't want a relationship with her but feels bad about that. He's playing the knight in shining armor.

 

So he's had alot of stress in his life with dealing with her and her mess and driver's ed. The driver's ed videos really bothered him. That is why I'm thinking this isn't totally academic, but I can see where doesn't feel challenged and wants an actual instructor.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Thanks everyone!

 

Teachin' Mine - I never thought of SFCC. CNM doesn't offer dual enrollment to homeschoolers. But we live between Albuquerque and Santa Fe so SFCC might be convenient. I'm not sure you can register "in name only" in a NM public school or at least in the districts around us (we have 4 to chose from because we are so rural). By CPT do you mean College Prep Test? I got him the study guide for the GED, PSAT and ASVAB.

 

Part of me thinks I should just scrap this year's curriculum and focus on the study guides above. But then, if he's done in a few hours a day and bored, adding the study guides would be a good thing. We've changed curriculum every year mid-year, because I just got sick of fighting over it or he seemed lost or bored. So I know I'm part of the problem here.

 

Sebastin - Our church is extremely small and not oriented on youth at all (there are exactly 4 kids that attend regularly and another 3 that attend a few times a year). We are thinking about changing to a church that has more youth and has mission opportunities. My mom is having a heart attack at the thought of us leaving the Lutheran church. We are home bodies and aren't part of any other groups, except a homeschool co-op that we attend marginally. I guess I have to step out of my comfort zone here to help him find these people.

 

Candid - I agree and that's what I told him last night. I told him that he needs to take the initiative. He said he's bored because he's done with his school work by noon but can't have his computer until 3. We have a set of encyclopedia and tons of books, plus he can practice guitar or piano (with he is teaching himself and doing wonderfully!). So I hope I got some of that through to him.

 

I'm going to let him shadow at the Christian school so he can see what a school room is like. He's never been to school so he has no idea about the wasted time and inefficiency. If it's more efficiency he wants; he can provide that himself.

 

He works completely independently because he doesn't like the way I talk and gesture. He doesn't like that I laugh in his ear and breath in his face. So after I took the knife out of my heart I realized that I have to respect this. While I have an Assoc. degree, I would be learning alongside him and he says he wants an instructor that can just answer his questions; not learn along side him. Hmmmm, this is sounding like laziness to me. Does anyone else think so too?

 

Thanks so much for you input!

 

It doesn't necessarily sound like laziness (at least not on his part). But I think there is a lot more one can do with time after completing assignments other than just hang out on the computer.

 

How would he be with online coursework?

 

There is an online weather course from NOAA called Jetstream. It has quite a few demos to work through. You might try pairing this with the Boy Scout merit badge requirements for weather or a couple papers.

 

He might also enjoy trying working through AP Environmental Science. He might like the idea of working on a higher level. There is a heavily online course available from UCCP.

 

We've been using Art of Problem Solving books for algebra. He might get some good use out of the free problem sets available there through Alcumus.

 

On the other hand, being an active and self-reliant student means not getting derailed just because you don't like the instructor's personality quirks. I've had professors who smelled like smoke and stale coffee, who were egotists, who barely spoke English or who had incredibly high demands for course work. None of those are reasons not to do the work.

[Teachin'Mine]

Oh Cheryl I am so, so sorry!!! I had no idea. Obviously I'm the one who needs to read more carefully. :blushing:

 

Have you thought about moving. :tongue_smilie: I'm so sorry. I read that whole link and never saw anything about Florida and since I searched New Mexico community colleges and this came up ... :tongue_smilie:

 

ETA: I went back to the site and see how I missed it. I had scrolled down quickly to the section about homeschoolers and never saw the Gainsville, FL address. The county name never meant anything to me as I don't know counties in NM or in FL.

Edited December 15, 2011 by Teachin'Mine

[Cheryl in NM]

Oh Cheryl I am so' date=' so sorry!!! I had no idea. Obviously I'm the one who needs to read more carefully. :blushing:

 

Have you thought about moving. :tongue_smilie: I'm so sorry. I read that whole link and never saw anything about Florida and since I searched New Mexico community colleges and this came up ... :tongue_smilie:

 

ETA: I went back to the site and see how I missed it. I had scrolled down quickly to the section about homeschoolers and never saw the Gainsville, FL address. The county name never meant anything to me as I don't know counties in NM or in FL.[/quote']

 

No problem. I was reading it and getting really excited. But I kept reading the county name thinking "where is that?". When I googled the county and saw it was Florida. THAT'S when I looked at the address for the school. We DO have a Santa Fe Community College here so it made total sense at first glance! LOl

 

It was so sweet of you to look it up for me!

[Cheryl in NM]

It doesn't necessarily sound like laziness (at least not on his part). But I think there is a lot more one can do with time after completing assignments other than just hang out on the computer.

 

How would he be with online coursework?

 

There is an online weather course from NOAA called Jetstream. It has quite a few demos to work through. You might try pairing this with the Boy Scout merit badge requirements for weather or a couple papers.

 

He might also enjoy trying working through AP Environmental Science. He might like the idea of working on a higher level. There is a heavily online course available from UCCP.

 

We've been using Art of Problem Solving books for algebra. He might get some good use out of the free problem sets available there through Alcumus.

 

On the other hand, being an active and self-reliant student means not getting derailed just because you don't like the instructor's personality quirks. I've had professors who smelled like smoke and stale coffee, who were egotists, who barely spoke English or who had incredibly high demands for course work. None of those are reasons not to do the work.

 

So are you saying I'm being lazy? Or that he's not necessarily being lazy? I've really tried not to ruin his love of learning and I've tried to respect his feelings. I've tried changing the things he doesn't like. I'm just not a sociable person.

