Help me think of a response (cyberbullying)

[Perry]

A female classmate of ds posted this on his fb:

 

Your a loser you little ice skating ballerina(; hahah

:angry:

 

Ds used to be a pretty good figure skater, but he quit 2 years ago because of the bullying and teasing.

 

Help me think of a response.

Edited December 15, 2011 by Perry

[NicAnn]

Honestly, I wouldn't say anything. Anything YOU say will make it worse, I'd imagine. Did you talk to Ds? As bad as it is, kids that age often tease with ...good...intentions. Does the girl like DS or do you know this was coming from a mean place?

 

Sorry he has to deal with teasing about doing what he likes. :(

[southernm]

A female classmate of ds posted this on his fb:

 

:angry:

 

Ds used to be a pretty good figure skater, but he quit 2 years ago because of the bullying and teasing.

 

Help me think of a response.

 

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

[amo_mea_filiis.]

The mature thing is to say nothing.

 

I would say "YOU'RE the loser!"

[Forget-Me-Not]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

 

This

[oldskool]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

It needs to be immediately stopped. Thank goodness your ds has you to support him. Another child may not have parents that would take action and we have all seen too many stories of how these things can turn out. I would react not only for your own child, but others as well.

 

Lesley

[LauraGB]

Honestly, I wouldn't say anything. (

 

:iagree: Don't feed the beasties - it only makes them grow.

 

But, d@mn, I sure would like to say a whole bunch of things. :glare:

 

Have a good, long heart to heart with your son - the kind that makes him understand what sort of person says such stupid, juvenile, pointless things.

 

:grouphug:

[regentrude]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

 

This.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

 

:iagree: While it is wise not to confront the bully directly, it is also wise to contact those in authority over her so that she cannot get away with it.

[battlemaiden]

If this was my son, I'd tell him to write, "LOL" or "Haha, you're jealous of my skiiiiiiiillllls."

 

There is a winky smile.

 

Don't blow it out of proportion. He'll gain credibility by not getting his nose out of joint.

 

The funny thing is, we just had this discussion with one of our boys yesterday after a long day at the....wait for it....skating rink! :D He often thinks boys are teasing him when they are not.

[momsquared]

This girl has the winking smiling face. Is it possible she is joking. Maybe making light of the fact some other kids teased him about this before - maybe as a way to mock those kids?

 

Have you even asked him what is going on??

[battlemaiden]

But printing the screen and keeping it on file wouldn't hurt. If anything escalates you'll have proof.

[Starr]

He can always quote Taylor Swift, "I'm gonna live in a big ole city and all you're gonna be is mean!" She wants a response I wouldn't give her one. It would be nice if someone else would pan her remark on facebook. We have a female relative and she talks like that on facebook with her friends all the time. ;( Stand by your guy, it's hard!

[djsmom]

If this was my son, I'd tell him to write, "LOL" or "Haha, you're jealous of my skiiiiiiiillllls."

 

There is a winky smile.

 

Don't blow it out of proportion. He'll gain credibility by not getting his nose out of joint.

 

I agree with this.

[momsquared]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

 

This seems a bit extreme. If this happened every time someone posted something on FB the world would come to a screeching halt. I am around teenagers daily. I think you have to pick your battles and take the worst case scenarios. I can't really tell if this fits that bill.

[Elizabeth in MN]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

 

Yeap, totally this. Ignoring bullies only strengthens them.

[kalanamak]

If this is a first faux pas, I would defriend and ignore, after saving the screen. If anything else happens/ has happened, I'd swat immediately to her, to whoever: this is unacceptable rudeness, and won't be tolerated.

 

It was important for me, as a teased and belittled teen, to know I was "going places". There would be an out/end. Most grown-ups don't have the time for this nonsense. Etc. :grouphug: to your son.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Does one obnoxious comment posted on Facebook really count as bullying?

[Murphy101]

This girl has the winking smiling face. Is it possible she is joking. Maybe making light of the fact some other kids teased him about this before - maybe as a way to mock those kids?

 

Have you even asked him what is going on??

 

This.

 

I wouldn't do anything until I spoke to my son to see what he thought/felt about the situation.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

If this was my son, I'd tell him to write, "LOL" or "Haha, you're jealous of my skiiiiiiiillllls."

 

There is a winky smile.

 

Don't blow it out of proportion. He'll gain credibility by not getting his nose out of joint.

 

The funny thing is, we just had this discussion with one of our boys yesterday after a long day at the....wait for it....skating rink! :D He often thinks boys are teasing him when they are not.

 

Is the advice you gave above hard for your boy to follow? I'm asking because for my son it really is. We try to work on it and hopefully as he gets older it will get easier (he's 10), but he's just not very good at the calm, cool and collected response that can shut verbal bullies down. He's more likely to get his noise out of joint.

[Murphy101]

Is the advice you gave above hard for your boy to follow? I'm asking because for my son it really is. We try to work on it and hopefully as he gets older it will get easier (he's 10), but he's just not very good at the calm, cool and collected response that can shut verbal bullies down. He's more likely to get his noise out of joint.

 

It would be ard for one of my boys. That's why we work on this things with them.

[Perry]

Does one obnoxious comment posted on Facebook really count as bullying?

This is not an isolated event.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

This is not an isolated event.

 

That changes it, but my response would be based on what has happened in the past.

[Perry]

The school wouldn't want to get involved. Someone posted a video of one of ds' classmates being taunted and mocked to the point of tears and an angry outburst. Since the video was clearly made at school, I emailed the counselor with the link. He called me and while he was outraged, he said the school didn't get involved with facebook issues at all. Even though the video was made in a classroom, during school hours. :confused:

[Ellie]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

:iagree:

 

I don't think it's bullying, but it's still behavior that should be corrected, immediately if not sooner.

 

Maybe sending a copy to the perpetrator's English teacher would be appropriate...

[kalanamak]

Even though the video was made in a classroom, during school hours. :confused:

 

For that, I would complain up the food chain. If everyone shrugs, go the local paper.

[Danestress]

but I certainly agree that was mean. I think I would be tempted to PM her from your son's account saying, "Gosh, I am so sorry. My Mom is such a total loser. She saw that comment and now she's going to call your parents to talk about it. I told her I don't really care what you say about me, but she just wants to make sure your parents know this is going on, so I thought I would give you heads up."

 

And then, of course, I would never call the parents.

 

I probably wouldn't do that anyway, but I would be tempted. Couldn't you just wring her little brat neck?

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I don't know what the past incidents have been, but as FB friends of my teen niece and nephew, it sounds very similar to how their "friends" all talk to each other. They call each other loser all the time and say horrible things to each other. I'd just not have your son respond at all, and if it really bothers him, defriend that person.

[battlemaiden]

Is the advice you gave above hard for your boy to follow? I'm asking because for my son it really is. We try to work on it and hopefully as he gets older it will get easier (he's 10), but he's just not very good at the calm, cool and collected response that can shut verbal bullies down. He's more likely to get his noise out of joint.

 

No. It is extremely hard for this particular child. He is smart and bookish and tends toward a seriousness. His personality tends towards victimhood. He believes he deserves to have people treat him in a certain way. We are trying so hard to teach him that he can't control other people's actions or words. My dh in particular has given this son examples of how "guys talk" and how to laugh it off.

 

Ultimately, it is a pride issue, and we use these events to try and remind him that his confidence and worth do not begin with other people's opinions of him. Just recently he seems to be catching on that he doesn't need to defend himself constantly from other's comments or treatment. That would make for a lonely child in the long run.

 

So, no it isn't easy, and it was particularly difficult between the ages of 9-11. He just turned 13 last month. His confidence is rising. There has been a lot of mentoring in this area. Some kids just need a little extra help in how to get along with their peers. His older brother is a natural people person and gets along with everyone.

 

Sorry, for so much info. I just know it is hard to see our young men struggle in this area and I hope I've encouraged you a little.

 

 

I wish you the best.

 

~Jo

[LeslieAnneLevine]

Sorry, for so much info. I just know it is hard to see our young men struggle in this area and I hope I've encouraged you a little.

 

 

Yes, you have, thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. I have renewed motivation to keep working on it with him, too.

Thanks to Martha also for your reply. It helps to know some kids are like this, we didn't make them this way and they need some extra help navigating through certain interactions.

[Perry]

While one comment doesn't qualify as bulllying, trust me that ds has had longstanding issues with being bullied and teased. I am not going to go into detail, but ds is socially awkward and this is an ongoing problem.

 

This isn't the worst comment that has been posted. I realize that kids talk to their friends this way and it is in fun. When someone who is not your friend calls you a loser, it isn't a joke.

[5LittleMonkeys]

First, OP I'm sorry this girl is teasing your son. I know your mamma bear instincts are to bring this to a stop immediately. :grouphug:

 

Second, (this isn't directed just to the OP but also to those suggesting contacting the school) don't we all get annoyed when the ps system interferes in our parenting? This incident didn't happen during school or at school...why on earth should the school get involved? If the public school got involved every time one of your (general your) dc said something snarky on facebook I'm sure you'd wonder why on earth they were poking their nose into your business.

 

OP, The parents of this girl need to know about this IF it is an ongoing issue, but the best defense is just to un-friend her and to teach your son not to listen to small minded, ignorant people.

[southernm]

First, OP I'm sorry this girl is teasing your son. I know your mamma bear instincts are to bring this to a stop immediately. :grouphug:

 

Second, (this isn't directed just to the OP but also to those suggesting contacting the school) don't we all get annoyed when the ps system interferes in our parenting? This incident didn't happen during school or at school...why on earth should the school get involved? If the public school got involved every time one of your (general your) dc said something snarky on facebook I'm sure you'd wonder why on earth they were poking their nose into your business.

 

OP, The parents of this girl need to know about this IF it is an ongoing issue, but the best defense is just to un-friend her and to teach your son not to listen to small minded, ignorant people.

 

Because it's more than likely originating at school

[TXBeth]

While one comment doesn't qualify as bulllying, trust me that ds has had longstanding issues with being bullied and teased. I am not going to go into detail, but ds is socially awkward and this is an ongoing problem.

 

This isn't the worst comment that has been posted. I realize that kids talk to their friends this way and it is in fun. When someone who is not your friend calls you a loser, it isn't a joke.

 

If they are not friends he should not have her as a FB friend. Unfriend her and delete the comment.

[regentrude]

The school wouldn't want to get involved. Someone posted a video of one of ds' classmates being taunted and mocked to the point of tears and an angry outburst. Since the video was clearly made at school, I emailed the counselor with the link. He called me and while he was outraged, he said the school didn't get involved with facebook issues at all. Even though the video was made in a classroom, during school hours. :confused:

 

In that case, the parents should threaten legal action. There are laws to prevent bullying, and the school is definitely responsible for actions that happen on school property.

Sounds like your school needs a wakeup call.

[AngieC]

This isn't the worst comment that has been posted. I realize that kids talk to their friends this way and it is in fun. When someone who is not your friend calls you a loser, it isn't a joke.

 

 

If she isn't his friend and it's not meant as a joke, then why not just have him delete her from his fb account? I can understand letting it happening once, but if it's happening repeatedly, isn't the answer just to remove the person? (Or, if you wish, to take it further by contacting parents, etc. as others have suggested)

[Farrar]

The school wouldn't want to get involved. Someone posted a video of one of ds' classmates being taunted and mocked to the point of tears and an angry outburst. Since the video was clearly made at school, I emailed the counselor with the link. He called me and while he was outraged, he said the school didn't get involved with facebook issues at all. Even though the video was made in a classroom, during school hours. :confused:

 

I can see why the school wouldn't get involved in the comment you're asking about now, but that's disturbing. Check if your state has an anti-bullying law before you call up the food chain as was suggested. Many states have implemented them in the last few years. They require school administrators to act in situations like that.

[Susann]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

[oldskool]

In that case, the parents should threaten legal action. There are laws to prevent bullying, and the school is definitely responsible for actions that happen on school property.

Sounds like your school needs a wakeup call.

 

:iagree:

 

There should be no compromise or tolerance on this. I am certain the school district would have a bullying policy, as it is commonplace now. I would bring that policy to the school. Unfortunately, schools do not learn the easy way on this stuff. It usually takes legal action.

[Starr]

I'm really sorry this is happening to your son. I have not found other adults helpful in similar situation and my child finally removed herself from an organization but it has carried over through the years, This is even more impossible at school. :(

[Dustybug]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

 

:iagree:

[goldberry]

I'm on the side of delete friend and that be the end of it. If it goes further after that, deal with it at that time.

[eternalknot]

What is the preference of DS, in terms of how to respond or handle this?

 

What have you (all) done in the past when this type of comment was made?

 

I think there's a fine line to walk between asserting oneself and inviting more of the same treatment (either by ignoring it or escalating it); how to successfully manage that walk depends on the back history, IMO.

 

I'm sorry that he felt driven to give up something he enjoys because of others :( that's unfortunate.

Edited December 15, 2011 by eternalknot

[gardenmom5]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

:iagree:

[Caribbean Queen]

Print screen, call parents, and notify school. Delete so called "friend"

 

I am becoming a dinosaur.

 

Back 100 years ago, when I was a girl, kids teased each other IRL and parents weren't having conferences at school because someone said, "Shut up you stupid doody-head." I have heard my children be insulted IRL and I have not stepped in. I expected my kids to have enough self confidence to deal. They were not very offended. I guess I am behind the times.

 

Unfortunately, my friends with bigger kids who attend school have had their kids continually teased; to the point of harassment. Talking to the school and teasers' parents did not put a stop to it at all. :(

[bettyandbob]

I am becoming a dinosaur.

 

Back 100 years ago, when I was a girl, kids teased each other IRL and parents weren't having conferences at school because someone said, "Shut up you stupid doody-head." I have heard my children be insulted IRL and I have not stepped in. I expected my kids to have enough self confidence to deal. They were not very offended. I guess I am behind the times.

 

Unfortunately, my friends with bigger kids who attend school have had their kids continually teased; to the point of harassment. Talking to the school and teasers' parents did not put a stop to it at all. :(

 

 

Back in the olden days schools did nothing about bullying.

 

Most schools now have anti bullying policies and include cyber bullying that occurs outside of school in the policies.

 

Even if this school does not respond to this instance, I think it's important for the parent to make a record of the problem by reporting it to the school. That way if things escalate, there's an established record.

 

Bullying issues are making the news a lot now. A school that doesn't respond to bullying can find themselves in trouble when things escalate. I know the public schools near me are very responsive to bullying problems. Unfortunately, my oldest has experience with a private school that was not responsive.