 

Thanks for the links. He's said no online courses, but I'll check them out and send him the links. He might like them. I think he's really craving the interaction with a teacher. I haven't actively taught him in about 2.5 years.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

So I've paid the $75 application fee for a $7000/year Christian school for Ds. He has an appointment to shadow a student after Christmas break. I would have to get an almost full-time to pay the tuition and everything I earned would go to that tuition.

 

I knew it didn't feel right. I knew Ds wouldn't do good with the required schedule. I knew things weren't working now. He refuses to let me teach him anything which is why I went with Lifepacs this year. But he's not feeling challenged academically.

 

For the last year he's been flip-flopping about going to B&M school. When I told him tonight that it seems like he doesn't know what he wants he told me that he knows exactly what he wants just not how to get it.

 

Here's what he wants in his own words:

 

"Mentors, instructors, teachers, in depth learning in

1. Music

2. climatology

3. core subjects

4. history

Prepare for college

College Course in music

Flexible, homeschool-like schedule"

 

He'll be able to drive by himself in 6 months. He can get a job now if he wants and I'll drive him. He has 1 co-op class and will begin a research class in January. He takes a Geometry class outside of home. He attends martial arts 3 times a week. He play in the worship band at church. History, Bible, Geology, Health, Biology are Lifepacs. He can take a college course at 16 (next October).

 

What can I change this year? Should I just scrap next semester and try to round up mentors to learn the things he wants? How would I find mentors? Should I just get the job and send him off to the private school? Should I continue to research charter and public schools to send him to? New Mexico is still 49th in the nation for education I believe. I bet he could pass every part of the GED except the math right now. He feels like he's wasting his time.

 

Any advice would be helpful. We're really kind of stuck. I feel like he's on the cusp of really taking off, but he thinks the answers to his problem are in B&M school, but I think he knows that isn't right for him either.

 

TIA!:)

 

Another thought is that he could treat finding mentors the same way he would go about getting a job. He needs to tell everyone he can think of that he's "looking for someone who can help him learn about xx" and ask if they know anyone.

 

There may be some mentors in your immediate circle. Or he may need to go to friends of friends.

 

He may even want to ask about programs (maybe for volunteering) at local organizations. For example, the local Department of Natural Resources may have some work that touches on climatology. A local museum or historic site may be looking for volunteers as workers, guides or exhibit constructors.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I mean that I wasn't sure who you were suggesting was lazy, but that a teen asking for deeper educational encounters might not get that label.

 

Sounds like he's trying to take the next steps. I would expect respect, but also move mountains to help him find challenges.

[Cheryl in NM]

I mean that I wasn't sure who you were suggesting was lazy, but that a teen asking for deeper educational encounters might not get that label.

 

Sounds like he's trying to take the next steps. I would expect respect, but also move mountains to help him find challenges.

 

Oh. I mean lazy because he wants to ask questions and get answers instead of search the answers out himself. It's like he'd rather not learn if someone else won't tell him the answers.

 

I'm definitely willing to move mountains, but in the past when he exhibited interest in things I jump into gear and he drops it. I'm really sick of the run around, but I don't want to miss the "real" time. KWIM? I think it's probably the nature of the beast with a teenager.

[Cheryl in NM]

Have you tried asking any profs at St. John's? I know they are a liberal arts college, so you might not find anyone for climatology, but I'll bet you could find someone for history and music! You have the SF Opera there--surely there is someone he could connect with!

 

Ds hates opera. Any suggestions on one to try that he might like? He's never actually been, just seen excerpts on TV.

 

Do you have personal experience with St. John's? I looked at their website briefly.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Oh. I mean lazy because he wants to ask questions and get answers instead of search the answers out himself. It's like he'd rather not learn if someone else won't tell him the answers.

 

I'm definitely willing to move mountains, but in the past when he exhibited interest in things I jump into gear and he drops it. I'm really sick of the run around, but I don't want to miss the "real" time. KWIM? I think it's probably the nature of the beast with a teenager.

 

I only have one teen yet. But I've seen a couple times that my jumping into something is a sure way to kill off the enthusiasm.

 

Maybe it's time to be supportive, but reflect the task back to him. You have one method of schooling at hand (parent guided), maybe two if you count the private school option.

 

If he is looking to benefit from a third way, then he can put forth the effort to articulate what he wants (I know that's like pulling teeth for teen guys) and put some shoe leather and phone time into finding resources and guides.

 

 

FWIW, I've been spending a lot of time in the gym with my oldest, who is cross training while his arm is in a cast. One of the hardest things for me to do is not give suggestions or observations. Unless he's being unsafe, I just let him work.

[Cheryl in NM]

I only have one teen yet. But I've seen a couple times that my jumping into something is a sure way to kill off the enthusiasm.

 

Maybe it's time to be supportive, but reflect the task back to him. You have one method of schooling at hand (parent guided), maybe two if you count the private school option.

 

If he is looking to benefit from a third way, then he can put forth the effort to articulate what he wants (I know that's like pulling teeth for teen guys) and put some shoe leather and phone time into finding resources and guides.

 

 

FWIW, I've been spending a lot of time in the gym with my oldest, who is cross training while his arm is in a cast. One of the hardest things for me to do is not give suggestions or observations. Unless he's being unsafe, I just let him work.

 

:iagree: This is so hard! I just want him to benefit from what I've learned and my observations. I need to remember that he has to make his own mistakes and he has to learn his own life lessons. I bite my tongue so much I'm not sure I'll have a tongue left by the time he's 20! :001_huh: